I apologize for the recent lack of updates. Technically, I'm still recovering from this past three days of hell known as Fourth of July weekend and have had no energy to write or even face any more people. To make up for it, I made this chapter a little longer than usual.
As a non-important side note, Fred and George Weasley are my two new heroes. See chapter 29 of The Order of The Phoenix for explanations.
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As per usual, the entire cast of Whodunit is sitting around the green room, thoroughly enjoying their brief hiatus. Ryo, who had been doing a little bit of internet surfing in one corner, suddenly speaks up.
Ryo: Hey, you guys. Apparently on all these interact-fic forms, they're asking questions like "what song best describes your character."
This gains her the attention of the room as everybody begins to consider it. Sam and Rogue look at one another simultaneously.
Sam/Rogue: "Sweet Home, Alabama"
Kitty speaks up from her spot on Lance's lap.
Kitty: I dunno, Rogue…there's this new song by Kelly Clarkson called "Miss Independent" that fits you pretty well.
One by one, everybody starts thinking up song names.
Bobby: "Ice, Ice, Baby."
Colossus: "Iron Man"
Evan: "Skater Boy"
Jamie: "You are not alone"
Tabby: "Boom Boom Fire"
Scott: "Leader of the Pack"
Kurt: "I'm Blue"
Amara: "Great Balls of Fire"
Lance: "You Rock My World"
Ray: "Electric Avenue"
Roberto: "Soak up the Sun"
Pietro: "Mambo no. 5"
Everybody turns to stare at him questioningly. Pietro grins back.
Pietro: *singing* A little bit of Monica in my life, a little bit of Erica by my side, a little bit of Rita's all I need, a little bit of Tina's all I see…
Todd sits up in his seat, smirking.
Todd: I don't need to pick one. I have my very own theme song. Top THAT!
Everybody groans as he starts humming the song from The Toad, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
Jubilee: What about you, Ry?
Ryo: DragonBlond put down "What a Feeling" by Irene Cara. I'd say the lyrics fit pretty well. Anyhow, it's time for the next scene, you guys…to the set!
* * * * * *
Upon seeing Kurt standing there, Pyro hastily puts the key away with eyes wide in surprise.
Pyro: Sorry…
He laughs nervously.
Pyro: Sorry…Can we help?
Kurt: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb ze whole household, but…mein car broke down, und I was wondering if I could use your phone.
Ryo: *off-stage* English, please, Kurt.
Kurt: Sorry.
Pyro: Just a moment, please.
The guests all huddle together, whispering. Todd briefly peeks his head back up, but is pulled back down by one of the guys. Kurt—understandably—looks rather confused. After a few seconds pass, the group simultaneous turns to him, grinning.
Kurt: *gulps nervously*
Pyro: Very well, sir, would you care to come in?
Everybody stands off to one side as Kurt enters the room.
Kurt: Well? Where is it?
Pyro: What, the body?
Kurt: The phone. What body?
Pyro: *stammers nervously* Well, there's no body. There's nobody…there's nobody in the study.
Party: No!
Kurt eyes them warily.
Pyro: But I think there's a phone in the lounge.
Kurt: Thank you…I think.
Pyro leads him down the hallway to the Lounge, motioning towards the phone.
Pyro: When you're finished your call, perhaps you'd be good enough to wait here.
Kurt: Certainly. I mean, what could happen…
Pyro closes the door to the lounge and locks it.
Lance walks up behind him and places a hand on his shoulder. Pyro gives a yelp of fright as he turns around.
Lance: Where the key?
Pyro: In my pocket.
Pietro: Not that key; the key to the cupboard with the weapons!
Pyro: Do you still wish me to throw it away?
All: YES!
Pyro opens the front door, takes the key from his pocket, and hurls it out into the pouring rain.
Todd: …when did it start raining again.
Ryo: *off-screen* Storm's back from her break.
We see it land on the cement pavement and bounce into the bushes.
Pyro: Well, what now?
Rogue storms up to him, holding out her hand. She is obviously upset.
Rogue: Wadsworth, let me out.
Pyro: No.
Rogue: Why not?
Pyro: We've got to know who did it. We're all in this together now
Kitty: If you leave, I'll say that you killed them both.
A general agreement is shown from the rest of the guests.
Rogue: Traitors
She leans in close to Pyro, playing with his tie.
Rogue: Oh, Wadsworth. Ah'll make ya sorry ya ever started this. One day, when we're alone together…
Pyro: Mrs. White, no man in his right mind would be "alone together" with you.
Rogue: *sniff* …ya don't hafta rub that little fact in, ya know.
Pyro: I didn't mean it that way, Sheila…
She glares at him as she pulls harder on his tie, choking him. Snickering is heard in the background.
Rogue: …shut up, Belladonna.
Lance speaks up suddenly.
Lance: Well, I could use a drink!
Once again, there is a general agreement amidst the crowd. Lance head down the hall, pausing to peek in the study.
Lance: Just checking.
Kitty: Everything all right?
Lance: Yup. Two corpses. Everything's fine.
Lance is pouring himself a VERY tall glass of whisky.
Lance: …out of curiosity, where did you get this stuff anyway?
Ryo: *off-screen* Logan's secret stash.
Lance/Pietro: Sweet.
Lance: Anybody else want a drink?
A few people answer "yes."
He fills a whole bunch of other glasses at once, spilling the drink all over the table, then picks up his own glass.
Lance: All right. Look, pay attention, everybody…
He walks up to Pyro.
Lance: Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there is nobody else in this house?
Pyro: Mmm, no.
Lance: Then there IS someone else in this house?
Pyro: No, sorry. I said "no," meaning "yes."
Lance: "No," meaning "yes"? Look, I want a straight answer. Is there someone else or isn't there, yes or no?
Pyro: Um, no.
Lance: No, there is or no, there isn't
Pyro: Yes.
Rogue, obviously annoyed, gains everybody's attention by smashing the glass in her hand against the fireplace.
Rogue: *exasperated* Please!!! Don't you think we should get that guy out of the house before he finds out what's been going ON here?
She tosses the rest of it in to the air. It shatters on the floor.
Tabby: Yeah!
Pietro: How can we throw him outside in this weather?
Todd: I'm up for it.
Tabby: If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious.
Pietro: If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious.
Lance: If I were him, I'd be suspicious already!
Kitty speaks up, looking like she's at her wit's end.
Kitty: Oh, who cares?! That guy doesn't matter! Let him stay, locked up for another half an hour!
She stands up to accent her point.
Kitty: The police will be here by then, and there are TWO DEAD BODIES IN THE STUDY!
All: SHH!
Acting or no, Kitty starts having a nervous breakdown. Upon seeing this, Lance walks over to comfort her, allowing her to rest her head on his chest.
Lance: Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there's anybody else in this house.
Pyro: I told you, there isn't.
Lance: There isn't any confusion, or there isn't anybody else.
Pyro: Either! …or both. I don't know; pick one.
Tabby: Does anybody else's head hurt very much right now?
Several people raise their hands.
Lance: Just give me a clear answer!
Pyro: Certainly…what was the question?
Lance: IS THERE ANYBODY ELSE IN THE HOUSE?!
All: NO!!!
Letting go of Kitty for the time being, he wanders around the room to address everyone.
Lance: That's what he says, but does he know? I suggest we handle this in proper military fashion.. We split up, and search the house.
Kitty: Split up?!
Pietro: If we're gonna do that, what was the whole point of asking?
Lance: *ignores him* We have very little time left, so we'll split up into pairs.
Pietro: Pairs?!
Lance: …are you people deaf, or something?
Pietro: Wait a minute. Suppose that one of us IS the murderer? If we split up into pairs, whichever one is left with the killer might get killed!
Rogue and Belladonna have a stare-down.
Pietro: Then again…
Lance: Well, then we would have discovered who the murderer is!
Kitty: But the other half of the pair would be dead!
Lance: This is war, Peacock! Casualties are inevitable. You can not make an omelet without breaking eggs—every cook will tell you that.
Kitty: *hysterical* But look what happened to the cook!
She starts sobbing.
Todd: Colonel, are you willing to take that chance?
Lance: What choice have we?
Tabby: None.
Todd: I suppose you're right.
Belladonna: Mon Dieu. But it is dark upstairs, and I am frightened of ze dark. Will anyone go wiz me?
Pietro: I will
Lance: I will
Todd: …no thanks.
Rogue: Smart boy.
Belladonna chooses to ignore her.
Pyro: I suggest we all draw lots for partners.
He grabs a few long matchsticks from the nearby fireplace.
In the kitchen, we see Pyro using a knife to cut the long matchsticks into pairs of different lengths. He then places them in his band so that the lengths can't be determined, then turns to face the rest of them.
Pyro: Ready? The two shortest together, the next two shortest together. Agreed? And I suggest the two shortest search the cellar, and so on, up.
The guests all agree and approach him cautiously. Lance is the first to pick; his is relatively short. Kitty picks hers next, then compares it to Lance's. His is longer.
Lance/Kitty: Damn.
Tabby hastily pulls one of the matchsticks with a jerk. Todd reaches over her shoulder and grabs one of the longest sticks.
Lance and Todd compare…it's not even close.
Belladonna chooses her stick. It's another long one.
Lance and Tabby compare, finding they match. Given the size, that puts them both on the ground floor. Tabby looks openly disappointed.
Rogue selects hers as everybody tries to match sticks. Pietro then picks his [tiny] matchstick, leaving the last one for Pyro. Rogue steps up to him, noticing their sticks match. It's the second floor for them.
Rogue: Well, it could be worse…
Pietro walks past Belladonna and Todd, who have apparently been matched to go to the attic together.
Todd: Ironic, isn't it?
Eventually, he matches "cellar" matchsticks with Kitty.
Pietro: *grinning* It's you and me, honey bunch.
Kitty drops her stick, looking like she's about to faint.
Kitty: Oh, God…
We see the party as it splits up. Pyro and Rogue start up the stairs, along with Todd and Belladonna. Pietro and Kitty stop, unsure of where to go until Pyro points them to the door under the staircase.
Pyro: The cellar.
Lance and Tabby stop in the middle of the hallway.
Lance: Well, we know what's in the study…we've just come from the library, and the stranger's locked up in the lounge—
Tabby: Let's go look in the billiard room again.
She heads towards the billiard room. Lance sighs.
Lance: This is gonna be a looooong scene…
Pietro opens the door to the cellar as Kitty reaches in to turn on the light. The enter cautiously.
The storm is still visible around the mansion from the second story windows, where the two upper-level couples split. Pyro and Rogue walk down the hallway while Todd and Belladonna continue climbing stairs to the attic.
A crash of thunder suddenly occurs over the sound of falling rain.
There's darkness. We don't know where we are. Suddenly, a light turns on, revealing Todd and Belladonna at the bottom of the attic staircase. There is silence…
Todd: Do you want to go up in front of me?
Belladonna: What do you zink I am, stupid?
Todd: I'm sure there's no one up there.
Belladonna: Zen you go in front.
Todd: All right…
Neither of them move. All we hear is the sound of rain on the roof.
Darkness. Again. We just barely see the outline of Kitty and Pietro against the top of the stairs. They slowly edge down.
Kitty suddenly gasps.
Pietro: Well…ladies first.
Kitty: Of course. After you.
Snickering is heard from somewhere off screen, followed by Ryo's hushed voice telling Evan to be quiet
Pietro: *forced* No, no, no…I insist.
Kitty: No, I insist.
Pietro: Well, what are you afraid of, a fate worse than death?!
Kitty: No, just death. Isn't that enough?
Back up on the second floor, Rogue and Pyro are at the doors of two adjacent rooms. They eye each other cautiously.
Pyro: Are you going in there?
Rogue: Yea. Are ya?
Pyro: Yes.
There's a heavy pause.
Pyro: Right!
Rogue: Right.
They both look in their respective rooms.
Pyro: Um…I don't see any light switches in there.
Rogue: Well, neither do Ah, but there must be switches somewhere.
Pyro: Shall I come in with you?
Rogue: *abruptly* No! …Ah mean, no, thank ya.
Together, they start walking into their rooms, but then jump out, watching the other.
Lance and Tabby are in the back of the corner bar, stopping to look in. They stand, and Lance indicates the bar's narrow opening.
Lance: Ladies' first.
Tabby: No, thanks.
They both head for the exit and have to squeeze through.
Tabby: I thought you said "ladies first"?
Lance: Since when have you ever been a lady?
Tabby: …good point.
Lance walks past Tabby and grabs a pool cue from the wall, earning a slight gasp from her. She stays on her guard as he walks around the pool table, sighing in relief when he motions with the stick to look under the table. They both do. There's nothing there.
Up in the attic, Todd and Belladonna seemingly haven't moved a muscle. We hear the rain.
Belladonna: Go on. I be right behind you.
Todd: That's…why I'm nervous.
Belladonna: Zen we go togezer.
The two of them squeeze up the narrow steps side-by-side.
Kitty and Pietro are still inching down the stairs. Kitty turns on the lights just as Pietro accidentally slips on a step. This frightens Kitty, who runs down the remaining few steps and turns to face him.
Kitty: Stay there!
Pietro: *dazed* Don't worry 'bout me…I'm fine…
Lance and Tabby throw open the closet right next to the front door, both dodging to the side. They quickly see there is nothing there.
Meanwhile, Pyro is apparently wandering around in the dark.
Pyro: What I wouldn't give for my lighter right now… *shouts* If there's anybody in here, just look out!
In the next room, Rogue is wandering around just like Pyro.
Rogue: *nervously* Are ya hidin'? Ah'm comin'…
Lance and Tabby stand in an open doorway, the only light coming from the hall behind them. We see their silhouettes.
Lance: What room's this?
Tabby: Search me.
Lance: All right…
He moves to frisk her, when a rather LOUD crackling sound of electricity is heard from off-stage.
Lance: On second thought, I'll take your word for it.
Kitty sees a rat and lets out an ear-piercing scream. The rat crawls away. Pietro removes his hands from his ears, sticking a finger in one of them.
Pietro: Anybody else hear a ringing?
Lance flips on the lights in another room, startling Tabby. They are in the ball room.
Lance: Nobody's here.
Tabby: …behind one of those curtains?
She points to the floor-to-ceiling window, with large curtains on either side. It's located at the far end of the room.
Lance: Er…you look. I'll go search the kitchen.
He leaves in a hurry. She scoffs at him, disbelievingly.
Tabby starts to walk—very slowly—towards the curtains. They almost seem to be moving, though it could just be her imagination. Then…there's a definite movement off to the right. She abruptly stops in her tracks, trying to scream, but nothing more than a whimper comes out. She continues on, cautiously. After a moment, she reaches the curtains, pauses, and quickly throws back the curtain, revealing…
…a broken window with wind blowing in.
She looks back, making sure no one saw her acting so worried over nothing, but her relief is clearly visible.
* * * * * *
Ryo: Aaand…cut! Whew, that was a long one, huh?
Everybody mumbles something as they drift off the set, some more exhausted than others. Ryo wearily sits back in her director's chair.
Ryo: *singing* Another one bites the dust…another one bites the dust…and another one gone, and another one gone…another one bites the dust…