Chapter 5- Rain Check

A/N: Just wanted to say thank you so so so much for the reviews! I didn't understand before why all the fanfic writers kept asking their readers to review, but I definitely do now. So in other words: review please! It's really appreciated, and I will write more faster... 4 reviews and counting! Suggestions welcomed (though no promises that I'll change anything).
Ok, on with the story:


Spike was still looking at her, wide-eyed and hopeful. Buffy sighed. Ooops... open mouth, insert foot! Nice going Buffy.

And Spike was STILL looking at her in that hopeful way. Maybe now would be a good time to tell him some things. Probably won't get much alone time once I get him home. She glanced away from him, busying herself with re-rolling a bandage roll.

It's just... Well, it seems to me that Willow's spell should only have had us being engaged, not being in love, but we were in love, I mean really in love, so I really don't know how to explain it except to say maybe we really are... were... are... in love... I don't know, oh God, I just don't know, Buffy babbled, feeling as if she were about to start sobbing from the confusion welling within her.

Finally she calmed herself and looked back up at Spike, who looked incredibly confused... and yes, still hopeful.

Spike. I don't know what exactly my feelings are for you. They may be love, they may not be. Maybe they could become love, given time. But time is what we really don't have right now. I can't... I can't have any kind of relationship with you beyond friendship, not now anyway, not until the First is defeated. I'm sorry to be telling you this now, with you all wounded and stuff, but I really just needed to tell you, because when you were taken I realized that I might never get a chance to tell you all this.... can we maybe take a rain check on the deep, serious stuff?

Spike sat motionless, absorbing her words. Blood hell... she might love me! Calm down ya stupid git, she might not... but she might, given time! Which we don't have right now. Spike's mind struggled to comprehend her somewhat confusing speech. Eventually, he came to his senses and managed to speak.

Whatever you want, Buffy. If you want a rain check, a rain check it is.

He was going to stop there, but he couldn't resist continuing.

But when we do defeat the first, I'm cashin' in my check.

She smiled at him. He understands! Well, duh he always understands. I should know that by now.

Sounds like a plan. I gotta keep my credit good, now don't I? she asked teasingly. Now let me finish up bandaging you and then you can sleep and heal. I need my strongest fighter back in my army.

Army? Th' Scoobies are an army now? And I s'pose you're General Buffy, Spike mocked with an attempt at a smirk. The smirk didn't work too well given some cuts which were in the way, but it was the thought that counted.

Oh... he doesn't know about the potentials! Buffy realized.

Um, right about the General Buffy, though not lovin' that term, just doesn't have a certain ring to it. Anyway, the army is, of course, the Scoobies, but also the zillions of S.I.T's.

Stupid Inane Twerps? Spike guessed.

Buffy laughed. Something like that. No, actually it means Slayers in Training, aka Potentials. They're all Potential slayers. The Bringers have been killing them all over the world, so they're all being brought to my house so I can protect them... she trailed off, remembering Annabelle, the girl who'd run off and gotten herself killed by the Ubervamp. Casualty #1, Buffy thought pessimistically. She shook off the thought. Spike was regarding her curiously. Might as well tell him everything....

Right, so there's... um, I have no idea how many teenage, annoying girls who have invaded my home. One... one ran off one night and got herself killed, Buffy said, blinking back tears.

Spike gazed at her compassionately. Sounds like there wasn't much you coulda done there, luv.

Still... um, anyway, there's a lot of stuff that's happened... Buffy proceeded to tell Spike about all that he'd missed: her first two, unsuccessful fights with the Ubervamp, her decision to fight back, Willow's botched locator spell, the dead potential whose form the First took in her house, the showdown between her and the neanderthal vamp, and, finally, the encounter she'd had back at her house earlier that day.

At this last, Spike starting banging his head against the wall- painful in any circumstance, but given how wounded he was, even more so. Spike, you stupid soddin' bloody git... he groaned.

Buffy grabbed him and forced him to stop. Spike! What the hell is wrong with you? Don't tell me you're going all crazy again.

I shoulda known! That's what's wrong, I shoulda known, I shoulda warned you.

About what?

About th' fact that th' First can take your form. She.. It... was always doing that to me.

Buffy made a face. Weird, thinking of something goin' around, looking and talking like me. But anyway, don't worry about it. Wouldn't have helped if you had told me.

Yeah... guess you're right, Spike said dejectedly. He knew, logically, she was right, but he still felt bad. Stupid soul... can't ya stick to makin' me feel guilty when I actually deserve it? Rational guilt... he snorted to himself. Right, souls and emotions and stuff, not rational. Gotta remember that.

Buffy had her head cocked sideways, clearly thinking. Is that why you said what you said to me when I first came in? You thought I was the First. She was slightly disappointed. OK, that's a lie, she was pretty damn disappointed. The fact that Xander, Anya, and the Potentials couldn't tell her apart from the First was painful, but this...

Well, yeah... but only for a second, pet. Being barely conscious didn't help my senses. Shoulda seen... shoulda smelled... The First only looks like you. Doesn't act like you, doesn't smell like you... And I bet she doesn't taste like you, he added silently, closing his eyes.

Hey, you're tired, maybe you should get some rest-

No! Don't go... please.. oh, bloody hell, never mind. Guess you have to go. He added softly, like always. It was just loud enough for her to hear.

If she hadn't made up her mind before, she had now. Didn't say I was leaving, now did I?

Spike looked at her hopefully. You're... you're stayin'?

Buffy nodded her head decisively. Don't wanna go back to my oh-so-pleasant home... too noisy. Plus, I'm beat, think I'll crash here with you. If you don't mind.

Not a bit, pet.

She got out the blanket she'd brought and laid it out so they wouldn't have to sleep on the cold, hard cave floor. She sat back so Spike could lay down, then curled up next to him. She couldn't get too close because of his wounds, but it was close enough to make her feel safe.

Spike froze when he realized she was laying down with him. As her small body cuddled up next to his, he relaxed.

This is nice... was their last thought before they drifted off to sleep.