Love Letters part 5

The elevator doors opened at Niles apartment and standing in front of them Daphne realised it was decision time again . Where did she want to be and more importantly who did she want to be with. She could lat the doors close and go after Donny or she could get out and talk to Niles . They began to close and she stepped forward stopping them . Standing in front of his door she hesitated before reaching up and ringing the bell . Hearing the chime inside she waited nervously.

Niles looked at the door , what if it was Donny back again , he didn't think he could face him . He stood with his hand resting on the handle.

"Who is it?" he called

"It's me" came the barely audible reply from the other side . The sound of her voice made his heart skip , he pulled the door open and stared at her. He searched her eyes for some clue , some hint as to why she'd come but he got nothing but sadness from their depths . The sparkle was gone and it was all his fault. They stood looking at each other for what seemed like an eternity before either of them spoke "Can I come in ?" she said finally

"Yes , yes of course you can" Niles replied "I jus didn't expect to see you" he watched as she stood nervously fiddling with the strap of her handbag

"Well to be honest I didn't expect to be here , I don't even know what I have to say all I know is we need to talk. Donny and I are over . But I'm guessing you know that since I just saw him in the lobby " she was sitting now and Niles joined her on the couch

"Yes , he's just left , actually when the bell rang I thought it was him back again"

"What did he say ?" Daphne asked not even sure she wanted to know the answer. The events of the night before still seemed so unreal , the whole twenty four hours seemed to have passed as if she were watching someone else's life . A part of her wanted Niles to say Donny was angry , that he'd shouted and raved and he blamed Niles for everything , somehow she thought it would ease her conscience.

"He told me you were finished , he said he knew about the letter. He said he loves you and letting you go is the hardest thing he's ever had to do , but he knew you didn't love him and there was no point . He wants you to be happy . Then he said he didn't know what you planned to do next but if I was lucky enough to have you give me a chance I better not hurt you or I'd have him to answer to. Then he left before I had a chance to say anything ."

Daphne took in the information , her conscience was now anything but clear , but she had to focus ."We need to talk about the letter" she said reaching into her handbag and taking it out. Niles watched her hoping he might be going to find out how she really felt about it . "I know I've asked you already but did you mean everything you've said here ?"

Niles breathed deeply , it was up to him now , he'd off telling her how he felt to many times . If he was going to convince her he was sincere he couldn't hold anything back. He sat back in the chair and stared straight ahead , he opened his heart , unlatched the floodgates that had been holding back his emotions for so many years while she sat quietly listening .

"I've never known feelings like the ones I have for you ," He began "I thought I loved Maris , I was quite content to put up with everything she had to throw at me because that's what I thought love was. She dictated and I did and if I loved her I would be happy with that . Then you came along and in a slit second I realised there must be more to love than that . I'm a realist , don't get me wrong , I won't say I was in love with you from the first minute I layed eyes on you , but from that minute I knew I wanted to be close to you. The more effort I made to spend time with you and the more I got to know you the more I grew to love you. I wanted to tell you , I tried god knows how many times but something always stopped me . I'd watch you dating other men and every time I'd feel like my heart was being crushed , and when they'd hurt you I just wanted to hold you to tell you everything would be Ok. Then it got to the stage where the thought of you not loving me and losing you forever was the most terrifying thing I could think off, so it seemed easier not to take the risk . When Maris tried to name you in the divorce , your right I should have told you , but you were so surprised and so convinced she was wrong it seemed simpler to wait until the divorce was final . Then you started dating Donny and I didn't feel I had the right to tell you anymore . When he proposed and I knew my advice was at least in some small part a contributing factor to you accepting I thought my world had ended . I threw myself into anything just to try and forget then the day before yesterday Frasier came by and told me you had set a date and were having a party and it hit me again like a sledge hammer. The letter is a type of therapy I sometimes use with my patients. The idea of pouring your emotions out on paper is supposed to help you deal with it . I put it in the envelope and addressed it and I thought I put it in the drawer but it must have fallen on the floor . My secretary found it and when she was mailing some referral letters she added it to the pile . And that's how you got it."

He sighed and finally looked to her for some reaction . Tears where rolling down her face , it was more than he could take "Please don't cry" he said taking her hands in his "I never meant to make you unhappy I'm so sorry"

Daphne looked at him , the sincerity in his eyes took her breath away "I don't want to lose my best friend" she said between sniffs "but I don't see where we can go from here . I'm so confused"

"I don't want to lose you either . Last night when the thought that you were angry with me so full of hate when I left yesterday hurt me a thousand times more than the thought that you didn't love me . I don't know were we go from here either but I do know that if you give me a chance I will do everything in my power to make you the happiest woman on earth . On the other hand if friendship is all you ever think there'll be between us , I can live with that I just can't stand to lose you" He looked to her for some response

"I need time to think" she said

Niles relaxed a little , thinking was good , at least she wasn't dismissing it outright "I was just about to make coffee" he said "would you like some?"

"I'd love tea" she answered "do you have any"

Niles smiled , for her he'd keep the stars in a tea caddy "Always" he said "I'll be right back"

Daphne sat back in the couch , every minute that passed seemed to make the situation more complicated. She looked at the piece of paper still in her hand and toward the kitchen door . Was any of it worth the risk ? She asked herself . In what seemed like seconds Niles was back with the tea and coffee . He set the tray on the dinning table and started to pour , she stood up and went to join him . He turned and smiled at her

"Ok I've thought about it " she said not returning his smile I don't know what's right in this sort of situation god knows I've never been good at relationship up to now , but I'm not sure any amount of thinking is going to make it clear . I do know one thing as long as the What if's? And the If Only's are hanging over us we can never be friends again , not like we were . I'm willing to try , but we have to take things slowly , I'm not ready to rush head long into another relationship , that's the mistake I made with Donny . And to be honest I don't know if I love you or if I could fall in love with you and I can't offer you any guarantees on how it will end. You said you thought there was an unwritten story between us , well I'm willing to pick up a pen , I just hope it has a happy ending."

Niles handed her a cup of tea "Well then" he said "lets start at chapter one , and the good thing about a story you've never read before is the anticipation , te desire to read the next word , to turn the next page , to gt to the end , which ever way that end might go . And I have a feeling this ending will be very happy"