disclaimer: All Bad Girls characters belong to Shed Productions, not me.
A/N: the words in the asterisks are from Tourniquet, by Evanescence. These are Snowball's thoughts after ritchie's suicide.
My God, My Tourniquet: a songfic from Snowball to Ritchie.
*I tried to kill the pain, but only brought more.*
We were supposed to do this together, Ritchie. You weren't supposed to go without me. That was the plan, to leave this bastard world behind us and be together, forever. But I couldn't even do that right, could I. All I did was cause myself more pain, more days without you, more time alone with myself. Your body was already so weak that it was easy for you to die, to leave me here to deal with what I did. I wanted to follow you more than anything else in the world, not least because there's nothing left for me here. You're my whole world, Ritchie, and all I wanted was to be with you.
*I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming, am I too lost to be saved.*
You might have died in the real sense, ritchie, you've been buried deep in the coll hard ground, but I'm left here dying inside. Every waking moment I have, I'm crying to be with you, I'm praying for anything that will set me on my road to you. My heart is bleeding and my brain is screaming at the injustice of being kept here, away from you. Am I so lost on this road of pain and torture that I'll never ever find you? Is it to be my lot in life to forever seek my one and only love, only to be thrust away from you every time I venture closer to where you're hiding.
*do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me.*
The longer I'm here, Ritchie, the further away you're getting from me. when I eventually reach you, will you still remember me, will you still value what we have, the need we have for each other. You're my entire world, Sweetheart, and I wouldn't ever want you to forget that. Even though you're there without me, are you still thinking of me. Are you waiting for the time I can succeed in my plan to join you? I might be lost to you for a long time, my darling, but will you still be there, waiting wherever you are, waiting for me.
*My wounds cry for the grave,
my soul cries for deliverance.*
I need to be with you, Ritchie. Every day my soul is crying and pleading with whatever god may exist, to be with you. Any wound I may inflict on myself is persistently crying for the peace and eternity of the grave. My endless endeavour may one day put my body under the ground, in a similar place to yours, but it will put my soul one day within reach of joining yours again. Please, Ritchie, please wait for me until my soul is delivered from this hell which is my world without you. I will be forever searching for you, forever seeking that light that fills your eyes whenever you hear my voice. Am I to be forever lost, forever denied your love? You're my god, Ritchie, you're my tourniquet, to be with you is to stop my soul bleeding and hurting from the love it craves. Say you'll be there, Ritchie, say you'll be my god and my tourniquet, say you'll do what we promised.
A/N: the words in the asterisks are from Tourniquet, by Evanescence. These are Snowball's thoughts after ritchie's suicide.
My God, My Tourniquet: a songfic from Snowball to Ritchie.
*I tried to kill the pain, but only brought more.*
We were supposed to do this together, Ritchie. You weren't supposed to go without me. That was the plan, to leave this bastard world behind us and be together, forever. But I couldn't even do that right, could I. All I did was cause myself more pain, more days without you, more time alone with myself. Your body was already so weak that it was easy for you to die, to leave me here to deal with what I did. I wanted to follow you more than anything else in the world, not least because there's nothing left for me here. You're my whole world, Ritchie, and all I wanted was to be with you.
*I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming, am I too lost to be saved.*
You might have died in the real sense, ritchie, you've been buried deep in the coll hard ground, but I'm left here dying inside. Every waking moment I have, I'm crying to be with you, I'm praying for anything that will set me on my road to you. My heart is bleeding and my brain is screaming at the injustice of being kept here, away from you. Am I so lost on this road of pain and torture that I'll never ever find you? Is it to be my lot in life to forever seek my one and only love, only to be thrust away from you every time I venture closer to where you're hiding.
*do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me.*
The longer I'm here, Ritchie, the further away you're getting from me. when I eventually reach you, will you still remember me, will you still value what we have, the need we have for each other. You're my entire world, Sweetheart, and I wouldn't ever want you to forget that. Even though you're there without me, are you still thinking of me. Are you waiting for the time I can succeed in my plan to join you? I might be lost to you for a long time, my darling, but will you still be there, waiting wherever you are, waiting for me.
*My wounds cry for the grave,
my soul cries for deliverance.*
I need to be with you, Ritchie. Every day my soul is crying and pleading with whatever god may exist, to be with you. Any wound I may inflict on myself is persistently crying for the peace and eternity of the grave. My endless endeavour may one day put my body under the ground, in a similar place to yours, but it will put my soul one day within reach of joining yours again. Please, Ritchie, please wait for me until my soul is delivered from this hell which is my world without you. I will be forever searching for you, forever seeking that light that fills your eyes whenever you hear my voice. Am I to be forever lost, forever denied your love? You're my god, Ritchie, you're my tourniquet, to be with you is to stop my soul bleeding and hurting from the love it craves. Say you'll be there, Ritchie, say you'll be my god and my tourniquet, say you'll do what we promised.