Chapter 3: It Seemed Like a Good Idea
I remembered back to the time when my journey started. Though I didn't know it then, I only had two days left at the palace.
* * *
I looked at the girl in the mirror and couldn't keep myself from smiling. "You look beautiful, Lady Meruru," the old maid said. I blushed and giggled as she took my hand and twirled me around so that I could see the sky blue silk billow and swirl and the pretty silver laces of the corset crossing my back.
"She does," Van chimed from the doorway. My blush deepened as I realized that it was him and what he had said. He grinned and made a deep bow before saying, in a dignified voice, "May I escort you to the ballroom, milady?"
"Oh, sir! How bold of you!" I laughed as I put a hand to my forehead and pretended to faint. Van-sama caught me, of course. He was in a great mood, almost bubbly. I briefly wondered why.
He smiled, pushed me back to my feet and said, "But seriously, we should be going now. I have to be there, first."
"But I'll look so lame if I'm the only one there when everyone else arrives!"
"I'll be there too," Van said, "And I'm not forcing you to come with me. Come later if it makes you happy."
Go later...without Van? I hadn't thought of that.
"Well...I guess I could do that, but shouldn't a king have his loyal pet at his side?"
Van frowned slightly, "I wouldn't call you my 'pet', Meruru."
"Why not? That's what everyone else calls me," I giggled.
"They shouldn't...it's not like..." he muttered distractedly, "You're more like my sister." And with that said, he ruffled my hair and declared, "Come on, Meruru. Let's quit talking about it and go. If it bothers you, you can just hide underneath the dessert table until after all of the guests arrive."
"I will not! I haven't done that since I was five, Van-sama! And you messed up my hair! Bela worked so hard, and now she'll have to -"
"Meruru, don't whine like that. You're fifteen now; act your age," he said, cutting me off, and then, as if to take the edge off his words, "Don't worry about your hair; it looks fine."
I looked a question at Bela, but she just smiled and brushed a few strands away from my face and fixed my tiara, saying, "You look wonderful, Lady. The young men won't have chance."
I smiled widely, the color rising in my cheeks, and looped my arm around Van's. "Let's go, Van-sama."
"Finally," he grinned.
* * *
The ball was wonderful. It was the first major celebratory function at the new palace. In fact it was the first official Fanelian Royal Ball since before the Destiny War. Of course, the wild partying in the refugee camps and the three-day ragers in the forest that took place in the weeks after the war ended had been - to say nothing - fun. But there is a whole different atmosphere at a Royal Ball, and I wouldn't miss it for the world.
I had never wanted to go to these royal functions before, except to tag along after Van, but for some reason, this was different. This time, I had actually let Greta dress me up in the long dress with the big skirts and curl my hair into ringlets beneath a silver tiara. Maybe it was the way the stable boy turned red when I glanced his way, or maybe it was because you don't waltz with your little sister.
I made my way around the edges of the huge room, making polite conversation with all the visiting nobles, casually going from group to group like some kind of social butterfly. When I had finished with the formalities, I quickly found the youngest raven-haired princess of Tarva, Vanessa. She was easy to spot; scarlet was her favorite color for gowns. "It's good to see you here Vanessa-hime," I said warmly.
She barely glanced at me before saying, "It is good to be here, thank you. Fanelian hospitality is tru- Meruru? Is that really you?" Vanessa took a double take and then threw her arms around me in a joyful hug. "It's been too long Meruru. Why, I haven't seen you since the last treaty signing. And what happened to that scruffy little girl in sandals? You've grown into a beautiful woman, Meruru."
"Not nearly as pretty as you, Vanessa. How've you been?"
Her indigo eyes sparkled, "Fantastic. You wouldn't even believe. You remember that squire at the summer palace right?"
"Of course!"
"Well...he promised to ask for my hand in marriage as soon as he becomes a knight!"
"Vanessa!" I squealed.
"I know! I'm so happy, I could just die!"
"That's the fifth proposal this year, Vanessa!"
"I know! But I reeeaaaaally like this one! I swear!" She laughed excitedly, "You know I'd take them more seriously if any of them had a chance of getting past Daddy." She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial tone and said, "You know, I think he's still holding out for, you-know-who." Vanessa rolled her eyes toward the dais, where Van was shaking hands with a dignitary from Tarva.
"You mean Van-sama?"
"Who else? It's not like many unmarried kings of his most eligible daughter's age are just lying around."
"I don't think it'll work," I muttered.
"Neither do I. Everyone knows that the King of Fanelia is waiting for a Mystic Moon angel to reappear."
"I know. I've tried everything to get him to forget Lady Hitomi," I said sadly, "but he still stares at the moon every night."
Vanessa and I sighed dreamily at the tragic romance of it all. Then Vanessa looked at me, and I looked at Vanessa. "Hey, Meruru?"
"Yes?"
"I think I saw a couple cute and lonely-looking barons' sons over there."
"You don't say."
"Yes, and wouldn't it be a shame if they never saw the new Fanelian Palace Gardens?"
"Oh, definitely."
"Yes, definitely."
* * *
"I still think that you should have let me have Geoff."
"There wasn't anything wrong with Ryo," Vanessa said, buttering a piece of toast. We had decided to take lunch in my room. Well, breakfast; we hadn't woken up until past noon and were still sitting around in robes and slippers.
"No, there was nothing wrong with him, except that he forgot my name six times." I glared at her and took a bite of my apple.
"Maybe he was just stunned senseless by your beauty," she said innocently. She became increasingly interested in her toast. "Geoff remembered your name; you're all he wanted to talk about."
"You're just trying to make me feel better." I took another bite of my apple.
"No, really. He was obsessed, Meruru." She smiled.
"Oh, of course. So that's why he was all over you on the rose terrace." Her mouth dropped as a blush rose on her cheeks. I smirked at her before taking the toast out of her hand and taking a bite.
"You saw that?" Vanessa frowned.
"Vanessa, everyone saw that. I wouldn't be surprised if it's national news by now." I started laughing. "I should never leave you by yourself, Vanessa. Every time, I swear!" Her blush deepened, and then she burst into laughter too, shaking her head.
"I try," she managed between giggles. "Daddy won't be happy."
"That's saying nothing! I just don't get how you do it? I mean...every time!"
"Be nice, Meruru! I don't do these things all the time, just sometimes. Well, a lot of the time." She grabbed the toast out of my hand and managed to take more than half in a single bite. "You're not so innocent yourself, dear. I can remember you getting real cozy with Sergio at the Winter Solstice."
I felt my face grow hot. "We were twelve, Vanessa! All he did was put his arm around me; and it was cold. So there." I stuck my tongue out before taking the toast again.
"Oh, you liked it," she giggled. She took a sip of her coffee. "Forget about stupid Ryo; he's a moron. If you ask me, he was afraid of you." Vanessa smiled devilishly. "Let's go riding today, I know the stable boy fancies a certain pink-haired girl I know."
"You need to quit gossiping with the staff," I mumbled. I knew he was crazy about me, but he'd be crazy about Vanessa if I let her anywhere near him. She had that effect on boys. Well, if she could teach it, I could learn. "Vanessa? Would you help me pick an outfit today?"
I looked over at Vanessa, waiting for her to burst out laughing. Instead, she was staring at me with a strange look on her face. She calmly set down her coffee and continued to study me.
I raised an eyebrow, "What?"
Finally, she spoke, "You're not joking are you, Meruru?"
"Er...no." My tail twitched under the table. "You don't have to, Vanessa. Jeez, I was just - " But she cut me off.
"You don't know how long I've been waiting for this!" she squealed in joy. I looked up at her, shocked, as she happily rambled on. "You could look so cute, Meruru! No, you're going to look so cute! I'm so glad you're letting me do this instead of some ugly old lady-in-waiting."
"Vanessa...they're just clothes," I said weakly. I was beginning to wonder what I done.
"What? Oh, no, no, no. This," she held up a finger, "this is a makeover." She pulled me up out of my chair and over to the large wardrobe. She rummaged inside it, shaking her head and tossing things out behind her. "That's it. We're going shopping."
"Shopping?"
* * *
Five hours and a whole lot of money later, we were flopped down on my four-poster, ripping open paper wrapped packages and sorting them into piles of what Vanessa called "dressy, casual, and special occasion." I was dazed, to say the least. I carefully picked up something that seemed to be made of lace and bits of mirror. "Vanessa...what is this?"
"Hmm? Oh, you wear that over...this one." She threw a black sleeveless dress at me.
"Ok then." I held them both in my hands and tried to imagine myself wearing them. I smiled. "Vanessa, this stuff is great."
"Isn't it, though?"
"Yes! I like it! And, gods, it's a lot." I waved my hand at the piles of clothes. I realized that she had paid for it all. I made a mental note to do something nice for her later. I looked at the clothes again. Something very nice.
"I told you it was a makeover, Meruru. You have to get a lot of stuff when you have a makeover. If you ask me, we could have gotten more," she said seriously. She threw something pink and silky on the special occasion pile. "Dinner starts in an hour. We should go; I have to represent Tarva tonight." She picked up orange-yellow dress. "You should wear this."
"It almost reminds me of the war." I took it from her. "You know how I always wore that one dress." I smiled ruefully and ran my fingers over the fabric. "It's a pretty dress. This one, I mean."
"It's a good color for you," she said. She looked away. "Come on; let's get ready. I'll do your makeup for you."
"Right. Thanks." I put down the dress and dug around until I found my new cosmetics. I still couldn't figure out exactly what all the little brushes and colors were for, but Vanessa seemed to know what she was doing.
Two hours later, we were ready. I was still mad at Vanessa for poking me in the eye with the liner and she was still laughing about it. To be honest, it was funny, but hell if I'd admit it. I tugged at the lace on my collar; it was itchy. Vanessa told me not to think about it, but I'd never worn any off-the-shoulder clothes before and it felt strange. I imagined my dress falling off in the middle of dinner. It made a disturbing visual.
"You're doing it again," Vanessa murmured as she brushed on one last coat of red lip color.
"Are you sure it's supposed to be like this?" I growled, pointing to the low neckline.
Vanessa laughed. "Yes, I am. I don't see why you care anyway. Most of your old clothes were dresses that came up to here." She drew an imaginary line across her thighs.
"I don't care," I sniffed, "these clothes are just weird, that's all." Vanessa gave me a look, a five-hundred-gold-pieces-and-you-call-it-weird look. "It's pretty, Vanessa. Weird, but pretty." She threw me another look. I threw it back, and we both giggled.
When we finally made it down to the dining hall, the appetizers had already been served. We slid into seats and conversations with ease. I glared down the long oak table at the man occupying the seat next to Van. That was my seat; it just was. I twirled my fork and stabbed a stuffed mushroom, and another, and another.
"Meruru, quit murdering the mushrooms," Vanessa whispered into my left ear. She delicately placed one in her mouth to make her point. I stuck my tongue out but put my fork down. I turned my attention to the conversation on my right.
" ... restoration is coming along beautifully," the young man next to me said around a mouthful of fried bread.
"Yes, and quickly, too," the man across from me, the Baron Ulrich, replied.
"As quickly as you can expect from a backwards little country like this," guffawed a voice somewhere farther off to my right.
My tail puffed out and a low growl rumbled in my chest as the men laughed politely with the person who made the comment.
"Now, Sir Maren, it may be a bit...rural, but Fanelia is quite modern, and has, in fact, made surprising advances in technology during this rebuilding period," said the young man next to me. Then he glanced nervously at the claws that I had dug into the tablecloth and unconsciously inched away.
"Yes, the rotating drag-energist used in - " the Baron started.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. But it's the people here, so crude and barbaric. I can hardly stand it. I'll be glad when this Ball business is over," Sir Maren continued.
The man next to me made some excuse to leave, giving me a clear view of the recently knighted Sir Tama Maren. The young and only son of a rather affluent trader, Tama considered himself clever, sophisticated, and dashingly handsome. Only the last was true, and the permanent sneer he wore ruined it a bit.
Tama Maren and I had been enemies ever since he was eight, I was five, and he had thought it would be funny to tie rags to my tail...and then light them on fire. I've had a slight, unshakable, phobia of fire since then. My only consolation is that the day after he did that I bit his arm so hard it left permanent scars, scars I reopened when he was twelve and tried to cut off a large chunk of Vanessa's hair while she was looking the other way. I had scars from him too. It seemed that we had never been able to be in the same place without coming to blows. And the way things were going this night...
Tama caught my eye briefly and measured my anger in a glance. He smirked and flicked a few strands of blonde hair away from his face. "Honestly, I haven't been in decent company since I set foot over the border. You know," he said smoothly, "talking to you has been a relief, sir Baron. There simply aren't any intellectuals - like you, for example - in Fanelia, and certainly no one with the capacity to discuss anything of interest. These past few nights, I've felt as if I've been dining with animals." Tama secretly winked at me as the Baron chuckled with indulgence and made a remark about young men judging too harshly.
"You're using such big words, Tama. Don't you wish you knew what they meant?" I asked sweetly. He didn't miss the fact that I had called him Tama, and not the Sir Maren that his newly acquired knighthood merited.
The Baron sniffed and gave me a reprimanding look, but Tama merely smiled widely saying, "Ah, Meruru darling. You've cleaned up a bit, haven't you?" He ran his grey eyes over me approvingly. "You even look like a girl now."
"And you haven't changed at all, darling," I spat back at him. I hated the way he was able to make me feel awkward with just a glance. I liked my new clothes, dammit. I had a strong desire to reach over and scratch his face; he was damned lucky that there was still an empty seat between us. The Baron looked at Tama and then at me, and wisely decided to withdraw from the conversation.
"So how has life been treating you, Meruru?" Tama asked. Anyone else would have mistaken his tone for civil, but I had known him too long to ignore the acid in his voice.
"Things have been going well," I said, warily. I slowly unhooked my claws from the tablecloth, determined to keep them folded and under the table. I hadn't seen Tama since before the Destiny War. Politely, and with all the sweetness of an arsenic pie, I asked, "And how have you been these past few years? We've sorely missed your presence at the last six conferences."
"I knew you missed me," he slid down the long wooden bench and took the place next to me. He grinned, "I didn't mean to deprive you, but I've been busy. A knight errant is never idle." Tama lazily rested his elbows on the table, taking up as much space as possible. His knee brushed up against my skirt and my hate for him bubbled up in barely contained growls. "You see, Meruru, some people - like me for instance - actually have important business to attend to each day." He paused to take a long drink of wine, "But that kind of thing is of no interest to a pretty little poppet, now is it?" The young knight smiled and waited for my reply, knowing that he had struck a nerve.
I drank deeply from my wine goblet, imagining that it was Tama's blood. My official title was Royal Companion. That title came with absolutely no responsibilities, save to keep court etiquette, but also no authority. The name itself, 'Royal Companion', often incited rumors and bawdy jokes. Setting the goblet down I took a breath and licked the bittersweet drops from my lips. "Well, Tama, I see that you still have no idea what young ladies like myself do find interesting."
He laughed and drank a bit more wine, "Oh, Meruru, you darling thing." His dark eyes shone, "You were always the kitten with the sharpest claws." Tama eyed the small holes I had unconsciously ripped in the tablecloth. He sipped his wine thoughtfully and then whispered, "But if you really want to know how interesting I can be, just ask the scullery maid, the chef's fourth assistant, Lady Contessa de -"
"Enough, Tama," I said in disgust.
"Enough? You can never get enough - " he happily continued before I cut him off.
"No, that's not what I meant. I've had enough of you, Tama. I really have." I closed my eyes and drank what was left of my wine. I poured myself another goblet full as I cursed my bad luck. Gods, there is not enough wine in the world for this kind of torture, I lamented.
"I was only joking, Meruru," he grinned and feigned indignation.
"It wasn't funny," I snapped. If he chose to sit next to me all evening, I wouldn't be able to bear it. I couldn't excuse myself, not until after the first course at least. My ears swiveled backwards at the sound of a harp.
Servants spilled forth from behind several tapestries. The first string of them gracefully lifted used plates and half-finished platters away, while a second group laid out fresh new spectacles of food: exotic fruit and flower salads, light soups with fish-shaped crackers floating in them, baby fowl that had been painstakingly baked into eggs of dough and smothered in gravy, and other extraordinary dishes. A final group of servers set out new decanters of wine, of a finer vintage, and took the old ones away. I watched them file out, disappearing one-by-one behind the tapestries.
It had actually been my idea to hang large tapestries in front of the servants' entrances. The intricately woven cloths hid the entrances nicely and added color to the grand hall. We hadn't had any reason to use the hall until the Royal Ball, and this had been my first time seeing my idea put to use. I was pleased enough to forget Tama for the moment, and turned to say something to Vanessa.
She was deep in conversation with the young man next to her. From the way she was giggling I knew she wasn't going to pay any mind to me. Well, damn, I thought, I was going to enjoy this. I reached out for a piece of fried bread, not really caring whether I saved room for the later courses. I'd be leaving after the second meat of the first course. Anything after that would be too ornate to really be filling. Why someone would want to eat a bird stuffed with fruits, I will never know, I mused. Then I caught the smell of real meat, the kind that made my nose twitch and my ears perk up straight.
Embarrassed, I backed my ears and took a bite of bread to hide my blush.
"Hungry?" Tama waved a forkful of nanalo meat inches in front my nose.
"You conceited . . . " I paused, searching for a word suitable for the utter loathing I held for him.
"And charming young man," he finished for me, while placing the fork in my open mouth.
My face went utterly red and my tail puffed under the table. I must have looked quite savage indeed, ears backed, eyes narrowed. My claws unsheathed themselves and my hand darted up to his face before I realized what I was doing.
His hand shot up and caught mine inches from his cool grey eyes. "Down, kitty," he chuckled. He rolled his eyes and said to the Baron and other startled guests, "The young lady has fits, please forgive her." A few of the more high-strung ladies fanned themselves nervously, and a murmur started along our section of the long table. If it was possibly I glowed redder and my tail twitched beneath my full skirts. I wanted to crawl beneath the table and not come out the way I had on my seventh birthday. Learning to walk on two legs had been hard and I had fallen in front of Van-sama and all the guests. That same shame was twisting my stomach in knots as I tried to ignore the whispers and condescending glances of the guests.
"Meruru, perhaps you should lay yourself down for a rest," Vanessa placed her hand on my shoulder and glared daggers at the still-smirking Tama. "I shouldn't have tired you out so today, you really shouldn't push yourself, not in your condition. Go now and rest, Meruru, dear. I'll tell Van-sama where you've gone." She brushed a stray lock behind my ear and hugged me comfortingly.
"You're right, Vanessa, I am feeling a bit weak," I said in a slightly breathless voice. I mentally thanked Vanessa a thousand times in my mind. She would cover for me, claiming that I had weak blood and was often woozy. I gathered my skirts in one hand and rose slowly to my feet. "Good evening, Vanessa-hime. Sir Baron, lords and ladies. I shall hope to see you all at the hunt tomorrow morning. Good evening." I stepped carefully over the bench. I focused on not bolting for the door. No need to make another scene.
"Please, Lady Meruru, allow me to escort you. A girl in your condition shouldn't be left to wander alone. You may fall and hurt yourself," Tama stood, hand extended. His face was the very picture of polite concern. The ladies seated around us gave approving looks and commented on his gentlemanly manner.
You bastard, I inwardly seethed at him. I couldn't very well refuse. I was supposed to be acting the invalid, and it would be a breach of etiquette to tell him no. Vanessa looked at him in disbelief; there was nothing she could do. Her place was at the table, representing Tarva. She looked at me apologetically. She seemed about to say something, but Tama gripped my hand and bustled me off, murmuring polite good evenings over his shoulder.
I struggled to keep up with him for a few seconds, and then caught his fast pace. "You disgust me," I snarled, letting my claws dig into his hand. He slowed down without warning, and I stumbled over the hem of my dress. I bit my tongue and glared dangerously at him. He merely smiled, looped his arm around mine more properly, and continued on his merry way towards the main hall entrance. I glared darkly at the ground, determined to keep composure until I was out of sight.
"Try to look less like you're about to slaughter everyone here, and more like you're actually feeling faint," Tama whispered in my ear. It was tickly and hot at the same time. I flicked my ear back, ignoring him. Happy thoughts, Meruru, happy thoughts ... like that really works ...
We walked in silence for a few more minutes, until I noticed that he had not led me to my rooms but had instead taken us down a different hallway. We stood in front of a wooden door.
"Where do you think we're going?" I asked him incredulously. I was in no mood for another prank. I really wasn't.
"Hush, now," he said smugly, opening the door and pushing me roughly outside.
"Hey!" I yelled, "What's your damned problem!"
"No problems, little miss," he stepped out into the palace gardens and closed the door behind him. "If you'll just - "
But he never got to finish. I punched him squarely across the cheek. Tama's head whipped to the side and he took a step back. I shoved him back against the door and raised my right arm to hit him again. He blinked and caught my fist in his hand, stepping forward and roughly pushing me off of him.
"Gods, Meruru!" He cracked his neck to one side, then the other. "You really haven't changed, have you?" He ducked and managed to throw me over his shoulder as I leapt for his throat. I lay dazed on the grass, the wind knocked out of me, staring at the night sky. "Are you done yet?" Tama's face loomed high above. I coughed, and he took it as a yes.
He bent and grabbed me under the knees and shoulders, then set me down on my feet. I dizzily kept my balance. He brushed a few strands of hair behind my ear before I could swat his hand away. "I was only trying to help," he shrugged. I took a step back from him and straightened out my skirts. I had broken at least one of the hoops that kept my dress full and floaty.
"What do you want, Tama? What? You've already embarrassed me in front of at least a hundred nobles. Everything was perfect and you ruined it. What more could you want?" I asked, utterly exhausted. He looked at me, coolly and unconcerned.
"What would you have said if I had politely asked you to accompany me to the gardens for a private discussion?" he asked, grey eyes serious.
"No." I spat at the ground, and started turning to go.
"You'll want to hear this, Meruru. Trust me, you will." He pulled something fluid and silver from a pocket on his sleeve. It flashed briefly in the moonlight as he tossed it to me. I reflexively twisted and threw out an arm to catch it.
The thing fell like water into my hand and pooled in my palm. It took me a second to realize that it was a fine silver chain. I carefully picked it up with my left hand and held it up to the moons. It glittered uncontrollably, as if a quicksilver fire burned within. A small circular pendant of the same metal hung from it. My right hand curled around it and my thumb lifted a catch on it, as if I had known it was there all along.
"Tama...this is..." I trailed off as the little hinges on it swung open and a soft blue glow spilled onto my hand. The pendant had unfastened to reveal a smooth round stone that emanated an azure aura; it was beautiful. As I looked at it more closely, I began to see milky patterns gliding and rearranging themselves across the surface. I gazed at it a moment longer, and then looked to Tama for an explanation.
He was studying me intently. A strange expression played across his face, as if he were fighting an inward battle. "Beautiful, isn't it." he stated. Something like regret swam in his eyes, I smelled frustration on him.
"It is." I closed it and carefully held it out towards him, waiting for him to take it.
He ran a hand through his hair and then shook his head. A slow smile spread across his face. "No, Meruru. It's not mine." Our gazes met for long while. I couldn't comprehend what was shining is his dark grey eyes. Since when had it mattered whether something belonged to him or not? Why was he showing this to me? It couldn't be ...
"Mine?" I asked, slowly pulling my arm back. I cradled the necklace in my hands, shivering slightly in the cool night air. The pendant felt strange in my palms, as if I had known it once, but it had changed. It purred noiselessly and vibrated without moving at all. The patterns that had crawled across the jewel seemed to be seeping out and winding themselves across the metal. It was ...
Relieved ... and happy ... going mad ... missed you so ...too long ...no longer alone ...never ...
"What is it?" I asked dazedly, letting it slip through my fingers and fall to the grass. "It was talking to me. I don't . . . what is it?" I asked helplessly. I looked at the silver lying near my feet. It was barely a hair's breadth away from my skirts, and I could still feel it thrumming though it gradually faded away. Another moment and it was cold and smooth surfaced again. It could have been a dream.
I looked up at Tama, he was holding out his coat, eyes cast down. I took it without a word, feeling the warm cloth of it, glad that it was rough and tangible and not in any way strange. I put in on and hugged myself tightly. Tama silently picked up the pendant and placed it in a small leather pouch around his neck. He smiled weakly at me. "Might I have a word with you, then?"
I nodded mutely, embroiled in my own thoughts.
"Let's walk then." He offered his arm, then shrugged when I declined. He took a few steps toward the wilder and unfinished section of the gardens, looking back to see if I followed.
I blinked and let my arms fall back to my sides. The jewel was familiar and disturbing at the same time. My life up until this point seemed strangely two-dimensional. Like someone else's memories. This wasn't right, or maybe it was. I could walk away. I could go to my room and try on clothes until Vanessa came to visit me. We'd laugh and plot revenge against Tama, and everything would be just fine.
"Meruru?" Tama called impatiently, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I paused for a moment, just one. "I'm coming."
I remembered back to the time when my journey started. Though I didn't know it then, I only had two days left at the palace.
* * *
I looked at the girl in the mirror and couldn't keep myself from smiling. "You look beautiful, Lady Meruru," the old maid said. I blushed and giggled as she took my hand and twirled me around so that I could see the sky blue silk billow and swirl and the pretty silver laces of the corset crossing my back.
"She does," Van chimed from the doorway. My blush deepened as I realized that it was him and what he had said. He grinned and made a deep bow before saying, in a dignified voice, "May I escort you to the ballroom, milady?"
"Oh, sir! How bold of you!" I laughed as I put a hand to my forehead and pretended to faint. Van-sama caught me, of course. He was in a great mood, almost bubbly. I briefly wondered why.
He smiled, pushed me back to my feet and said, "But seriously, we should be going now. I have to be there, first."
"But I'll look so lame if I'm the only one there when everyone else arrives!"
"I'll be there too," Van said, "And I'm not forcing you to come with me. Come later if it makes you happy."
Go later...without Van? I hadn't thought of that.
"Well...I guess I could do that, but shouldn't a king have his loyal pet at his side?"
Van frowned slightly, "I wouldn't call you my 'pet', Meruru."
"Why not? That's what everyone else calls me," I giggled.
"They shouldn't...it's not like..." he muttered distractedly, "You're more like my sister." And with that said, he ruffled my hair and declared, "Come on, Meruru. Let's quit talking about it and go. If it bothers you, you can just hide underneath the dessert table until after all of the guests arrive."
"I will not! I haven't done that since I was five, Van-sama! And you messed up my hair! Bela worked so hard, and now she'll have to -"
"Meruru, don't whine like that. You're fifteen now; act your age," he said, cutting me off, and then, as if to take the edge off his words, "Don't worry about your hair; it looks fine."
I looked a question at Bela, but she just smiled and brushed a few strands away from my face and fixed my tiara, saying, "You look wonderful, Lady. The young men won't have chance."
I smiled widely, the color rising in my cheeks, and looped my arm around Van's. "Let's go, Van-sama."
"Finally," he grinned.
* * *
The ball was wonderful. It was the first major celebratory function at the new palace. In fact it was the first official Fanelian Royal Ball since before the Destiny War. Of course, the wild partying in the refugee camps and the three-day ragers in the forest that took place in the weeks after the war ended had been - to say nothing - fun. But there is a whole different atmosphere at a Royal Ball, and I wouldn't miss it for the world.
I had never wanted to go to these royal functions before, except to tag along after Van, but for some reason, this was different. This time, I had actually let Greta dress me up in the long dress with the big skirts and curl my hair into ringlets beneath a silver tiara. Maybe it was the way the stable boy turned red when I glanced his way, or maybe it was because you don't waltz with your little sister.
I made my way around the edges of the huge room, making polite conversation with all the visiting nobles, casually going from group to group like some kind of social butterfly. When I had finished with the formalities, I quickly found the youngest raven-haired princess of Tarva, Vanessa. She was easy to spot; scarlet was her favorite color for gowns. "It's good to see you here Vanessa-hime," I said warmly.
She barely glanced at me before saying, "It is good to be here, thank you. Fanelian hospitality is tru- Meruru? Is that really you?" Vanessa took a double take and then threw her arms around me in a joyful hug. "It's been too long Meruru. Why, I haven't seen you since the last treaty signing. And what happened to that scruffy little girl in sandals? You've grown into a beautiful woman, Meruru."
"Not nearly as pretty as you, Vanessa. How've you been?"
Her indigo eyes sparkled, "Fantastic. You wouldn't even believe. You remember that squire at the summer palace right?"
"Of course!"
"Well...he promised to ask for my hand in marriage as soon as he becomes a knight!"
"Vanessa!" I squealed.
"I know! I'm so happy, I could just die!"
"That's the fifth proposal this year, Vanessa!"
"I know! But I reeeaaaaally like this one! I swear!" She laughed excitedly, "You know I'd take them more seriously if any of them had a chance of getting past Daddy." She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial tone and said, "You know, I think he's still holding out for, you-know-who." Vanessa rolled her eyes toward the dais, where Van was shaking hands with a dignitary from Tarva.
"You mean Van-sama?"
"Who else? It's not like many unmarried kings of his most eligible daughter's age are just lying around."
"I don't think it'll work," I muttered.
"Neither do I. Everyone knows that the King of Fanelia is waiting for a Mystic Moon angel to reappear."
"I know. I've tried everything to get him to forget Lady Hitomi," I said sadly, "but he still stares at the moon every night."
Vanessa and I sighed dreamily at the tragic romance of it all. Then Vanessa looked at me, and I looked at Vanessa. "Hey, Meruru?"
"Yes?"
"I think I saw a couple cute and lonely-looking barons' sons over there."
"You don't say."
"Yes, and wouldn't it be a shame if they never saw the new Fanelian Palace Gardens?"
"Oh, definitely."
"Yes, definitely."
* * *
"I still think that you should have let me have Geoff."
"There wasn't anything wrong with Ryo," Vanessa said, buttering a piece of toast. We had decided to take lunch in my room. Well, breakfast; we hadn't woken up until past noon and were still sitting around in robes and slippers.
"No, there was nothing wrong with him, except that he forgot my name six times." I glared at her and took a bite of my apple.
"Maybe he was just stunned senseless by your beauty," she said innocently. She became increasingly interested in her toast. "Geoff remembered your name; you're all he wanted to talk about."
"You're just trying to make me feel better." I took another bite of my apple.
"No, really. He was obsessed, Meruru." She smiled.
"Oh, of course. So that's why he was all over you on the rose terrace." Her mouth dropped as a blush rose on her cheeks. I smirked at her before taking the toast out of her hand and taking a bite.
"You saw that?" Vanessa frowned.
"Vanessa, everyone saw that. I wouldn't be surprised if it's national news by now." I started laughing. "I should never leave you by yourself, Vanessa. Every time, I swear!" Her blush deepened, and then she burst into laughter too, shaking her head.
"I try," she managed between giggles. "Daddy won't be happy."
"That's saying nothing! I just don't get how you do it? I mean...every time!"
"Be nice, Meruru! I don't do these things all the time, just sometimes. Well, a lot of the time." She grabbed the toast out of my hand and managed to take more than half in a single bite. "You're not so innocent yourself, dear. I can remember you getting real cozy with Sergio at the Winter Solstice."
I felt my face grow hot. "We were twelve, Vanessa! All he did was put his arm around me; and it was cold. So there." I stuck my tongue out before taking the toast again.
"Oh, you liked it," she giggled. She took a sip of her coffee. "Forget about stupid Ryo; he's a moron. If you ask me, he was afraid of you." Vanessa smiled devilishly. "Let's go riding today, I know the stable boy fancies a certain pink-haired girl I know."
"You need to quit gossiping with the staff," I mumbled. I knew he was crazy about me, but he'd be crazy about Vanessa if I let her anywhere near him. She had that effect on boys. Well, if she could teach it, I could learn. "Vanessa? Would you help me pick an outfit today?"
I looked over at Vanessa, waiting for her to burst out laughing. Instead, she was staring at me with a strange look on her face. She calmly set down her coffee and continued to study me.
I raised an eyebrow, "What?"
Finally, she spoke, "You're not joking are you, Meruru?"
"Er...no." My tail twitched under the table. "You don't have to, Vanessa. Jeez, I was just - " But she cut me off.
"You don't know how long I've been waiting for this!" she squealed in joy. I looked up at her, shocked, as she happily rambled on. "You could look so cute, Meruru! No, you're going to look so cute! I'm so glad you're letting me do this instead of some ugly old lady-in-waiting."
"Vanessa...they're just clothes," I said weakly. I was beginning to wonder what I done.
"What? Oh, no, no, no. This," she held up a finger, "this is a makeover." She pulled me up out of my chair and over to the large wardrobe. She rummaged inside it, shaking her head and tossing things out behind her. "That's it. We're going shopping."
"Shopping?"
* * *
Five hours and a whole lot of money later, we were flopped down on my four-poster, ripping open paper wrapped packages and sorting them into piles of what Vanessa called "dressy, casual, and special occasion." I was dazed, to say the least. I carefully picked up something that seemed to be made of lace and bits of mirror. "Vanessa...what is this?"
"Hmm? Oh, you wear that over...this one." She threw a black sleeveless dress at me.
"Ok then." I held them both in my hands and tried to imagine myself wearing them. I smiled. "Vanessa, this stuff is great."
"Isn't it, though?"
"Yes! I like it! And, gods, it's a lot." I waved my hand at the piles of clothes. I realized that she had paid for it all. I made a mental note to do something nice for her later. I looked at the clothes again. Something very nice.
"I told you it was a makeover, Meruru. You have to get a lot of stuff when you have a makeover. If you ask me, we could have gotten more," she said seriously. She threw something pink and silky on the special occasion pile. "Dinner starts in an hour. We should go; I have to represent Tarva tonight." She picked up orange-yellow dress. "You should wear this."
"It almost reminds me of the war." I took it from her. "You know how I always wore that one dress." I smiled ruefully and ran my fingers over the fabric. "It's a pretty dress. This one, I mean."
"It's a good color for you," she said. She looked away. "Come on; let's get ready. I'll do your makeup for you."
"Right. Thanks." I put down the dress and dug around until I found my new cosmetics. I still couldn't figure out exactly what all the little brushes and colors were for, but Vanessa seemed to know what she was doing.
Two hours later, we were ready. I was still mad at Vanessa for poking me in the eye with the liner and she was still laughing about it. To be honest, it was funny, but hell if I'd admit it. I tugged at the lace on my collar; it was itchy. Vanessa told me not to think about it, but I'd never worn any off-the-shoulder clothes before and it felt strange. I imagined my dress falling off in the middle of dinner. It made a disturbing visual.
"You're doing it again," Vanessa murmured as she brushed on one last coat of red lip color.
"Are you sure it's supposed to be like this?" I growled, pointing to the low neckline.
Vanessa laughed. "Yes, I am. I don't see why you care anyway. Most of your old clothes were dresses that came up to here." She drew an imaginary line across her thighs.
"I don't care," I sniffed, "these clothes are just weird, that's all." Vanessa gave me a look, a five-hundred-gold-pieces-and-you-call-it-weird look. "It's pretty, Vanessa. Weird, but pretty." She threw me another look. I threw it back, and we both giggled.
When we finally made it down to the dining hall, the appetizers had already been served. We slid into seats and conversations with ease. I glared down the long oak table at the man occupying the seat next to Van. That was my seat; it just was. I twirled my fork and stabbed a stuffed mushroom, and another, and another.
"Meruru, quit murdering the mushrooms," Vanessa whispered into my left ear. She delicately placed one in her mouth to make her point. I stuck my tongue out but put my fork down. I turned my attention to the conversation on my right.
" ... restoration is coming along beautifully," the young man next to me said around a mouthful of fried bread.
"Yes, and quickly, too," the man across from me, the Baron Ulrich, replied.
"As quickly as you can expect from a backwards little country like this," guffawed a voice somewhere farther off to my right.
My tail puffed out and a low growl rumbled in my chest as the men laughed politely with the person who made the comment.
"Now, Sir Maren, it may be a bit...rural, but Fanelia is quite modern, and has, in fact, made surprising advances in technology during this rebuilding period," said the young man next to me. Then he glanced nervously at the claws that I had dug into the tablecloth and unconsciously inched away.
"Yes, the rotating drag-energist used in - " the Baron started.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. But it's the people here, so crude and barbaric. I can hardly stand it. I'll be glad when this Ball business is over," Sir Maren continued.
The man next to me made some excuse to leave, giving me a clear view of the recently knighted Sir Tama Maren. The young and only son of a rather affluent trader, Tama considered himself clever, sophisticated, and dashingly handsome. Only the last was true, and the permanent sneer he wore ruined it a bit.
Tama Maren and I had been enemies ever since he was eight, I was five, and he had thought it would be funny to tie rags to my tail...and then light them on fire. I've had a slight, unshakable, phobia of fire since then. My only consolation is that the day after he did that I bit his arm so hard it left permanent scars, scars I reopened when he was twelve and tried to cut off a large chunk of Vanessa's hair while she was looking the other way. I had scars from him too. It seemed that we had never been able to be in the same place without coming to blows. And the way things were going this night...
Tama caught my eye briefly and measured my anger in a glance. He smirked and flicked a few strands of blonde hair away from his face. "Honestly, I haven't been in decent company since I set foot over the border. You know," he said smoothly, "talking to you has been a relief, sir Baron. There simply aren't any intellectuals - like you, for example - in Fanelia, and certainly no one with the capacity to discuss anything of interest. These past few nights, I've felt as if I've been dining with animals." Tama secretly winked at me as the Baron chuckled with indulgence and made a remark about young men judging too harshly.
"You're using such big words, Tama. Don't you wish you knew what they meant?" I asked sweetly. He didn't miss the fact that I had called him Tama, and not the Sir Maren that his newly acquired knighthood merited.
The Baron sniffed and gave me a reprimanding look, but Tama merely smiled widely saying, "Ah, Meruru darling. You've cleaned up a bit, haven't you?" He ran his grey eyes over me approvingly. "You even look like a girl now."
"And you haven't changed at all, darling," I spat back at him. I hated the way he was able to make me feel awkward with just a glance. I liked my new clothes, dammit. I had a strong desire to reach over and scratch his face; he was damned lucky that there was still an empty seat between us. The Baron looked at Tama and then at me, and wisely decided to withdraw from the conversation.
"So how has life been treating you, Meruru?" Tama asked. Anyone else would have mistaken his tone for civil, but I had known him too long to ignore the acid in his voice.
"Things have been going well," I said, warily. I slowly unhooked my claws from the tablecloth, determined to keep them folded and under the table. I hadn't seen Tama since before the Destiny War. Politely, and with all the sweetness of an arsenic pie, I asked, "And how have you been these past few years? We've sorely missed your presence at the last six conferences."
"I knew you missed me," he slid down the long wooden bench and took the place next to me. He grinned, "I didn't mean to deprive you, but I've been busy. A knight errant is never idle." Tama lazily rested his elbows on the table, taking up as much space as possible. His knee brushed up against my skirt and my hate for him bubbled up in barely contained growls. "You see, Meruru, some people - like me for instance - actually have important business to attend to each day." He paused to take a long drink of wine, "But that kind of thing is of no interest to a pretty little poppet, now is it?" The young knight smiled and waited for my reply, knowing that he had struck a nerve.
I drank deeply from my wine goblet, imagining that it was Tama's blood. My official title was Royal Companion. That title came with absolutely no responsibilities, save to keep court etiquette, but also no authority. The name itself, 'Royal Companion', often incited rumors and bawdy jokes. Setting the goblet down I took a breath and licked the bittersweet drops from my lips. "Well, Tama, I see that you still have no idea what young ladies like myself do find interesting."
He laughed and drank a bit more wine, "Oh, Meruru, you darling thing." His dark eyes shone, "You were always the kitten with the sharpest claws." Tama eyed the small holes I had unconsciously ripped in the tablecloth. He sipped his wine thoughtfully and then whispered, "But if you really want to know how interesting I can be, just ask the scullery maid, the chef's fourth assistant, Lady Contessa de -"
"Enough, Tama," I said in disgust.
"Enough? You can never get enough - " he happily continued before I cut him off.
"No, that's not what I meant. I've had enough of you, Tama. I really have." I closed my eyes and drank what was left of my wine. I poured myself another goblet full as I cursed my bad luck. Gods, there is not enough wine in the world for this kind of torture, I lamented.
"I was only joking, Meruru," he grinned and feigned indignation.
"It wasn't funny," I snapped. If he chose to sit next to me all evening, I wouldn't be able to bear it. I couldn't excuse myself, not until after the first course at least. My ears swiveled backwards at the sound of a harp.
Servants spilled forth from behind several tapestries. The first string of them gracefully lifted used plates and half-finished platters away, while a second group laid out fresh new spectacles of food: exotic fruit and flower salads, light soups with fish-shaped crackers floating in them, baby fowl that had been painstakingly baked into eggs of dough and smothered in gravy, and other extraordinary dishes. A final group of servers set out new decanters of wine, of a finer vintage, and took the old ones away. I watched them file out, disappearing one-by-one behind the tapestries.
It had actually been my idea to hang large tapestries in front of the servants' entrances. The intricately woven cloths hid the entrances nicely and added color to the grand hall. We hadn't had any reason to use the hall until the Royal Ball, and this had been my first time seeing my idea put to use. I was pleased enough to forget Tama for the moment, and turned to say something to Vanessa.
She was deep in conversation with the young man next to her. From the way she was giggling I knew she wasn't going to pay any mind to me. Well, damn, I thought, I was going to enjoy this. I reached out for a piece of fried bread, not really caring whether I saved room for the later courses. I'd be leaving after the second meat of the first course. Anything after that would be too ornate to really be filling. Why someone would want to eat a bird stuffed with fruits, I will never know, I mused. Then I caught the smell of real meat, the kind that made my nose twitch and my ears perk up straight.
Embarrassed, I backed my ears and took a bite of bread to hide my blush.
"Hungry?" Tama waved a forkful of nanalo meat inches in front my nose.
"You conceited . . . " I paused, searching for a word suitable for the utter loathing I held for him.
"And charming young man," he finished for me, while placing the fork in my open mouth.
My face went utterly red and my tail puffed under the table. I must have looked quite savage indeed, ears backed, eyes narrowed. My claws unsheathed themselves and my hand darted up to his face before I realized what I was doing.
His hand shot up and caught mine inches from his cool grey eyes. "Down, kitty," he chuckled. He rolled his eyes and said to the Baron and other startled guests, "The young lady has fits, please forgive her." A few of the more high-strung ladies fanned themselves nervously, and a murmur started along our section of the long table. If it was possibly I glowed redder and my tail twitched beneath my full skirts. I wanted to crawl beneath the table and not come out the way I had on my seventh birthday. Learning to walk on two legs had been hard and I had fallen in front of Van-sama and all the guests. That same shame was twisting my stomach in knots as I tried to ignore the whispers and condescending glances of the guests.
"Meruru, perhaps you should lay yourself down for a rest," Vanessa placed her hand on my shoulder and glared daggers at the still-smirking Tama. "I shouldn't have tired you out so today, you really shouldn't push yourself, not in your condition. Go now and rest, Meruru, dear. I'll tell Van-sama where you've gone." She brushed a stray lock behind my ear and hugged me comfortingly.
"You're right, Vanessa, I am feeling a bit weak," I said in a slightly breathless voice. I mentally thanked Vanessa a thousand times in my mind. She would cover for me, claiming that I had weak blood and was often woozy. I gathered my skirts in one hand and rose slowly to my feet. "Good evening, Vanessa-hime. Sir Baron, lords and ladies. I shall hope to see you all at the hunt tomorrow morning. Good evening." I stepped carefully over the bench. I focused on not bolting for the door. No need to make another scene.
"Please, Lady Meruru, allow me to escort you. A girl in your condition shouldn't be left to wander alone. You may fall and hurt yourself," Tama stood, hand extended. His face was the very picture of polite concern. The ladies seated around us gave approving looks and commented on his gentlemanly manner.
You bastard, I inwardly seethed at him. I couldn't very well refuse. I was supposed to be acting the invalid, and it would be a breach of etiquette to tell him no. Vanessa looked at him in disbelief; there was nothing she could do. Her place was at the table, representing Tarva. She looked at me apologetically. She seemed about to say something, but Tama gripped my hand and bustled me off, murmuring polite good evenings over his shoulder.
I struggled to keep up with him for a few seconds, and then caught his fast pace. "You disgust me," I snarled, letting my claws dig into his hand. He slowed down without warning, and I stumbled over the hem of my dress. I bit my tongue and glared dangerously at him. He merely smiled, looped his arm around mine more properly, and continued on his merry way towards the main hall entrance. I glared darkly at the ground, determined to keep composure until I was out of sight.
"Try to look less like you're about to slaughter everyone here, and more like you're actually feeling faint," Tama whispered in my ear. It was tickly and hot at the same time. I flicked my ear back, ignoring him. Happy thoughts, Meruru, happy thoughts ... like that really works ...
We walked in silence for a few more minutes, until I noticed that he had not led me to my rooms but had instead taken us down a different hallway. We stood in front of a wooden door.
"Where do you think we're going?" I asked him incredulously. I was in no mood for another prank. I really wasn't.
"Hush, now," he said smugly, opening the door and pushing me roughly outside.
"Hey!" I yelled, "What's your damned problem!"
"No problems, little miss," he stepped out into the palace gardens and closed the door behind him. "If you'll just - "
But he never got to finish. I punched him squarely across the cheek. Tama's head whipped to the side and he took a step back. I shoved him back against the door and raised my right arm to hit him again. He blinked and caught my fist in his hand, stepping forward and roughly pushing me off of him.
"Gods, Meruru!" He cracked his neck to one side, then the other. "You really haven't changed, have you?" He ducked and managed to throw me over his shoulder as I leapt for his throat. I lay dazed on the grass, the wind knocked out of me, staring at the night sky. "Are you done yet?" Tama's face loomed high above. I coughed, and he took it as a yes.
He bent and grabbed me under the knees and shoulders, then set me down on my feet. I dizzily kept my balance. He brushed a few strands of hair behind my ear before I could swat his hand away. "I was only trying to help," he shrugged. I took a step back from him and straightened out my skirts. I had broken at least one of the hoops that kept my dress full and floaty.
"What do you want, Tama? What? You've already embarrassed me in front of at least a hundred nobles. Everything was perfect and you ruined it. What more could you want?" I asked, utterly exhausted. He looked at me, coolly and unconcerned.
"What would you have said if I had politely asked you to accompany me to the gardens for a private discussion?" he asked, grey eyes serious.
"No." I spat at the ground, and started turning to go.
"You'll want to hear this, Meruru. Trust me, you will." He pulled something fluid and silver from a pocket on his sleeve. It flashed briefly in the moonlight as he tossed it to me. I reflexively twisted and threw out an arm to catch it.
The thing fell like water into my hand and pooled in my palm. It took me a second to realize that it was a fine silver chain. I carefully picked it up with my left hand and held it up to the moons. It glittered uncontrollably, as if a quicksilver fire burned within. A small circular pendant of the same metal hung from it. My right hand curled around it and my thumb lifted a catch on it, as if I had known it was there all along.
"Tama...this is..." I trailed off as the little hinges on it swung open and a soft blue glow spilled onto my hand. The pendant had unfastened to reveal a smooth round stone that emanated an azure aura; it was beautiful. As I looked at it more closely, I began to see milky patterns gliding and rearranging themselves across the surface. I gazed at it a moment longer, and then looked to Tama for an explanation.
He was studying me intently. A strange expression played across his face, as if he were fighting an inward battle. "Beautiful, isn't it." he stated. Something like regret swam in his eyes, I smelled frustration on him.
"It is." I closed it and carefully held it out towards him, waiting for him to take it.
He ran a hand through his hair and then shook his head. A slow smile spread across his face. "No, Meruru. It's not mine." Our gazes met for long while. I couldn't comprehend what was shining is his dark grey eyes. Since when had it mattered whether something belonged to him or not? Why was he showing this to me? It couldn't be ...
"Mine?" I asked, slowly pulling my arm back. I cradled the necklace in my hands, shivering slightly in the cool night air. The pendant felt strange in my palms, as if I had known it once, but it had changed. It purred noiselessly and vibrated without moving at all. The patterns that had crawled across the jewel seemed to be seeping out and winding themselves across the metal. It was ...
Relieved ... and happy ... going mad ... missed you so ...too long ...no longer alone ...never ...
"What is it?" I asked dazedly, letting it slip through my fingers and fall to the grass. "It was talking to me. I don't . . . what is it?" I asked helplessly. I looked at the silver lying near my feet. It was barely a hair's breadth away from my skirts, and I could still feel it thrumming though it gradually faded away. Another moment and it was cold and smooth surfaced again. It could have been a dream.
I looked up at Tama, he was holding out his coat, eyes cast down. I took it without a word, feeling the warm cloth of it, glad that it was rough and tangible and not in any way strange. I put in on and hugged myself tightly. Tama silently picked up the pendant and placed it in a small leather pouch around his neck. He smiled weakly at me. "Might I have a word with you, then?"
I nodded mutely, embroiled in my own thoughts.
"Let's walk then." He offered his arm, then shrugged when I declined. He took a few steps toward the wilder and unfinished section of the gardens, looking back to see if I followed.
I blinked and let my arms fall back to my sides. The jewel was familiar and disturbing at the same time. My life up until this point seemed strangely two-dimensional. Like someone else's memories. This wasn't right, or maybe it was. I could walk away. I could go to my room and try on clothes until Vanessa came to visit me. We'd laugh and plot revenge against Tama, and everything would be just fine.
"Meruru?" Tama called impatiently, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I paused for a moment, just one. "I'm coming."