Chapter 6- A Long Talk in a Damp Cave

A/N- Review! Pretty pretty please with a Spike on top?

Also, I know this may get a bit rambley, and I apologize if that's the case. But I can't know if it's bad and rambley if you don't review, now can I? Hehe, ok, obviously I'm beggin' for some reviews. Even flames are welcome (as long as they're constructive flames. Which makes no sense, but you know what I mean.)
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Spike awoke, aware of some change in his surroundings. His eyes opened. OK, still in this bloody cave, so what's diff'rent?

A voice answered his question. A Buffy voice, to be specific, though the tone was gentler than he was used to.

Hey Spike, you're awake. You sleep well? You hungry?

That's what was different: no Buffy curled at his side.

Spike sat up with a groan. To his surprise, Buffy rushed to his side to help him sit up and lean against a wall.

Thanks, pet. Yeah, I'm a mite bit peckish... he trailed off. And yeah, I did sleep well, he added, startled.

Um, one blood packet coming right up... you been having' nightmares? Buffy asked while getting out and opening a blood package.

Spike shrugged, then winced as he once again remembered to keep movement to a minimum. Yeah, a coupla lil' nightmares lately if you really must know.

Didn't mean to pry. Well, maybe I did. Um, anyway, do ya think this could be the First, getting to us through our dreams? Cause if she/he/it can do that, we need to know. Buffy handed him the blood, which he eagerly took and drained with his vampire-face on.

Spike considered this while drinking the blood. Finished, he shook his head to put back on his human visage and responded.

Dunno, luv. Don't think so. Think it's a side-effect of the soul rather than some Big Bad. Been having them since I got the spark. Except just now.

Buffy pondered this while packing up the blanket and empty blood packets. Maybe it really was the First, and the killing of the Ubervamp wounded it or something so... no, cause the Ubervamp wasn't really around when you got your soul... Anyway, sorry to hear about the nightmares Spike, but sounds like it's just your guilty conscience. Which you so need to get over by the way, she said, plopping herself down beside him.

He raised an eyebrow at her. Easier said than done, pet.

Buffy sighed. Yeah... I know what you mean.

Spike snorted. Buffy, luv, you've saved the Earth and all its sorry inhabitants how many times? And even gotten yourself killed in the process a coupla times, he said sadly, remembering the summer without her. Shaking off the sad memory, he continued. So somehow, I think that kinda makes up for snapping at the Niblet or something. S'nothing compared to torturing and killing hundreds, that's... unforgivable... Spike looked down and away from her, remembering again that he had no right to even look at her.

Buffy's first impulse was to jump up and yell at him, but then changed her mind. Yelling at him was too reminiscent of how things had been last year between them. Instead, she gently took his chin in one hand and turned his face towards her.

Spike. I have a bit of Giles-wisdom for you.

Spike rolled his eyes. Oh, bloody great, he muttered.

Spike! Shut up and listen to me! Ok Buffy, no yelling, deep breaths. Once she was certain he was listening- though he still refused to look at her- she continued. Giles once told me that people aren't forgiven because they deserve to be, but because they need to be. Since all the people that you hurt so long ago - pre-soul, might I add- aren't around to do the forgiving, I guess you'll just have to forgive yourself. And for heaven's sake, do it quickly cause I need my best fighter whole, mentally as well as physically.

Tears started to well up in his eyes, and he turned even farther away from her. Stupid git, turning into such a poof. Trying to hide his unmanly tears, he spoke.

Buffy, you just don't get it. If... if I am forgiven, if I don't suffer eternally, which I should, specially after... after what I did to you... than what tells me it was so wrong in the first place? Can't have been too bad if I'm not sufferin' for it... and then what's... what's to stop me from goin' and doin' it again? And then being all sorry afterwards and sayin' stupid things like I know I don't deserve forgiveness but I need it so forgive me'? And-

She cut him off. Is that really what you're worried about? Hurting people again? It'd be one thing if you said you weren't going to do something, then did it, said you really weren't this time, then did it, and so on. Like my dad with cheating.

Spike looked at her, surprised and angry. He did that? To a lovely woman like your mum? That's just... he sputtered off into silence.

Yeah, I'm with you on that one. Besides, unlike him, you at least try and keep your word. Usually... But that's off topic. Anyway, where was I... oh yeah. Spike, you've changed.

Yeah, yeah, the soul, I know. Still doesn't make things right. Can't just tack on a soul and have everythin' be all right as rain and whatnot.

I know. But forgiveness is important. Can you ever forgive me for the way I treated you last year? Because honestly Spike, what you... almost did to me is really nothing compared to what I spent all of last year doing to you. And I don't have the excuse of being soulless at the time.

Spike looked up at her in shock. That was probably the last thing he expected to here from her.

Eventually he found his voice. Nothin' to forgive, luv. I'm evil. She shot him a dirty look. He corrected himself with an exasperated sigh. Fine, I was evil. Plus, you had just come back from Heaven, and everythin' was so hard for you here...

Buffy shrugged. That's a worse excuse than not having a soul. Cause that one... well, even soulless you managed to do some pretty good things, like taking care of Dawn when I was gone.

Spike was amazed. He'd never expected to hear any of these things.

Buffy noticed his astonishment. Uh-oh, what do I say now... ooooh! Look, sundown! At last.

She cleared her throat nervously. So, just remember what I said and forgive yourself and .... and it's sundown so we'd better get home. She jumped up, grabbing her bag, then helping Spike to his feet. Her arm around his waist, his arm around her shoulder, they limped off homeward-bound, silently, each busy with their own thoughts.

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A/N- Like I said at the beginning of this chapter, sorry if some of that was babbling. Spike and Buffy obviously have a lot of important issues they need to talk over.
More action and less talk in following chapters. (by action I don't mean Spuffy action, though there will be that too, later, but actual things will happen not just boring discussions) PLEASE REVIEW!! And a huge thank you to those who have.