Chapter 2: Hobbit Parties! And Chrissie has a cameo two!
Happy Hobbit music is playing and Frodo is leaning against a tree reading. What he doesn't see is Laina, in the tree, grinning. Suddenly Frodo looks up. He hears Gandalf singing and gets up, just as Laina pounces.
"Ow, shit!" she exclaims, as Frodo runs to meet Gandalf.
"You're late" he accuses.
"A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins," the wizard replies. "Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means too."
After fighting back smiles, they both start laughing.
"Do you have any idea how creepy your face gets when you do that??" Laina pops out from the back of Gandalf's cart.
"Ummm, okay," Frodo says, and jumps into Gandalf's arms for a hug.
Laina bursts out laughing. "I'm sorry," she manages to choke out. "But I can so see you missing the cart and falling flat on your face." She can hardly breath she's laughing so hard.
"Alright, who are you?" Gandalf finally demands.
"Oh, right, sorry," she replies, starting to calm down. "I'm Laina. And you're Frodo Baggins, and you're Gandalf the Grey, a.k.a. Mithrandir, a.k.a. The Grey Pilgrim (which is what Mithrandir means), a.k.a. Storm Crow....hey, you have almost as many names as Aragorn, who's also known as Estel, or Lightfoot, or FKoG..that's my own special one that I made up. It stands for Future King of Gondor...."
Since Frodo doesn't have a clue what she's rambling about, and Gandalf doesn't care, they both decide to ignore her and continue on with their conversation about the outside world.
When the children chase after Gandalf for the fireworks, she pauses her endless stream of words for a moment. "Aww, come on Gandalf. The itty-bitty cute kids want fireworks. And so does the old guy, but he doesn't want his wife to know so shh. And I want fireworks too! Frodo knows too! Look at him looking at you with his pretty baby blue eyes!!!"
Gandalf finally sets off the fireworks, as much to shut Laina up as anything. The children all smile, and Laina giggles like a five year-old, claps her hands, and resumes her one-sided conversation about Aragorn's many names, which has now drifted completely off topic.
Just as Frodo says his good bye to Gandalf, Laina finishes her stream of words, ending with "And that's why it is a screwdriver, it just doesn't fit."
Frodo jumps off the cart and Laina yells good bye after him. But Gandalf turns around and looks at her. "There is no way you are staying with me. Get off my cart."
"But, but, but"
"Off. Now"
"Oh, fine. You're no fun." Laina jumps off the cart and Gandalf continues on his way to Bilbo's house.
He reaches Bilbo's house and knocks on the door.
"No thank you! We don't want anymore visitors, well-wishers or distant relations."
"How about very old friends?"
Bilbo opens the door and runs out to greet his friend.
"Bilbo...do you know what a funny name that is? I mean you change one letter and you end up with-"
"Oh, not you again" Gandalf groans.
"Friend of yours?" Bilbo asks, looking slightly amused as well as perplexed as to her previous statement.
"Oh yeah, me and Gandy go waaaaaay back" she answers, before Gandalf has a chance to.
"GANDY?!?"
"Uh-huh"
"Riiiight..."
Bilbo and Gandalf go inside and Laina blissfully goes away. They have their little pointless conversation in piece until Lobelia Baggins comes to the door.
"Bilbo Baggins, open up!" she yells
"Shhh! I'm not at home!" he whispers to Gandalf.
"Yes you are," Laina answers, appearing out of nowhere.
"No I'm not," Bilbo says, trying to get his point across.
Unfortunately for him, Laina has decided to play stupid. "But you are at home. I'm looking right at you, and I'm in your home."
"Alright, alright, I'm home. But I don't want her to know that."
"Ooh, why didn't you say so?"
Bilbo and Gandalf carry on with their conversation (A/N: I forget exactly how this part goes, and my brother won't let me check as he's watching tv, so bear with me....and if it's really off, than let me know in a review *hinthint*)
Finally Bilbo says his line "I feel like butter stretched over too much bread."
"Really?" asked Laina, who had been quiet for so long that they had almost dared to hope that she had left. "I feel like sugar. Do you have any?"
"In the cupboard over there," Bilbo answered, trying to continue his conversation.
"I'm going on a very long vacation. And I don't expect I'll return. In fact, I mean not to."
"No!!! Don't go!!! Frodo would be sad! He'd really, really miss you! You're his favouritest uncle/adopted father."
Gandalf and Bilbo look at her rather oddly.
"Oh fine, leave then. But I'm not going to be the one Frodo comes crying to."
Scene changes to Bilbo and Gandalf smoking.
Laina comes running up. "Don't you know smoking is bad for your health?? You could die. It's been clinically proven!!"
She is, of course, met with blank stares. "Fine. But don't come crying to me when you have lung cancer!! Waah!! Poor Luke! He's going to die!" She cries and runs off.
***HOBBIT PARTY TIME!***
Frodo is "dancing" when Laina comes running up. "Frodo Baggins, you dance like a chicken! Now, my friend Chrissie and I are going to teach you a new game. Ready? Chrissie!!!"
She is joined by a girl about her height, but very different. She has short, short auburnish-brown hair, and very black eyeliner. She's wearing a black vinyl jacket covered in safety pins and a pair of black capri pants with fishnet stockings. On her feet are heavy "military" boots, although nobody in the military would ever wear them as they are covered in metal and loads of buckles. On her head is a grey "Brit" hat. The girl doesn't look like she deserves the name Chrissie, or a job teaching five-year-olds, which is how she and Laina are treating the hobbits.
"Case, stop calling me Chrissie. I'm Christin, not Chrissie."
"Too bad, I like Chrissie. And I'm Laina. Not Case(y). Now shut up, you stupid bitch. We're going to teach these cute little Hobbits "Jibberish Talk Show", because they dance like chickens. Well, Frodo does."
"Yaaaay Neptune!!!" Is Chrissie's response.
"Ok, now this game is a lot of fun you guys!!"
"It is! We're going to need three volunteers. One to be the alien, one to be the host, and one to be the translator ....anybody?"
"Oooook, we only need one volunteer....Chrissie and I can be the other two....just one....come on...you can do anything you want.."
By this point, most of the Hobbits have moved off and continued with their party.
"You know what Chrissie?"
"What Casey?"
"This isn't working. Thanks for your help though! I'll see you later!"
"Alright, bye! I lubbles you!"
They hug, Chrissie disappears, and Laina goes off to see what her hobbity friends are doing. She arrives just in time to hear Sam say "I think I'll just have another ale" in response to Frodo's suggestion to "ask Rosie for a dance".
"Now Sam, no matter how you feel right now, you shouldn't try to drown your sorrows in ale. You're just starting yourself on the road to alcoholism. Now, take Frodo's suggestion, and dance with Rosie. Have fun!"
Before he can ask who she is, she pushes him off, and he nearly falls, being slightly tipsy, and Rosie catches him and off they go. She smiles to herself and mutters about how good she is before wandering off.
Gandalf sets off some fireworks, and Merry stands by a tent and watches. When Gandalf isn't looking, Merry hits the tent and Pippin comes running out. Merry boosts him into the back of Gandalf's cart and Pippin grabs one, the big one at Merry's urging. He jumps off and hides in the tent while Merry bites at an apple and tries to look nonchalant. As soon as the coast is clear, he throws away the apple and ducks into the tent.
Merry and Pippin are about to light the firework when Laina appears out of nowhere.
"Ooooh, fireworks! That's Gandalf's, isn't it?"
"Shhh, don't tell!" Merry hisses at her.
"Are you kidding?!? Chrissie!!!!"
Once again, Chrissie appears. "What do you want, Case? I was working on a commission."
"Look, I brought you for the fireworks, see?"
"Yaaaaay!!!"
"Umm, excuse me, but who are you?" Pippin interrupts.
"Oh yeah, I'm Laina, and this is my buddy Chrissie. We're walk home together buddies, and money buddies, and short buddies, and drive home buddies and Neptune buddies and-"
"Casey?"
"Uh huh?"
"I don't think they care hon." Chrissie says, motioning to the two hobbits, who's eyes are starting to glaze over.
"Oh, right, sorry. Anyways, light the fireworks, we want to watch."
Pippin lights the firework with a happy "There!" Laina can barely contain her laughter at what's about to happen, and Chrissie is watching with an amused grin.
"You're s'posed to stick it in the ground." says Merry.
"It is in the ground." Pippin responds.
"Outside."
"It was your idea!"
The two scream as the firework goes off, pulling the tent with it. Chrissie and Laina are rolling on the ground they're laughing so hard. Luckily the firework goes off without hurting anyone and Hobbit's are amazed.
Merry and Pippin had just decided to get another one when Gandalf grabs them each by an ear. "Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. I should have known."
Suddenly he spots Chrissie and Laina, barely breathing on the ground. "Oh great," he mutters. "You're here. And you have a friend. Wonderful. I don't suppose you had anything to do with this?"
"Yes," she gasps through her giggles. "It was all our idea." She winks at the two hobbits.
"You and your friend-"
"My name is Chrissie-argh, no!! It's Christin! My name is Christin!" she says, looking a little bit pissed off.
"Right, you and Christin go and do the dishes."
"K!" Laina giggles, and runs off, pulling Chrissie with her.
"I don't wanna do the dishes!" Chrissie whines
"Oh, go and finish your commission," Laina pushes her, still laughing. Chrissie disappears once again.
Laina was soon joined by the two Hobbits. "Oh poo." she whines. "I thought he might of believed me."
"Nope!" Pippin responds cheerfully. "But thanks for trying though!"
Laina actually stayed to help with the dishes and soon made friends with the two hobbits. Sadly for her, they seemed to be the only people....ah, creatures, in all of Middle Earth who actually liked her. Just as she, Merry and Pippin finished the dishes, Bilbo gets up for his speech.
"Speech! Speech!" yell the crowd!
Bilbo says hello to all the people there by their last names and brings much cheering.
Just when he finished his names, and was about to continue on there was a loud "You forgot the Lainas!" Everybody turned to look at her, confused. "Oh, never mind. Finish your little speech."
After thoroughly confusing the crowd, Bilbo states, "This is the end." and promptly disappears.
"Wow. Didn't see that coming." Laina says, her voice dripping with sarcasm. None of the hobbits heard her though, as they were too busy talking about what had just happened.
Meanwhile, back at the house, Bilbo walks through the door, chuckling to himself.
"I suppose you think you think that was terribly clever." A voice states, scaring Bilbo.
"Come on Gandalf, did you see their faces?"
"There are many magic rings in this world, Bilbo Baggins, and none of them should be used lightly."
"It was just a bit of fun! Ah, I suppose you're right."
Gandalf is about to reply when Laina appears. "Ok, this is boring. Whee, you're leaving everything to Frodo, even the ring, yes you have to leave it. You're turning into gollum, and you're going to start calling it your precious, yadda yadda....Gandalf, we know you're not some conjurer of cheap tricks, you're a Maia, yay for you. Are we done now?"
Looking slightly confused, Bilbo gathers his stuff and leaves.
"Bilbo, the ring is still in your pocket."
Bilbo drops the ring inside the door after fingering it for a moment, and then heads out the door, Gandalf following.
"I've thought up an ending for my book. And he lived happily ever after until the end of his days."
"And I'm sure you will, Bilbo." was Gandalf's reply.
Bilbo left and Gandalf headed back inside.
"I wouldn't try to pick up the ring if I were you. You'll just see a big fiery eye," Laina warns.
He ignored her and bends to pick it up. Sure enough..... "Ow!"
"Told ya so. Now go sit in front of the fire, smoke a bit, try to figure out what's going on, don't bother asking me, even though I know, and be a good Maiar."
Gandalf was doing just that when Frodo burst through the door. "Bilbo?" he asks.
"Yeah, he's gone." He was met at the door by Laina. "He's gone to stay with the elves in Rivendell, he's left you Bag End...put the ring in the envelope....good boy....now Gandalf has to leave....keep it secret, keep it safe. The ring I meant."
"What she said," Gandalf says, getting ready to leave, too busy thinking about the ring to even bother wondering how she knew this.
"But I don't understand!" Frodo exclaims, chasing after Gandalf.
"Neither do I Frodo," was the response.
He went back inside, trying to figure out what was going on.
"Hey, um, Frodo, can I stay with you for a while?"
Laina was met with an exasperated glance and Frodo's retreating back.
"I'll take that as a yes!" she yells after him.
***And another chapter! Go Cas! (You realize I'm doing this to annoy you!)***
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Happy Hobbit music is playing and Frodo is leaning against a tree reading. What he doesn't see is Laina, in the tree, grinning. Suddenly Frodo looks up. He hears Gandalf singing and gets up, just as Laina pounces.
"Ow, shit!" she exclaims, as Frodo runs to meet Gandalf.
"You're late" he accuses.
"A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins," the wizard replies. "Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means too."
After fighting back smiles, they both start laughing.
"Do you have any idea how creepy your face gets when you do that??" Laina pops out from the back of Gandalf's cart.
"Ummm, okay," Frodo says, and jumps into Gandalf's arms for a hug.
Laina bursts out laughing. "I'm sorry," she manages to choke out. "But I can so see you missing the cart and falling flat on your face." She can hardly breath she's laughing so hard.
"Alright, who are you?" Gandalf finally demands.
"Oh, right, sorry," she replies, starting to calm down. "I'm Laina. And you're Frodo Baggins, and you're Gandalf the Grey, a.k.a. Mithrandir, a.k.a. The Grey Pilgrim (which is what Mithrandir means), a.k.a. Storm Crow....hey, you have almost as many names as Aragorn, who's also known as Estel, or Lightfoot, or FKoG..that's my own special one that I made up. It stands for Future King of Gondor...."
Since Frodo doesn't have a clue what she's rambling about, and Gandalf doesn't care, they both decide to ignore her and continue on with their conversation about the outside world.
When the children chase after Gandalf for the fireworks, she pauses her endless stream of words for a moment. "Aww, come on Gandalf. The itty-bitty cute kids want fireworks. And so does the old guy, but he doesn't want his wife to know so shh. And I want fireworks too! Frodo knows too! Look at him looking at you with his pretty baby blue eyes!!!"
Gandalf finally sets off the fireworks, as much to shut Laina up as anything. The children all smile, and Laina giggles like a five year-old, claps her hands, and resumes her one-sided conversation about Aragorn's many names, which has now drifted completely off topic.
Just as Frodo says his good bye to Gandalf, Laina finishes her stream of words, ending with "And that's why it is a screwdriver, it just doesn't fit."
Frodo jumps off the cart and Laina yells good bye after him. But Gandalf turns around and looks at her. "There is no way you are staying with me. Get off my cart."
"But, but, but"
"Off. Now"
"Oh, fine. You're no fun." Laina jumps off the cart and Gandalf continues on his way to Bilbo's house.
He reaches Bilbo's house and knocks on the door.
"No thank you! We don't want anymore visitors, well-wishers or distant relations."
"How about very old friends?"
Bilbo opens the door and runs out to greet his friend.
"Bilbo...do you know what a funny name that is? I mean you change one letter and you end up with-"
"Oh, not you again" Gandalf groans.
"Friend of yours?" Bilbo asks, looking slightly amused as well as perplexed as to her previous statement.
"Oh yeah, me and Gandy go waaaaaay back" she answers, before Gandalf has a chance to.
"GANDY?!?"
"Uh-huh"
"Riiiight..."
Bilbo and Gandalf go inside and Laina blissfully goes away. They have their little pointless conversation in piece until Lobelia Baggins comes to the door.
"Bilbo Baggins, open up!" she yells
"Shhh! I'm not at home!" he whispers to Gandalf.
"Yes you are," Laina answers, appearing out of nowhere.
"No I'm not," Bilbo says, trying to get his point across.
Unfortunately for him, Laina has decided to play stupid. "But you are at home. I'm looking right at you, and I'm in your home."
"Alright, alright, I'm home. But I don't want her to know that."
"Ooh, why didn't you say so?"
Bilbo and Gandalf carry on with their conversation (A/N: I forget exactly how this part goes, and my brother won't let me check as he's watching tv, so bear with me....and if it's really off, than let me know in a review *hinthint*)
Finally Bilbo says his line "I feel like butter stretched over too much bread."
"Really?" asked Laina, who had been quiet for so long that they had almost dared to hope that she had left. "I feel like sugar. Do you have any?"
"In the cupboard over there," Bilbo answered, trying to continue his conversation.
"I'm going on a very long vacation. And I don't expect I'll return. In fact, I mean not to."
"No!!! Don't go!!! Frodo would be sad! He'd really, really miss you! You're his favouritest uncle/adopted father."
Gandalf and Bilbo look at her rather oddly.
"Oh fine, leave then. But I'm not going to be the one Frodo comes crying to."
Scene changes to Bilbo and Gandalf smoking.
Laina comes running up. "Don't you know smoking is bad for your health?? You could die. It's been clinically proven!!"
She is, of course, met with blank stares. "Fine. But don't come crying to me when you have lung cancer!! Waah!! Poor Luke! He's going to die!" She cries and runs off.
***HOBBIT PARTY TIME!***
Frodo is "dancing" when Laina comes running up. "Frodo Baggins, you dance like a chicken! Now, my friend Chrissie and I are going to teach you a new game. Ready? Chrissie!!!"
She is joined by a girl about her height, but very different. She has short, short auburnish-brown hair, and very black eyeliner. She's wearing a black vinyl jacket covered in safety pins and a pair of black capri pants with fishnet stockings. On her feet are heavy "military" boots, although nobody in the military would ever wear them as they are covered in metal and loads of buckles. On her head is a grey "Brit" hat. The girl doesn't look like she deserves the name Chrissie, or a job teaching five-year-olds, which is how she and Laina are treating the hobbits.
"Case, stop calling me Chrissie. I'm Christin, not Chrissie."
"Too bad, I like Chrissie. And I'm Laina. Not Case(y). Now shut up, you stupid bitch. We're going to teach these cute little Hobbits "Jibberish Talk Show", because they dance like chickens. Well, Frodo does."
"Yaaaay Neptune!!!" Is Chrissie's response.
"Ok, now this game is a lot of fun you guys!!"
"It is! We're going to need three volunteers. One to be the alien, one to be the host, and one to be the translator ....anybody?"
"Oooook, we only need one volunteer....Chrissie and I can be the other two....just one....come on...you can do anything you want.."
By this point, most of the Hobbits have moved off and continued with their party.
"You know what Chrissie?"
"What Casey?"
"This isn't working. Thanks for your help though! I'll see you later!"
"Alright, bye! I lubbles you!"
They hug, Chrissie disappears, and Laina goes off to see what her hobbity friends are doing. She arrives just in time to hear Sam say "I think I'll just have another ale" in response to Frodo's suggestion to "ask Rosie for a dance".
"Now Sam, no matter how you feel right now, you shouldn't try to drown your sorrows in ale. You're just starting yourself on the road to alcoholism. Now, take Frodo's suggestion, and dance with Rosie. Have fun!"
Before he can ask who she is, she pushes him off, and he nearly falls, being slightly tipsy, and Rosie catches him and off they go. She smiles to herself and mutters about how good she is before wandering off.
Gandalf sets off some fireworks, and Merry stands by a tent and watches. When Gandalf isn't looking, Merry hits the tent and Pippin comes running out. Merry boosts him into the back of Gandalf's cart and Pippin grabs one, the big one at Merry's urging. He jumps off and hides in the tent while Merry bites at an apple and tries to look nonchalant. As soon as the coast is clear, he throws away the apple and ducks into the tent.
Merry and Pippin are about to light the firework when Laina appears out of nowhere.
"Ooooh, fireworks! That's Gandalf's, isn't it?"
"Shhh, don't tell!" Merry hisses at her.
"Are you kidding?!? Chrissie!!!!"
Once again, Chrissie appears. "What do you want, Case? I was working on a commission."
"Look, I brought you for the fireworks, see?"
"Yaaaaay!!!"
"Umm, excuse me, but who are you?" Pippin interrupts.
"Oh yeah, I'm Laina, and this is my buddy Chrissie. We're walk home together buddies, and money buddies, and short buddies, and drive home buddies and Neptune buddies and-"
"Casey?"
"Uh huh?"
"I don't think they care hon." Chrissie says, motioning to the two hobbits, who's eyes are starting to glaze over.
"Oh, right, sorry. Anyways, light the fireworks, we want to watch."
Pippin lights the firework with a happy "There!" Laina can barely contain her laughter at what's about to happen, and Chrissie is watching with an amused grin.
"You're s'posed to stick it in the ground." says Merry.
"It is in the ground." Pippin responds.
"Outside."
"It was your idea!"
The two scream as the firework goes off, pulling the tent with it. Chrissie and Laina are rolling on the ground they're laughing so hard. Luckily the firework goes off without hurting anyone and Hobbit's are amazed.
Merry and Pippin had just decided to get another one when Gandalf grabs them each by an ear. "Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. I should have known."
Suddenly he spots Chrissie and Laina, barely breathing on the ground. "Oh great," he mutters. "You're here. And you have a friend. Wonderful. I don't suppose you had anything to do with this?"
"Yes," she gasps through her giggles. "It was all our idea." She winks at the two hobbits.
"You and your friend-"
"My name is Chrissie-argh, no!! It's Christin! My name is Christin!" she says, looking a little bit pissed off.
"Right, you and Christin go and do the dishes."
"K!" Laina giggles, and runs off, pulling Chrissie with her.
"I don't wanna do the dishes!" Chrissie whines
"Oh, go and finish your commission," Laina pushes her, still laughing. Chrissie disappears once again.
Laina was soon joined by the two Hobbits. "Oh poo." she whines. "I thought he might of believed me."
"Nope!" Pippin responds cheerfully. "But thanks for trying though!"
Laina actually stayed to help with the dishes and soon made friends with the two hobbits. Sadly for her, they seemed to be the only people....ah, creatures, in all of Middle Earth who actually liked her. Just as she, Merry and Pippin finished the dishes, Bilbo gets up for his speech.
"Speech! Speech!" yell the crowd!
Bilbo says hello to all the people there by their last names and brings much cheering.
Just when he finished his names, and was about to continue on there was a loud "You forgot the Lainas!" Everybody turned to look at her, confused. "Oh, never mind. Finish your little speech."
After thoroughly confusing the crowd, Bilbo states, "This is the end." and promptly disappears.
"Wow. Didn't see that coming." Laina says, her voice dripping with sarcasm. None of the hobbits heard her though, as they were too busy talking about what had just happened.
Meanwhile, back at the house, Bilbo walks through the door, chuckling to himself.
"I suppose you think you think that was terribly clever." A voice states, scaring Bilbo.
"Come on Gandalf, did you see their faces?"
"There are many magic rings in this world, Bilbo Baggins, and none of them should be used lightly."
"It was just a bit of fun! Ah, I suppose you're right."
Gandalf is about to reply when Laina appears. "Ok, this is boring. Whee, you're leaving everything to Frodo, even the ring, yes you have to leave it. You're turning into gollum, and you're going to start calling it your precious, yadda yadda....Gandalf, we know you're not some conjurer of cheap tricks, you're a Maia, yay for you. Are we done now?"
Looking slightly confused, Bilbo gathers his stuff and leaves.
"Bilbo, the ring is still in your pocket."
Bilbo drops the ring inside the door after fingering it for a moment, and then heads out the door, Gandalf following.
"I've thought up an ending for my book. And he lived happily ever after until the end of his days."
"And I'm sure you will, Bilbo." was Gandalf's reply.
Bilbo left and Gandalf headed back inside.
"I wouldn't try to pick up the ring if I were you. You'll just see a big fiery eye," Laina warns.
He ignored her and bends to pick it up. Sure enough..... "Ow!"
"Told ya so. Now go sit in front of the fire, smoke a bit, try to figure out what's going on, don't bother asking me, even though I know, and be a good Maiar."
Gandalf was doing just that when Frodo burst through the door. "Bilbo?" he asks.
"Yeah, he's gone." He was met at the door by Laina. "He's gone to stay with the elves in Rivendell, he's left you Bag End...put the ring in the envelope....good boy....now Gandalf has to leave....keep it secret, keep it safe. The ring I meant."
"What she said," Gandalf says, getting ready to leave, too busy thinking about the ring to even bother wondering how she knew this.
"But I don't understand!" Frodo exclaims, chasing after Gandalf.
"Neither do I Frodo," was the response.
He went back inside, trying to figure out what was going on.
"Hey, um, Frodo, can I stay with you for a while?"
Laina was met with an exasperated glance and Frodo's retreating back.
"I'll take that as a yes!" she yells after him.
***And another chapter! Go Cas! (You realize I'm doing this to annoy you!)***
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