Presents with Little Time Left

A/N: The t-shirt is real, and you can get one from Onion.com, the funniest site in the world (and I'm not paid to say that, either).  I stole the brawn and brains thing from the AT&T Commercial.  This whole story is just me stealing lines.  Bad me, I should be original.  And, I should warn you that in a few chapters, there may be some stuff that kids shouldn't be reading, so I'll warn you!

Oh, one more thing.  I've decided to shorten the chapters, so I can actually get them up, and I'll probably omit the chapter summary and a/n in the rest of the chapters, because I'm just too lazy.  Oh, well, no one reads them anyway!

            Lorelai loved Christmas.  More than that, she loved Christmas mornings, when the snow was smooth and unmarred by people's intruding footsteps, and was falling gently still as the sun rose quietly in the morning sky.  All right, she loved the presents, too, but there was just something about waking up early on Christmas morning and sitting on the porch with a steaming cup of coffee in your hands.  She didn't have to set an alarm to wake up, her biological clock was already quite aware of what day it was. 

            She had attempted to tiptoe, but gave up after a loud creak from the aging stairs, and her footsteps made soft thumps on the floorboards.  She glanced guiltily at the couch where Dane had spent the night, but the guilt was soon replaced by surprise when she saw that the blankets were folded neatly on the couch and there was no dark-haired man there. 

            "Hmmm…" she said, and walked to the kitchen, no longer making an effort to be quiet.  Dane was sitting at the table, looking lost, with a half-eaten pop tart hanging from his mouth.  He wore shorts and a baggy t-shirt that read 'The sports team from my area is superior to the sports team from your area'. 

            "Good morning!" Lorelai sang out, and Dane groaned, but greeted her and wished her a merry Christmas.  "Merry Christmas to you too.  Nice t-shirt, but what's with the Weezer frames?" she asked, gesturing to his glasses.

            "Oh, I usually wear contacts.  Want a pop tart?  I was going to make eggnog, but there wasn't any nog," he said, grinning.

            "Yes, coffee would be lovely."

            "Ahh.  I'll make some."

            "Brawn and brains.  It's okay, I'll do it."

            "Yeah, I don't know how to make coffee anyways."

            "Humph," said Lorelai as she pulled the coffee maker out of the cupboard.  "Essential life skill left unlearned.  Will have to factor that into the pro/con list."

            "There's a pro/con list?"

            "No, but I'm currently debating the pros and cons of starting one." He chuckled, then groaned again. 

            "Ok, no laughing.  Lesson learned," he said miserably.

            "Hangover?"

            "Yeah."

            "Sookie's eggnog?"
            "Yeah."

            "Have some coffee…once it's made, that is."  Lorelai left the kitchen, and grabbed her coat.  Dane followed her, curious.

            "Whatchya' doing?"
            "Going outside.  You're welcome to join me."

            "Now? It's freezing outside…and it's still snowing."

            "Thus the basis of its appeal," she leaned closer, as if to confide in him, and he leaned as well.  "Magical things happen when it snows," she whispered and he grinned.

            "That's okay, Lorelai, go enjoy the magic on your own.  I'll watch the coffee and make sure it doesn't bubble over or something.  I'd prefer not to freeze my ass off."

            "It can't bubble over.  Ah, well.  Your loss."

            "That it is," he said gallantly and made a beeline for Rory's room, which was most definitely not the kitchen.

            "Morning!" he bellowed, letting himself in.  Then, he winced at the loudness of his own voice.  "It hurts to talk."

            "Then why are you yelling?  Do you enjoy inflicting evil awakedness onto me" came a muffled reply.

            "Evil awakedness set aside, it's already six-thirty."

            "How do you expect me to be beautiful when I've only had four hours of sleep."

            "Well, I'm beautiful and I only had three."

            "Yes, but you're effortlessly beautiful.  Me, takes work," she said, but turned over onto her back.

            "C'mon, sleepyhead.  It's Christmas," he said, then when she didn't budge, he walked over to her.  Her eyes were still closed, and he slipped in next to her and kissed her.

            She started, and opened her eyes.

            "You have really bad breath in the mornings," he said wryly.

            "Well, you have a freckled tongue," she retorted, and he shrugged. 

            "Takes one to know one," he replied.

            "I know you are, but what am I?"

            "You are- getting up."

            "Five more minutes."

            "You're practically awake, anyway."
            "That's because you had to come in her, all trigger-happy and loud and disturb me."

            "Well, the damage is already done, so there's no point in letting you sleep now."

            "Mmm…is it snowing?"

            "Yeah…your mom is outside, something about bunnies and hats"

            "It's Christmas," Rory muttered.  "Merry Christmas! PRESENTS!!!" she remembered gleefully, and sat up.

            "I'm hurt," Dane said.  "You wake up for the presents, but not for me?"

(A/N: I really wanted to put "You wake up for the presents, but not for THE CHAD", and then I realized how fitting it was, considering this story includes the gorgeous CMM.  Ah, well, my Charlie's Angel's rip will have to be used another time…look out for it in later chapters …hehe)
           

            "Now you're getting it," Rory said.  At that point, Lorelai walked into Rory's room.  She proceeded to cover her eyes and make loud, grossed out noises.

            "Mo-om."

            "Ach, with the whining again," her mother replied, in a very Old Country kind of voice.

            "Heh.  Your presents have just self-destructed because of your very pathetic reprimand."

            "But I rigged your presents to self-destruct when mine did, so now you don't have any either."

            "What forethought!" Dane said.

            "It doesn't hurt to be careful," Lorelai said, her eyes twinkling.

            "It hurts the presents," the younger Lorelai said.

            "And when I don't get my presents, I hurt others.  Namely those who rigged my presents in the first place."

            "What if the person who rigged your presents set up someone, say your poor innocent daughter?"

            "Okay, this is getting too abstract for me.  And to the best of my knowledge, the presents are all sitting on the floor in front of that little tree you guys drew," Dane said.

            "Don't rag on my tree," Lorelai said.

            "Your tree?? I drew the trunk, the branches and the leaves, and the decorations."

            "Yeah, but I drew the little star on the top.  Everyone knows that makes the tree mine."

            "Much as I hate to break up this catfight, you are missing the point.  Christmas, despite its obsolete religious significance since everyone American celebrates it and evil corporations have decided to use it to their equally evil purposes and I actually saw a greeting card that said 'Merry Christmas, although you aren't Christian, it's the spirit that counts'--"

            "Remind me what the point is again," Rory interrupted.

            "PRESENTS!!!"

            "I like this one, Rory.  He's just materialistic enough to fit in," Lorelai quipped, but left the room, with Dane and Rory close behind her. 

            By the time that all the presents were opened, hugs exchanged, sappy cards read out loud, and wrapping paper shoved under the couch, all three were starving.  Although Dane was somewhat reluctant to leave the house, because that morning had been so completely his and Rory and Lorelai's of course, unlike the past few days. 

He really couldn't understand Rory's attachment to the tiny town she had grown up in.  Wasn't there small-town syndrome or something, you know when everyone just wanted to get out and never look back?  Well apparently, Rory was very immune to this, and Dane was distinctly uneasy with the way everyone knew everyone's business, and not feeling very tolerant of the town's eccentricity.  He was a very private person, and the whole place was a bunch of hee-hawing hicks in the middle of Connecticut, after all.  But even if he didn't know it himself, he was a bit jealous.  This was Rory in her element, the baby girl of the archaic townsfolk, and he was very excluded, although she had introduced him happily to everyone.

            No one really was to blame, he thought with a sigh.  The faster they got back to Boston, the better.  He really didn't know how much longer he could take the intense dislike heaped on him by Rory's grandparents, coupled with the stupid town.  Nevertheless, he followed the two Gilmores out the door as they clamored to go to Luke's.

Hehe, trying to show a few faults with Dane.  He couldn't be the perfect boyfriend, or he'd get on my nerves. =)  Thanks for the reviews, and I'm surprised, I really do write faster when I get them.  I have most of the next chapter written, so it should be up in the next few days (but faster if I get lots of reviews).