So, read on, and read the warnings, please.
22 August 2003
_______________________________________________
Title: Ray of Hope
Author: Keithan
Disclaimers: Lord of the Rings and its characters belongs to their respective
owners.
Rating: PG
Series: 1/2
Warnings: This fic is based on the second movie
and might contain hints of slash, yet nothing more than pure and honest
love and devotion that could be viewed as love for a friend. If you're hesitant,
proceed with caution.
Summary: Legolas despairs as Aragorn was lost
in the battle on their way to Helm's deep, yet he is not without hope.
RAY OF HOPE__________
When all I have is hope
It was a single moment of complete and total fear. When in just a second, that fear would creep up to you and would take hold of your whole body. It would fill you up and your heart would beat faster than the pace it had been beating. It would render you immobile, even for just a split second. And yet, its effect was that of a great wave of water splashed harshly into you that eventually would send you drowning in its depth.
"Legolas!" Someone shouted from behind me. And from centuries of experience I learned not to disregard any call in the heat of battle. As soon as I heard it, I instantly moved back, missing the hard swing of a scythe in my face by mere inches.
It was just a split second when my chest had tightened and my heart had beaten faster…
…And you knew then that something was wrong…
"Aragorn!" I immediately called out as another arrow loosed from my bow. "Aragorn!"
To call out for him was my instant reaction after such feeling of fear and dread invaded me. And I getting no answer only gnawed the fear in me to heighten.
Our enemy was greatly lessening in number, but it didn't help in easing my worry. Something was terribly and sorely out of place.
"Estel!" I shouted out again, hoping that I'd hear some sort of a reply, a shout or just the familiar clangs of his sword as only his fighting could produce.
I didn't know what was wrong, but I was honestly hoping that I was mistaken in feeling such fear.
I looked around when none challenged me anymore and learned that we were victorious. Dead wargs and other foul creatures laid in that field but the sight of them didn't help any.
"Aragorn!"I called out his name again and again, and the fear that had been built up inside me only grew worse when no answer came forth and when his figure I did not see. I frantically searched around.
And although I was able to maintain a rather calm yet stern composure, which promised vengeance to any who harmed my companions, I was feeling helpless and fearful inside.
Gimli had then taken up to calling out for our human friend. But the results didn't change, still no sign of him anywhere.
Théoden and his men had also begun a search, but Aragorn couldn't be found.
"Where could he be?" Gimli whispered as soon as he called out again.
"He's dead."
I felt a sudden chill enter my body and I was frozen then and there, numbed and unfeeling from head to toe. My blood ran cold and I felt my heart skip a beat.
Such cold you couldn't compare to any you had ever felt before.
So soft for any to could have heard, the rough whisper was easily picked up by my heightened senses.
Although you wish you had not, for it brought no good tidings.
As easily as the numbing cold entered my body, sudden rage and anger filled me up and I turned sharply to the voice.
"He's dead, I tell you."
Wounded and dying, the source of the voice managed to choke out a laugh as he laid there on the ground.
How dare he to laugh...
...To have laughed in front of you.
Walking briskly over, I loomed menacingly over his form and roughly grabbed him to make his face level mine.
"What did you say?!" I dragged the words out slowly, my voice seemingly carrying a dangerous venom that would have made any who would have heard it cower in fear. But this beast carried no more fear for he knew he was already at death's door and his escape was only to enter it. Yet the fear I felt from him was that he was desperately trying to get away from my grasp, trying to escape my burning hold.
I only held him tighter, wanting to end his miserable existence.
I didn't feel that Gimli had appeared behind, nor did I see anything save for the face of that foul beast that dared cross my path this time.
…this time when his sanity's on the line and his emotions in a great turbulence.
"Tell me what happened and I'll ease your passing!" Gimli's voice was a booming sound in my ears and yet I barely understood the words. My mind was a whirl, not comprehending anything that this beast was saying.
"Ghehehe, he's ... grrhhh... dead. He took a little tumble off the cliff."
"You lie!" I shouted at him. Somehow, I wish that his words were but a buzz with no truth in it. I could have disintegrated him with my stare if I could, watch him die there in front of my eyes.
But I knew it would have done nothing good.
He laughed again, and I could already feel the blood in my veins as anger threatened to take over. My grip tightened, my face tensed.
…It is not true. He's telling you a lie…
I was about to say something more when he pointed to the precipice on the side of the field.
A faint glimmer,
A silver glint…
…a star?
My eye then caught something in his hand. 'Twas a silver twinkle that caught the sun's light. I directed my attention to it, and it seemed all my strength drained from me. And if I was there to see myself as a different person, I'd see all the color drain from my face as it went deathly pale.
Indeed… a faint glimmer,
Shining silver…
…'twas a star…
…the Evenstar.
For a brief and single moment, all I could see was an endless black void engulfing me in its darkness, enveloping me in misery and despair. My eyes tingled with the unfamiliar feeling of unshed tears threatening to make its way down my face. And my body shook for a moment in utter hopelessness.
I choked back a sob that nearly escaped my lips and prevented my knees from going weak under me.
I could show no weakness, not right here and not right now.
I focused my eyes on my hand instead as it gripped the foul creature in front of me. It blurred for a moment but despite of it, I could see it slightly trembling. Because of rage or fury or devastating grief, I knew not.
The soft sound of laughter brought me back to reality from the darkness of my grief that I had been sucked into. I looked at the creature and I could see he enjoyed the brief show of my weakness that only he had the pleasure to see. He enjoyed my torment, and for that I was completely angered.
I shoved him forcefully to the ground, a wave of nausea filling me for a moment. I was surprised I still had enough strength. I wanted to kill him then, make him suffer for what he was saying, and for the pain he had caused me. But I took one look at him and pitied the dying creature. I bottled up my anger for it to cool later, not knowing it would only be replaced by fear, fear of losing someone who had been so much a part of myself later on.
I still had enough of me in me that I was able to refrain myself from killing something that was already dying. It would not bring Aragorn back to us…
…Back to you…
I got the necklace from his hand, grimacing that it had been tainted by his touch. After giving him a resentful glare, I left him and faced the cliff.
It seemed as if my feet were glued to the ground that I could not move them; that I could not will them to my command. I felt the Evenstar necklace in my hand, and knew then that I had to go. Move and check the truth in that foul beast's words. I hated the responsibility I had of confirming such thing. It was unthinkable!
I found enough strength to put a foot ahead of the other, and slowly, I approached the edge, afraid of what I might find. My knees seemed to have gone weak again and were slightly trembling. I feared that they may give out under me, but I knew they would not. I was strong, of will, of strength, and of mind. I would not let any weakness show.
My breath was shaky. I found it hard to breath, and I lightly gripped the jewel in my palm and it seemed to have lent me strength.
Estel…
The hope of Men…
The hope of Middle-earth…
Your hope,
Your life…
I wanted to scream. Every step was so heavy it seemed to be pulling me down.
I didn't notice that all were awaiting my call; that Théoden and his men were watching me as I confronted my fears, and I was sure the fear of all as well; and that Gimli was just behind me.
The view of the ravine below slowly came into view, and it did nothing but to crush the light of hope in me.
How could anyone have survived such fall?
My steps faltered, and I was hesitant to continue.
Do you want to continue, and risk seeing something that would rob you of your light?
But I had to. I had to be strong.
He's dead.
What more is there to see?
I refused to believe such insanity. His glory was far more than this, and he was still needed by this world.
…and needed by you…
I couldn't breathe now, and I momentarily stopped, still not reaching the edge. I raised a hand to my chest as I felt it tighten within me.
He's your light…
Without him, you'll find every breath hard to breath,
Every step too heavy to take,
…and every day too weary to live…
How could Estel gone this way? How could he left this way?
How could he have left you in such a way?
"Legolas?" Gimli asked hesitantly as he came up beside me. I looked at him briefly, and nodded to the edge of the precipice.
He nodded in response, and continued to take the last steps to the edge.
He didn't know it then, but the Dwarf gave me strength to continue. Together, we walked the remaining steps until we had reached the cursed edge of that cliff.
Jagged rocks and sharp stones littered the ground below…
Rocks and stones and the flowing water were all I could see.
And somehow, although I felt I had gone weak that I could have lost my composure then, I felt strangely relieved.
…relieved in finding no body there…
He couldn't be dead.
Yes, he couldn't be dead.
For you'd die as well…
If it was a fearful denial that my heart and mind conjured up to cover the truth, I cared not. There was still some hope. I could feel it in me.
Although that creature said he was dead, my heart was telling me otherwise, telling me to believe in him, that he'd return…
…alive and well…
He couldn't be dead.
…he couldn't be…
He couldn't have perished here, he couldn't.
He couldn't.
...because he's your life.
"Get the wounded on horses." Theoden called out. "The wolves of Isengard will return. Leave the dead." As soon as the command was brought to my ears, I turned and looked at him sharply, caring not if he was the king or not. Contained anger was on my face.
He met my gaze then, sorrowful and regretful, and went to me. Laying a gentle hand on my shoulder he said softly, "Come." I sighed my anger away and pitied him for the responsibility he had.
If I hadn't been raised in the halls of Thranduil, I would have snapped at such statement. I would have lost my calmness the moment I knew of Estel's disappearance. But more than that, I knew we must hurry and I knew our own responsibility. The responsibility we carried upon our shoulders.
And for now, I'd carry Aragorn's as well, until he returns and claims it back.
…and somehow you knew it was not the end…
And that knowledge gave you strength…
Knowledge that he'd be back…
…gave you strength for you to continue.
Gimli glanced at me worriedly. I returned his glance and nodded in understanding. He knew the pain, for he himself was experiencing it.
Yet he knew not even half of your pain.
"We have to go, Legolas." He said, somewhat uncertainly, not speaking or uttering a word about Aragorn.
It was as if to speak of it was forbidden.
I nodded again, to say I would follow. I didn't speak for I knew well that my voice would fail me.
As he made his way to our companions, I looked down to the gorge below, my eyes scanning anything for a clue.
But you needed it not…
…for you know he is safe,
feel it in your heart.
Turning back now, I gave one last look down before joining the others as we would continue our hurried journey to the Helm fortress. We had not the luxury of time.
Seeing the clear flowing waters down below filled my heart with a ray of hope. Hope that it was not the end of such beautiful life. His light had still not been extinguished for he'd still shine for the many years to come.
It was not yet time.
Looking away, I prayed to the Valar to keep him safe.
With strength I'd gathered from my hope and my belief of his safety, whether or not it was true or just a falsity I had made up, I walked back to my companions and joined Gimli.
And as our horses galloped away, I chanced a glance back. Back to where fate might have us separated. Might, but not.
…He'll wait for you, stel,
come back to him,
and give him back his hope.
03.19.02
continued