Chapter 2
(Link has just entered Hyrule field)
Link: Waitwait, where the hell am I supposed to go?
Navi: You think I know?
Link: Wasn't that tree-dude supposed to tell me where to go?
Navi: Yeah...but he was too worried about his wang...(Link start walking) Where are you goin!?
Link: To Hyrule castle.
Navi: Why?
Link: To mug the royalty.
Navi: (Thinking) What was he thinking when he assigned the task to him.
(Link makes it to the gate, then it suddenly turns night and the gate closes)
Link: What the ****?
(The dead zombie kid things come out of the ground) [been so long since I've played, I've forgotten most of the creatures]
Dead Zombie Thing1: We love you!
Dead Zombie Thing2: Give us a hug!
Link: AHHH!!! UNDEAD TELETUBBIES!!!
(Link runs in fear)
(After the night is over links enters the gate and starts towards the castle)
Malon: Hey! You're a fairy boy!
Link: Yeah...hi...
Malon: (hands Link an egg) I have a favor to ask. My lazy-ass bum for a father went to the castle to deliver milk. He probably fell asleep AGAIN. When this thing hatches use it to wake up my father.
Link: How did you know that I'm going to the castle?
Malon: (takes out stapled paper) It says it in the script.
Link: There's a script?
Malon: Bye! (runs off)
(Link climbs the vines, runs across, and jumps down. He gets caught by a guard)
Navi: Link, you suck at stealth.
Link: I'm a ****ing kid, not a stealth agent. And did the guard have to stab me! (rubs butt)
Guard: No, it turns me on sexually when somebody is stabbed in the ass.
Link:....…that's just sick...
(Link leaves to the town square)
Link: How am I supposed get in there?
Mareg: Greetings young one.
(I have read a hilarious Grandia 2 rewrite and I can't resist putting Mareg in this. The author's pen name is BlackHeart)
Link: What the hell? What are you doing here?
Mareg: A dimensional portal opened and creatures from many other games have come here.
(An undead crypt lord moves by)
Mareg: Remember, the rabid pelican only spreads disease through diarrhea. Now then, I must be going. Garziggazar! (runs off) BLIZZAGA!!!
Navi: What did he say...and blizzaga is a final fantasy move…
Link: That makes perfect sense!
Navi: Say what?
(Minutes later Link is feeding many beans to a pelican that is foaming at the mouth. He sets it free and it flies over the field with the guard, pooping every 2 seconds. The guards immediately die from a new plague)
Navi: That's disgusting.
Link: Well, it works!
(Link proceeds to where Talon is sleeping)[The egg hatched]
(Links takes the kuko out and it caws, Talon still sleeps)
Link: Hmmm...
(Links kicks Talon hard in the head)
Talon: AHHH! My ass!
Link: (stares at Talon for a bit then chooses to ignore what he said) You daughter sent me to get your ass up.
Talon: Malon! Shit! She's gonna bitch-slap me so much when I get back!
Link: (sweatdrop)
(Talon runs off and link get in the castle through the waterway. When he gets inside he hides behind some bushes and listens to the guards talking)
Guard1: I'm on guard duty.
Guard2: Yeah, we all are dumbass.
Guard3: Look at him go! (points to guard 4)
Guard4: Woo! (spins in a circle on his head really fast)
Guard5: (thinking) The fools. Their foolish foolishness will be the demise of them.
Guard6: I like cheese!
Guard7: (Mareg in disguise) When there is no gravity, leaves will fall up, and children will learn to make acid with their nipples.
Guard8: HE'S TALKING ABOUT NIPPLES!! GET HIM!!! (Tackles Mareg)
Guard9: Mommy! Where are you! MOMMY!
Guard10: Chaos will reign!
Guard11: (doesn't have a head) Hey...where'd my head go?
Guard12: Weeowmeghthyeafdadgda.
Guard13: (is batman) How did I end up doing work here...
Navi: How do we get past them?
Link: I have a plan.
(Link throws a deku nut over the bush, all the guards begin to have seizures, Link then proceeds to where princess Zelda is)
Princess Zelda: Blah blah, dream, evil person, triforce. Got it?
Link: Yuppers.
(Links learns the stupid song before leaving)
Navi: Now where do we go?
Link: To the town near the mountain, I'm getting some booze.
(Link has just entered Hyrule field)
Link: Waitwait, where the hell am I supposed to go?
Navi: You think I know?
Link: Wasn't that tree-dude supposed to tell me where to go?
Navi: Yeah...but he was too worried about his wang...(Link start walking) Where are you goin!?
Link: To Hyrule castle.
Navi: Why?
Link: To mug the royalty.
Navi: (Thinking) What was he thinking when he assigned the task to him.
(Link makes it to the gate, then it suddenly turns night and the gate closes)
Link: What the ****?
(The dead zombie kid things come out of the ground) [been so long since I've played, I've forgotten most of the creatures]
Dead Zombie Thing1: We love you!
Dead Zombie Thing2: Give us a hug!
Link: AHHH!!! UNDEAD TELETUBBIES!!!
(Link runs in fear)
(After the night is over links enters the gate and starts towards the castle)
Malon: Hey! You're a fairy boy!
Link: Yeah...hi...
Malon: (hands Link an egg) I have a favor to ask. My lazy-ass bum for a father went to the castle to deliver milk. He probably fell asleep AGAIN. When this thing hatches use it to wake up my father.
Link: How did you know that I'm going to the castle?
Malon: (takes out stapled paper) It says it in the script.
Link: There's a script?
Malon: Bye! (runs off)
(Link climbs the vines, runs across, and jumps down. He gets caught by a guard)
Navi: Link, you suck at stealth.
Link: I'm a ****ing kid, not a stealth agent. And did the guard have to stab me! (rubs butt)
Guard: No, it turns me on sexually when somebody is stabbed in the ass.
Link:....…that's just sick...
(Link leaves to the town square)
Link: How am I supposed get in there?
Mareg: Greetings young one.
(I have read a hilarious Grandia 2 rewrite and I can't resist putting Mareg in this. The author's pen name is BlackHeart)
Link: What the hell? What are you doing here?
Mareg: A dimensional portal opened and creatures from many other games have come here.
(An undead crypt lord moves by)
Mareg: Remember, the rabid pelican only spreads disease through diarrhea. Now then, I must be going. Garziggazar! (runs off) BLIZZAGA!!!
Navi: What did he say...and blizzaga is a final fantasy move…
Link: That makes perfect sense!
Navi: Say what?
(Minutes later Link is feeding many beans to a pelican that is foaming at the mouth. He sets it free and it flies over the field with the guard, pooping every 2 seconds. The guards immediately die from a new plague)
Navi: That's disgusting.
Link: Well, it works!
(Link proceeds to where Talon is sleeping)[The egg hatched]
(Links takes the kuko out and it caws, Talon still sleeps)
Link: Hmmm...
(Links kicks Talon hard in the head)
Talon: AHHH! My ass!
Link: (stares at Talon for a bit then chooses to ignore what he said) You daughter sent me to get your ass up.
Talon: Malon! Shit! She's gonna bitch-slap me so much when I get back!
Link: (sweatdrop)
(Talon runs off and link get in the castle through the waterway. When he gets inside he hides behind some bushes and listens to the guards talking)
Guard1: I'm on guard duty.
Guard2: Yeah, we all are dumbass.
Guard3: Look at him go! (points to guard 4)
Guard4: Woo! (spins in a circle on his head really fast)
Guard5: (thinking) The fools. Their foolish foolishness will be the demise of them.
Guard6: I like cheese!
Guard7: (Mareg in disguise) When there is no gravity, leaves will fall up, and children will learn to make acid with their nipples.
Guard8: HE'S TALKING ABOUT NIPPLES!! GET HIM!!! (Tackles Mareg)
Guard9: Mommy! Where are you! MOMMY!
Guard10: Chaos will reign!
Guard11: (doesn't have a head) Hey...where'd my head go?
Guard12: Weeowmeghthyeafdadgda.
Guard13: (is batman) How did I end up doing work here...
Navi: How do we get past them?
Link: I have a plan.
(Link throws a deku nut over the bush, all the guards begin to have seizures, Link then proceeds to where princess Zelda is)
Princess Zelda: Blah blah, dream, evil person, triforce. Got it?
Link: Yuppers.
(Links learns the stupid song before leaving)
Navi: Now where do we go?
Link: To the town near the mountain, I'm getting some booze.