Prelude
By kimetara
1st In-game POV
Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine.
It's funny.
I'm here in Guadosalam, looking at the Farplane. Or more accurately, looking at Wakka, and Chappu, at the Farplane.
It...hurts, a little, seeing him. Knowing, for sure, that he's gone. But the worst of my pain has already passed, and as I told Tidus a few minutes ago, it simply makes it clear that we cannot be together. In truth, I feel much better.
Tidus. He said that maybe it was time to move on. Maybe it is.
But then again, he also suggested me being with Wakka. Wakka! Ridiculous. Yes, we do "get along great," I suppose. We are almost always together, talking or simply standing next to each other. And Wakka...Wakka knows me. Even when I'm sharp, it never bothers him. Sometimes, that isn't a good thing.
I would presume I know him too. Although, he isn't difficult to know. Wakka is easy to read – loyal, honest, cheerful, at times rather thick-headed and a touch arrogant. But he isn't an idiot, as one might expect at first glance. Wakka is quite capable of thinking...unless it concerns the Al Bhed. I sigh. He would be so upset if he knew Rikku was an Al Bhed. I can't even imagine how he'd react to Yuna.
That big-headed dolt. How can he not realize what Rikku is? I place my hand against my forehead, shaking my head. He becomes furious so easily concerning them, and yet he can't even recognize one right under his nose. Well, he will have to notice sooner or later.
I know the reason he can't stand them is because he blames their machina for Chappu's death. Even so, his fury concerning them is unreasonable. He won't admit it though, stubborn as he is, and without admittance, there can be no resolution.
I look back up at them. Wakka's standing there, talking to Chappu. Chappu...he doesn't answer. Doesn't move. Doesn't respond at all; his image simply stand there, watching.
Perhaps it's just as well the dead don't respond. If they did, doubtless many would be unwilling to leave this place.
It is enough, for me to see Chappu. To know that he is truly gone. Now, I can accept his death, rather than having to always convince myself.
I never told anybody. I'm sure that to everybody else, it seems as if what I wanted was for Wakka to admit, once and for all, that Chappu was dead. That hope in him living was foolish. In truth...it was myself that needed admittance.
Wakka knew. Beyond him...perhaps Sir Auron could tell, but Wakka knew for certain. I think that was why he never became angry, or even hurt. He just took it in stride. How like him. When he decides he likes somebody, he likes them fully, no matter the consequences. The same for disliking, unfortunately.
When Luzzu told him about Chappu before Operation Mi'ihan, I was...surprised at his reaction. Not that he hit Luzzu, may the Crusader rest with Yevon, but that the first thing Wakka told him was about me.
He thought of me first, about how hurt I was. About how Chappu was planning to...to propose to me. I would have believed his first thought would've been for Chappu, or himself. Mine was.
I'm sorry. But when Luzzu first told me he was responsible for Chappu joining the Crusaders, my first thought was of Chappu, of how handsome he looked, even as he was leaving. Of how full of life he had been, always teasing and playful. And of how he had always been able to make me feel special.
After that, I thought of Wakka, and then I slapped Luzzu a second time. He just barely escaped having Fire cast on him.
Chappu...you were never intimidated by me. All the others were, of my sharp tongue, my serious manner, my knowledge and power with the black arts. You weren't. You were teasing me from the start; you never held me at a respectable distance. You were willing to become close to me, and to let me get close to you.
I loved you for that.
Not even Wakka treats me as you did. As if I wasn't something to be respected and wary of. As if I'm just another normal person. They all give me my distance gladly, unwilling to intrude. Wakka tries sometimes, to become closer to me, but he respects me too much. Not that that's a bad thing; I thrive on the respect of others. But sometimes...it'd be nice, not to always be raised to the status of "untouchable."
Of course, I know Wakka isn't you, Chappu. He doesn't tease me so much, and he isn't as playful of a flirt as you were. He's much more protective; he always seems to think of me first. Hmph. As if I can't take care of myself. I'm honestly beginning to think he's memorized every magic-resistant creature out there; he always seems to know when we meet one – "Lu, leave these to me!" Be my guest, Wakka.
...I'm not really very annoyed. In truth, I...appreciate his warnings, so I don't waste my energy, of course. And...it is nice, knowing that he cares. Naturally, it stands unsaid that I'm quite capable on my own.
"Hey Lu!"
Well, speak of Sin. I blink, my eyes focusing on the figure before me. "Hello Wakka."
"So, uh...watcha thinking about?" He glances away, scratching the back of his head. "Chappu keeps flickering in and out in front of you. You okay?" he asks, a little quieter.
I look out, across the Farplane. Of course. One has to be careful of their thoughts in this place. "I'm fine."
Wakka moves to stand next to me. "That's good." He places his arms behind his head, stretching slightly. "Well Lu, you were right. Guess he isn't going to pop back," he shrugs. "It was a nice thought though, ya?"
"If you think so." It wasn't for me. It made it that much harder to let Chappu go.
"No, huh?" he asks ruefully. "Sorry."
I turn to look at him, surprised. He might as well have read my thoughts. Thinking back, I guess it's not unusual, but I never took notice of it until now.
"What?" Wakka looks at me and grins. I quickly avert my gaze back to the Farplane.
"Nothing."
"Nothing? Nothing usually means a pretty big something, ya? At least with you."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I snap.
"Nothing." He grins at me.
A childish response. I merely cross my arms and don't answer. And yet...a part of me wishes I could be so childish. That I could reach out to people the way he does.
I never could though. I have always been afraid of being rejected. And after Chappu...
He's in front of me. In my reverie, I don't even notice how I'm staring at him, unchanged from the day he left Besaid. I feel so odd, as if I could touch him if I reached out far enough.
"Hey!" A hand falls gently on my shoulder, causing me to start and regain my precarious balance. "Maybe you shouldn't stand so close to the edge, Lu. You almost fell off." He sounds so concerned...well of course. We are floating in the middle of the Farplane. If you fall here, you'll never come back.
I straighten slowly before allowing my gaze to meet with his. "Thank you."
He waves my thanks aside. "Sure, no problem. Just make sure to stay in this plane, alright?"
I can't help a small smile, but it fades quickly. I turn around instead to find Yuna and Tidus standing together. A sigh escapes me, watching them.
"He really is clueless, isn't he?"
Wakka moves to stand next to me again, both of us watching the young pair. "Yeah. Y'know...do you think...he really could be...?"
"There is a definite possibility." Tidus was too unaware, too awkward with our ideals, and he really didn't know anything. "He shouldn't have become a guardian."
"Wha-?" Wakka turns his head to stare at me, disbelief etched on his face. "What do you mean? He's a great fighter, and you know Yuna's happy when he's around!"
"Yes, he keeps Yuna happy. And that's the only reason I consented to him joining." My gaze locks with Wakka's. "But he doesn't know. He thinks that when we defeat Sin, it'll be over, and we'll all be able to go on happily with our lives." I turn my face away, watching them again. "He shouldn't have joined without knowing the full implications."
I could hear Wakka next to me, clearing his throat as he searches for something to say. 3...2...1...
"You never know, maybe he's right, and after this we'll all go home happy. At any rate, a little optimism never hurt, ya?"
"There's optimism, and then there's ignorance." My expression hardens slightly. I know Wakka's still looking at me. I can feel it. "You never talked to him."
He shakes his head. "No. I thought Sir Auron did."
Sir Auron. Yes, I would have expected Sir Auron to tell Tidus about the risks – and the expected outcome – of being a guardian. He didn't, so I'll assume that Sir Auron wanted Tidus to join badly enough to hide a few truths. Still... "It was your responsibility."
"Eh...sorry. Things just got in the way, you know?"
Sorry. Wakka apologizes to me so much. I know I shouldn't be so hard on him. And with the fiends attacking the stadium after the game, it was understandable that the matter would have slipped his mind.
"It's alright. For now, I trust Sir Auron's judgment." But I still should to do something about Tidus and Yuna, I think, observing the two of them.
"Hey, don't worry." I look up, surprised once again. Wakka's still watching me? "Let them work it out, ya? Neither of them are stupid. Not like they're gonna go fooling behind our backs or something."
"I know." I sigh and shake my head. "But this will complicate things."
"You think so? I don't know, it doesn't seem so bad." He smiles at me. "But, you know everything."
"Not everything. Not even close." Even so, his compliment is pleasing.
"More than me, then. Hey, who's that woman they're looking at?" Wakka peers, trying to get a better picture. "She's pretty."
I feel a tinge of annoyance, though I'm not sure why. "Why don't we go see, instead of standing here gawking?" I snap, already striding away.
"Huh? Lu?" He swiftly catches up to me. I can hear the question in his voice: what did I do now?
"It's...nothing."
"Uhh...okay...whatever you say," is his doubtful response.
I'm sorry, Wakka. I don't know everything, but I do know getting along isn't enough. It isn't. And it would never work, anyway, for us to be together on this pilgrimage. It would be a distraction from guarding Yuna.
Maybe...if we survive this...I'll think about it.
~~~~~
"I think I forgot something in Guadosalam."
"Nice knowing you."
"Okay, okay! I'll go!"
Hmm. Poor girl. She must have had something terrible happen to her when she was young to fear the Thunder Plains so much.
And of course, Sir Auron, as calm and indifferent as ever. And people think I'm grumpy.
Although...Sir Auron does seem more stoic than usual. I allow myself to drop to the back of the group, until I find myself next to him.
"Is something wrong?"
"No."
"You're a good liar," I remark. "And of course, your reputation would ensure instant belief in whatever you say." His almost never altering voice tone is also an asset, but there's no need to tell him that.
"Thanks," he replies dryly.
"So, what's the matter?"
"It's none of your concern." Hmm, at least he admitted something is troubling him.
We walk on silently a little further, as I consider whether to reveal what I know or not. In the end, I decide to risk it.
"What pained you at the Farplane?" A strike of lightning occurs over our heads in that instant. What a dismal omen, I think, amused.
He stiffens, just barely, but I've had long practice in observation. "Since when did you ask so many questions?"
"Since I've been trying to understand something." Had anybody decided to drop in, they would think this is a perfectly amiable conversation, we were speaking so nonchalantly.
"You wouldn't understand this."
"Try me."
He stares down at me, as if surprised by my casual challenge. In truth, the assumption I wouldn't understand irks me. I consider it to be an insult to my intelligence.
"Maybe later," he says at last. Very well then. I'll wait.
I nod and move back to my place beside Yuna.
Auron's eyes followed Lulu's graceful form as she went to Yuna's side. "So..." he mused. "She suspects. Unsurprising; I figured she'd be the first to wonder. Hmph." He quickened his pace slightly to match the group's. "She's not the type to gossip. Still, I'll have to watch her."
AN: Hmm...this will be a bunch of in-game interludes from Lulu's POV. I know, there isn't much call for such things, but... *shrug* Ah well, reviews are very welcome!