The Crush – Part Ten

A/N: We are slowly reaching the end of the story- probably something like three or four chapters left. Don't know for sure. First I have to deal with some of Severus's issues regarding his past and of course see if something can be done about his eyes. I promise it's gets happier now but this chapter covers pretty dark topics. Be warned, it gets a bit graphic. Again rated R.

To my wonderful reviewers: So glad you don't kill me off instantly. I promise (evil grin) I love Sev as much as you do and he will get better soon. I am still not clear how the thing with his eyes will end so.

The hours passed and with each hour Severus got more bored. It was ridiculous. Everybody expected him to be grateful to that Gryffindor know-it-all because she had saved his life. But what was the good in that? Was he to spend the rest of his days lying in bed being bored? He couldn't read, he couldn't even look around. And it was no reassurance that every bone in both his hands felt like it was in the wrong place. How was he supposed to brew potions with fingers like that?

The darkness had one good aspect so. He could ignore people. Poppy was moving around the room rustling with things but she was much to scared of his temper to address him. He was no longer angry more in a state of shock. He had not yet grasped the whole concept of what had happened to him.

When he tried to think back to the moment the crucius curse had been executed on him he met a numb blankness. He was sure it was either one of Poppy's potions or his mind had decided it was not worth remembering. But the events before were crystal clear in his mind as if recorded to play them for his own pleasure.

There was not really much to say about what happened this evening. Voldmort had somehow found out that Snape was working for Dumbledore and had used the crucius curse on him for hours. He had been mad with rage and Snape could honestly say he had never seen the Dark Lord in such a state before. He probably had been pretty sure about his loyalties.

He could still easily remember the cold sweat that had begun to cover his body shortly after the curse had started to take effect. The sharp pain in his bones as the knuckles were smashed and the searing heat in his eyes as somehow his sight was taken. It had felt like burning iron being pressed into his eyeballs and then he had experienced a feeling like nothing ever before, like acid cursing through his veins. Oh yes Voldemort had been out of his mind.

Softly chuckling he had to admit he was quite glad that his mark was gone. It had reminded him all too long off rash decisions made out of youthful foolishness. He had paid dearly for those but now he was almost sure most of his debts were repaid. He had sacrificed his own life, he had never cared much about dating or even starting a family and he had dedicated his life to bring down Voldemort. But now he once again had been forced to pay an even higher price: Eyesight and the use of his hands. It had been almost too high this time.

He still had hopes for his eyes so. Sometimes he could see small flickers of light dancing across his inner eyes. Either his mind was playing tricks on him or maybe there was something left to do.

Hermione.

He cringed. He had been pretty harsh with her but couldn't she see what she got herself into this time? He was an outcast; he was stained and now had not even a position as a potion master at Hogwarts. She was young, she was beautiful, and she was talented. She didn't need a weight in the form of a crippled potions master to pull her down.

There he had thought it. Crippled potion master.

Hell he wanted to sleep but he wasn't tired. He had no idea where Poppy was and he didn't want to call like he was a helpless child. No he was still Severus Snape, Head of Slytherin.

He was sweating for some reason and he felt a sharp hammering in his head beginning. If only there was somebody to talk to or to at least keep him company but the only one probably willing was surely crying somewhere in the castle.

Because of you.

Later he would apologize. Later when his thoughts were cleared and he had a chance to he would tell her how sorry he was.

[I know it is short but the next will be longer. It will contain a nice warm scene with Snape and Hermione getting what they want but this had to come first. For some reason this scene was difficult to write. Usually I write scenes in one go but I started this last night and finished it this morning. I hope there is no writer's block coming on. I rather finish this piece soon. Two more chapters and an Epilogue.]