When you Love someone
The light in the room dimmed as Dr Wilson tilted the
blinds , then returning to her seat and lifting the note pad from her desk she
looked at her new patient.
"Well" she said in a quiet voice that dripped with
understanding for a situation that she , as yet had no knowledge of "As this is
our first meeting perhaps you should start at the beginning"
"Yes , the beginning . Well right now I don't think I even know when that was. Not the exact moment anyhow , it's funny if I'd have known it was going to make such an impact on my life I'd have taken more notice, but then isn't that always the way. I know one thing , that first meeting will be forever imprinted on my memory , looking back it was so comical , the stammered hello's the feeling of electricity as our hands touched. It was instantaneous , I'd never have believed it was possible to be so strongly attracted to someone the first second you met , it had certainly never happened to me , not with anyone. I didn't even really believe it had happened then but from that moment just being in the same room seemed to be enough for me , it seemed to light up even the worst days. I found my self watching the clock for the next time we'd see each other and I'd be doing one thing but my mind would be somewhere else , imagining what things would be like if we were together , the places we'd go , the things we'd do , even , daft as it sounds the conversations we'd have. It was the most extraordinary feeling of being free for the first time ever and yet bound by someone who had no idea the hold they had on you. Like being agoraphobic in an open prison.
We went on a holiday together once , all of us. A road trip would you believe, it was wonderful. Unlimited time together , it was fun , even if an incident with a green card and a trip across the Canadian boarder did nearly end in tears. I think after that I noticed a real change in my feelings but this wasn't "that" moment I think it came much later. Thinking about it , that moment was at The Snow Ball, oh what a night that was and oh how we danced. Yes that was it , that was when I realised this wasn't just attraction this was love , real true love. Up until then I think it had always been a nice "if only" but the way we held each other , the feeling when our bodies were so close , it was magical. Then when we kissed , fireworks is te only way I could describe it , it was as if I'd finally come home. Yes that was definitely the moment I realised I was in love , for the first time in my life , that this person who one the outside at least was my complete opposite was the one thing I wanted to make my life complete. Actually it nearly all came out that night. You know how it is , the lights , the music , the romance of the moment , but I talked my way out of it , then the next day it was as if nothing had ever happened . It was all forgotten, but not by me , sometimes I lie in bed at night and relive it all , right from the beginning , from the dance lessons. Huh such lack of co ordination who would have known that for that one special tango it would have come together so perfectly , that we would have come together so perfectly. I suppose when it's right it's right.
When I think of it there have been so many times I almost did something , or said something. Once we even came close to spending the night together, at least I think we did. The air was s full of tension , and the heat . Well it was as if every statement even the most innocent was suddenly laden with innuendo. Damn thyroid pills. Then again maybe it was just my imagination , maybe it was really just about a heat wave and a fan after all. I've got to the stage I don't know what is really happening and what I just see because I want it to be there. There is something about us when we're together , we seem to somehow be on the same wave length , even when we argue it's exciting , I love it.
I remember the last time we had dinner together just the
two of us , we cut vegetables in perfect rhythm and sang , yes we sang Heart and
Soul , I fell in love with you heart and soul , ironic I know but there you go.
Then not that long ago we saw a film together , not a whole film thank's to
Roz's mother but most of one. Anyway everything has changed , that was
then....."
"And now?" the therapist said looking up from her
pad
"Now ? Well now there's the engagement and now suddenly
there's distance , it's like it's not alright anymore to feel the way I do even
in private. I made my choices , I gave up my chances and now I have to face what
my life is and settle. When it comes down to it don't most people settle? There
are so many people out there who can't really say that they have the person they
really deep down always wanted but they've got someone who'll do and that's all
I'm looking for now . I knew Donny was going to propose , even before he did. We
all knew I think it was the least surprising surprise proposal of all time. We
were all there when he did it , we'd discussed it earlier. It was definitely
going to be a No and everyone in the room knew it except Donny and no one was
more surprised than me when I heard myself say yes."
"Why do you think you did that? What made you say yes
?"
"I don't want to end up alone. Like I said I decided to
settle and now I've got to get on with my life , to put it behind me. If it was
meant to be it would have happened. Like I said we are too different , from two
different worlds and no matter how much I want it I can't make it
happen."
"Don't you think you owe to yourself to at least try. To
tell him how you feel."
"No. He's my friend I don't want to loose him. I've given
him enough chances , nearly as many as I've given up and nothing's happened. It
isn't meant to be. I once heard someone say that the love we can't have is the
strongest , lasts the longest and hurts the deepest. Now I know what they meant.
I feel so silly telling you this , and I know it's rediculous , ironic even, if
anyone should be comfortable with a therapist it's me but I'm not I know our
hour is almost up and I think it's helped. Just telling someone getting it out ,
but I don't think I'll be back. I have a wedding to plan and a life to live that
doesn't include that hope and pain and the bitter sweet feelings that loving
someone from a distance brings. I hope that this will lay the ghosts and finally
cut the tie but somehow I don't see that happening so what I need to do now is
go away and find a way to be content with what I've got."
"Miss Moon if you want my advice , and lets face it you
are paying for it , don't do what your planning to do, don't settle. Somewhere
down the line whether it be in five years or 25 years you'll become another
divorce statistic and that would be wasting your life. Right now all the only
right thing you can do is to take a chance on your heart and hope it and more
importantly he , doesn't let you down. If you don't I promise you this you will
find yourself one day looking back and wondering what might have been. If he
doesn't share your feelings at least you tried and the bottom line is the worst
he can say is no. And now you are right our time is up."
"Yes" Daphne said getting up from the large leather chair
"Thank you" She lifted her coat and bag and as she approached the door she
turned and looked at the woman in now finishing notes and closing the pad. "You
know" She said "You're wrong. The worst thing he could say is Good bye" and with
that she turned on her heels and left the office.
AUTHOR'S NOTE :- This short fan fiction came from the idea that Daphne may have always had feelings for Niles and that somehow her acceptance of Donny's proposal was simply a reaction to the fact that Niles had never expressed any feeling toward her. I felt it would be interesting to view some of the events and moments they have shared through the eyes of Daphne if she secretly shared Niles Secret feelings LOL I know it creates a whole complicated thing of unspoken emotions but I felt it made for an interesting angle. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Please feel free to mail me with any comments on :- chemkiten5@aol.com