Chapter 5!! Yaaay! Oh, I decided to be nicer to Arwen from now on. I do like her, even in the movie, it's just that she stole Glorfindel's part, and I had to bash her for that. Also, if you're wondering where the twins are, they're both sitting on either side of Elrond.
Oh, if you want the lyrics to Come What May, send me an e-mail (purplelightning_bolt@hotmail.com) or leave a review and I'll send them to you.
And to my adoring reviews (HA!):
Fancy Face: I'm glad you like it! Laina had (is having) lots of fun in Rivendell! Yes she did (is)!!
Lady Blackfire: You got kicked out of a library? Hee! I'm sorry, but that greatly amuses me. Yay! I got someone kicked out of a library. I'm funny! Yay! Anyways, yes...I'm glad you liked it!
Empress: I'm glad you liked it and found it so funny! ^__^ It's fun writing it.
Disclaimer: I own me. And the pizza. I own the pizza. Other than that, nothing.
Flames will be used to heat my house.
Chapter 5: The Nameless Chapter (because "Frodo wakes up" or "The Council" is too unoriginal).
Frodo tosses and turns, on the brink of waking up.
"Where am I? What time is it?"
"In Rivendell, and it's 10:00 in the morning, on October the 24." a familiar voice kindly tells him.
"October the 24?" Laina yells, as Frodo fully wakes up. "I think today's my cousin's birthday. Or is it the 25? Maybe the 23? I don't know. It might be the 9. Something like that." Laina wanders off, trying to remember.
"Right. Why didn't you meet us Gandalf?" Frodo asks.
"Saruman loved him too much to let him go!" Laina yells from outside the room.
Gandalf spaces out, remembering what happened on top of Orthanc.
************************************************************
"Join the dark side! The dark side will prevail!" Saruman tells Gandalf, throwing him around the top of the tower with his staff.
"No Gandalf! Don't listen to him!!" Laina screams. "Evil never wins!" She is dressed in a long white dress with long bell sleeves and a V-neck. Her hair is down, and brushed and hangs almost half way down her back. She has on a headband that has a halo on it. Laina snaps her fingers, and suddenly Saruman is dressed all in red with a pointy tail. He has a headband with pointy ears on it, and his staff has turned into a devil's stick thing.
"Get me out of this ridiculous outfit!" Saruman insists.
"But it suits you so perfectly!" Laina insists.
"NOW!"
"Oh, all right." she says, snapping her fingers.
"As I was saying, join the dark side! Bua*coughcough*ha!" Saruman yells, balancing Gandalf on the side of the tower.
"Um, Saruman. There's only ONE dark lord. And he isn't going to share power. Oops, sorry Gandalf. I stole your line," Laina says.
"I will never join the dark side!" Gandalf says, trying to make up for his last line.
"Fine then," Saruman shrugs. "Your loss."
But before he can throw Gandalf off the tower, Gandalf jumps off. Saruman runs to the edge to see Gandalf fly off on Gwaihir, the eagle.
"Hey Gandalf, wait for me!" Laina yells, running off the edge.
"Where's MY eagle?" she screams, as she plummets towards the ground, still in her angel costume.
Luckily, (or maybe not for the people...elves....er... creatures she annoys) she lands on a random placed trampoline. The random placed trampoline also happened to squish a few orcs.
************************************************************
"Gandalf?" Frodo asks, bringing him out of his daydreams.
"FRODO!" Sam screams, running to his side. Frodo can hardly believe it.
"We were so worried about you. I only left because I was hungry." Sam tells him.
"Thanks to Elrond, you're a lot better." Gandalf tells Frodo as Elrond comes up.
"Hey Elrond!" Laina yells, entering the room behind Sam. "Remember me?"
Suddenly she screams and falls to the floor writhing.
"Um, are you okay?" he asks.
"Oh yeah, sorry." she says, standing up again. "Your forehead was kind of reflecting the light for a minute and burning my eyes."
"You're the girl from the First War!" he says, shocked. "And you're still alive? But aren't you a Man?"
"No. I'm a woman," she retorts, sticking her tongue out at him. "Girl power!" she yells ditzily.
"How can you still be alive?"
"Don't get her started, please," Gandalf, Frodo and Sam beg.
"Welcome to Rivendell!" Laina yells before dancing off.
Frodo wanders around Rivendell with Sam, in awe of its beauty. Suddenly Merry and Pippin run up to him and hug him.
"Hey Frodo. Everything is in slow motion!" Pippin shouts. "Isn't this cool?"
Then Frodo notices Bilbo, sitting on a bench down the path. "Bilbo!" he shouts, and runs to greet him.
"Aww, isn't that cute? He's visiting his uncle who looks like a nursing home patient." Laina walks up to them. Her hair is down for once and she's wearing jeans and a blue t-shirt with the Empire State Building on the front and NEW YORK in big sparkly letters. She's eating a huge piece of pepperoni pizza.
"What's that?" Pippin asks, staring in awe at the pizza while Frodo and Bilbo talk.
"Pizza."
"But what is it?" he persists.
"It's like flat bread with tomato sauce and melted cheese on it and then whatever toppings you want on top."
"What's on yours?"
"Bacon and mushrooms."
"Mushrooms??" his eyes grow dangerously wide, until Laina is worried they'll fall out of his head.
"Uh-huh,"
"Could I have a piece?" he asks.
"Sure," she tells him.
"Hey what about me?" Merry demands.
"Of course," she answers, and with a snap of her fingers they both have a large piece of bacon and mushroom pizza.
"This is so good!" Pippin exclaims with his mouth full.
"I know." she says, smiling as she walks off and muttering about hooking cute little hobbits on pizza. (a/n: don't ask. It's just this weird thing I have. I've always wanted to give hobbits-actually Merry and Pippin, pizza.)
After speaking with Bilbo, Frodo walks over to Sam, who is packing.
"Getting ready to leave so soon?" Frodo asks, surprised.
"Well, yes." Sam replies.
"I thought you wanted to see the elves."
"I do."
"More than anything."
"I did, it's just that-"
"Alright Sam, what did you break?" Laina accuses.
"What? Nothing!"
"Well, you must have broken something, why else would you be in such a hurry to leave?"
"It's just that we brought that stupid ring, and I want to go home. I miss my daddy." Sam whines.
"You know what Sam? You're right. I want to go home too." Frodo tells him.
Gandalf and Elrond are watching them speak.
"It's amazing how well Frodo has resisted the ring." Elrond says.
"But he shouldn't have had to. He's been wounded and I will not ask him to bear the burden any longer!" Gandalf tells him.
"Gandalf, Sauron's eye is fixed on Rivendell. His enemies are marching. And Saruman has betrayed you say. Our list of allies grows thin."
"Hee! I love the way you say that!" Laina laughs. "Our list of allies grows thin."
He ignores her. "Gandalf, my people are leaving-"
"Don't go!" Laina screams. "You're so pretty! It will be so sad if you leave!! Please don't go!" she starts to cry.
"Who will you get to help you when we're gone?" Elrond demands. "The dwarves who hide in their stinky mountains?"
"Men!" Gandalf announces proudly.
"Gandalf, I was there when men failed."
***Flashback to the First War***
"Isildur, come with me to the fires!" Elrond shouts at him as Isildur stares at the ring.
"Okey-dokey!" Isildur agrees.
"Isildur had this one chance to destroy evil forever." Laina narrates.
"Hey! That's my line!" Galadriel yells from nowhere.
"Sorry Galadriel!"
"Isildur, throw the ring into the fire!"
"No! I don't wanna anymore!" Isildur whines. "It's too shiny!" he says, and walks away.
"Isildur, come back! You're messing things up!" Elrond pouts.
"K, on the count of three we'll jump him and take the ring!" Laina says. "Ready, 1-2-THREE!"
Pathetically, Laina misses completely, and almost falls into the fire. "Um, could someone please help me?" she asks, hanging on for dear life.
Elrond feels bad for her and helps her up. It was something he would truly regret later.
***Flashback to before the Flashback***
"It did not happen like that!" Elrond shouts. "You made us sound like little kids!"
"I know," Laina responds. "But I've heard this story so many times, and so has Gandalf. You never stop complaining about Men. So I decided to...liven it up a bit."
"Liven it up," he mutters under his breath.
"There is someone who would join Men together," Gandalf tells them.
"He has chosen exile."
"Dun, dun, duuuuuun," Laina sings. "Sorry," she responds to the looks they give her. "But you make it sound so ominous.
In one of the halls, Aragorn is reading a book.
"Whatcha reading?" Laina asks, bouncing in.
"A book," he answers, trying to ignore her.
"Oh, be mean then," she says, and wanders away.
After awhile, Boromir wanders in, looking around. Aragorn looks up at him.
"Why are you looking at him like that?"
"What, like this?" Aragorn asks and makes a really stupid face, causing Laina to laugh.
(a/n: I got bored with all the characters hating me, so I decided to make them like me, at least a little bit. So sue me.)
Boromir looks over at them, rolls his eyes and continues looking around. Laina sticks her tongue out at him behind his back and Aragorn laughs.
"The shards of Narsil!" Boromir exclaims, going over to them.
"Ooh, shiny," Laina mocks him.
He picks up the main piece, and runs his finger over it, cutting it. "And still sharp." he mutters.
"Ya think?" asks sarcastically, causing Aragorn to laugh again.
Boromir looks over at them, slightly embarrassed. "But no more than an old trinket." he says, hastily throwing it down and leaving. It falls from where he put it, and although he looks back, he keeps walking.
"Would it have killed you to pick it up?" Laina yells after him, while Aragorn goes to gently put the sword back.
"Why do you fear the past?" Arwen asks him, gliding up behind them.
Laina yelps in surprise. "Don't scare me like that!" she admonishes Arwen.
"Sorry. But really though. You're not Isildur, just his heir."
"But the same blood flows through my veins."
"Aww, that sounds so noble." Laina coos.
Arwen and Aragorn start speaking in Elvish.
"Um, do you mind repeating that in English?" Laina asks when they have finished.
Later on that night, Arwen and Aragorn are standing on a bridge, talking.
Laina wanders around, looking for Glorfindel. Finally she finds him and drags him over to some bushes nearby.
"When I give you the cue, start singing Come What May with me," she whispers to him.
"But I don't know the words," he whispers back.
"Oh, right, here." She hands him a piece of paper with lyrics on it.
After speaking in Elvish for a bit, Aragorn says, "You said you bind yourself to me, forsaking the immortal life of your people,"
"Ooh, her father's going to kill her!" Glorfindel whispers.
Laina is starting to doubt that this is the "good" idea she had originally thought.
"It is mine to give, as is my heart." Arwen finishes.
Laina has decided that this definitely isn't the good idea that she had originally thought. She taps Glorfindel's shoulder to get him to quietly leave with her as Arwen and Aragorn kiss. Unfortunately, he thinks she means to start singing.
"Never knew, I could feel like this, like I'd never seen the sky before!" he sings, quite loudly.
Laina motions for him to shut up but he takes to mean to skip on to the chorus.
"Come What May, Come What May, I will love you until my dying day!" Arwen is so surprised that she falls off the bridge and into the water, which luckily isn't that deep.
"Run!" Laina yells to Glorfindel, dragging him off with her.
The next day, the council is about to start when Laina bounds in. She's wearing lace up bell bottom jeans that almost completely cover her bare feet and a thick strap scarlet tank top.
"Geez, you almost started without me!" she says, outraged.
"That was intentional." Elrond mutters, not-so-discreetly.
Suddenly she runs over to Elrohir and plops herself in his lap. "You're pretty!" she tells him, while he just looks at her, bewildered.
"Don't worry. You're pretty too! I'd sit in your lap, but Meighan would kill me!" she yells over to Legolas, on the other side of the council. "Hey..." she mutters with an evil look on her face.
"Oh no," Aragorn mutters.
Suddenly a girl pops into Legolas' lap, who almost jumps up he's so surprised. The girl is short, Laina's height, and has short red hair and grey eyes. She's wearing red pyjamas.
"Where am I?" she asks, looking sleepy. She quickly spots her friend. "Casey? What am I doing here? I was having the best dream..." she trails off as she suddenly realizes where she is.
"Hi Meighan!" Laina chirps, beaming.
Meighan looks around, blinks a bit, and then looks up at Legolas. "Eeeeee!" she squeals, causing the elves to wince and cover their ears. "It's Legolas!" she yells, so excited she can hardly talk. She promptly snuggles up to him and shows no sign of moving. Legolas half smiles and looks slightly confused. Laina just laughs.
Aragorn grins at his Legolas, more or less used to Laina's... antics. "Let's continue then, shall we?" he asks Elrond.
"Right." Elrond agrees, shaking his head and muttering about human females. "Frodo, bring forth the ring."
Frodo places the ring on the table and everyone stares at it, except for Laina who looks at Frodo to see if the ring has had any effect on him yet.
"It really exists!" Boromir all but shouts, and everybody looks at him. "Don't you understand? We can use this against Sauron!"
There is some grumbling among the council, and Elrohir shifts and mutters something that sounds like 'dumbass humans.' Laina looks at him in surprise.
"You cannot wield it, none of us can!" Aragorn tells Boromir. "The ring answers to Sauron alone. It has no other master."
"Eeeee, I love the way you say that!" Laina shrieks. Elrohir laughs at her.
"And what would a ranger know of such matters?" Boromir demands.
"This is no mere ranger!" Legolas yells, standing up and knocking Meighan off his lap. "This is Aragorn, son of Arathorn and you owe him your allegiance!" He suddenly realises poor Meighan is still sitting on the ground and helps her up with a hasty apology.
"See? I told you so!!" Laina screams at Frodo
***Flashback to Chapter 4 (I think?)***
"Who are you?" Frodo demands.
"He's Aragorn, and the future ki-"
"Shut up you stupid girl!" Aragorn cuts her off before she can give away his whole life story.
***Back at the Council***
"Aragorn?" Boromir asks, disbelieving. "This is Isildur's heir?"
"An heir to the throne of Gondor." Legolas continues.
"Havodan, Legolas," Aragorn tells him.
Legolas does so, letting Meighan sit in his lap again as an apology for knocking her to the ground.
"That means 'sit down' in English for those of you who don't speak Elvish and who are to stupid to get that since that's what Legolas actually did *coughdwarvescough*," Laina said proudly from her seat in Elrohir's lap.
The elves and humans can't help but laugh at her last comment, with the exception of Boromir.
"Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king." Boromir mutters before sitting down again.
Laina indiscreetly coughs 'jealous'.
"Aragorn's right." Elrohir says. "We have but one choice-to destroy the ring."
(a/n: I love the twins, especially Elrohir, and I feel bad for them because as far as I know, they were cut out of the movies. Why are most of my favourite characters cut or killed? Anyway, I decided to give him a line.)
"What are we waiting for then?" Gimli asks, grabbing the axe of the dwarf next to him and attacking the ring with it. (a/n: it's the dwarf NEXT to him, not his!) Of course the axe breaks and he is thrown backwards.
Laina bursts out laughing, and almost falls out of Elrohir's lap. He can't help snickering as well.
"The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft we here possess." Elrond tells him.
Laina bursts out laughing again. "Gloin? Hee, that rhymes with Groin!"
The dwarves glare at her and Elrohir stifles a laugh.
"As I was saying," Elrond tries to continue.
"Yeah, we know, the ring has to be thrown into the fires of Mount Doom where it was made..." Laina finishes for him.
"Yes." he says, glaring at her. "One of you must do this."
"Or nine, " Laina mutters.
"That's a little bit harder than it sounds!" Boromir tells them. "There are more than just orcs."
"Like what?" Laina asks. "Does the Bogeyman live there?"
"The great eye is ever watchful." Boromir continues, holding up his hand.
"Yay! Charades!" Laina cries.
"There are evil things that do not sleep! Not with 10 000 men could you do this. It is folly," he finishes.
"Hee, folly. I love that word." Laina giggles.
"Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said?" Legolas demands, standing up again. This time he grabs Meighan by the arm before she actually falls.
"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?" Gimli asks, hauling himself out of his seat.
"Say it, don't spray it!" Laina yells, laughing at him.
"And what happens when we fail and Sauron takes back what is his?"
"Middle Earth is doomed?" Laina guesses. "Which it pretty much will be if you don't try..."
"I will be dead before I see the ring in the hands of an elf!" Gimli shouts.
The elves just stare at him, pissed, for a moment, and then Meighan runs over and kicks him in the shins.
"Never trust an elf!" Gimli yells.
This, of course, gets the elves all riled up. Everyone stands up at once and begins shouting. Elrohir stands up and begins yelling at Boromir. Laina falls on the ground in a heap. Gandalf closes his eyes, and sighs, then tries to convince Boromir it's the only choice. The only ones who remain seated are Frodo, who's crying about the ring, and Elrond and Elladan, who both look constipated.
(a/n: they really do! I was watching it, and paused it on them, and then zoomed in on it, and they both look constipated!)
Suddenly Frodo makes an important decision. "I will take it!" he yells, but everyone continues arguing.
"Say it a little louder!" Laina urges before hopping back over to Elrohir, tripping over her pants in the meantime, and continuing to shout random comments that have nothing to do with anything.
"I will take it!" he screams again, and this time everyone looks at him, except for Laina, who picks up a little too late and screams "There's a purple monkey on your head!!" really loudly before realising that it's nobody else is talking.
"I will take the ring to Mordor, though I do not know the way." Frodo tells them.
"I will help you bear this burden, Baggins, for as long as it is your burden to bear." Gandalf promises.
"Hee, it's a tongue twister!" Laina laughs.
"Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather!" Meighan chants. Everybody else just stares at them.
"Sorry," they mumble in unison.
"If by my life or death I can protect you, I will." Aragorn tells Frodo. He is interrupted by a loud sniff.
"That sounds so noble," Laina sighs.
"You have my sword." Aragorn finishes.
"And my bow." Legolas says.
"Yeah, and my Legolas! Yay Legolas!" Meighan squeals.
"And you have my axe." Gimli spits, while Legolas glares at him, annoyed, and resisting the urge to accidentally shoot an arrow in his ass.
Laina and Meighan both start laughing. "The look on Legolas' face!" they manage to choke out.
"You're a brave hobbit, little one-" Boromir starts.
"Why do you keep calling him little one?" Laina asks. "He's ten years older than you!"
"I have only called him little one once." Boromir responds, slightly confused.
"Oh, right..." Laina mutters.
"Anyway, if this is the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done. I willl come and help protect you too."
"We already have a representative from Gondor." Laina whispers.
"Hey! Mr. Frodo's not going anywhere without me!" Sam yells, running.
"Oh God...now you have that stupid song stuck in my head!" Laina whines, humming it under her breath.
"We're coming too!" Merry and Pippin coming running up.
"There goes your "secret" council, Elrond." Laina tells him.
"You'll have to send us home tied up in a sack!" Merry announces.
"That could me arranged." Elrond mutters under his breath.
"That's not nice! Don't insult my Merry and Pippin!" Laina yells at him.
"Besides, you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission...quest...thing!" Pippin tells them proudly.
"Well, you can't argue with that, can you Gandalf?" Laina asks, laughing at the look on his face.
"That rules you out, Pip." Merry teases.
"Uh huh. Hey..."
"Very well, you shall be the fellowship of the ring." Elrond agrees half-heartedly.
"That's cool, because there's nine of them and nine ringwraiths!" Laina says. "Oh hey, I'm coming too!" she adds hastily.
"No, you're not." Elrond tells her.
"Stop me."
"Oh, fine, go then. At least you'll be out of my hair."
"Speaking of hair, why are you wearing butterfly clips?"
"What?" Elrond asks, turning to her.
"Ahhhh! My eyes are burning!" she screams in agony. "Cover your forehead!"
Later Laina and Meighan are standing outside, talking.
"Okay Meighan, you have the longest cameo of anyone, but you have to go now." Laina tells her.
"Alright." Meighan agrees reluctantly. "As long as a still have my other cameos later."
"Don't worry, I'd never cut those out."
"Okay!" Meighan disappears.
Just then, Legolas stomps by.
"Hey, gorgeous!" Laina yells at him.
He stops suddenly and looks at her. "What?" he asks.
"You're an elf. You're supposed to be quiet...you can walk on snow and still water for sobbing out loud. You're not supposed to make that much noise."
"Oh, right," he says, and continues walking, this time without making a sound.
Bilbo and Frodo are in Bilbo's room, talking.
"Here, I want you to have this." Bilbo says, handing Frodo Sting.
"It's your old sword!" Frodo exclaims.
"Yes, Sting, and it glows blue when orcs are near. It-"
"It's a litesabre!" Laina yells, and starts singing the theme song to Star Wars.
Bilbo and Frodo give her an odd look and Bilbo gives Frodo the mithril coat.
"Light as a feather and as hard as rock!" Laina exclaims proudly.
"Yeah." Bilbo says, disappointed that she stole his line. "Put it on Frodo!"
Frodo starts to unbutton his shirt.
"Ow, ow! Take it off!" Laina yells. Frodo just looks at her. "Oh, right, sorry, continue."
Bilbo catches sight of the ring on the chain round Frodo's neck. "Oh, it's my old ring."
"No Bilbo, you can't have it. The ring has an unhealthy addiction. It's worse than smoking!" Laina tries to stop him. Bilbo turns all freaky and lunges for the ring.
"Bad Bilbo!" Laina shouts.
"I'm sorry." he cries. "I'm sorry for everything."
Just then Merry and Pippin come in the room.
"Hey Laina, do you have any more pizza?" Pippin asks.
"Sure." she says with an evil grin. She snaps her fingers and they both have an extra large pizza in their hands.
"Thanks!" they say together, eyes wide.
"No problem..."
Oh, if you want the lyrics to Come What May, send me an e-mail (purplelightning_bolt@hotmail.com) or leave a review and I'll send them to you.
And to my adoring reviews (HA!):
Fancy Face: I'm glad you like it! Laina had (is having) lots of fun in Rivendell! Yes she did (is)!!
Lady Blackfire: You got kicked out of a library? Hee! I'm sorry, but that greatly amuses me. Yay! I got someone kicked out of a library. I'm funny! Yay! Anyways, yes...I'm glad you liked it!
Empress: I'm glad you liked it and found it so funny! ^__^ It's fun writing it.
Disclaimer: I own me. And the pizza. I own the pizza. Other than that, nothing.
Flames will be used to heat my house.
Chapter 5: The Nameless Chapter (because "Frodo wakes up" or "The Council" is too unoriginal).
Frodo tosses and turns, on the brink of waking up.
"Where am I? What time is it?"
"In Rivendell, and it's 10:00 in the morning, on October the 24." a familiar voice kindly tells him.
"October the 24?" Laina yells, as Frodo fully wakes up. "I think today's my cousin's birthday. Or is it the 25? Maybe the 23? I don't know. It might be the 9. Something like that." Laina wanders off, trying to remember.
"Right. Why didn't you meet us Gandalf?" Frodo asks.
"Saruman loved him too much to let him go!" Laina yells from outside the room.
Gandalf spaces out, remembering what happened on top of Orthanc.
************************************************************
"Join the dark side! The dark side will prevail!" Saruman tells Gandalf, throwing him around the top of the tower with his staff.
"No Gandalf! Don't listen to him!!" Laina screams. "Evil never wins!" She is dressed in a long white dress with long bell sleeves and a V-neck. Her hair is down, and brushed and hangs almost half way down her back. She has on a headband that has a halo on it. Laina snaps her fingers, and suddenly Saruman is dressed all in red with a pointy tail. He has a headband with pointy ears on it, and his staff has turned into a devil's stick thing.
"Get me out of this ridiculous outfit!" Saruman insists.
"But it suits you so perfectly!" Laina insists.
"NOW!"
"Oh, all right." she says, snapping her fingers.
"As I was saying, join the dark side! Bua*coughcough*ha!" Saruman yells, balancing Gandalf on the side of the tower.
"Um, Saruman. There's only ONE dark lord. And he isn't going to share power. Oops, sorry Gandalf. I stole your line," Laina says.
"I will never join the dark side!" Gandalf says, trying to make up for his last line.
"Fine then," Saruman shrugs. "Your loss."
But before he can throw Gandalf off the tower, Gandalf jumps off. Saruman runs to the edge to see Gandalf fly off on Gwaihir, the eagle.
"Hey Gandalf, wait for me!" Laina yells, running off the edge.
"Where's MY eagle?" she screams, as she plummets towards the ground, still in her angel costume.
Luckily, (or maybe not for the people...elves....er... creatures she annoys) she lands on a random placed trampoline. The random placed trampoline also happened to squish a few orcs.
************************************************************
"Gandalf?" Frodo asks, bringing him out of his daydreams.
"FRODO!" Sam screams, running to his side. Frodo can hardly believe it.
"We were so worried about you. I only left because I was hungry." Sam tells him.
"Thanks to Elrond, you're a lot better." Gandalf tells Frodo as Elrond comes up.
"Hey Elrond!" Laina yells, entering the room behind Sam. "Remember me?"
Suddenly she screams and falls to the floor writhing.
"Um, are you okay?" he asks.
"Oh yeah, sorry." she says, standing up again. "Your forehead was kind of reflecting the light for a minute and burning my eyes."
"You're the girl from the First War!" he says, shocked. "And you're still alive? But aren't you a Man?"
"No. I'm a woman," she retorts, sticking her tongue out at him. "Girl power!" she yells ditzily.
"How can you still be alive?"
"Don't get her started, please," Gandalf, Frodo and Sam beg.
"Welcome to Rivendell!" Laina yells before dancing off.
Frodo wanders around Rivendell with Sam, in awe of its beauty. Suddenly Merry and Pippin run up to him and hug him.
"Hey Frodo. Everything is in slow motion!" Pippin shouts. "Isn't this cool?"
Then Frodo notices Bilbo, sitting on a bench down the path. "Bilbo!" he shouts, and runs to greet him.
"Aww, isn't that cute? He's visiting his uncle who looks like a nursing home patient." Laina walks up to them. Her hair is down for once and she's wearing jeans and a blue t-shirt with the Empire State Building on the front and NEW YORK in big sparkly letters. She's eating a huge piece of pepperoni pizza.
"What's that?" Pippin asks, staring in awe at the pizza while Frodo and Bilbo talk.
"Pizza."
"But what is it?" he persists.
"It's like flat bread with tomato sauce and melted cheese on it and then whatever toppings you want on top."
"What's on yours?"
"Bacon and mushrooms."
"Mushrooms??" his eyes grow dangerously wide, until Laina is worried they'll fall out of his head.
"Uh-huh,"
"Could I have a piece?" he asks.
"Sure," she tells him.
"Hey what about me?" Merry demands.
"Of course," she answers, and with a snap of her fingers they both have a large piece of bacon and mushroom pizza.
"This is so good!" Pippin exclaims with his mouth full.
"I know." she says, smiling as she walks off and muttering about hooking cute little hobbits on pizza. (a/n: don't ask. It's just this weird thing I have. I've always wanted to give hobbits-actually Merry and Pippin, pizza.)
After speaking with Bilbo, Frodo walks over to Sam, who is packing.
"Getting ready to leave so soon?" Frodo asks, surprised.
"Well, yes." Sam replies.
"I thought you wanted to see the elves."
"I do."
"More than anything."
"I did, it's just that-"
"Alright Sam, what did you break?" Laina accuses.
"What? Nothing!"
"Well, you must have broken something, why else would you be in such a hurry to leave?"
"It's just that we brought that stupid ring, and I want to go home. I miss my daddy." Sam whines.
"You know what Sam? You're right. I want to go home too." Frodo tells him.
Gandalf and Elrond are watching them speak.
"It's amazing how well Frodo has resisted the ring." Elrond says.
"But he shouldn't have had to. He's been wounded and I will not ask him to bear the burden any longer!" Gandalf tells him.
"Gandalf, Sauron's eye is fixed on Rivendell. His enemies are marching. And Saruman has betrayed you say. Our list of allies grows thin."
"Hee! I love the way you say that!" Laina laughs. "Our list of allies grows thin."
He ignores her. "Gandalf, my people are leaving-"
"Don't go!" Laina screams. "You're so pretty! It will be so sad if you leave!! Please don't go!" she starts to cry.
"Who will you get to help you when we're gone?" Elrond demands. "The dwarves who hide in their stinky mountains?"
"Men!" Gandalf announces proudly.
"Gandalf, I was there when men failed."
***Flashback to the First War***
"Isildur, come with me to the fires!" Elrond shouts at him as Isildur stares at the ring.
"Okey-dokey!" Isildur agrees.
"Isildur had this one chance to destroy evil forever." Laina narrates.
"Hey! That's my line!" Galadriel yells from nowhere.
"Sorry Galadriel!"
"Isildur, throw the ring into the fire!"
"No! I don't wanna anymore!" Isildur whines. "It's too shiny!" he says, and walks away.
"Isildur, come back! You're messing things up!" Elrond pouts.
"K, on the count of three we'll jump him and take the ring!" Laina says. "Ready, 1-2-THREE!"
Pathetically, Laina misses completely, and almost falls into the fire. "Um, could someone please help me?" she asks, hanging on for dear life.
Elrond feels bad for her and helps her up. It was something he would truly regret later.
***Flashback to before the Flashback***
"It did not happen like that!" Elrond shouts. "You made us sound like little kids!"
"I know," Laina responds. "But I've heard this story so many times, and so has Gandalf. You never stop complaining about Men. So I decided to...liven it up a bit."
"Liven it up," he mutters under his breath.
"There is someone who would join Men together," Gandalf tells them.
"He has chosen exile."
"Dun, dun, duuuuuun," Laina sings. "Sorry," she responds to the looks they give her. "But you make it sound so ominous.
In one of the halls, Aragorn is reading a book.
"Whatcha reading?" Laina asks, bouncing in.
"A book," he answers, trying to ignore her.
"Oh, be mean then," she says, and wanders away.
After awhile, Boromir wanders in, looking around. Aragorn looks up at him.
"Why are you looking at him like that?"
"What, like this?" Aragorn asks and makes a really stupid face, causing Laina to laugh.
(a/n: I got bored with all the characters hating me, so I decided to make them like me, at least a little bit. So sue me.)
Boromir looks over at them, rolls his eyes and continues looking around. Laina sticks her tongue out at him behind his back and Aragorn laughs.
"The shards of Narsil!" Boromir exclaims, going over to them.
"Ooh, shiny," Laina mocks him.
He picks up the main piece, and runs his finger over it, cutting it. "And still sharp." he mutters.
"Ya think?" asks sarcastically, causing Aragorn to laugh again.
Boromir looks over at them, slightly embarrassed. "But no more than an old trinket." he says, hastily throwing it down and leaving. It falls from where he put it, and although he looks back, he keeps walking.
"Would it have killed you to pick it up?" Laina yells after him, while Aragorn goes to gently put the sword back.
"Why do you fear the past?" Arwen asks him, gliding up behind them.
Laina yelps in surprise. "Don't scare me like that!" she admonishes Arwen.
"Sorry. But really though. You're not Isildur, just his heir."
"But the same blood flows through my veins."
"Aww, that sounds so noble." Laina coos.
Arwen and Aragorn start speaking in Elvish.
"Um, do you mind repeating that in English?" Laina asks when they have finished.
Later on that night, Arwen and Aragorn are standing on a bridge, talking.
Laina wanders around, looking for Glorfindel. Finally she finds him and drags him over to some bushes nearby.
"When I give you the cue, start singing Come What May with me," she whispers to him.
"But I don't know the words," he whispers back.
"Oh, right, here." She hands him a piece of paper with lyrics on it.
After speaking in Elvish for a bit, Aragorn says, "You said you bind yourself to me, forsaking the immortal life of your people,"
"Ooh, her father's going to kill her!" Glorfindel whispers.
Laina is starting to doubt that this is the "good" idea she had originally thought.
"It is mine to give, as is my heart." Arwen finishes.
Laina has decided that this definitely isn't the good idea that she had originally thought. She taps Glorfindel's shoulder to get him to quietly leave with her as Arwen and Aragorn kiss. Unfortunately, he thinks she means to start singing.
"Never knew, I could feel like this, like I'd never seen the sky before!" he sings, quite loudly.
Laina motions for him to shut up but he takes to mean to skip on to the chorus.
"Come What May, Come What May, I will love you until my dying day!" Arwen is so surprised that she falls off the bridge and into the water, which luckily isn't that deep.
"Run!" Laina yells to Glorfindel, dragging him off with her.
The next day, the council is about to start when Laina bounds in. She's wearing lace up bell bottom jeans that almost completely cover her bare feet and a thick strap scarlet tank top.
"Geez, you almost started without me!" she says, outraged.
"That was intentional." Elrond mutters, not-so-discreetly.
Suddenly she runs over to Elrohir and plops herself in his lap. "You're pretty!" she tells him, while he just looks at her, bewildered.
"Don't worry. You're pretty too! I'd sit in your lap, but Meighan would kill me!" she yells over to Legolas, on the other side of the council. "Hey..." she mutters with an evil look on her face.
"Oh no," Aragorn mutters.
Suddenly a girl pops into Legolas' lap, who almost jumps up he's so surprised. The girl is short, Laina's height, and has short red hair and grey eyes. She's wearing red pyjamas.
"Where am I?" she asks, looking sleepy. She quickly spots her friend. "Casey? What am I doing here? I was having the best dream..." she trails off as she suddenly realizes where she is.
"Hi Meighan!" Laina chirps, beaming.
Meighan looks around, blinks a bit, and then looks up at Legolas. "Eeeeee!" she squeals, causing the elves to wince and cover their ears. "It's Legolas!" she yells, so excited she can hardly talk. She promptly snuggles up to him and shows no sign of moving. Legolas half smiles and looks slightly confused. Laina just laughs.
Aragorn grins at his Legolas, more or less used to Laina's... antics. "Let's continue then, shall we?" he asks Elrond.
"Right." Elrond agrees, shaking his head and muttering about human females. "Frodo, bring forth the ring."
Frodo places the ring on the table and everyone stares at it, except for Laina who looks at Frodo to see if the ring has had any effect on him yet.
"It really exists!" Boromir all but shouts, and everybody looks at him. "Don't you understand? We can use this against Sauron!"
There is some grumbling among the council, and Elrohir shifts and mutters something that sounds like 'dumbass humans.' Laina looks at him in surprise.
"You cannot wield it, none of us can!" Aragorn tells Boromir. "The ring answers to Sauron alone. It has no other master."
"Eeeee, I love the way you say that!" Laina shrieks. Elrohir laughs at her.
"And what would a ranger know of such matters?" Boromir demands.
"This is no mere ranger!" Legolas yells, standing up and knocking Meighan off his lap. "This is Aragorn, son of Arathorn and you owe him your allegiance!" He suddenly realises poor Meighan is still sitting on the ground and helps her up with a hasty apology.
"See? I told you so!!" Laina screams at Frodo
***Flashback to Chapter 4 (I think?)***
"Who are you?" Frodo demands.
"He's Aragorn, and the future ki-"
"Shut up you stupid girl!" Aragorn cuts her off before she can give away his whole life story.
***Back at the Council***
"Aragorn?" Boromir asks, disbelieving. "This is Isildur's heir?"
"An heir to the throne of Gondor." Legolas continues.
"Havodan, Legolas," Aragorn tells him.
Legolas does so, letting Meighan sit in his lap again as an apology for knocking her to the ground.
"That means 'sit down' in English for those of you who don't speak Elvish and who are to stupid to get that since that's what Legolas actually did *coughdwarvescough*," Laina said proudly from her seat in Elrohir's lap.
The elves and humans can't help but laugh at her last comment, with the exception of Boromir.
"Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king." Boromir mutters before sitting down again.
Laina indiscreetly coughs 'jealous'.
"Aragorn's right." Elrohir says. "We have but one choice-to destroy the ring."
(a/n: I love the twins, especially Elrohir, and I feel bad for them because as far as I know, they were cut out of the movies. Why are most of my favourite characters cut or killed? Anyway, I decided to give him a line.)
"What are we waiting for then?" Gimli asks, grabbing the axe of the dwarf next to him and attacking the ring with it. (a/n: it's the dwarf NEXT to him, not his!) Of course the axe breaks and he is thrown backwards.
Laina bursts out laughing, and almost falls out of Elrohir's lap. He can't help snickering as well.
"The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft we here possess." Elrond tells him.
Laina bursts out laughing again. "Gloin? Hee, that rhymes with Groin!"
The dwarves glare at her and Elrohir stifles a laugh.
"As I was saying," Elrond tries to continue.
"Yeah, we know, the ring has to be thrown into the fires of Mount Doom where it was made..." Laina finishes for him.
"Yes." he says, glaring at her. "One of you must do this."
"Or nine, " Laina mutters.
"That's a little bit harder than it sounds!" Boromir tells them. "There are more than just orcs."
"Like what?" Laina asks. "Does the Bogeyman live there?"
"The great eye is ever watchful." Boromir continues, holding up his hand.
"Yay! Charades!" Laina cries.
"There are evil things that do not sleep! Not with 10 000 men could you do this. It is folly," he finishes.
"Hee, folly. I love that word." Laina giggles.
"Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said?" Legolas demands, standing up again. This time he grabs Meighan by the arm before she actually falls.
"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?" Gimli asks, hauling himself out of his seat.
"Say it, don't spray it!" Laina yells, laughing at him.
"And what happens when we fail and Sauron takes back what is his?"
"Middle Earth is doomed?" Laina guesses. "Which it pretty much will be if you don't try..."
"I will be dead before I see the ring in the hands of an elf!" Gimli shouts.
The elves just stare at him, pissed, for a moment, and then Meighan runs over and kicks him in the shins.
"Never trust an elf!" Gimli yells.
This, of course, gets the elves all riled up. Everyone stands up at once and begins shouting. Elrohir stands up and begins yelling at Boromir. Laina falls on the ground in a heap. Gandalf closes his eyes, and sighs, then tries to convince Boromir it's the only choice. The only ones who remain seated are Frodo, who's crying about the ring, and Elrond and Elladan, who both look constipated.
(a/n: they really do! I was watching it, and paused it on them, and then zoomed in on it, and they both look constipated!)
Suddenly Frodo makes an important decision. "I will take it!" he yells, but everyone continues arguing.
"Say it a little louder!" Laina urges before hopping back over to Elrohir, tripping over her pants in the meantime, and continuing to shout random comments that have nothing to do with anything.
"I will take it!" he screams again, and this time everyone looks at him, except for Laina, who picks up a little too late and screams "There's a purple monkey on your head!!" really loudly before realising that it's nobody else is talking.
"I will take the ring to Mordor, though I do not know the way." Frodo tells them.
"I will help you bear this burden, Baggins, for as long as it is your burden to bear." Gandalf promises.
"Hee, it's a tongue twister!" Laina laughs.
"Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather!" Meighan chants. Everybody else just stares at them.
"Sorry," they mumble in unison.
"If by my life or death I can protect you, I will." Aragorn tells Frodo. He is interrupted by a loud sniff.
"That sounds so noble," Laina sighs.
"You have my sword." Aragorn finishes.
"And my bow." Legolas says.
"Yeah, and my Legolas! Yay Legolas!" Meighan squeals.
"And you have my axe." Gimli spits, while Legolas glares at him, annoyed, and resisting the urge to accidentally shoot an arrow in his ass.
Laina and Meighan both start laughing. "The look on Legolas' face!" they manage to choke out.
"You're a brave hobbit, little one-" Boromir starts.
"Why do you keep calling him little one?" Laina asks. "He's ten years older than you!"
"I have only called him little one once." Boromir responds, slightly confused.
"Oh, right..." Laina mutters.
"Anyway, if this is the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done. I willl come and help protect you too."
"We already have a representative from Gondor." Laina whispers.
"Hey! Mr. Frodo's not going anywhere without me!" Sam yells, running.
"Oh God...now you have that stupid song stuck in my head!" Laina whines, humming it under her breath.
"We're coming too!" Merry and Pippin coming running up.
"There goes your "secret" council, Elrond." Laina tells him.
"You'll have to send us home tied up in a sack!" Merry announces.
"That could me arranged." Elrond mutters under his breath.
"That's not nice! Don't insult my Merry and Pippin!" Laina yells at him.
"Besides, you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission...quest...thing!" Pippin tells them proudly.
"Well, you can't argue with that, can you Gandalf?" Laina asks, laughing at the look on his face.
"That rules you out, Pip." Merry teases.
"Uh huh. Hey..."
"Very well, you shall be the fellowship of the ring." Elrond agrees half-heartedly.
"That's cool, because there's nine of them and nine ringwraiths!" Laina says. "Oh hey, I'm coming too!" she adds hastily.
"No, you're not." Elrond tells her.
"Stop me."
"Oh, fine, go then. At least you'll be out of my hair."
"Speaking of hair, why are you wearing butterfly clips?"
"What?" Elrond asks, turning to her.
"Ahhhh! My eyes are burning!" she screams in agony. "Cover your forehead!"
Later Laina and Meighan are standing outside, talking.
"Okay Meighan, you have the longest cameo of anyone, but you have to go now." Laina tells her.
"Alright." Meighan agrees reluctantly. "As long as a still have my other cameos later."
"Don't worry, I'd never cut those out."
"Okay!" Meighan disappears.
Just then, Legolas stomps by.
"Hey, gorgeous!" Laina yells at him.
He stops suddenly and looks at her. "What?" he asks.
"You're an elf. You're supposed to be quiet...you can walk on snow and still water for sobbing out loud. You're not supposed to make that much noise."
"Oh, right," he says, and continues walking, this time without making a sound.
Bilbo and Frodo are in Bilbo's room, talking.
"Here, I want you to have this." Bilbo says, handing Frodo Sting.
"It's your old sword!" Frodo exclaims.
"Yes, Sting, and it glows blue when orcs are near. It-"
"It's a litesabre!" Laina yells, and starts singing the theme song to Star Wars.
Bilbo and Frodo give her an odd look and Bilbo gives Frodo the mithril coat.
"Light as a feather and as hard as rock!" Laina exclaims proudly.
"Yeah." Bilbo says, disappointed that she stole his line. "Put it on Frodo!"
Frodo starts to unbutton his shirt.
"Ow, ow! Take it off!" Laina yells. Frodo just looks at her. "Oh, right, sorry, continue."
Bilbo catches sight of the ring on the chain round Frodo's neck. "Oh, it's my old ring."
"No Bilbo, you can't have it. The ring has an unhealthy addiction. It's worse than smoking!" Laina tries to stop him. Bilbo turns all freaky and lunges for the ring.
"Bad Bilbo!" Laina shouts.
"I'm sorry." he cries. "I'm sorry for everything."
Just then Merry and Pippin come in the room.
"Hey Laina, do you have any more pizza?" Pippin asks.
"Sure." she says with an evil grin. She snaps her fingers and they both have an extra large pizza in their hands.
"Thanks!" they say together, eyes wide.
"No problem..."