Setting: Another ludicrously green section of forest in Feudal Japan. The sun is shining brightly down on a group of five travelers walking down the road. Shippou sits on Kagome's large backpack, eating a rotating lollypop the miko brought for him. Sango walks along with a contented look on her face, followed by Miroku, who sports some large lumps on his head. Inu Yasha trails behind the group, grumbling.

Miroku: Why is it that you won't let me fondle you even though you have feelings for me? I mean, you get jealous when I grab other women and ask them to bear my child, but when I do the same to you, you get mad.

Sango: I'm not sure. I guess I just like to contradict myself.

Miroku: Oh, ok.

Shippou: I really like these things. You've got some great technology in your time, Kagome.

Kagome: Yeah, I know. We have these things called guns that shoot tiny rock- like things at people at high speeds and kill them. I bet we could kill a bunch of demons with those.

Miroku: So why didn't you bring one of those back? We could've killed Naraku a long time ago.

Kagome: I'm blonde at heart. Can't you tell?

Scene changes to peaceful village. Kikyou is playing with some children along the water's edge

Little Girl: Wow, Kikyou, you're so great! I won't question the facts that a skilled miko like you wouldn't leave her village unless she was on the run, and that strange luminescent demons have been seen floating around every night since you've shown up. You couldn't possibly be connected with those demons, even though you disappear every night.

Kikyou: Of course not. I don't eat souls. I'm alive.

Enter ugly monk with buckteeth and his assistant Ugly monk: Hey, you're dead. I think I'll throw a scroll at you.

Kikyou: Ok. You've been spying on me and heard the little children call me a miko, but don't grasp the fact that I can turn the magic in the scroll back on you. I'll just do that.

Ugly monk: Ok. Hey, you're not dead. I think I'll pick up the scroll now. Ow!

Monk dies

Monk's assistant: I think I'll run away now and tell others of your horrible deeds.

Kikyou: Ok. It's not like my ex and his new girlfriend are going to come over and ruin my plans.

Scene goes back to the group

Kagome: Hey, look! A conveniently placed clearing! Let's camp there.

Inu Yasha: Ok. It seems safe. It won't be as soon as we all fall asleep, but that doesn't matter now.

They set up camp

Sango: Wow, there's a hot spring really close by. Funny how that always happens in fanfics.

Kagome: Yeah. Let's go skinny-dipping.

Sango: Sounds good.

They get in the springs, naked

Kagome: Hmm. I wonder what will happen now.

Sango: Well, if we don't engage in lesbian activities, then our male companions should be along at any time to peek at us. Then we could all suddenly become bisexual and have a huge orgy.

Kagome: Maybe, maybe not. I seem to be a popular match with many people. It's quite likely that an emotionless male with a sexy voice will abduct me, and I'll end up falling in love with him and ditching Inu Yasha.

Sango: Maybe we shouldn't have gone to the springs. Let's get out so that the inevitable hot springs incident will be over with.

Kagome: Ok. The two get out and walk away through the bushes. They step on Miroku

Miroku: Kuso...

Sango beats the crap out of Miroku

Kagome: Well, that was predictable.

Sango: Sure was.

Back at camp

Inu Yasha: I don't think the author likes me anymore. I haven't talked for this whole story.

Shippou: You poor thing. I only got six lines in the last chapter. At least you get an action part.

Inu Yasha: Yeah, you've got it so hard. You're just adorable and get to sleep with Kagome every night.

Shippou: Well, you're a bishy guy that Kagome would allow to sleep with her, but you tend to be an idiot and run off with dead girls that plan on dragging you to hell with them as soon as they get their hands on you.

Inu Yasha: This is true. I think it's about time you went off to search for Miroku, who is obviously being beaten to a pulp by naked women. I'll go off by myself and run into someone who will get me in a state of utter helplessness.

Shippou: Ok. Have fun.

Inu Yasha walks through the forest alone

Inu Yasha: Hey, something smells like grave dirt, decay, and Kagome. Oh, it must be my ex.

Kikyou: Hi. Come over to my tree that's surrounded by soul-stealing demons and let me drag you off to hell.

Inu Yasha: Ok. Why don't you just kill me? When you were resurrected you said you had nothing but hatred in your heart for me, and yet you still manage to have feelings for me.

Kikyou: Good question. Looks like Takahashi screwed up on a plot point. She probably figured that nobody would remember that line. Or maybe she didn't screw up at all, and it's the translators' fault.

Inu Yasha: Why must our lives be dubbed?

Kikyou: Life's a bitch.

Inu Yasha: This is true.

Scene goes back to camp

Kagome: Hmm. It seems pretty obvious that Inu Yasha went off into the woods by himself, but I'll ask Shippou where he went anyway.

Shippou: Inu Yasha went off in the woods by himself.

Kagome: Oh, ok. I'd better go find him and see him doing inappropriate things with his ex girlfriend. My heart will be broken, but that's ok. I'll continuously think that he's the only one for me even though there's a perfectly fine cutie at home that is obsessed with me.

Enter Monk's assistant

Monk's assistant: Look at me, I'm beaten up and bleeding badly. Oh no, that girl looks just like the person I ran from. I think I'll scream now, and then mumble senselessly and hope that you get my point.

Kagome: Hmm, a miko that looks like me and eats dead souls. That's a tough one.

Sango: Let's all run off in a random direction that will somehow take us to the right place.

Miroku: Sounds good. True, we'll all just run into a barrier and Kagome will be the only one able to get in, but we should all go anyway.

Shippou: I'm adorable!

Monk's assistant: I am no longer needed, so I will conveniently disappear.

They run off in a random direction

Kagome: Wow, a big shimmering thing that just happens to be Kikyou's barrier. I think I'll run through it and leave my companions behind.

Sango, Miroku, and Shippou all run into the barrier and fall on their asses

Miroku: Whoops, looks like she left us behind. I believe I'll grope you now, Sango.

Sango: Ok. I'll just hit you on the head afterward.

Shippou: I don't want to grow up...

Scene switches to Inu Yasha and Kikyou

Kikyou: Let's have a mushy, pointless conversation about the past while that annoyingly incessant flashback of us 'betraying each other' plays.

Inu Yasha: Sounds good. I have to make sure to say that I'll always love you, and only you, even though you want me to die. Then you can kiss me, and Kagome will walk in on us.

Kikyou: Well, I might not just kiss you. In fanfics where people pair Kagome up with others, we have sex at this time. I must be one dead fuck, considering I'm made of bones and dirt.

Inu Yasha: I'm sure you are. Let's just stick with Takahashi's plot and kiss.

Kikyou: Ok.

They kiss. Kagome has been watching the whole time

Kagome: Well, this sucks. I think I'll cry loudly and run away.

Inu Yasha: Oh dear. I believe my two-timing upset my new girlfriend. I should run after her now and pretend I didn't just confess my undying love to a dead girl.

Kikyou: Ah, you'll be back. Men are very inconsistent.

Scene goes to outside of barrier. Kagome runs out, crying, and trips over her companions

Miroku: I'll ask what's wrong, even though it's painfully obvious that Inu Yasha is being more of an inconsiderate ass than I am.

Kagome: Damn it, Inu Yasha is being more of an inconsiderate ass than Miroku. He's chasing after me now and asking me to come back, saying he didn't mean it.

Sango: Don't you hate it when the men contradict themselves?

Miroku: I thought we pointed out earlier that you contradict yourself all the time.

Sango: Oh yeah. I'm worse than Kerry.

Miroku: That you are.

Scene changes to the next day in a sunny field. Kagome sits in the meadow, and Inu Yasha walks up behind her

Inu Yasha: I think I'll apologize now, sit next to you, and act all charming and sweet.

Kagome: You do that. I'll be forgiving, and go on endlessly about understanding that you chose Kikyou and not me. Then you'll say my name sympathetically, and I'll get up, smiling cheerfully, and walk away.

Inu Yasha: Or we could have wild and crazy sex in the middle of an open field.

Kagome: Yeah, that's what a lot of writers have us do, even though it wouldn't fit my personality at all.

Inu Yasha: It sure wouldn't.

Camera angles toward unnaturally blue sky

End