Love Letters pt 4
The moon shone through Daphne's window as she lay
staring at the ceiling . Donny's breathing was the only other sound as she wept
quietly . The anger she'd felt that morning had passed quickly after Niles had
left and she had spent the evening feeling nothing for anyone , not Niles , not
Donny , not even herself as numbness reached the core of her being. She'd
planned the party with military precision , guest lists had been compiled with
compromises on both sides and caterers organised . She'd dragged the evening out
until she was sure the only thing Donny would want to do when he got to bed was
sleep and then she'd feel exhausted beside him. The numbness was gone now and
she was tortured by doubt and guilt . The letter lay in her night stand drawing
her like a magnet . She wanted to take it out , to read it in the hope that it
might somehow make her mind up for her , but still she wanted to never see it
again , because maybe if she couldn't see it she could pretend it didn't exist
and she could go on as normal. Getting out of bed she sighed and opened the
drawer taking it out and headed for the kitchen . Lifting the kettle she placed
it on the stove , staring at it sadly she sighed , unfortunately she was pretty
sure this was one problem the answer to which she wasn't going to find in the
bottom of a tea cup.
************************************
Across town Niles was sitting in an armchair in the
corner of his bedroom the same cool moonlight reflecting on his pale tired face
. It was over , he had tried . Well he'd always known she wouldn't want him he
didn't know why he was surprised , but never in his worst nightmares had he seen
it happening like this. She'd been so hurt , so angry , it tore him apart
remembering the look in her eyes when he'd entered that bedroom . Not only had
he lost his dream that she might someday love him but he'd lost her friendship
and that's what hurt more than anything. He silently wished for some miracle
that would make the last 24 hours disappear , he'd give anything to go back , to
un-write that letter , to undo all the pain it had caused , but he knew it was
done now and he was going to have to live with his mistake . The irony of it
struck him , if he had simply lived with the fact Donny made her happy he'd not
be in this situation now. Every thought made his heart ache more. Maybe she was
right , maybe he always meant for that letter to get mailed other wise he'd have
been more careful . Maybe he'd hoped she'd read it and fall into his arms like
he'd always dreamed she would . He laughed dryly , boy had he been kidding
himself. Lifting the empty wine glass from the small table beside him and headed
for the kitchen to refill it .
*********************************
Daphne sat at the dinning room table staring hopelessly
at the letter , she'd never had someone say these type of things to her , never
thought it was possible to love someone this much and keep it a secret for so
long. She didn't know what she wanted , her mind raced and her heart felt like
it was being ripped in two . She was so absorbed in her own pain that she didn't
hear the soft padding of footsteps behind her nor did she notice as he stood
behind her quietly looking over her shoulder ;
"Daphne , what's going on ?" he asked after a minute or
two. She spun round on the chair and stared at him , in an instant she realised
there was no point in trying to hide anything and with a resigned sigh she
handed him the letter . Donny sat at the other side of the table and started to
read.
As the minutes ticked by Daphne watched as he read and
digested ever word , when he was finished he placed the letter on the table and
looked at her . There was no anger or pain in his eyes, none of the emotions
she'd expected or felt herself. Finally he spoke
"When did this arrive?"
"This morning" she answered trying hard to decide what
she felt , there was no fear because she realised she didn't care if he left her
and there was no sadness , she was sure she was cried done . She was discussing
this with him now more like an objective observer than a player in her own life
"He said I wasn't meant to see it , that his secretary mailed it by
mistake"
"Is it true ? I mean does he say he means what he says
here?"
"He says so , but he says he wants me to be happy and if
you make me happy he respects that"
"And do you have feelings for him?" She was struck by the
cold objectivity in Donny's voice , in a split second he had turned from her
lover , her future husband, into a lawyer again . He was questioning her like a
witness , she realised their relationship was on trial and she was the chief
witness for both the prosecution and the defence and the jury was still well and
truly out .
"I don't know" she answered simply
"Well if there was no me" he said standing up and lifting
her tea cup moving to the kitchen to refill it "If there was no me would you be
having such a hard time deciding how you felt ?" he came back and handed her the
cup , he'd poured himself coffee she could smell it . He sat down again facing
her and she stared intently at him
"No I don't think so" she said finally admitting it to
herself
"And is the reason you're here with me and not with him because you love me or because you feel you should be ?" The fleeting second of hesitation Daphne felt was confirmation enough for both of them "Don't answer that" he said "you just did"
Daphne started at him . She had noting to say for she
knew he was right. Her hesitation had just been further confirmation of what
she'd been thinking all day , of the reason she'd gotten so mad a Niles , she
wasn't in love with Donny she was in love with marriage and the letter and the
doubts it had caused were only further confirmation of it . But she didn't know
if she loved Niles either. Every emotion in her body felt like it had been
squeezed dry by the events of the day and now she could only watch as Donny
disappeared coming back a few minutes later dressed and carrying his briefcase
.
"Good bye" he said coldly as she watched willing herself
to do something , say something feel something while he left closing the door
quietly behind him . The jury was in and the end was the verdict , with no
grounds for appeal .
******************************
The phone on Niles secretary's desk rang putting down her
magazine she picked it up .
"Niles Crane's office how may I help you ?" she listened
to the voice on the other end "Yes , yes of course I remember you . No I'm
afraid he's not in this morning but he did tell me he'd be reachable at home if
I had any problems with re scheduling . Do you have that number ? ..... Yes of
course you do silly me . Ok thanks for calling . Bye"
She placed the receiver back and returning her attentions
back to her magazine wondered for a brief second what could possibly be so
urgent .
*******************************
Niles was lying on the fainting couch slowly sipping
black coffee when he heard the elevator doors chime and a quiet knock at his
door. He got up and answered it without even bothering to check who was there .
He could barely contain his surprise when he came face to face with the person
on the other side.
"Donny!" he said a little louder than he'd meant
"Niles we need to talk" marching past him Donny threw his
coat on the couch Niles felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach . "I know
about the letter..." blow number two " and Daphne and I are finished" This final
blow nearly carried Niles off his feet . Donny couldn't have winded him more had
he been actually kicking him . He gripped the door handle for support "Oh My god
" was all he managed to say . Donny kept on talking
"I don't know if what you said in that letter was true or
not and frankly I don't care, but what I do care about is Daphne , and like you
I want her to be happy. Now I don't know what she plans to do . I'm not sure she
knows herself , but I'm telling you this and believe me when I say it . If she
decides to give you two a go and you've just had a case of wanting what you
can't have and you hurt her I swear I will come after you . She may not love me
, but I do love her and letting her go is the hardest thing I've ever had to do
. So if your lucky enough to have her give you a chance don't blow it or you'll
have me to answer to"
Before Niles had time to compose himself enough to speak
Donny had picked up his coat and was standing at the door waiting for him to
open it . When he was gone Niles stood with his back to the door trying to take
in what he had heard , he didn't know whether to cry or shout . Then reality
struck him another blow , he'd heard it all from Donny not Daphne if she'd
wanted him she knew where he was but she'd not contacted him at all . And why
should she , he thought slumping again into the couch . I've completely
destroyed her dream , she'll never forgive me now as a matter of fact she
probably hates me more.
***********************************
Daphne stood in the lobby of the Montana waiting
patiently for the elevator . She had no idea what she was doing there , she had
left the house to go shopping and suddenly found herself parking outside the
building . Now she was only sure of one thing , what ever she decided she and
Niles needed to talk. She stared at the floor as the elevator doors opened , she
walked forward paying little attention to were she was going and walked straight
into the person coming out
"I'm sorry , my fault I should have been......" she stopped mid sentence as she looked up and say Donny standing in front of the now closing door, frantically pressing buttons she tried to get them to open again but she was already on her way up .