Review: From: Blue Jackal
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Kind of lame considering that you posted only one chapter when nothing happens accept introductions.
Repliy: I apolagise if I didn't state the obviouse in my last fic, but that was actually the intro chapter seeing as William introduced himself. I didn't want my characters to be nameless faces that would just run and scream from the monsters, also, a story can have tonnes of action in it, but if it is worded poorly then it can become boring. I've read chapters in stories where the main character is doing absolutely nothing, but the words can bring out their feelings perfectly.
PS: Blue Jackel is an awful lot like White Tiger. . .
Note to others: That Blue Jackel dude (Jackal is spelt wrong, b.t.w.) is some boy from school who has a problem with me, so don't worry about it, k?
Disclaimer: I don't own Windows 95, k?
***
Angry, exhausted and increasingly famished John had been walking the mansion for what seemed like hours and had even unintentionally passed through the main hall four or five times, such was the labyrinth. Every room John entered, he winced at the gaudy yet somewhat colour-blind decor. The amount of times John opened the door and moaned out in disgust at the sight of puke-green wallpaper with gold trimmings. . . The glowing wall- lamps cast an eerie effect of entrapment in the squalid corridors making him feel he was slowly suffocating. . . like a rat trapped in a maze.. A maze that had an interior designer with a bad sense of humour.
The main hall. It was much more beautiful than the rest of the manor . . . The chandlers . . . the gothic candles . . . it was as though it had been designed by a totally different man. You can imagine just how relieved he felt when he finally, after what felt like hours, found his way to the lab areas.
"Thank God. . ." He muttered and leant against the icy grey steel walls. The air was much cooler down here than it was in the mansion and it didn't reek of that strange 'old building' smell. Instead, the musk of damp wallpaper and overheated electric lights was replaced by the overpowering stench of antiseptic. It made John's nostrils sting for a few seconds . . . From the catacombs of the facility came a strange and distant voice . . . what sounded like . . . swearing.
John raised an eyebrow and pushed himself off the wall in the direction of the lamentation and after several seconds of wandering the labyrinth, he came across the door from which the noise was coming from and he pushed it slowly open.
At a computer desk in an office was a young man who couldn't have been older than twenty-three or so. He was wearing a lab coat and a red bandanna through his mass of afro-like hair. . .The young man continued to complain.
"You see all these hi-tech labs in the movies with lasers and holograms and shit, and what have WE got??" He smacked the monitor violently with one pale white hand. "FUCKING Windows 95!!"
"Hitting it won't do it any good though." The guy in the chair shot around, his clear blue eyes glared at him with the fear of a small, startled animal.
"Huh?? Wha???"
"You were hitting the P.C. . . If it is messed up and the boss finds out you hit it, then weather or not you did the damage in the first place, you'll probably end up paying for it."
He glared up at John for one or two seconds with his large watery eyes but then finally decided that John wasn't a threat to him.
"Oh Uh. . . Thanks. . ." He tightened his bandanna maintaining that nervous expression, however.
"So what's your name?" Asked John, attempting to break the ice.
"My what?" From the expression on his face, John guessed that he didn't expect the question.
"Name."
"Uh. . . . Bill Rabbitson."
"Well remembered." -
- "But my friends call me Bunny!" He suddenly blurted out.
"Okay. . . Bunny. . ." The nickname suited his energetic, anxious nature. . . -
- something on Bill's lab coat caught Johns attention; a little 'Ban the Bomb' badge on his lab coat next to his name tag.
"What's with that badge? Don't you think that's a little. . . tasteless?"
"Huh? Uh, what's wrong with it?"
"I mean, you're working in a bio weapons development facility and you're worried about the atom-bomb?"
". . . I try not to think about that . . . " He seemed to be thinking for a few seconds. "Uh. . . Have you met the boss yet?"
"Oh God, yeah. . ." Said John. "The guy's a freak! He opened the door when I was in the shower and didn't have the curtsey to leave!"
"He's probably gay."
" . . . You really think so?"
"Yeah. . . I met him earlier. He gave me a map of the mansion. His eyes are really creepy."
"Tell me about it. . ." Bill had really eased up in the few seconds the conversation had lasted. . .
"He has that look about him that says 'boy hungry pervert'."
"Then I'm glad I didn't go back to my room. He said he'd come back at nine." Bill looked at his watch. "It's ten forty. . ."
"You think I'm going back in there right now??"
"Hm." Bill nodded unhurriedly in agreement and fixed his attention back on the computer. "Could you give me a hand with this piece of shit??? It just won't DO anything!" John looked over Bill's shoulder. "Try hitting 'Control, 'Alt' and Delete'." Bill complied but nothing happened.
"Now what???"
"I don't know! That's all I got!" John gave the computer tower some rough slaps. "Some computer nerd told me that. I don't know how to work one!"
"Great help you turned out to be!"
"What the hell are you trying to do on this anyway?!"
"I'm supposed to be working on this thing when the specimens arrive. I want to know how to work it BEFORE then!"
"Why the hell did the boss put it up to you to work it if you CAN'T?!"
"Why don't you ask the freak?!?!"
-"Yes, why don't you ask me?" Both of them froze as a tall man leant over Bill's shoulders and punched a few commands into the consol. It was the same man who had made a fool of John earlier; his boss. He'd obviously been there eavesdropping on them for quite a while. . . . Twice now he had made John look like foolish child and it was starting to get to him. The pale skinned man's fingers danced across the keys gracefully and the screen came to life. Suddenly, the once seemingly primitive P.C turned a whole lot more hi-tech than it looked. . . "The CPU for this isn't supposed to come onto the market until 2005."
"The what?"
"Never mind. It just means that it can process a lot more info than your normal 'Windows 95'."
"If you say so. . ." Murmured Bill, starting to get the hang of it now that it had been loaded all up. John was much more focused on the man himself than what he was doing to the P.C. The man had scarcely let up a single suggestion of an emotion entering his mind and was simply as relaxed as ever. . .
As his inexpressive boss came to face him, John's eyes darted to his personnel tag and back, catching a glimpse of the name 'Birkin.' John had heard the name 'Dr. Birkin' once before but was told that it was the designation of one of the most gifted 'female 'employees working for Umbrella.
-"If you would like to know my name, Mr Howe" Birkin said abruptly, driving a blistering bolt of surprise into heart. "Then all you need to do is ask me." John glared, surprised and startled at Birkin's smiling face for several moments before realizing he wanted him to actually ask him his name.
"Uh. . . ."-
-"William Birkin."
John frowned. "I was always told 'Birkin' was a woman. . . ."
"That must be my wife, Annette."
"You mean you HAVE a wife??" Birkin scowled for the first time since John had met him. "Any reason why I shouldn't have one??"
"No. . ."
". . ." Birkin let that one go for now but John had clearly struck a nerve there as Dr. Birkin marched away in an angry huff without another word to either of them.
"Think you got him mad. . ." Murmured Bill sheepishly.
"Fuck. . . That's all I need. I haven't even started my first day of work and I've already pissed my boss off. . ." Bill pretended that he had nothing to do with anything and just kept on typing - though he didn't know what he WAS typing and was just trying to look busy so he didn't get pulled in with John and William's little disagreement. . . "Look - if you want me to go just say it!" And then he noticed he sounded just like that nauseating Dr. Birkin. "ARGH!!" And he stormed off, not realizing he had just done exactly was William had done before him.
*** Notes: Bill Rabbitson is referring to the Resident Evil movie when John first encounters him. ^-^ R&R
Kind of lame considering that you posted only one chapter when nothing happens accept introductions.
Repliy: I apolagise if I didn't state the obviouse in my last fic, but that was actually the intro chapter seeing as William introduced himself. I didn't want my characters to be nameless faces that would just run and scream from the monsters, also, a story can have tonnes of action in it, but if it is worded poorly then it can become boring. I've read chapters in stories where the main character is doing absolutely nothing, but the words can bring out their feelings perfectly.
PS: Blue Jackel is an awful lot like White Tiger. . .
Note to others: That Blue Jackel dude (Jackal is spelt wrong, b.t.w.) is some boy from school who has a problem with me, so don't worry about it, k?
Disclaimer: I don't own Windows 95, k?
***
Angry, exhausted and increasingly famished John had been walking the mansion for what seemed like hours and had even unintentionally passed through the main hall four or five times, such was the labyrinth. Every room John entered, he winced at the gaudy yet somewhat colour-blind decor. The amount of times John opened the door and moaned out in disgust at the sight of puke-green wallpaper with gold trimmings. . . The glowing wall- lamps cast an eerie effect of entrapment in the squalid corridors making him feel he was slowly suffocating. . . like a rat trapped in a maze.. A maze that had an interior designer with a bad sense of humour.
The main hall. It was much more beautiful than the rest of the manor . . . The chandlers . . . the gothic candles . . . it was as though it had been designed by a totally different man. You can imagine just how relieved he felt when he finally, after what felt like hours, found his way to the lab areas.
"Thank God. . ." He muttered and leant against the icy grey steel walls. The air was much cooler down here than it was in the mansion and it didn't reek of that strange 'old building' smell. Instead, the musk of damp wallpaper and overheated electric lights was replaced by the overpowering stench of antiseptic. It made John's nostrils sting for a few seconds . . . From the catacombs of the facility came a strange and distant voice . . . what sounded like . . . swearing.
John raised an eyebrow and pushed himself off the wall in the direction of the lamentation and after several seconds of wandering the labyrinth, he came across the door from which the noise was coming from and he pushed it slowly open.
At a computer desk in an office was a young man who couldn't have been older than twenty-three or so. He was wearing a lab coat and a red bandanna through his mass of afro-like hair. . .The young man continued to complain.
"You see all these hi-tech labs in the movies with lasers and holograms and shit, and what have WE got??" He smacked the monitor violently with one pale white hand. "FUCKING Windows 95!!"
"Hitting it won't do it any good though." The guy in the chair shot around, his clear blue eyes glared at him with the fear of a small, startled animal.
"Huh?? Wha???"
"You were hitting the P.C. . . If it is messed up and the boss finds out you hit it, then weather or not you did the damage in the first place, you'll probably end up paying for it."
He glared up at John for one or two seconds with his large watery eyes but then finally decided that John wasn't a threat to him.
"Oh Uh. . . Thanks. . ." He tightened his bandanna maintaining that nervous expression, however.
"So what's your name?" Asked John, attempting to break the ice.
"My what?" From the expression on his face, John guessed that he didn't expect the question.
"Name."
"Uh. . . . Bill Rabbitson."
"Well remembered." -
- "But my friends call me Bunny!" He suddenly blurted out.
"Okay. . . Bunny. . ." The nickname suited his energetic, anxious nature. . . -
- something on Bill's lab coat caught Johns attention; a little 'Ban the Bomb' badge on his lab coat next to his name tag.
"What's with that badge? Don't you think that's a little. . . tasteless?"
"Huh? Uh, what's wrong with it?"
"I mean, you're working in a bio weapons development facility and you're worried about the atom-bomb?"
". . . I try not to think about that . . . " He seemed to be thinking for a few seconds. "Uh. . . Have you met the boss yet?"
"Oh God, yeah. . ." Said John. "The guy's a freak! He opened the door when I was in the shower and didn't have the curtsey to leave!"
"He's probably gay."
" . . . You really think so?"
"Yeah. . . I met him earlier. He gave me a map of the mansion. His eyes are really creepy."
"Tell me about it. . ." Bill had really eased up in the few seconds the conversation had lasted. . .
"He has that look about him that says 'boy hungry pervert'."
"Then I'm glad I didn't go back to my room. He said he'd come back at nine." Bill looked at his watch. "It's ten forty. . ."
"You think I'm going back in there right now??"
"Hm." Bill nodded unhurriedly in agreement and fixed his attention back on the computer. "Could you give me a hand with this piece of shit??? It just won't DO anything!" John looked over Bill's shoulder. "Try hitting 'Control, 'Alt' and Delete'." Bill complied but nothing happened.
"Now what???"
"I don't know! That's all I got!" John gave the computer tower some rough slaps. "Some computer nerd told me that. I don't know how to work one!"
"Great help you turned out to be!"
"What the hell are you trying to do on this anyway?!"
"I'm supposed to be working on this thing when the specimens arrive. I want to know how to work it BEFORE then!"
"Why the hell did the boss put it up to you to work it if you CAN'T?!"
"Why don't you ask the freak?!?!"
-"Yes, why don't you ask me?" Both of them froze as a tall man leant over Bill's shoulders and punched a few commands into the consol. It was the same man who had made a fool of John earlier; his boss. He'd obviously been there eavesdropping on them for quite a while. . . . Twice now he had made John look like foolish child and it was starting to get to him. The pale skinned man's fingers danced across the keys gracefully and the screen came to life. Suddenly, the once seemingly primitive P.C turned a whole lot more hi-tech than it looked. . . "The CPU for this isn't supposed to come onto the market until 2005."
"The what?"
"Never mind. It just means that it can process a lot more info than your normal 'Windows 95'."
"If you say so. . ." Murmured Bill, starting to get the hang of it now that it had been loaded all up. John was much more focused on the man himself than what he was doing to the P.C. The man had scarcely let up a single suggestion of an emotion entering his mind and was simply as relaxed as ever. . .
As his inexpressive boss came to face him, John's eyes darted to his personnel tag and back, catching a glimpse of the name 'Birkin.' John had heard the name 'Dr. Birkin' once before but was told that it was the designation of one of the most gifted 'female 'employees working for Umbrella.
-"If you would like to know my name, Mr Howe" Birkin said abruptly, driving a blistering bolt of surprise into heart. "Then all you need to do is ask me." John glared, surprised and startled at Birkin's smiling face for several moments before realizing he wanted him to actually ask him his name.
"Uh. . . ."-
-"William Birkin."
John frowned. "I was always told 'Birkin' was a woman. . . ."
"That must be my wife, Annette."
"You mean you HAVE a wife??" Birkin scowled for the first time since John had met him. "Any reason why I shouldn't have one??"
"No. . ."
". . ." Birkin let that one go for now but John had clearly struck a nerve there as Dr. Birkin marched away in an angry huff without another word to either of them.
"Think you got him mad. . ." Murmured Bill sheepishly.
"Fuck. . . That's all I need. I haven't even started my first day of work and I've already pissed my boss off. . ." Bill pretended that he had nothing to do with anything and just kept on typing - though he didn't know what he WAS typing and was just trying to look busy so he didn't get pulled in with John and William's little disagreement. . . "Look - if you want me to go just say it!" And then he noticed he sounded just like that nauseating Dr. Birkin. "ARGH!!" And he stormed off, not realizing he had just done exactly was William had done before him.
*** Notes: Bill Rabbitson is referring to the Resident Evil movie when John first encounters him. ^-^ R&R