Because fic tends to get buried so quickly in this fandom, it is necessary to update often if one wants to get any reviews. Here is chapter two. However, I would like you all to keep in mind that I am a member of the Norrington Defense League and I am only bashing the good commodore for parody purposes. Trust me, it hurts me even more than it hurts him.
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Norrington was sitting in his office, being evil, because being evil was what he did best. He was even better at being evil than Annamary was at slapping people. He had been evil ever since Elizabeth dumped him for Will, and gradually got more and more evil, until he was just a big nasty mess of festering evilness. His hobbies now included serial killing and kicking puppies. He knew somehow, even though he was not only evil and incestuous but really stupid too, that Marysue had run off to join the crew of the Black Pearl. Naturally, this was a very bad thing indeed. He could never stand back and let his really sexy daughter become a pirate! He had to have her all to himself! "Marty Stu Turner," he cried dramatically, unsheathing his sword (A/N lolz that sounds totaly wrong ew ew ew norrington's so gross) and holding it high in the air, "you will never have my beautiful Marysue! I will slay you, and your entire family, and your little dog, too!" He threw his head back and cackled evilly as thunder and lightning crashed ominously overhead. "Mwa ha ha ha ha! MWA ha ha ha ha ha!"
Meanwhile, back in the Turners' luxury mansion equipped with hot tub and a mini-bar in every room, the Sparrows and the Turners were hanging around after they'd finished all the rum (A/N but why is the rum gone???lolz) and Marysue was cuddling w/Marty. Mary-Sue was all jealous and stuff, but she can't be w/Marty for reasons that I'm going to keep hinting annoyingly at until it's actually revealed, at which point you'll all know it anyway. You all just have to remember the scene on the island! With Jack/Elizabeth! And the rum!
"CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow has turned up on our doorstep after sixteen years at sea," Will announced. "We don't know why yet."
"Savvy," said Jack, "we comed here on da Pearl cuz..." He paused dramatically. "There be another curse," he said. The aforementioned thundercloud floated over from Norrington Mansion and provided the appropriate sound effects, because god only knows Jack doesn't steal Norrington's thunder often enough in fanfiction. "Actually, it be's the same curse as da last time, cuz the monkey tooked da gold in da lil' scene after da movie credits. 'Cept Barbossa's still dead."
"Then who's the villain?" asked Elizabeth. Anamarrie gave her a withering look and smacked her upside the head.
"Norrington, of course!" she shrieked. "The author can't very well come up with a new villain all on her own, can she? That would require some semblance of intelligence!"
"Ahem," said Mary Sue Turner, from her perch on the table. "I've never heard anything about this curse before, but inasmuch as I have pirate blood running through my veins, my intuition has told me that CAPTAIN Jack should be cursed as well, if his story is true?"
CAPTAIN Jack and Anyamarya looked scandalized. "O' course I'm no' cursed!" cried CAPTAIN Jack. "If I was cursed, then I wouldn't be sexy!" (A/N johnny depp is hott! lolz)
"A very good point," said Mary Sue.
CAPTAIN Jack frowned. "Or maybe there ain't another curse," he said. "Yeah...no, it's cuz we found a treasure map and we wants ya to come an' help us find it." He paused. "Or maybe it's just cuz Norrington needs a convenient excuse to be evil."
"Well, which is it?" snapped Elizabeth.
"All three," said CAPTAIN Jack decisively. "There be's another curse, we gots to find treasure, an' Norrington's evil. All good ways to further da plot. Savvy."
"We have three good plot points," said Will. "And it is late."
And so all the kids went to bed. Marysue and Marty Stu had to be handcuffed and forced into separate rooms, but eventually they all got to sleep.
Meanwhile, back at Norrington Mansion, our cliched villain was plotting his nefarious, done-before scheme. He sat at his desk, poring over ancient fanfics to gain inspiration. Soon, it became apparent that there was really only one thing to be done, because none of the fanfics differed in plot at all. "I must kidnap Jack Sparrow, Anamarea, Will and Elizabeth, and force their children to come and find them!" he cried, tossing the fic aside and rising villainously from his chair. He had no idea what that would actually accomplish, but all the other evil Norringtons had done it, and so he felt it his duty to follow in their evil footsteps. Grabbing a flowing black cloak and Phantom of the Opera mask from the hatstand in the corner, he set off towards the Turner mansion, kicking puppies out of the way as he went.
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*sigh* Poor, maligned Norrington. *hugs Norrington, Steve and Peter Smith-Kingsley* All of Jack Davenport's characters get totally screwed over, in canon AND fanon. I'm not doing much to help the situation.
Ave atque vale,
--Jehan's Muse
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Norrington was sitting in his office, being evil, because being evil was what he did best. He was even better at being evil than Annamary was at slapping people. He had been evil ever since Elizabeth dumped him for Will, and gradually got more and more evil, until he was just a big nasty mess of festering evilness. His hobbies now included serial killing and kicking puppies. He knew somehow, even though he was not only evil and incestuous but really stupid too, that Marysue had run off to join the crew of the Black Pearl. Naturally, this was a very bad thing indeed. He could never stand back and let his really sexy daughter become a pirate! He had to have her all to himself! "Marty Stu Turner," he cried dramatically, unsheathing his sword (A/N lolz that sounds totaly wrong ew ew ew norrington's so gross) and holding it high in the air, "you will never have my beautiful Marysue! I will slay you, and your entire family, and your little dog, too!" He threw his head back and cackled evilly as thunder and lightning crashed ominously overhead. "Mwa ha ha ha ha! MWA ha ha ha ha ha!"
Meanwhile, back in the Turners' luxury mansion equipped with hot tub and a mini-bar in every room, the Sparrows and the Turners were hanging around after they'd finished all the rum (A/N but why is the rum gone???lolz) and Marysue was cuddling w/Marty. Mary-Sue was all jealous and stuff, but she can't be w/Marty for reasons that I'm going to keep hinting annoyingly at until it's actually revealed, at which point you'll all know it anyway. You all just have to remember the scene on the island! With Jack/Elizabeth! And the rum!
"CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow has turned up on our doorstep after sixteen years at sea," Will announced. "We don't know why yet."
"Savvy," said Jack, "we comed here on da Pearl cuz..." He paused dramatically. "There be another curse," he said. The aforementioned thundercloud floated over from Norrington Mansion and provided the appropriate sound effects, because god only knows Jack doesn't steal Norrington's thunder often enough in fanfiction. "Actually, it be's the same curse as da last time, cuz the monkey tooked da gold in da lil' scene after da movie credits. 'Cept Barbossa's still dead."
"Then who's the villain?" asked Elizabeth. Anamarrie gave her a withering look and smacked her upside the head.
"Norrington, of course!" she shrieked. "The author can't very well come up with a new villain all on her own, can she? That would require some semblance of intelligence!"
"Ahem," said Mary Sue Turner, from her perch on the table. "I've never heard anything about this curse before, but inasmuch as I have pirate blood running through my veins, my intuition has told me that CAPTAIN Jack should be cursed as well, if his story is true?"
CAPTAIN Jack and Anyamarya looked scandalized. "O' course I'm no' cursed!" cried CAPTAIN Jack. "If I was cursed, then I wouldn't be sexy!" (A/N johnny depp is hott! lolz)
"A very good point," said Mary Sue.
CAPTAIN Jack frowned. "Or maybe there ain't another curse," he said. "Yeah...no, it's cuz we found a treasure map and we wants ya to come an' help us find it." He paused. "Or maybe it's just cuz Norrington needs a convenient excuse to be evil."
"Well, which is it?" snapped Elizabeth.
"All three," said CAPTAIN Jack decisively. "There be's another curse, we gots to find treasure, an' Norrington's evil. All good ways to further da plot. Savvy."
"We have three good plot points," said Will. "And it is late."
And so all the kids went to bed. Marysue and Marty Stu had to be handcuffed and forced into separate rooms, but eventually they all got to sleep.
Meanwhile, back at Norrington Mansion, our cliched villain was plotting his nefarious, done-before scheme. He sat at his desk, poring over ancient fanfics to gain inspiration. Soon, it became apparent that there was really only one thing to be done, because none of the fanfics differed in plot at all. "I must kidnap Jack Sparrow, Anamarea, Will and Elizabeth, and force their children to come and find them!" he cried, tossing the fic aside and rising villainously from his chair. He had no idea what that would actually accomplish, but all the other evil Norringtons had done it, and so he felt it his duty to follow in their evil footsteps. Grabbing a flowing black cloak and Phantom of the Opera mask from the hatstand in the corner, he set off towards the Turner mansion, kicking puppies out of the way as he went.
----------------
*sigh* Poor, maligned Norrington. *hugs Norrington, Steve and Peter Smith-Kingsley* All of Jack Davenport's characters get totally screwed over, in canon AND fanon. I'm not doing much to help the situation.
Ave atque vale,
--Jehan's Muse