Disclaimer: I do not own Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon. This fanfiction is meant solely for the purposes of entertainment, and not for any profit. Hopefully, it accomplishes that.
Running After You
I've been standing here for an hour and the rain is pounding on my umbrella. I'm waiting. I'm always waiting for you. The city is drenched in rain, the buildings, the people, everything cold and soaked through. It doesn't have the fresh scent of rain because it's the city. Acid rain, city smells, steel, concrete, and gasoline. I'm reminded why I've never liked it. I hate standing here. But I'll wait.
I had a dream last night, one I hadn't had in years. It was about you – they're always about you – but this one terrified me. It forced me to see what always lingered in the back of my mind – that image of you, of Neo-Tokyo, of a future that might or might not be. I awoke, trembling, as always, reaching for you, or even just an image of you that stayed always beyond my grasp. I wouldn't tell you, of course. I couldn't. That would only worry you, and the moment that would happen, you would turn those large, blue eyes on me, and I'd falter. I'd want to take away every worry, every pain that ever touched you, wrap you in my arms and keep you safe, hold you until those worries, every last one, faded. It wouldn't help. I know that. But I'd do it anyway. I'm weak, you see. I break down every time I see you.
I've never had someone like you in my life. I've never had someone to care for. I don't think I knew what it meant to care about someone until I met you. It seems, on that day, I suddenly came alive. And the thought of losing something so precious makes me weak. I want to be strong, because that's what you deserve — someone strong enough to protect you. But the closer I get to you, the weaker I become. And that's when it hits me, when the reality crushes me inside, because I can't deny it. You're stronger than I am. You always have been. I'm just a straggler hanging on to a shining star, hoping that somehow I'll become stronger just by being near to you. Do you realize how unique you are? Do you realize you have something I never will? The rain falls and the dampness sinks into my clothes, and I shiver. But I'm still waiting. I won't move.
I think you do it as a courtesy, just to let me believe that I'm the man I'd like to be, when you ask my opinion, or take my arm when we walk down a dark street at night and tell me that I make you feel safe. I always look away when you say that, and you wonder why. Maybe you honestly don't realize. I can't protect you. I'm just trying to hang onto a shooting star. Last night, you fought with a youkai. You've done it so many times before; I knew how it would end. I knew you would approach with confidence, a glistening, radiant goddess in the moonlight, and of course, you would win. You always win. I don't believe you're capable of failing. I know. I've watched you these past few years. I've watched you grow into the woman you've become. And I've never said it, but you amaze me. I'm sure you've never known. It must be why people are so attracted to you. It makes me nervous; when they flock about you, when they chase after you, trying to grasp that little bit of starlight you so freely share. My hold is so fragile, I'm afraid they'll take you away. And what will I do if I lose my little bit of starlight? It's funny, but I'm not much different from them. That's when the sudden realization hits me. Maybe this is why I dreamed that dream again – because I'm always afraid of losing you.
There's a glimmer of light, and a desperate puffing for breath, and I turn, and see you, running with a book over your head to keep the rain away, long blonde hair trailing behind you. Do you even touch the floor or are you really a goddess? You finally reach me and I hold the umbrella over your head, and pull out my handkerchief for you, only to realize that the rain hasn't touched you at all. I smile. Of course, it wouldn't.
"Mamo-chan!" It's the only word I hear, and I revel in it, though I know a litany of apologies follow for being late. You're always worried about being late. As if I'd leave if you didn't show up on time. I don't think you realize yet. I'm waiting for you.
I lean forward, kiss your forehead, and murmur, "Usako." And you look up, in confusion, thinking I'd be mad. But I smile, and you smile back. So true, so real, this isn't a goddess—no goddess could be this real.
You take my arm and, as we walk, the rain begins to lift. I want to hold you, but I stop myself. You don't need me to protect you. You never have. You walk ahead and I follow, and I realize, maybe for the first time, I haven't been waiting, at all. I've been running. I'm only ever running after you.
A/N: This is the most disgustingly romantic thing I've ever written. I think the heat must have addled my brain. O.o However, hopefully those who like romance enjoyed it. Poor Mamoru is one of the most bashed characters in anime fandom, and I can't help but sympathize with him. Funny thing is, when I first watched Sailor Moon, I hated him too. But now I think I understand him a bit better. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this and please review!