Chapter 4: Flight
The calming light of the moons shone down on us as we walked deeper into the wild section of the gardens. Soon though, little moonlight fell on us at all, as the shrubs grew thicker and the trees taller and closer together. For a long while we walked in silence, putting distance between ourselves and the castle. Only the sound of Tama's heavy boots and breathing disturbed the gentle murmur of the forest. Finally, in a small overgrown clearing, we stopped.
I'd left my cumbersome gown behind, stripping off layers of silk and lace skirts as I walked, until only a cotton shift and Tama's coat remained. I'd kept the coat more out of a sense of awkwardness than a genuine aversion to cold. I was no stranger to cold nights.
"Here, this seems fitting," he breathed and sat down on what remained of a stone bench. I looked at the place he had chosen. A once glorious fountain was slowly crumbling to dust in the clearing, and of the benches that had once surrounded it only one remained. An ancient statue gazed down on us from the center of the fountain, her marble eyes cracked and shadowed by flowering creepers. By some miracle the water was still running, drop by drop from the eyes of the statue. I perched on the lip of the crumbling fountain, letting my fingers trail in the clear cold water. Tama pulled the soft leather pouch from beneath his shirt and tossed it to me. "You shouldn't feel it so much if it doesn't touch your skin," he said, "you can keep that if you want."
"What is it?" I asked as I slipped the leather thong around my neck. The necklace purred inside of it, but the feeling was somehow further away this time and I was able to ignore it after a few seconds. Tama still hadn't answered my question. My tail twitched around my bare feet as I held his eyes, waiting.
"Meruru, did you never wonder where you came from?" he asked, amiable and guarded at the same time.
"I come from Fanelia," I replied, annoyed. A walk in the garden was nice, but I had come for answers and only for that.
"No, Meruru darling, before that. Think back, if you can remember that far, to before you were brought to the palace." He waited for a reply, knowing I couldn't answer him. His questions irritated me, as if something were caught in my fur. It was there, but I couldn't quite work it out.
"I'm tired of this," I huffed. He was keeping things from me, that much was clear. There are few things I hate more than obvious secrets. Tama had run me till the absolute end of my patience. I looked around at the trees, the statue, the rotting vegetation where the gardens met the forest and wondered why this idiot had dragged me out here.
"You can't remember, can you?" His grey eyes bored into mine, searching. He looked away quickly and became distracted with the dirt under his shoe. "My order is very strict. I hadn't wanted to be the one to tell you all this." He looked up, startled and confused as I laughed heartily.
"You didn't want to?" I asked, stifling giggles. "Oh, Tama, I thought you were your own man? Isn't that what you said?" I laughed merrily. Ever since the age of ten he had sworn that he would have no masters and that he would never become the tired duty-bound man that his father was. I knew he was trying to be serious, but I was worn-out and feeling spiteful. The confused look melted from his face and the old smirk and hooded eyes replaced it.
"Well if that's how you're going to be," he sneered, "I'll just tell you straight out. Your new dresses and manners aren't going to be of any use to you. Your life here is over, Meruru, unless you plan on dying by noon tomorrow." He flicked a few strands of blonde hair away from his face. "But don't let me stop you, I'm sure you're capable of taking care of yourself. Leave. Go home, by all means." He crossed his arms over his chest, daring me to walk away.
I looked at him, blinking. Had he just predicted my death? What exactly was it that he had to tell me? Why did he have to run in circles instead of coming to the point? My death? I felt the weight of the leather pouch around my neck more heavily. What this silver trinket had to do with me, I did not know. I considered leaving, quickly and through the trees. Tama wouldn't be able to keep up. Frustration boiled up inside of me.
"If you're staying, then," Tama teased. He shifted on the bench, getting comfortable. He looked at me as if expecting another interruption, but I merely crossed my legs and folded my hands in my lap as if he were telling the most interesting story in the world. "Right," he smirked. "So you've never wondered where you came from, what family you belong to, who your mother was. Gods know you never even guessed at your father," he laughed and looked to me. I scowled and he only smiled before continuing, "You're getting to be a big girl now. It's time you knew. Look behind you, at the statue."
I looked warily over my shoulder at the stone figure behind me. It stood on a low column in the center of the fountain, the slowly deteriorating figure of a woman, or rather of a goddess. She was moss-covered, the details of her face and clothing worn smooth by seasons of rain, ice, and wind. "It's a goddess," I said, unsure of what was expected of me.
"Very good, little kitten. Do you know who it is?"
Vague memories of being captured and forced into formal dresses and then threatened with fates worse than death if I spoke during religious ceremonies came to mind. "No," I chirped, letting my feet swing back and forth. Tama shook his head knowingly and took a deep breath, preparing to educate me where scores of priests had failed.
"Meruru, here stands our goddess of mercy, Sarinel. Gracious Death is her consort and Sleep is her only child. In certain sacred woods you will find a statue of the Lady in the middle of a spring. She wears no shoes and a grey mantle covers her beautiful head. Her arms are open and her eyes are closed. The goddess is blind and understands only the vibrations of the soul. Phlox and soft moss grow around the edges of the spring and poets often lay themselves down beside the cool waters, seeking divine inspiration. It is said that a Weeping Pool is born where lovers and madmen lay down to die. The Mournful Lady's tears bubble up from the deep places of the earth and the tortured souls drift down into the merciful embrace of the goddess," Tama finished with a smirk and a sigh.
I stopped swinging my feet and found that I had suddenly become uncomfortable on the lip of the fountain. "Is this...?" I trailed off, looking to Tama for an answer.
"No, it's not a true Weeping Pool. This is just a fountain, and from the looks of it one that's been let rot for quite some time." He looked disgustedly at the crumbling marble, the moss and vines growing over Sarinel's once lovely face. "It never would have been this way when Lunaru was alive. She was the last true priestess to Sarinel." And suddenly, his eyes bored into mine with electric intensity, "She was your mother."
Mother. I felt as if I had never really heard the word before. Memories, this time of soft arms and gentle singing, but that was Varie, not ... not my mother. When I had been younger, nine or so, I had created my own picture of my mother in my mind. She had been tall and beautiful, with fierce eyes and a rough way of hugging that was more like pouncing. But she wasn't real, and I knew she never had been, so I flung that false image far away from myself. Now, in the garden, I saw her as plainly as the day I had first created her. "Lunaru," I breathed, as if invoking her name would make her real. And then the question that had nestled itself at the bottom of my heart and lain there sleeping for every day since the day I had first heard the word 'orphan' tore itself loose from my mouth, "Why did she leave me?"
I could have choked on the silence that followed.
"Lunaru died bringing you into this world," Tama said quietly, eyes cast down. Another long silence followed and I hollowly noted that the night breeze had gotten colder. The garden hushed and murmured around me, the moons staring balefully down upon the little clearing. All this time, I had wondered, and I had learned to love and hate the mother that had abandoned me so intensely that it became one single emotion. Hurt. I had hurt and I had blamed, and now that I had finally found the answer, I wasn't prepared. She didn't leave me. I killed her.
I blinked hard and swallowed. Tama was talking again, but I couldn't hear him above the roaring in my ears. No, I told myself, no that's not right. The pendant hummed viciously in the leather pouch around my neck. I numbly loosened the drawstrings and began pulling the bag open. I wanted to hear voices in my head. I wanted to feel like I was going crazy. Anything would have been better than the terrible numbness that had taken hold of me.
"You, girl, are you listening?" Tama had gotten up and walked over to me, attempting to recapture my attention. "Kitten, darling, poppet, thing ... Meruru, listen!"
I snapped back into focus just before turning the leather pouch upside down and spilling its contents onto my waiting hand. My confusion turned to anger in less than a second. "What?" I demanded. I hadn't been referred to as a thing for a long time. People who did that were just not safe afterwards.
"I'm trying to explain some very important things to you right now, so if-" Tama suddenly stopped and looked around. He had only a second to throw himself to the ground as two arrows hissed through the empty space where his head had been. He instantly grabbed my ankle and pulled me roughly to the ground, crouching over me and muttering strange words. I gasped as I felt raw power coursing over his skin. Everywhere his body touched mine I felt a crawling electric sensation. Three more arrows flew towards us, but turned to ashes in midair as if they had hit an invisible wall of fire. "Gods, they're here already," he cursed savagely, "But where are ... no!"
Another volley of arrows hit the invisible shield and turned to cinders, but one made it through and thudded into the ground beside my hand. "Get up, now," Tama commanded. He grabbed my wrist and dove into the trees surrounding the clearing. In a single fluid motion he pulled a long dagger out of his left boot and slashed at the arrows flying towards us like angry wasps. Each one turned to ashes as his blade touched it, but I was too busy running to dwell on that.
The cold night wind rushed past my face. I smothered a cry as a branch whipped across my cheek, leaving a perfect line of blood. Without warning, Tama ducked behind a large tree and pulled me after him. I landed in a heap at his feet and bit back another cry as my wrist bent in a way it wasn't supposed to. "Don't make a sound," Tama breathed into my ear. I attempted to calm my heavy breathing and wrenched my wrist away from Tama. He didn't seem to care or notice, but only closed his eyes in concentration and yanked a few hairs from his head while mumbling strange words once again. He suddenly opened his eyes and exhaled sharply so that the hairs flew up into the air and drifted away. In a second I saw Tama and myself leap noisily into the dense brush of the forest and run frantically southward. My eyes widened in shock but Tama gripped my shoulder, reminding me to keep silent.
I strained my ears trying to hear the inevitable sounds of pursuit, the harsh beating of feet against ground and the snapping of twigs and dried leaves. I heard nothing. I looked to Tama and saw that he was not studying the forest floor like I was, but rather the trees. If I hadn't been watching for them I might not have seen them at all. They came through the branches of the trees, moving from one branch to the next like moths flitting in and out of existence. A soft rustle and a brief impression of huge eyes and long pale limbs, and then they were in the next tree, and the next, and further southward until they were gone completely. For a long while Tama and I sat in tense silence, watching, waiting.
He pulled a small flask out of his inside vest pocket, yanked the cork out with his teeth, and downed half the contents. Grimacing, the young man pressed the flask into my hand and said thickly, "Drink this."
"Why?"
"Just do it. They won't find you," he grunted.
I closed my eyes and threw back the fiery liquid, swallowing it all in one gulp. I felt for a second as if every nerve in my body was shriveling, but it passed almost instantly. "What is it," my tongue formed the words strangely. I suddenly felt light-headed, but not at all merry.
"I couldn't pronounce its true name in this language," he sighed, "You won't look or smell like you for three days, at least not to those things."
"And what are they?" I asked querulously.
"They are Ruun's creatures. I already explained that, Meruru. There's no time for a second go at it," he groaned as he got to his feet, "Gods, it can be addressed at a later time. Now get up and pay attention."
I stiffly rose to my feet, not really in the mood to listen to Tama. "Good girl. This is where I'll be leaving you. You will go eastward from here until you reach the dry riverbed. Once there, turn north and follow the riverbed until you see a hermitage. Go inside. Can you do this?" His grey eyes bored into mine.
"Yes, I can." It did seem simple enough.
"Then this is goodbye, poppet," he said almost wistfully, a strange glimmer in his dark grey eyes.
And suddenly I was in his arms, pressed close against him, all beating heart and confusion. "I always wanted to do that," he murmured softly. The moonlight glowed across his face, revealing a slight blush. I was intensely aware of his warm arms around my waist and the pounding of his heart against mine. His half-lidded eyes caught and held mine, and before I knew what I had decided, I tilted my head and closed the distance between us. For a few brief moments I was utterly lost and found at the same time. All too soon, however, Tama pulled away. For perhaps the first time in his life, Tama Maren seemed to have nothing to say. He smiled gently and brushed a stray lock of hair behind my ear before stepping back and murmuring one last goodbye.
I stood trembling for a moment, my entire world turned upside down, before I turned and ran away from my first kiss.
A/N: Sorry for such a long time between updates! This chapter was meant to be a lot longer but I decided to post the first half so that my readers (if I still have any) would not have to wait as long. Gomen!
The calming light of the moons shone down on us as we walked deeper into the wild section of the gardens. Soon though, little moonlight fell on us at all, as the shrubs grew thicker and the trees taller and closer together. For a long while we walked in silence, putting distance between ourselves and the castle. Only the sound of Tama's heavy boots and breathing disturbed the gentle murmur of the forest. Finally, in a small overgrown clearing, we stopped.
I'd left my cumbersome gown behind, stripping off layers of silk and lace skirts as I walked, until only a cotton shift and Tama's coat remained. I'd kept the coat more out of a sense of awkwardness than a genuine aversion to cold. I was no stranger to cold nights.
"Here, this seems fitting," he breathed and sat down on what remained of a stone bench. I looked at the place he had chosen. A once glorious fountain was slowly crumbling to dust in the clearing, and of the benches that had once surrounded it only one remained. An ancient statue gazed down on us from the center of the fountain, her marble eyes cracked and shadowed by flowering creepers. By some miracle the water was still running, drop by drop from the eyes of the statue. I perched on the lip of the crumbling fountain, letting my fingers trail in the clear cold water. Tama pulled the soft leather pouch from beneath his shirt and tossed it to me. "You shouldn't feel it so much if it doesn't touch your skin," he said, "you can keep that if you want."
"What is it?" I asked as I slipped the leather thong around my neck. The necklace purred inside of it, but the feeling was somehow further away this time and I was able to ignore it after a few seconds. Tama still hadn't answered my question. My tail twitched around my bare feet as I held his eyes, waiting.
"Meruru, did you never wonder where you came from?" he asked, amiable and guarded at the same time.
"I come from Fanelia," I replied, annoyed. A walk in the garden was nice, but I had come for answers and only for that.
"No, Meruru darling, before that. Think back, if you can remember that far, to before you were brought to the palace." He waited for a reply, knowing I couldn't answer him. His questions irritated me, as if something were caught in my fur. It was there, but I couldn't quite work it out.
"I'm tired of this," I huffed. He was keeping things from me, that much was clear. There are few things I hate more than obvious secrets. Tama had run me till the absolute end of my patience. I looked around at the trees, the statue, the rotting vegetation where the gardens met the forest and wondered why this idiot had dragged me out here.
"You can't remember, can you?" His grey eyes bored into mine, searching. He looked away quickly and became distracted with the dirt under his shoe. "My order is very strict. I hadn't wanted to be the one to tell you all this." He looked up, startled and confused as I laughed heartily.
"You didn't want to?" I asked, stifling giggles. "Oh, Tama, I thought you were your own man? Isn't that what you said?" I laughed merrily. Ever since the age of ten he had sworn that he would have no masters and that he would never become the tired duty-bound man that his father was. I knew he was trying to be serious, but I was worn-out and feeling spiteful. The confused look melted from his face and the old smirk and hooded eyes replaced it.
"Well if that's how you're going to be," he sneered, "I'll just tell you straight out. Your new dresses and manners aren't going to be of any use to you. Your life here is over, Meruru, unless you plan on dying by noon tomorrow." He flicked a few strands of blonde hair away from his face. "But don't let me stop you, I'm sure you're capable of taking care of yourself. Leave. Go home, by all means." He crossed his arms over his chest, daring me to walk away.
I looked at him, blinking. Had he just predicted my death? What exactly was it that he had to tell me? Why did he have to run in circles instead of coming to the point? My death? I felt the weight of the leather pouch around my neck more heavily. What this silver trinket had to do with me, I did not know. I considered leaving, quickly and through the trees. Tama wouldn't be able to keep up. Frustration boiled up inside of me.
"If you're staying, then," Tama teased. He shifted on the bench, getting comfortable. He looked at me as if expecting another interruption, but I merely crossed my legs and folded my hands in my lap as if he were telling the most interesting story in the world. "Right," he smirked. "So you've never wondered where you came from, what family you belong to, who your mother was. Gods know you never even guessed at your father," he laughed and looked to me. I scowled and he only smiled before continuing, "You're getting to be a big girl now. It's time you knew. Look behind you, at the statue."
I looked warily over my shoulder at the stone figure behind me. It stood on a low column in the center of the fountain, the slowly deteriorating figure of a woman, or rather of a goddess. She was moss-covered, the details of her face and clothing worn smooth by seasons of rain, ice, and wind. "It's a goddess," I said, unsure of what was expected of me.
"Very good, little kitten. Do you know who it is?"
Vague memories of being captured and forced into formal dresses and then threatened with fates worse than death if I spoke during religious ceremonies came to mind. "No," I chirped, letting my feet swing back and forth. Tama shook his head knowingly and took a deep breath, preparing to educate me where scores of priests had failed.
"Meruru, here stands our goddess of mercy, Sarinel. Gracious Death is her consort and Sleep is her only child. In certain sacred woods you will find a statue of the Lady in the middle of a spring. She wears no shoes and a grey mantle covers her beautiful head. Her arms are open and her eyes are closed. The goddess is blind and understands only the vibrations of the soul. Phlox and soft moss grow around the edges of the spring and poets often lay themselves down beside the cool waters, seeking divine inspiration. It is said that a Weeping Pool is born where lovers and madmen lay down to die. The Mournful Lady's tears bubble up from the deep places of the earth and the tortured souls drift down into the merciful embrace of the goddess," Tama finished with a smirk and a sigh.
I stopped swinging my feet and found that I had suddenly become uncomfortable on the lip of the fountain. "Is this...?" I trailed off, looking to Tama for an answer.
"No, it's not a true Weeping Pool. This is just a fountain, and from the looks of it one that's been let rot for quite some time." He looked disgustedly at the crumbling marble, the moss and vines growing over Sarinel's once lovely face. "It never would have been this way when Lunaru was alive. She was the last true priestess to Sarinel." And suddenly, his eyes bored into mine with electric intensity, "She was your mother."
Mother. I felt as if I had never really heard the word before. Memories, this time of soft arms and gentle singing, but that was Varie, not ... not my mother. When I had been younger, nine or so, I had created my own picture of my mother in my mind. She had been tall and beautiful, with fierce eyes and a rough way of hugging that was more like pouncing. But she wasn't real, and I knew she never had been, so I flung that false image far away from myself. Now, in the garden, I saw her as plainly as the day I had first created her. "Lunaru," I breathed, as if invoking her name would make her real. And then the question that had nestled itself at the bottom of my heart and lain there sleeping for every day since the day I had first heard the word 'orphan' tore itself loose from my mouth, "Why did she leave me?"
I could have choked on the silence that followed.
"Lunaru died bringing you into this world," Tama said quietly, eyes cast down. Another long silence followed and I hollowly noted that the night breeze had gotten colder. The garden hushed and murmured around me, the moons staring balefully down upon the little clearing. All this time, I had wondered, and I had learned to love and hate the mother that had abandoned me so intensely that it became one single emotion. Hurt. I had hurt and I had blamed, and now that I had finally found the answer, I wasn't prepared. She didn't leave me. I killed her.
I blinked hard and swallowed. Tama was talking again, but I couldn't hear him above the roaring in my ears. No, I told myself, no that's not right. The pendant hummed viciously in the leather pouch around my neck. I numbly loosened the drawstrings and began pulling the bag open. I wanted to hear voices in my head. I wanted to feel like I was going crazy. Anything would have been better than the terrible numbness that had taken hold of me.
"You, girl, are you listening?" Tama had gotten up and walked over to me, attempting to recapture my attention. "Kitten, darling, poppet, thing ... Meruru, listen!"
I snapped back into focus just before turning the leather pouch upside down and spilling its contents onto my waiting hand. My confusion turned to anger in less than a second. "What?" I demanded. I hadn't been referred to as a thing for a long time. People who did that were just not safe afterwards.
"I'm trying to explain some very important things to you right now, so if-" Tama suddenly stopped and looked around. He had only a second to throw himself to the ground as two arrows hissed through the empty space where his head had been. He instantly grabbed my ankle and pulled me roughly to the ground, crouching over me and muttering strange words. I gasped as I felt raw power coursing over his skin. Everywhere his body touched mine I felt a crawling electric sensation. Three more arrows flew towards us, but turned to ashes in midair as if they had hit an invisible wall of fire. "Gods, they're here already," he cursed savagely, "But where are ... no!"
Another volley of arrows hit the invisible shield and turned to cinders, but one made it through and thudded into the ground beside my hand. "Get up, now," Tama commanded. He grabbed my wrist and dove into the trees surrounding the clearing. In a single fluid motion he pulled a long dagger out of his left boot and slashed at the arrows flying towards us like angry wasps. Each one turned to ashes as his blade touched it, but I was too busy running to dwell on that.
The cold night wind rushed past my face. I smothered a cry as a branch whipped across my cheek, leaving a perfect line of blood. Without warning, Tama ducked behind a large tree and pulled me after him. I landed in a heap at his feet and bit back another cry as my wrist bent in a way it wasn't supposed to. "Don't make a sound," Tama breathed into my ear. I attempted to calm my heavy breathing and wrenched my wrist away from Tama. He didn't seem to care or notice, but only closed his eyes in concentration and yanked a few hairs from his head while mumbling strange words once again. He suddenly opened his eyes and exhaled sharply so that the hairs flew up into the air and drifted away. In a second I saw Tama and myself leap noisily into the dense brush of the forest and run frantically southward. My eyes widened in shock but Tama gripped my shoulder, reminding me to keep silent.
I strained my ears trying to hear the inevitable sounds of pursuit, the harsh beating of feet against ground and the snapping of twigs and dried leaves. I heard nothing. I looked to Tama and saw that he was not studying the forest floor like I was, but rather the trees. If I hadn't been watching for them I might not have seen them at all. They came through the branches of the trees, moving from one branch to the next like moths flitting in and out of existence. A soft rustle and a brief impression of huge eyes and long pale limbs, and then they were in the next tree, and the next, and further southward until they were gone completely. For a long while Tama and I sat in tense silence, watching, waiting.
He pulled a small flask out of his inside vest pocket, yanked the cork out with his teeth, and downed half the contents. Grimacing, the young man pressed the flask into my hand and said thickly, "Drink this."
"Why?"
"Just do it. They won't find you," he grunted.
I closed my eyes and threw back the fiery liquid, swallowing it all in one gulp. I felt for a second as if every nerve in my body was shriveling, but it passed almost instantly. "What is it," my tongue formed the words strangely. I suddenly felt light-headed, but not at all merry.
"I couldn't pronounce its true name in this language," he sighed, "You won't look or smell like you for three days, at least not to those things."
"And what are they?" I asked querulously.
"They are Ruun's creatures. I already explained that, Meruru. There's no time for a second go at it," he groaned as he got to his feet, "Gods, it can be addressed at a later time. Now get up and pay attention."
I stiffly rose to my feet, not really in the mood to listen to Tama. "Good girl. This is where I'll be leaving you. You will go eastward from here until you reach the dry riverbed. Once there, turn north and follow the riverbed until you see a hermitage. Go inside. Can you do this?" His grey eyes bored into mine.
"Yes, I can." It did seem simple enough.
"Then this is goodbye, poppet," he said almost wistfully, a strange glimmer in his dark grey eyes.
And suddenly I was in his arms, pressed close against him, all beating heart and confusion. "I always wanted to do that," he murmured softly. The moonlight glowed across his face, revealing a slight blush. I was intensely aware of his warm arms around my waist and the pounding of his heart against mine. His half-lidded eyes caught and held mine, and before I knew what I had decided, I tilted my head and closed the distance between us. For a few brief moments I was utterly lost and found at the same time. All too soon, however, Tama pulled away. For perhaps the first time in his life, Tama Maren seemed to have nothing to say. He smiled gently and brushed a stray lock of hair behind my ear before stepping back and murmuring one last goodbye.
I stood trembling for a moment, my entire world turned upside down, before I turned and ran away from my first kiss.
A/N: Sorry for such a long time between updates! This chapter was meant to be a lot longer but I decided to post the first half so that my readers (if I still have any) would not have to wait as long. Gomen!