Title:What if

Author: Mariedex

Spoilers:After FO, a year in the future.

Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Samantha had to make the hardest decision of her life... to leave.

Chapter 10:

Danny watched Sam returned to her desk and Jack head to the elevator. When the doors were closed he asked Sam,

So ... Sam responded.

How did he find out? To that Sam simply held up the picture. Oh. So was it bad?

A little. But I guess that it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I think though that he's still mad. He calmed down around Ryan though.

I told you that he would.

I don't know Danny, I really don't. I guess I just have to wait and let him play things out.

Your going to let him have control, that's noble. Danny replied sarcastically.



No really you should give him some time to think. This is all probably a bit much.

And not exactly what he imagined when he came to Minneapolis.

No quick roll in the hay for him. Danny joked as he got up.

Where are you going?

To have a quick talk with the new dad.

Sam warned.

Don't worry, I'll be good.

When Danny walked down to the nursery he saw Jack sitting in the rocking chair feeding Ryan.

I did mention her addictive qualities. Danny says to get the man's attention. Jack looked up and smiled.

You know you could have told me. Jack replied.

Are you kidding? I wanted to pummel you after I found out But Sam didn't want you to know, so I calmed down for her.

How was she?

Scared, mostly. I think she felt really guilty about Ryan, guilty about the affair. Sam had always assumed that she could handle anything that happened, that she was strong enough and suddenly I think she felt very weak. No longer was she in control. And it was because of you. In her eyes she was out of control and you know how much she hates that. Do you know how horrible it is to see her cry? I sat with her one night and she just cried all night. Jack, I could barely contain myself at work all I wanted to do was take you out back. But she made me control myself, she took it all on herself. Even when she was sick, it was always her responsibility.



She told you that Ryan was premature, right?

Yeah, she said something about preeclampsia, but she acted like it was no big deal.

That's Sam, no big deal. She's in the hospital for two weeks and acts like it was not a problem. Jack, she was really sick.

How sick?

I get a call from her on Tuesday morning at work, her head and back were hurting. She tells me she just feels off. So I convince her to go to the doctor. Next thing I know, she calls me from the hospital saying that the doctor checked her in to run some tests. For some reason I don't buy her nonchalance tone. So I decide to fly out here. It turns out that the doctors have started to induce labor but nothing is happening. Her blood pressure is sky high. She keeps telling me she is fine, but her vision's a bit blurry and her head still hurts. The doctors come in and bring her into ICU. I am the only visitor allowed in. The doctors keep telling me that it isn't good. Her pressure is too high. The first night in ICU, she has a seizure. The doctors are debating with me whether to keep going with the natural labor or to do a cesarean. They are concerned about a cesarean because her blood is too thin. Jack they kept giving me all these things that were wrong with her. Nurses are coming in every ten minutes. And Sam, she's really out of it. She keeps telling me that everything is fine. Completely unaware about what is going on. There was a point where I was like screw this, I am calling you. But when I say something to her about it, that maybe I should call, maybe you should be there - she gets very mad at me and tells me that this is not any of your business. It was the first time during this whole labor that I am aware she isn't as out of it as I thought. She knew exactly what was happening. I had to respect her decision, it was the one thing that she seemed very clear about -- you were not to know. Her water finally breaks and she starts to have contractions. Everything happened really fast after that. Next thing I know she is in full labor and they are ushering me out of the room. For 3 hours I sit in the hallway, I keep seeing doctors running in and out. Finally one comes out and tells me that Ryan is born and that she is healthy -- small, but strong. They are bringing her to the nursery. Then they tell me that they are still working on Sam. Apparently during the labor she had two more seizures and her blood pressure was still incredibly high. They are having a hard time stopping the bleeding also. Jack, Danny takes a moment, should he really be telling him all of this stuff. Is it actually going to help? Danny shakes his head and decides that this is something Jack needs to know and should have known a long time ago. Jack, she slipped into a coma after Ryan was born, during her third seizure. They were concerned that maybe not enough blood was getting to her brain. She was on life support for three days. The doctor's didn't know if she was ever going to wake up. And here I sit in the hospital, looking at this little girl through an incubator and all I can think is that I shouldn't be here. You should have. So, I called Viv and talked to her a bit.

Wait, Viv knew?

Yeah, she figured it out a while back. I think Sam and her had some kind of discussion. Viv helped me decide to wait it out. Sam was still here and Ryan was fine. So I sat and waited. I rubbed her back in the incubator and promised her that I would always take care of her, no matter what. Then I would go back up to Sam's room and hold her hand. One day Sam opened her eyes and woke up. She was fine, no residual damage. She spent a couple more days in the hospital, her pressure went back to normal. And she acted as if the whole thing was nothing.

Jack just sat there starring at his daughter, as Danny told him the story. And she didn't want me to know?

She didn't want to bother you. Danny corrected him.

I should have been there, I should have been pacing outside the door.



No wonder you were so made at me. Jack remembered when Danny had come back from that. He had told them that his aunt was in the hospital and that he ahd to take care of her. But Jack knew it wasn't true, there was something about Danny's demeanor that told him. For the next week, Danny barely looked at Jack and snapped at everything that he said. He was quiet. Jack knew that something bigger must have happened and now he knew what. Sam had almost died giving birth to his daughter and he wasn't there - Danny was.

I got over it. It wasn't your fault. It was Sam who was being stubborn. Danny smiled at the baby who sat there in her father's arms completely unaware of the trauma that her life had caused. You should have seen the first time they put her in Samantha's arms. She lit up. It was like the most natural thing in the world, this little baby belonged to her.

I can imagine.

So what are you going to do now?

I don't really know. Stay a while I guess, figure out what I need to do.

You love her.

Jack looked at Danny, a little stunned. He had barely admitted it to himself really. The reason he was so hurt wasn't because he was mad at her, but because he knew that he loved her and that she didn't know that. To know that she went through all of this by herself so that she wouldn't bother him. He was mad at himself because all of the signs were there, he was just too scared to look at them. He should have known that she was pregnant, he should have been able to tell. But he didn't look because he didn't want to. They had always had such a temporal relationship, he was scared to even think about anything more permanent. But now it was permanent, now there was a child involved. She had made the decision to keep him out and now here he was desperately wanting to be back in. He could always admit to Sam that he loved her that actually was easy, because no matter how many times he told her she never actually believed him. She always thought that he was just saying it because he should, because it was right. Telling Danny though was much more serious, telling someone else will make it real. Honestly, I always have.

Jack on Ryan's birth certificate, your listed as the father.



Yeah, it was Sam's way of protecting her. If anything should happen she would be able to find you, no worries. She wanted you in her life, she was just too scared to ask.

I guess the question is now what? Ryan was finished with her bottle and sweetly looking up at the two.

Sam was still running a background check on the mother. Apparently, she didn't go to the places that she told everyone she did because nobody at the grocery store or the laundry saw her. A phone started ringing, Sam recognized the tone as Jack's phone. Apparently, he had left his phone on her desk. Sam picked it up to see who it was and the caller id identified it as Katie's school.

Jack Malone's phone. Sam decided to answer it, in case it was an emergency.

The voice at the other end asked.



Yeah, who is this?

It's Samantha Spade, I work with your Daddy. Sam started to get up and walk towards the stairs.

Is my Daddy there?

Yeah, he just downstairs. I am going to go and get him. Are you okay?

My throat hurts. Her voice was so tiny.

Did you call your mom?

She's not there.

How about Laurie?

She wasn't there either.

Are you at the nurses office?

Yes. Can I talk to my daddy?

I'm getting him sweetie. The phone may crackle a bit because I going down the stairs. Is your throat scratchy?



Does it hurt to swallow?

Uh huh.

Making you feel miserable, right?



You know there is an upside to a sore throat?

What's that?

You get to drink tons of soda and eat things like raspberry sherbet.

I've never tried sherbet.

You haven't? Sam was trying to take Katie's mind off the fact that her throat hurt and that nobody at the moment could take her home.



Well I need to talk to your dad about that. It is so good.

What is it?

It's like fruit ice cream.

I like strawberry ice cream.

Really. Than you will like sherbet. It is like ice cream but tastes much more fruity. Trust me it is really good. And it will make your throat feel good. Sam finally reached the nursery. She could see that Jack was walking around with Ryan, trying to get her to go to sleep. She tapped on the glass and he looked up. She motioned that he had a phone call. As he walked over, she told Katie, Sweetie, your dad's here. I am going to pass the phone over to him, okay. You feel better.

The tiny voice whispered.

Her throat hurts and the nurse can't get a hold of Marie or Laurie. She wants to talk to you. Sam whispered as she handed the phone over to Jack, who was still holding Ryan in one hand rocking her. Sam could tell by the look on her face that she was so close to sleeping. Apparently Jack knew that too and didn't want to hand her over and wake her up.

Hey baby, what's wrong? Jack started, his voice always changed when he talked to his daughter, it was a lot softer. Did you leave a message with Mommy? I can't honey, I'm away. I know. But mommy will make it feel better. As soon as I get home. Sweetie, let me try your mommy again. I will call you right back. I know. I promise. Jack hung up the phone and hit another number. Marie Malone, please. Hey your there. Did you get Katie's message? Yeah, she called. Okay. Sore throat. Oh good. Sam was only hearing parts of the conversation and was actually feeling a bit awkward listening, No. Yeah, it's going good. I have a bad feeling it doesn't have anything to do with the other cases. Yes. No I told you that she was here. She's fine. I don't know the case may take a while. LIsten, let's not get into this, I'm at work. I need to call Katie back. I'll tell her you'll be there in what thirty minutes. Okay. Yeah. I'll call tonight. Fine. Fine. Bye. The conversation was an odd version of annoyance, guilt and normalcy. Jack dialed another number, The nurses office please. Hi, this is Jack Malone. Yes, her mother is coming in thirty minutes. Already has an appointment. Yes. Thank you. Hey sweetie, Mommy is coming. She will be there is a little while. She's going to take you to the doctor. Don't cry baby, the doctor will make it feel better. Yes, I promise. I will call you tonight. What? You want to talk to Sam. Samantha, sorry. Yeah here she is. Jack handed her the phone a bit curious on why his 6 year old wanted to talk to her.

Hey, see all taken care of.

Thank you. The tiny voice whispered.

Your welcome.

I asked the nurse about sherbet and she brought me some from the cafeteria. Orange.

And do you like it?



Ask your mommy to pick you up some raspberry. It's the best kind.



You should probably go and finish your sherbet. Feel better. Bye. Sam hung up the phone and handed it back to Jack.

Thanks, I didn't want it to ring when I was in here.

Is she asleep? Sam asked.

I think so. She finished her entire bottle, burped and then started to fall asleep. I was afraid to put her down. Um, the nurse put some medicine in her bottle?

Yeah, some antibiotic. She's been having some ear infections lately. I am hoping that the medicine will help her. Sam followed Jack back into the nursery and watched him set her down in the crib. So Marie is coming to pick Katie up?

Yeah and take her to the doctor. Strep has been going through the school.

She was asking about me, right?

Jack punched the elevator up button and they both stood there waiting.

Not too happy about it.

She doesn't really have a choice. He shrugged. Sam you know that Marie and I didn't break up because of you. It was already happening before we got started. I think that it is just easier for Marie to believe that it is about you, instead of admitting the truth.

But still I didn't help.

Sam, it's not your fault. So you have to got to stop thinking like that. I was the one who was married, not you. I knew exactly what I was doing when I started this thing. If anyone is to blame, it's me. He put his armed around her and kissed her forehead. So any news on mommy dearest?