Chapter 18: Scooby Seminar (Sans Slayer)

A/N: Tobert, good point about not needing all the summary... but I still did it anyway! I edited it a lot, though.
Just having what happened the chapter before often isn't enough to remind me what story I'm reading... maybe that's just me... hmm... oh well, here's the summary for now, I may start doing less. So far, it's basically been all talk.

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Summary:

Buffy rescues Spike from the cave (last scene in However, it's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day.

Buffy comes home and is attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, convinced them that the real Buffy is the First.

Buffy gathers supplies to go help Spike. She briefly talks with Xander. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.

Buffy returns to the cave. Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue).

Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First.

Spike and Buffy talk about forgiveness. By now, it's sundown, so they set out for home, where they unexpectedly find Riley.

Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working and tries to kill Spike.

Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted, though eventually all is sorted out.

Buffy decides they can branch out and sends some people over to stay with Xander. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.

Faith and Buffy talk, fight vamps, and talk some more.

Buffy thinks about Spike, and the dangers of getting too close emotionally, to him or others. She sleeps by his side. Xander is upset when he finds they slept together.

Xander comes home and complains to Anya about having to talk to Spike. She explains to him that his leaving her at the alter was, in some ways, worse than what Spike did to Buffy.

One case Buffy dealt with caused her to decide that she couldn't be emotionally close to anyone again, for fear of her shutting down if they got killed.

Spike and Buffy talk; Buffy tries to restrain all emotion.

Spike remembers how he made up with both Xander and Giles. He talks to Dawn, and they make up, too.

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One week later....

Giles cleared his throat, getting everyone's attention. Thank you all for coming today. There is an important matter which I believe needs to be discussed.

Spike rolled his eyes, wishing the Watcher would just get on with it already.

Giles had asked Spike, Willow, Xander, Anya, and Dawn to meet him in the Summer's basement just after school let out. Since Buffy usually stayed late, working, he figured they could have some time to talk without her noticing. Not that she likely would, he mused, which is exactly the problem.

Giles realized he had stopped talking, due to the digression in his thoughts. Everyone was staring at him, waiting for him to continue. Yes, right. I'll just come right out and tell you all why I brought you here.

Everyone fidgeted while he cleaned his glasses.

Considering how impatient he normally was, Spike had been very forbearing so far, but that was enough. Come on, Watcher, spit it out already!

Giles gave a and glared at Spike, but did continue. As anyone who has fought with Buffy lately may have noticed, there seems to be a serious deterioration in her fighting skills.

Spike, Dawn, and Willow nodded knowingly. They'd all patrolled with Buffy recently. Anya and Xander looked a bit bewildered and worried.

Dawn spoke up next. Yeah, I've noticed. It's like... like she's the Buffybot, you know? She's programmed to fight, and she does, but without emotion. She paused, considering. Actually, I think the Buffybot had more emotion than Buffy has been showing lately.

Willow agreed. Yeah. Plus, all the little comebacks she always had are gone. It kinda gives me the wiggins, watchin' Buffy fight so silently. It's just not normal.

Dawn came in with yet another piece of evidence, eager to participate. Oooh! And- get this- I borrowed her favorite shirt the other day, and it got stained, so I threw it away- and she didn't even notice!

Everyone was suitably impressed with this, knowing how important clothing was to their favorite slayer.

Giles took charge once again. Very well, so we all agree that there is something wrong with Buffy. Now, does anyone know when and why this may have started?

The when' would be about 3 weeks ago, Spike said. She was fine the day she rescued me, and the night and morning after that. But then, she was... different somehow. He shrugged, mutely conveying his inability to express exactly how she was different. As for the why' part of it.... well, she's Buffy. She's been scared of her emotions since I met er. This is the same thing, just more of it.

Xander questioned, Ok, yeah, I get that, but still, why now? Why has her avoidy-ness gotten worse lately?

Spike stared at the boy as if he were brain-dead. Hello!! Mother f all apocalypses comin' up! She's afraid she'll lose somebody... and she's probably right.

They all remained silent for a moment, pondering this.

Anya, who had been very quiet up until now, broke the silence. Ok, I'm confused. Buffy doesn't fight well without her emotions. Not fighting well leads to more of her friends dying. But, as I understand it, the whole no-emotions thing is so that she won't be hurt... or something. She frowned. Stupid, illogical humans.

Spike grinned at her. Right there with ya on that one. Especially the Slayer. She's not exactly known for her logic.

Willow frowned. Well, I see what you two are saying, but... doesn't anyone else remember what happened when Glory took Dawn?

Anya and Spike nodded; Xander and Giles shifted uncomfortably, unaware that Dawn knew.

Xander glanced at the Slayer's sister and tried to cover. Right, yeah, Buffy, um... was upset.

Dawn rolled her eyes. When will they realize I'm not a kid anymore? It's ok, Xander. I know.

He breathed a sigh of relief. She already knew and seemed ok with it. Oh. Ok, then... uh, Will, what was your point?

My point was that maybe she's afraid that'll happen to her again. That she'll freeze up, I mean, if someone's taken or killed. And she's got even more responsibility now. She has to protect all of the girls...

Spike said.

Everyone stared at him; Willow started to protest.

He cut her off. Oh, you're right bout the fact that she has more responsibility now, Red. What I meant was that she wouldn't freeze up again.

Although he agreed, Giles couldn't help but ask curiously, What makes you so certain?

Spike shrugged. I know her, is all. She's changed a lot since Glory, grown up and matured and whatnot. I hate to sound like a poof, but she just needs to have faith in herself.

Giles nodded, agreeing with the vampire's assessment of his slayer. Well, the real reason I gathered you all here today was so that we could decide what to do about it.

Xander wondered, What can we do? I mean, to say Buffy's a little stubborn is like... like... saying Spike is a little annoying.

The offended party responded. Hey! You wanker! .... But yeah, Buffy's stubborner than an ox. And I've dealt with oxen.

Xander wanted to know.

Yeah. See, this one time Dru-

Anya cleared her throat. Excuse me? Could we concentrate here?

Both Spike and Xander shot her an apologetic glance and murmured,

Humph, well, that's better. Anyway, any have any ideas? I'd like to live through this apocalypse and with the way Buffy is now, sounds like that may not happen. She turned to Giles. What about that thing she did a couple years ago? Right around the time that Spike was having sex with the Buffybot.

Spike would have reddened. Thank goodness vampires can't blush!

Giles answered Anya's question. The quest? I'm afraid that only works once. She was given her answers. And I suspect she's scared of them, he added silently.

~ ~ ~ ~ (Giles memory of what Buffy told him the First Slayer said) ~ ~ ~ ~

FIRST SLAYER: You think you're losing your ability to love.

BUFFY: I-I didn't say that. (sighs) Yeah.

FIRST SLAYER: You're afraid that being the Slayer means losing your humanity.

BUFFY: Does it?

FIRST SLAYER: You are full of love. You love with all of your soul. It's brighter than the fire ... blinding. That's why you pull away from it.

BUFFY: (surprised) I'm full of love? I'm not losing it?

FIRST SLAYER: Only if you reject it. Love is pain, and the Slayer forges strength from pain. Love ... give ... forgive. Risk the pain. It is your nature. Love will bring you to your gift.... Death is your gift.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Giles thoughts continued. She is rejecting her love. She thinks it's too painful, too bright, for her... but Spike's right, she can handle this... his mental ramblings were interrupted by Xander.

Hey! What about a magic spell? Like, one to get her to open-up a bit.

Anya rolled her eyes. Haven't you learnt by now that spells messing with emotions tend to turn out badly? I heard about that spell you got that witch to do in high school- you know, that one where every girl liked you but the one you wanted. No, emotions tend to be difficult to deal with, magically speaking. That's why with vengeance I usually kept with the physical torment, like having someone's intestines come out their ears-

She was cut off by a chorus of s from Dawn, Xander, and Willow.

Anya huffed indignantly. You'd think by now you people would be used to descriptions of a little torment. And intestines out of the ears is nothing! Why, this one girl wished that- she paused, for once catching the disgusted looks everyone was giving her. She took the hint. But anyway, back to the subject. I don't think magic will cut it. Besides who would do the spell?

Willow looked away, ashamed.

Giles nodded at the former vengeance demon. Good point, Anya. I don't believe that magic will be salutary in this instance. If anything was fallacious in the casting of the spell we utilized, it would likely prove deleterious to the situation. And with the First's affect on magic, I don't believe the risk would be advisable.

Xander leaned over to Willow. Uh, translation?

Willow whispered back, Magic wouldn't be good because if something went wrong with the spell-casting, it probably would just make things worse.

Ah. Thanks.

Your welcome, she whispered back. In a louder voice, she said, I think we need to get Buffy to break her shell, first. You know, get her to express some emotion, recognize that she's shutting down. Then we can talk with her, and tell her, well, kinda what Spike said. That she's not the same person she was back then, and that we trust her and she should trust herself. But I think if we try to tell her that now, it'd be...

Using that hackneyed cliché, Dawn finished for her. In one ear and out the other.

Giles pondered for a moment. Your suggestion may have some merit, Willow.

She grinned, feeling like the teacher's pet (which, in her mind, was a good thing).

Giles continued. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how we might go about implementing Willow's proposition?

There was another pause while they all thought about it.

Dawn meekly raised her hand. Well... ok, this may be a really bad idea, but, well... no offense Spike, but you've never had a problem making her angry. I mean, sometimes you didn't even have to do anything to get her mad at you, so maybe... she trailed off uncertainly.

Xander shook his head. While, yeah, if anyone could make Buffy mad, it would probably be Spike, I don't think that anger is the emotion we're going for here, Dawnie. Thanks for trying, though.

Dawn glared at him. She hated it went he patronized her!

As usual, it was Spike who came to her rescue. Now, wait a minute there, Whelp. He smirked at the glare Xander threw at him. The Bit's got a point. Does it matter what emotion? Frankly, I'd be happy to see her express any emotion. She hasn't even acted slightly annoyed with me lately.

Xander laughed. Now that's just unnatural!

My point exactly, the bleached vampire stated dryly. Watcher, what do you think?

Giles, who had been cleaning his glasses and staring off into the distance, started at hearing himself addressed. Err, what? Oh. Well, I agree that anger might not be the most ideal emotion for Buffy to express - Xander made an I told you so' face at Spike - I do believe that any emotion would at least be progress towards a more normal Buffy.

Spike raised an eyebrow mockingly at Xander, who scowled and looked away. While their teasing was all in fun, they still tended to be a bit competitive.

Unsurprisingly, Spike consented. I'll do it. He grinned briefly before taking on a very serious, deep tone of voice, with a matching somber facial expression. My mission, should I choose to accept it, will be to bug the hell out of the Slayer. The girls all giggled at him, and even Giles had a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.


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A/N: I know the whole get Buffy to express an emotion thing' might be stupid, but... umm... yeah. I don't really have anything to add to that. What do you think, oh readers?

The quotes from with the First Slayer, I got from buffyworld.com. Very cool site. There's transcripts and pics from every episode.

I really, really want to thank those (few) of you who've reviewed. Please, do review!