Chapter 25: Talk of Spike

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Summary:

Buffy rescues Spike from the cave (last scene in ). However, it's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day.

Buffy comes home and is attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, convinced them that the real Buffy is the First.

Buffy gathers supplies to go help Spike. She briefly talks with Xander. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.

Buffy returns to the cave. Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue).

Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First.

Spike and Buffy talk about forgiveness. By now, it's sundown, so they set out for home, where they unexpectedly find Riley.

Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working and tries to kill Spike.

Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted, though eventually all is sorted out.

Buffy decides they can branch out and sends some people over to stay with Xander. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.

Faith and Buffy talk, fight vamps, and talk some more.

Buffy thinks about Spike, and the dangers of getting too close emotionally, to him or others. She sleeps by his side. Xander is upset when he finds they slept together.

Xander comes home and complains to Anya about having to talk to Spike. She explains to him that his leaving her at the alter was, in some ways, worse than what Spike did to Buffy.

One case Buffy dealt with caused her to decide that she couldn't be emotionally close to anyone again, for fear of her shutting down if they got killed.

Spike and Buffy talk; Buffy tries to restrain all emotion.

Spike remembers how he made up with both Xander and Giles. He talks to Dawn, and they make up, too.

There is a Scooby meeting (without Buffy). They discuss how Buffy needs to feel again in order to fight well. They decide Spike will try and get her to feel again.

Spike has a nice talk with Willow.

The trap is set, and Buffy falls for it. She and Spike are now trapped in a cave.

They start discussing Buffy's problems. Buffy is just about to reveal something important to Spike when they are attacked by vampires. Buffy sees Spike staked.

The First takes Spike's form, taunting Buffy. She later finds Spike and patches him up and feeds him some of her blood. He wakes, and they talk. Buffy's emotional barriers finally break down.

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Despite how tired they both were, Spike and Buffy managed to get up before the troops could arrive for their rescue.' They agreed that it'd be easier to go out the hidden passageway, given their injuries.

Appearing above the cave with ropes, ready to extricate the Slayer and the vampire through a sufficiently large hole in the cavern's roof, the Scoobies were alarmed upon realizing that their friends weren't there. However, just before they had begun to truly panic (Willow already setting up a locater spell), the two in question emerged from the woods. The slash on Spike's side had opened up on their way, and Buffy had to patch him up again.

After many loud exclamations were made on the part of the Scoobies, the whole group headed home, Buffy insisting that explanations could wait until they had Spike properly bandaged up.

She kept close to his side the whole way home, supporting him whenever he needed it. They had to hurry a bit, to beat the oncoming dawn.

Spike privately admitted that it was a good thing that Buffy had fed him her blood; as it was, the going was tough, and without that powerful Slayer blood in his system, he feared he would have passed out. Thankfully, he was able to wait until he was safely back at the house and in Buffy's room (where she insisted he stay) before collapsing.

Once he had been taken care of properly, Buffy met with the core Scoobies in the basement.

So, what happened? Dawn asked worriedly. Since the idea had originally been hers, she felt somewhat responsible for whatever had happened to her sister and surrogate big brother.

Buffy sighed. It's a bit of a long story...

She went on to tell all of it, leaving out only some of the most private, personal things. However, she did admit to her emotional breakdown, though she gave no details. It was much harder for her to talk to this group about her problems than it had been with Spike; but after her revelation the night before, the Slayer had decided it was time to open up. And if she couldn't trust the Scoobies, who could she trust?

The Scoobies were quiet when she finished. Anya, blunt as ever, asked the question that was on everyone's mind: So, are you and Spike back together? Should we be expecting loud noises coming from your bedroom from now on?

Buffy, a bit nonplussed by Anya's statement, started to open her mouth to vehemently deny her having any feelings towards the ensiled vamp, just out of habit. For once, she thought before she spoke, and closed her trap.

The Scoobies all stared at her curiously. If Buffy hadn't known better, she would have guessed by their facial expressions that they were hoping for a

Trying to be honest, Buffy told them, I don't know. I don't think so...

Disappointment was on all of her friends' faces, especially Dawn and Willow's.

Despite what she thought she was reading from her friends' expressions, Buffy needed to be sure. Would you all be ok with it if we were together?

Everyone nodded, Dawn practically jumping in her seat in her eagerness.

The Slayer looked around in amazement. This is just so... wow... a change... Giles, not that I'm complaining, but I'm surprised that you would condone me having another relationship with vampire.

To Buffy's surprise, Giles didn't start cleaning his glasses. Instead, he leaned forward, looking earnestly at the girl he regarded as if she were his daughter. Buffy, circumstances here are completely different than they were with Angel. For one thing, you're much older and more responsible now; for another, Spike chose to have a soul- which to me, is absolutely incredible. Especially since I know what he went through to get it, as I had him describe his trials for him so I could transcribe them into my Watcher journals. And I... I can't tell you the source for this, but I believe that Spike with a soul may be just what you need, what you deserve.

Giles thought back to what Spike had told him...

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Giles rubbed his eyes wearily. He'd written down all of what Spike had told him so far, including how he found out about this demon in Africa, his travel there, and most importantly, the trials. Dear Lord, the things he faced...

As a Watcher on the Hellmouth, Giles had seen many horrible things; as the Ripper, he'd done many horrible things. But he was still shocked at Spike's tale...

....So then the demon says somethin' bleedin' stupid an' obvious, like You've endured the required trials.'

Giles snapped back to the real world, focusing on Spike. Yes, right, let me just get this down... He scratched hurriedly in his notes. And then?

Lemme think... I said somethin' like Bleedin' right I have.' Spike snorted.

Giles was confused. Wait, you said Wanker' to this demon?

No, Rupes, I just said the bleedin' right part, Spike said, rather shortly. He was getting tired of this, especially since these weren't memories he cared to be drudging up.

All right, the Watcher said, Please continue.

Uh... right. Spike looked away, slightly embarrassed as he remembered his sappy-sounding wording. So then I say to the demon, So you'll give me what I want. Make me what I was. So Buffy can get what she deserves.'

Giles looked at the ensiled vampire interestedly. Really? That was your exact wording?

Spike shrugged. Yeah, I think so... Look, th' sun's set, I'm leavin'.

While Giles wished to discuss what exactly Spike had meant by what he said to the demon, he knew better than to try and keep the vampire. Which was just as well, since the vampire in question was already out the door.

But the vampire's tale had given Giles much to think about. Like wish-granting, the way these things worked was by what the demon did with your words, not what you meant.

Spike's first two sentences were rather ambiguous. But the third was less so. Spike with a soul is what Buffy deserves? Ridiculous... and yet...

The idea had stuck with him, often remembered as he watched his Slayer and the vampire interact.

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Giles was pulled back to the present by the Scoobies, who were offering their own approving comments of Spike.

Dawn piped up. Yeah, and he's hot.

Willow chimed in, saying, And he's smarter than you might think.

Not wishing to feel left out, Anya added, And, from what I remember, he gives lots of orgasms.

Everyone cringed at the reminder of his and Anya's tryst. To his credit, all Xander said was, He's a good pool player, too.

Despite the fact that he'd already had his say, Giles couldn't help but remind them that, And, he's British. He had always felt a bond with the bleached blonde because of their shared nationality.

Buffy finally recovered from her initial shock. Her friends actually liked Spike!

Wow... you guys.... um, thanks... I think I have some thinking to do... about stuff... If you'll excuse me...

Buffy wandered upstairs, mind busy with all that had been said.

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Alone on the back porch, Buffy pondered. What had Giles meant by Spike with a soul being what I need, what I deserve?

She thought more on that word, deserve, and back to all of what she'd done in the past to Spike, especially that past year. For the most part, she'd forgiven herself, but it was hard.

Do I deserve him? Maybe instead of him not being good enough for me, I'm not good enough for him...

But she quickly dispelled thoughts of that nature. She didn't want to be hypocritical; she'd told Spike he needed to forgive himself, and she knew she had to do the same.

Buffy sunk her head onto her folded arms with a groan. She was getting a bit of a headache from all the stress, and decided she probably just needed some sleep... she'd call in sick today at work.

After grabbing one of the SIT's and asking her to tell Giles that she was going to bed and he should call the school to let them know, Buffy headed up to her room.

She'd forgotten she had a sleeping vamp already in her bed. She paused momentarily, looking at Spike.

Do I love him? How do I know? I feel something for him, that's for damn sure, but is it love? It's different than it was with Angel, but does that mean it isn't love? It'd be so nice to just, ya know, know, whether you were really in love with someone... how do I figure this out?

The Slayer groaned softly. Thoughts like this were what sent her rushing to bed in the first place.

Having changed into her pajamas quietly, Buffy crept under the covers and curled up next to Spike, resolving to figure out her feelings some other time.


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A/N: Sorry this took so long and was kinda a pointless chapter... my stupid muse apparently is still on vacation.