Chapter 9! Yay! I've finally gotten over my writer's block thing. Actually,
it wasn't really writers' block, more just lack of good writing. But yeah.
Anyways, I started writing it out long hand, and then typing it up. I don't
know why, but I can write a lot better long hand. It's a pain in the ass,
because I write a lot, and my hand gets sore, but hey, anything for my
devoted readers. *snorts derisively * yeah huh, riiiight... as soon as I
find them. And hey, it's a way to pass the time in class!
Oh yes, and I'd also like to apologize for the way I've bastardized this story. Sorry! I love all things Tolkien, I really do. it's like a love/hate thing. Or something. And I'm also sorry if I've abused/maimed/ruined-lines- of your favourite character(s).
Disclaimer: I don't own anything the fellowship, Lorien, Haldir, Celeborn, Galadriel or anything else even remotely connected to Tolkien. Nor do I own the Wizard of Oz, John Lennon, Moulin Rouge or Meighan. I do, however, own me, the cricket, and (partially) And What are you Doing Here? Oh yeah, and I guess I own the jumped elf. I made him up in my head.
Flames will be used for my end-of-the-year bonfire, meant for burning school stuff!
************************************************************
Chapter 9: The rest of what happened in Lorien and a rather. odd arrival
The remainder of the fellowship sat in Lorien, listening to the mourning song of the elves.
"A lament for Gandalf," Legolas told them, returning form wherever he'd been.
"What do they say about him?" Merry asked.
"I have not the heart to tell you. For me the grief is still too near," Legolas responded.
"I know!" Laina told them, digging a booklet from her jeans. "Olorin who once was. /Sent by the Lords of the West /To guard the lands of the East/Wisest of all Maiar/What drove you to leave/That which you loved? Mithrandir, Mithrandir O Pilgrim Grey/No more will you wander the green fields of this earth/Your journey has ended in darkness/The bonds cut, the spirit broken/The Flame of Anor has left this World/A great light, has gone out."
"How did you know that?" Legolas asked her, surprised.
"It's my book of all-knowingness," she answered, flapping around the booklet (which happens to be the lyric booklet form the LOTR CD.) "Ummm, Leggy, hon, why are you carrying a jug?" He gave her a look that implied she wasn't worth talking too and continued walking.
"Too bad they don't mention his fireworks," Sam commented. Then he stood up and began reciting an improvised poem about Gandalf's fireworks. They all stared at him until Gimli started snoring. Aragorn glared at him and smacked him.
"Ooh, good idea!" Laina agreed, eyes sparkling maliciously. She grabbed a pillow and began pummeling Gimli with it.
"Oh, that's no good," Sam mourned, sitting back down. Then a pillow flew by and hit him in the head.
"Pillow fight!" Laina shrieked, attacking Merry and Pippin. In about three seconds flat, they had a full-scale all-out pillow war going on. Aragorn shook his head and went over to where Boromir was sitting alone.
"Take some rest," he suggested. "The borders are well guarded."
"There will be no rest for me here," Boromir insisted, looking upset. Aragorn looked surprised. But their conversation was interrupted when Laina came running by and jumped a passing elf.
"You're pretty!" she told him, sitting on his stomach.
"Thank you," he replied calmly, as though used to being galumphed by hyper 15-year-old girls. "Could you be so kind as to get off me?" he added pleasantly.
"Oh, right, sorry," she told him, getting off and helping him up. "Can I take a shower somewhere? Or a bath? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease? I'm starting to smell like Aragorn." Even Boromir had to laugh at that.
"Hey, just a minute." Aragorn began.
"I'm kidding. Really. I love you. Or something," Laina told him, waving him away off handedly. The elf laughed.
"I'll see what I can do," he told her, walking off.
"What's wrong?" Laina asked Boromir, plopping down beside him. He didn't answer.
"Boromir?" Aragorn asked gently from his other side.
"I heard her voice inside my head," Boromir told them. "She said that there is hope still, yet I can not see it."
"Aw, there's ALWAYS hope!" Casey insisted, standing up. "Hope is like oxygen! Hope is a many splendoured thing! Hope lifts us up where we belong! All you need is hope! Yeah, okay, I'm done ripping off my favourite movies now," she told them, sitting down. (Ah, the irony).
"My father is a noble man but his reign is failing and our people lose faith. I would see the White City restored. My father looks to me to set things right but."
Aragorn looked at him helplessly. "Yeah. That's a parent thing," Laina told him. "I get that too. Not to that extent, of course. But they expect me to be responsible and remember things and be smart and junk. And my little brother gets away with, like, EVERYTHING."
He looked at her, vaguely interested. "Really? Sometimes it seems my brother does also."
"Isn't it ANNOYING?" Laina asked. Boromir sat back with a slightly dreamy look on his face.
"Have you ever sent the white gates of Gondor?" he asked them. "The banners blowing in the wind. To be called home by the clear sound of trumpets ringing across the hills."
"Yes. My travels have taken me there long ago," Aragorn told him. Boromir turned to him.
"One day you and I will pass that way and the cries will ring from the tower: 'The lords of Gondor have returned!'" All of a sudden Laina burst into tears.
"What's with the dying?" she cried, running away.
"Looks like you're not the only one with problems," Aragorn commented wryly.
Later that night, Frodo woke up as Galadriel walked by. He silently followed her down many stairs. They reached a small grove with a stone basin in the center. Galadriel turned around. "Will you look into the mirror?" she asked him, holding a jar of water.
"What will I see there?" Frodo asked, slightly suspicious.''
"Not possibly water, no," Laina commented sarcastically from the stone she was sprawled over, reading. Galadriel ignored her.
"Even the wisest cannot tell," she told him.
"I know!" Laina announced. Once again she was ignored.
"Things that were, things that are, and some things that have not yet come to pass." Frodo stepped up and looked into the basin. Before he could se anything, however, Laina accidentally pushed him. He glared at her, spluttering, while his curls dripped.
"Sorry," she apologized quickly. "But that bloody cricket is following me again." She pointed to a blue cricket on the ground behind her.
Frodo blinked at her stupidly. Galadriel shook her head and sighed, wondering if the child had somehow gotten into the wine.
"Right, sorry. carry on," Laina urged them, backing up. Once again Frodo looked into the water. There he could see all his friends. Then he saw hobbits, enslaved and being ordered around by orcs. Finally he saw an eye, drawing him ever closer. The ring started to fall towards the water and he pulled back quickly.
"I know what you saw for it is in my mind also," Galadriel told him.
"Reeeeeeally?" Laina asked pointlessly.
"He will try to take the ring. You know of whom I speak," Galadriel warned.
"I know what you would ask of me, yet I do not see the way," Frodo admitted.
"For a start, you can NOT give it to the all-powerful elf lady," Laina suggested innocently. Frodo looked at Galadriel and slowly opened the palm of his hand holding the ring.
"I would give it to you, if you ask it of me," he told Galadriel.
"I said NOT to give it to her, genius," Laina told him, exasperated. Galadriel stepped towards Frodo, looking eagerly at the ring.
"You give this ring to me freely?" she asked, stepping ever closer.
"Oh boy, here we go again," Laina muttered, rolling her eyes.
"I do not deny my heart has long desired this," Galadriel admitted, reaching for the ring. Suddenly she began to glow green. "In place of a dark lord you will have a queen!" she announced. "Not terrible, but beautiful and treacherous as the dawn!"
"DAMMIT! I told you to STOP playing with the nuclear warheads, Kevin!" Laina yelled at the sky.
Galadriel's crazy spell passed. "I have passed the test," she told them dreamily, returning to normal. "I will diminish and pass to the West and remain Galadriel."
"I feel so alone," Frodo told her, big blue eyes sad. (a/n: altogether now: awwww. Truthfully, I only put this in here so the rabid Frodo/Elijah fangirls could collectively sigh and drool over his big blue eyes.)
"To bear a ring of power is to be alone," Galadriel replied sympathetically. Laina rolled her eyes.
"Well this is riveting," she drawled. "So riveting, in fact, that you'll have to excuse me before I pass out from utter ecstasy." With that she left, leaving Frodo blinking (big blue eyes again) after her, confused, and Galadriel shaking her head with a bemused smile on her face.
The next day Laina came bounding in as the elves were loading the boats and the Fellowship was preparing to leave. "They braided my hair!" she announced happily to Legolas. He smiled and continued loading things. She was jumping up and down and laughing (somebody had given her sugar for breakfast). She was wearing dark green baggy cargo shorts and a deep blue top with bell-y sleeves. Her shoulder length dark hair was held back with a few tight braids and had dark blue streaks in it, which stood out vividly. Suddenly she stopped jumping and looked around. "Hey, we're not leaving, are we?" she demanded.
"We must continue with our quest," Aragorn responded from behind her. She spun around.
"But- but- but- but," she spluttered.
"But what?" he asked nonchantly, mocking her.
"We're not s'posed to leave now! We're s'posed to stay for awhile but you're not sure how long because the days kind of melt together because of the elves and its all mystical and magical and stuff and then when you leave it seems like its been about a couple of weeks but the moon is in almost the EXACT same position it was in when you came but there's no way it was actually a full month or long enough for the moon to go through all its phases but you were gone long enough that it SHOULD have changed SOMEWHAT." As Laina, continued talking, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at the oblivious girl. The hobbits, with eyes as wide as saucers, watched breathlessly, fully expecting her to keel over at any minute from lack of oxygen. Finally she stopped and took a huge breath. "Wooh, I feel dizzy," she giggled, staring up at nothing and wobbling slightly. Everyone blinked then returned to what they had been doing.
"Can you paddle a boat?" Boromir asked Laina.
"Uh-huh! I taught myself how at camp," she answered cheerfully.
"All right." Boromir went off and spoke to Aragorn.
"Kaaaaaaaaay," she muttered. She looked around. "I'm bored," she announced to nobody in particular.
"Then make yourself useful," Haldir suggested from behind her, making her jump. He dropped a pile of things in her arms. She couldn't see over it. "Put these in the boat over there." Laina muttered something incoherent and wandered off in the general direction of the boats.
"I can't see a bloody thing," Laina muttered. "Not a bloody butt fuc- gah!" She was cut off as somebody grabbed her arm. "What?" she asked irritable, still not able to see. Somebody relieved her of some of the pile.
It was the elf she had jumped before. "You almost fell in the water," he told her, pointing to the bank about one step away.
"Right. I meant to do that," she replied, nodding affirmatively. He shook his head and smiled, relieving her of the rest of the pile.
"Go over there," he said, nodding his head to where the rest of the fellowship was lined up, waiting for something. "The Lady Galadriel wishes to bid you all farewell." She wandered over in that direction and stood at the end of the line beside Merry. Nine elves came towards them and fastened grey cloaks about their shoulders.
"I get a cloak too?" Laina burst out excitedly.
"Shh," the elf with her cloak intoned, frowning and stepping back. Galadriel walked gracefully in their direction. She gave Legolas a bow.
"Presents!" Laina yelled happily. The elf frowned at her again, and she shut up. She stayed quiet while Galadriel gave the Light of Earendil to Frodo. Then she gave some elvish rope to Sam.
"Nooo," Laina burst out. "You're not s'posed to give him rope! You're s'posed to give him DIRT!" Everyone turned to look at her. "Oh never mind," she told them, falling silent, but not before muttering, "Stupid Peter Jackson."
Galadriel gave Merry and Pippin each a knife of the Noldrim (a/n: That's wrong, I know it is, I'm so sorry but I can't remember what it is) with a, "Yeah, I really trust them with that," from Laina.
Then she turned to Gimli. "And what would a dwarf ask of an elf?"
"Nothing more than to look upon the lady more beautiful than the dawn," he answered, flustered. Galadriel laughed and smiled kindly. Laina fought the urge to burst out laughing. "There is one thing." Gimli added, unsure of himself. "What I would give but for a lock of your hair."
"You shall have it," Galadriel told him, and she disappeared.
"You owe me $150 billion, USD," Laina told him, laughing.
"What are you talking about?" he demanded gruffly.
"I TOLD you you'd fall in love with her." Gimli glared at her but Galadriel returned before he could say anything. She gave him a case. He opened it and inside were three locks of her hair.
Merry and Pippin, getting bored, looked around. They saw some elves walk by with pastries and tried to go after them. Laina tried (try being the key word- they both weighed more than her) to keep them behind. She was so intent on keeping them out of trouble that she didn't notice Galadriel standing in front of her.
"What would you ask of us?" she asked, startling Laina and causing her to yelp and fall over.
"I get a present too?" Laina asked, blinking up at her, legs splayed like a rag doll.
"Yes," Galadriel answered, laughing slightly.
"But I thought you like, hated me."
"You have. grown on us," she answered, smiling amusedly. (a/n: I REALLY don't think that's a word, but yeah.)
"Oh. So I get to pick a present?"
"Yes."
"Kay. hey! Can I take that really pretty elf home with me?" Laina asked, pointing to the elf from before. He turned to look at her. "HIII!" she yelled, waving at him vigorously. He smiled, shaking his head, and returned to what he'd been doing.
"How about something that is NOT alive?" Galadriel suggested.
"Damn. I was going to prove to them that I DO see elves. Kay, well then, something that's not alive. I don't know."
Laughing, Galadriel called in elvish to a nearby elf. He went out of sight, then returned a few moments later, bearing a short sword. Laina blinked at it.
"Will this do?" Galadriel asked her pleasantly.
"I get a weapon?" Laina asked, eyes sparkling. "Yay! I won't die! Or, at least, I'll be able to kind of defend myself." She ran off, yelling as she went, "Hey Leggy, show me how to fight!"
Galadrel turned to Aragorn who was still there, unlike the rest of the fellowship who were scattered about the area.
"There is no gift I can give you greater than that which you already have," she told him, her hand traveling to the evenstar around his neck.
"Hey, no fondling the future king!" Laina yelled from somewhere.
Ignoring the outburst, Aragorn told Galadriel, "I would not have her remain here. I would have her leave theses shores with her people, and commit me to memory."
"Yeah, 'till I beat her with a stick!" someone giggled from beside them. Both Aragorn and Galadriel looked down to see a girl, doubled over with laughter.
She stopped and looked around. "Umm, kaaay." She looked confused. That wasn't the odd thing though. The odd thing was that it was Laina. However, her hair was all dark and in a short Chicago-y bob. She was wearing a black sequined tank top and jeans.
"How'd we get here?" she asked.
"We walked," Aragorn told her, wondering what had happened.
"No shit?" she asked sarcastically. "But WHEN?!?"
"After we left Moria?" he answered, confused.
"What the bloody fucking hell? We were NEVER at bloody Moria! We were just at my house. remember, the crickets??"
"What? No we weren't."
"Right." She looked at him as though he were insane. Then she sighted and looked around, rubbing her forehead. "Where's Meghan?"
"Who?"
She stopped and looked at him. "Meg-han," she repeated, as though speaking to a small child.
"I know of no Meghan."
She blinked at him and spluttered a few nonsense words. Then she screamed in agitation. As she stood there massaging her temples, Merry and Pippin came over. They stared at her.
"What happened to your hair?" Pippin asked her.
"What are you TALKING about?" she asked, still rubbing her head.
"It's short."
"It was ALWAYS short."
"It was long five minutes ago."
Before Laina could respond, they heard someone, who was indefinitely Laina, yell, "Oops! Sorry, Leggy!"
Legolas came walking towards them, laughing. He stopped when he saw Laina.
"How did you do that?" he asked her.
"Do what?"
"You were just in the woods. How did you get here so fast?"
"No I wasn't. Have you all gone mad?"
"You were," he insisted. "You practically cut off my arm, Laina."
"Since when have you been calling me 'Laina'? NOBODY calls me that."
"We ALL call you that," Merry told her.
"No. You ALL call me 'Casey', along with the rest of the world."
"Since when?"
"Since this all started!" she told him, throwing up her hands.
"No! All we've called you, besides annoying, is Laina!" he yelled.
"What?" Laina (with long semi-blue hair) asked, walking towards them. Everyone looked from Laina to Laina in shock. With the exception of hair and clothes, they were identical.
"Holy bloody fucking shit," they both said in perfect unison. The effect was rather eerie.
"What the bloody hell is going on?" asked Laina (the real one).
"I don't know," the other Laina (who shall now be known as Casey to avoid further confusion among readers) replied. "I was just sitting in the basement when that bloody cricket went by again and then I was here."
"Cricket?" Laina asked, more to herself than anybody else. She seemed to be trying to remember something. All of a sudden she grabbed Casey's arm. "Who was with you?" she demanded.
Casey shrugged. "Meghan. The rest of them were scattered around the house somewhere.
"Who's 'them'?" Lain asked intently, digging her nails into Casey's arm.
"Ouch," Casey complained, pulling her arm away. "Them. The fellowship. Plus the twins and Glorfindel and Haldir." Laina stared at her, frowning confusedly.
"But that doesn't make sense."
Casey blinked at her. self. "Let's recap the events of the past few days, shall we?" she asked dryly. "Let's see. I have a picnic with my best friend in the woods. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, FICTIONAL characters fall out of the SKY. Characters who just HAPPEN to be from out favourite book. So we end up promising to help them get back to their world despite the fact we don't even know how they got to OURS. So'm sitting in my basement, trying to figure out what the BLOODY HELL is going on when a random cricket hops by. And all of a sudden I'm in THEIR world, staring and talking to mySELF. I think we're a little beyond making sense right now."
"But for you to be here, well, you just, CAN'T," Laina spluttered.
"And why is that?" Casey asked, a tired expression on her face.
"Because YOU'RE a fictional character," Laina exploded. "Everything that's happening to you- it's a story Meighan and I made up."
"Right. And John Lennon's my uncle."
"No, I'm serious! It's all a story."
"Tell that to my walls."
"I have the manuscript!" Laina yelled. "Well, I don't, actually, Meighan does. But I know everything that's happened and is going to happen! I know about Pizza Boy and the cats and 'You're sitting on me head' and twitching eyes- wait, I don't think that's happened yet. but I know all of it!"
Casey paled. "You're serious," she gasped, incredulous. She sank to the ground, letting this sink in. "Oh my god," she breathed. "I'm a fictional character. I'm a bloody fucking fictional character. Does this mean I don't really exist?"
"I don't know." Laina admitted. "I mean, you HAVE to exist in SOME respect. You couldn't be here if you didn't. And they," she pointed to the fellowship around her, "Were all, or at least, thought to be, fictional characters. But they don't seem too fictional to me."
"One thing's for sure," Casey told her, eyes glittering slightly, "I'm never going to worry about bombing another bio test again." They both laughed, identical giggles.
"How can we get her back to. wherever?" Boromir asked, bringing them back to reality.
"I don't know," Laina told him unconcernedly.
"But you MUST know. You got rid of all the others," Frodo reminded her.
"And I BROUGHT them here, too. I didn't bring HER here. I've no idea how she ended up here."
Maybe. flying purple. monkeys. dropped me off," Casey piped up from the ground. She and Laina locked eyes for a moment. Then, as if sensing each other's thoughts, they both burst out into twin laughter again. It was rather disconcerting for the others.
"Wow. I. you. WE really nailed that one," Laina giggled.
"Better believe it, baby," Casey agreed.
"Are you two capable of a single intelligent thought?" Gimli asked, annoyed by their inane babbling.
"Hey, I just met myself," Casey told him.
"Yeah. You'd be a little spacey too," Laina agreed.
"There must be SOME way we can get her home," Sam insisted.
"Yeah. You know, this is great fun and all, but I shudder to think of what might happen to my house if I'm gone too long," Casey added.
"It cannot be any worse than the havoc you, or rather, SHE has wrecked here," Haldir told her lazily. She stared at him.
"You know, you're an awful lot nicer at home," Casey analyzed critically.
"Well this is getting us nowhere," Boromir interrupted.
"So are you," Casey added.
"Yeah, he's never liked me much," Laina told her.
Legolas sighed. "Could you please TRY to stay focused?"
"You're the same bitch you are at home," Casey replied. He threw up his arms in exasperation. "What? I was kidding!" she insisted.
"We must think of something," Aragorn told them. "We must leave soon."
"Great. Maybe she should just click her heels together three times and chant 'There's no place like home,'" Laina muttered sarcastically.
"Maybe I should just come with you," Casey suggested dryly.
"No!" everyone in the fellowship shouted, except for Merry and Pippin.
"Gee, I love you too," Casey wilted. Laina chewed on her lip, thinking. "Okay, this was fun for the first 15, maybe 20 minutes, but now I want to go home!" Casey whined.
Suddenly a girl with short(ish) dark hair and blue-grey eyes appeared out of nowhere. "There you are!" she exclaimed, catching sight of Casey. She seemed completely unfazed by the fact that she had just randomly popped up in Lorien.
"Meghan, how'd you get here?" Laina asked incredulously.
"It's not important," Meghan answered, waving an arm impatiently. "We've got to go." She leaned in closer. "They've found the shower."
"Not again," Casey moaned running off after her friend.
"Kick Patrick for me!" Laina yelled after her. self.
"I will!" came the distant reply.
Laina turned to everyone who was standing around. "Well. That was definitely up there on my weirdest-things-to-ever-happen-to-me list," she announced.
*** A big thank you to Meighan, for helping me figure out how to get rid of. well, me. Thank you! I love you! And your ovaries!!***
Oh, if the last part kind of didn't make sense, with me coming in from the story, go here:
Read it, it'll probably help clear things up. And review it too, just for good measure.
Now, go to the bottom of the page and click the little review button. good job!!
Oh yes, and I'd also like to apologize for the way I've bastardized this story. Sorry! I love all things Tolkien, I really do. it's like a love/hate thing. Or something. And I'm also sorry if I've abused/maimed/ruined-lines- of your favourite character(s).
Disclaimer: I don't own anything the fellowship, Lorien, Haldir, Celeborn, Galadriel or anything else even remotely connected to Tolkien. Nor do I own the Wizard of Oz, John Lennon, Moulin Rouge or Meighan. I do, however, own me, the cricket, and (partially) And What are you Doing Here? Oh yeah, and I guess I own the jumped elf. I made him up in my head.
Flames will be used for my end-of-the-year bonfire, meant for burning school stuff!
************************************************************
Chapter 9: The rest of what happened in Lorien and a rather. odd arrival
The remainder of the fellowship sat in Lorien, listening to the mourning song of the elves.
"A lament for Gandalf," Legolas told them, returning form wherever he'd been.
"What do they say about him?" Merry asked.
"I have not the heart to tell you. For me the grief is still too near," Legolas responded.
"I know!" Laina told them, digging a booklet from her jeans. "Olorin who once was. /Sent by the Lords of the West /To guard the lands of the East/Wisest of all Maiar/What drove you to leave/That which you loved? Mithrandir, Mithrandir O Pilgrim Grey/No more will you wander the green fields of this earth/Your journey has ended in darkness/The bonds cut, the spirit broken/The Flame of Anor has left this World/A great light, has gone out."
"How did you know that?" Legolas asked her, surprised.
"It's my book of all-knowingness," she answered, flapping around the booklet (which happens to be the lyric booklet form the LOTR CD.) "Ummm, Leggy, hon, why are you carrying a jug?" He gave her a look that implied she wasn't worth talking too and continued walking.
"Too bad they don't mention his fireworks," Sam commented. Then he stood up and began reciting an improvised poem about Gandalf's fireworks. They all stared at him until Gimli started snoring. Aragorn glared at him and smacked him.
"Ooh, good idea!" Laina agreed, eyes sparkling maliciously. She grabbed a pillow and began pummeling Gimli with it.
"Oh, that's no good," Sam mourned, sitting back down. Then a pillow flew by and hit him in the head.
"Pillow fight!" Laina shrieked, attacking Merry and Pippin. In about three seconds flat, they had a full-scale all-out pillow war going on. Aragorn shook his head and went over to where Boromir was sitting alone.
"Take some rest," he suggested. "The borders are well guarded."
"There will be no rest for me here," Boromir insisted, looking upset. Aragorn looked surprised. But their conversation was interrupted when Laina came running by and jumped a passing elf.
"You're pretty!" she told him, sitting on his stomach.
"Thank you," he replied calmly, as though used to being galumphed by hyper 15-year-old girls. "Could you be so kind as to get off me?" he added pleasantly.
"Oh, right, sorry," she told him, getting off and helping him up. "Can I take a shower somewhere? Or a bath? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease? I'm starting to smell like Aragorn." Even Boromir had to laugh at that.
"Hey, just a minute." Aragorn began.
"I'm kidding. Really. I love you. Or something," Laina told him, waving him away off handedly. The elf laughed.
"I'll see what I can do," he told her, walking off.
"What's wrong?" Laina asked Boromir, plopping down beside him. He didn't answer.
"Boromir?" Aragorn asked gently from his other side.
"I heard her voice inside my head," Boromir told them. "She said that there is hope still, yet I can not see it."
"Aw, there's ALWAYS hope!" Casey insisted, standing up. "Hope is like oxygen! Hope is a many splendoured thing! Hope lifts us up where we belong! All you need is hope! Yeah, okay, I'm done ripping off my favourite movies now," she told them, sitting down. (Ah, the irony).
"My father is a noble man but his reign is failing and our people lose faith. I would see the White City restored. My father looks to me to set things right but."
Aragorn looked at him helplessly. "Yeah. That's a parent thing," Laina told him. "I get that too. Not to that extent, of course. But they expect me to be responsible and remember things and be smart and junk. And my little brother gets away with, like, EVERYTHING."
He looked at her, vaguely interested. "Really? Sometimes it seems my brother does also."
"Isn't it ANNOYING?" Laina asked. Boromir sat back with a slightly dreamy look on his face.
"Have you ever sent the white gates of Gondor?" he asked them. "The banners blowing in the wind. To be called home by the clear sound of trumpets ringing across the hills."
"Yes. My travels have taken me there long ago," Aragorn told him. Boromir turned to him.
"One day you and I will pass that way and the cries will ring from the tower: 'The lords of Gondor have returned!'" All of a sudden Laina burst into tears.
"What's with the dying?" she cried, running away.
"Looks like you're not the only one with problems," Aragorn commented wryly.
Later that night, Frodo woke up as Galadriel walked by. He silently followed her down many stairs. They reached a small grove with a stone basin in the center. Galadriel turned around. "Will you look into the mirror?" she asked him, holding a jar of water.
"What will I see there?" Frodo asked, slightly suspicious.''
"Not possibly water, no," Laina commented sarcastically from the stone she was sprawled over, reading. Galadriel ignored her.
"Even the wisest cannot tell," she told him.
"I know!" Laina announced. Once again she was ignored.
"Things that were, things that are, and some things that have not yet come to pass." Frodo stepped up and looked into the basin. Before he could se anything, however, Laina accidentally pushed him. He glared at her, spluttering, while his curls dripped.
"Sorry," she apologized quickly. "But that bloody cricket is following me again." She pointed to a blue cricket on the ground behind her.
Frodo blinked at her stupidly. Galadriel shook her head and sighed, wondering if the child had somehow gotten into the wine.
"Right, sorry. carry on," Laina urged them, backing up. Once again Frodo looked into the water. There he could see all his friends. Then he saw hobbits, enslaved and being ordered around by orcs. Finally he saw an eye, drawing him ever closer. The ring started to fall towards the water and he pulled back quickly.
"I know what you saw for it is in my mind also," Galadriel told him.
"Reeeeeeally?" Laina asked pointlessly.
"He will try to take the ring. You know of whom I speak," Galadriel warned.
"I know what you would ask of me, yet I do not see the way," Frodo admitted.
"For a start, you can NOT give it to the all-powerful elf lady," Laina suggested innocently. Frodo looked at Galadriel and slowly opened the palm of his hand holding the ring.
"I would give it to you, if you ask it of me," he told Galadriel.
"I said NOT to give it to her, genius," Laina told him, exasperated. Galadriel stepped towards Frodo, looking eagerly at the ring.
"You give this ring to me freely?" she asked, stepping ever closer.
"Oh boy, here we go again," Laina muttered, rolling her eyes.
"I do not deny my heart has long desired this," Galadriel admitted, reaching for the ring. Suddenly she began to glow green. "In place of a dark lord you will have a queen!" she announced. "Not terrible, but beautiful and treacherous as the dawn!"
"DAMMIT! I told you to STOP playing with the nuclear warheads, Kevin!" Laina yelled at the sky.
Galadriel's crazy spell passed. "I have passed the test," she told them dreamily, returning to normal. "I will diminish and pass to the West and remain Galadriel."
"I feel so alone," Frodo told her, big blue eyes sad. (a/n: altogether now: awwww. Truthfully, I only put this in here so the rabid Frodo/Elijah fangirls could collectively sigh and drool over his big blue eyes.)
"To bear a ring of power is to be alone," Galadriel replied sympathetically. Laina rolled her eyes.
"Well this is riveting," she drawled. "So riveting, in fact, that you'll have to excuse me before I pass out from utter ecstasy." With that she left, leaving Frodo blinking (big blue eyes again) after her, confused, and Galadriel shaking her head with a bemused smile on her face.
The next day Laina came bounding in as the elves were loading the boats and the Fellowship was preparing to leave. "They braided my hair!" she announced happily to Legolas. He smiled and continued loading things. She was jumping up and down and laughing (somebody had given her sugar for breakfast). She was wearing dark green baggy cargo shorts and a deep blue top with bell-y sleeves. Her shoulder length dark hair was held back with a few tight braids and had dark blue streaks in it, which stood out vividly. Suddenly she stopped jumping and looked around. "Hey, we're not leaving, are we?" she demanded.
"We must continue with our quest," Aragorn responded from behind her. She spun around.
"But- but- but- but," she spluttered.
"But what?" he asked nonchantly, mocking her.
"We're not s'posed to leave now! We're s'posed to stay for awhile but you're not sure how long because the days kind of melt together because of the elves and its all mystical and magical and stuff and then when you leave it seems like its been about a couple of weeks but the moon is in almost the EXACT same position it was in when you came but there's no way it was actually a full month or long enough for the moon to go through all its phases but you were gone long enough that it SHOULD have changed SOMEWHAT." As Laina, continued talking, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at the oblivious girl. The hobbits, with eyes as wide as saucers, watched breathlessly, fully expecting her to keel over at any minute from lack of oxygen. Finally she stopped and took a huge breath. "Wooh, I feel dizzy," she giggled, staring up at nothing and wobbling slightly. Everyone blinked then returned to what they had been doing.
"Can you paddle a boat?" Boromir asked Laina.
"Uh-huh! I taught myself how at camp," she answered cheerfully.
"All right." Boromir went off and spoke to Aragorn.
"Kaaaaaaaaay," she muttered. She looked around. "I'm bored," she announced to nobody in particular.
"Then make yourself useful," Haldir suggested from behind her, making her jump. He dropped a pile of things in her arms. She couldn't see over it. "Put these in the boat over there." Laina muttered something incoherent and wandered off in the general direction of the boats.
"I can't see a bloody thing," Laina muttered. "Not a bloody butt fuc- gah!" She was cut off as somebody grabbed her arm. "What?" she asked irritable, still not able to see. Somebody relieved her of some of the pile.
It was the elf she had jumped before. "You almost fell in the water," he told her, pointing to the bank about one step away.
"Right. I meant to do that," she replied, nodding affirmatively. He shook his head and smiled, relieving her of the rest of the pile.
"Go over there," he said, nodding his head to where the rest of the fellowship was lined up, waiting for something. "The Lady Galadriel wishes to bid you all farewell." She wandered over in that direction and stood at the end of the line beside Merry. Nine elves came towards them and fastened grey cloaks about their shoulders.
"I get a cloak too?" Laina burst out excitedly.
"Shh," the elf with her cloak intoned, frowning and stepping back. Galadriel walked gracefully in their direction. She gave Legolas a bow.
"Presents!" Laina yelled happily. The elf frowned at her again, and she shut up. She stayed quiet while Galadriel gave the Light of Earendil to Frodo. Then she gave some elvish rope to Sam.
"Nooo," Laina burst out. "You're not s'posed to give him rope! You're s'posed to give him DIRT!" Everyone turned to look at her. "Oh never mind," she told them, falling silent, but not before muttering, "Stupid Peter Jackson."
Galadriel gave Merry and Pippin each a knife of the Noldrim (a/n: That's wrong, I know it is, I'm so sorry but I can't remember what it is) with a, "Yeah, I really trust them with that," from Laina.
Then she turned to Gimli. "And what would a dwarf ask of an elf?"
"Nothing more than to look upon the lady more beautiful than the dawn," he answered, flustered. Galadriel laughed and smiled kindly. Laina fought the urge to burst out laughing. "There is one thing." Gimli added, unsure of himself. "What I would give but for a lock of your hair."
"You shall have it," Galadriel told him, and she disappeared.
"You owe me $150 billion, USD," Laina told him, laughing.
"What are you talking about?" he demanded gruffly.
"I TOLD you you'd fall in love with her." Gimli glared at her but Galadriel returned before he could say anything. She gave him a case. He opened it and inside were three locks of her hair.
Merry and Pippin, getting bored, looked around. They saw some elves walk by with pastries and tried to go after them. Laina tried (try being the key word- they both weighed more than her) to keep them behind. She was so intent on keeping them out of trouble that she didn't notice Galadriel standing in front of her.
"What would you ask of us?" she asked, startling Laina and causing her to yelp and fall over.
"I get a present too?" Laina asked, blinking up at her, legs splayed like a rag doll.
"Yes," Galadriel answered, laughing slightly.
"But I thought you like, hated me."
"You have. grown on us," she answered, smiling amusedly. (a/n: I REALLY don't think that's a word, but yeah.)
"Oh. So I get to pick a present?"
"Yes."
"Kay. hey! Can I take that really pretty elf home with me?" Laina asked, pointing to the elf from before. He turned to look at her. "HIII!" she yelled, waving at him vigorously. He smiled, shaking his head, and returned to what he'd been doing.
"How about something that is NOT alive?" Galadriel suggested.
"Damn. I was going to prove to them that I DO see elves. Kay, well then, something that's not alive. I don't know."
Laughing, Galadriel called in elvish to a nearby elf. He went out of sight, then returned a few moments later, bearing a short sword. Laina blinked at it.
"Will this do?" Galadriel asked her pleasantly.
"I get a weapon?" Laina asked, eyes sparkling. "Yay! I won't die! Or, at least, I'll be able to kind of defend myself." She ran off, yelling as she went, "Hey Leggy, show me how to fight!"
Galadrel turned to Aragorn who was still there, unlike the rest of the fellowship who were scattered about the area.
"There is no gift I can give you greater than that which you already have," she told him, her hand traveling to the evenstar around his neck.
"Hey, no fondling the future king!" Laina yelled from somewhere.
Ignoring the outburst, Aragorn told Galadriel, "I would not have her remain here. I would have her leave theses shores with her people, and commit me to memory."
"Yeah, 'till I beat her with a stick!" someone giggled from beside them. Both Aragorn and Galadriel looked down to see a girl, doubled over with laughter.
She stopped and looked around. "Umm, kaaay." She looked confused. That wasn't the odd thing though. The odd thing was that it was Laina. However, her hair was all dark and in a short Chicago-y bob. She was wearing a black sequined tank top and jeans.
"How'd we get here?" she asked.
"We walked," Aragorn told her, wondering what had happened.
"No shit?" she asked sarcastically. "But WHEN?!?"
"After we left Moria?" he answered, confused.
"What the bloody fucking hell? We were NEVER at bloody Moria! We were just at my house. remember, the crickets??"
"What? No we weren't."
"Right." She looked at him as though he were insane. Then she sighted and looked around, rubbing her forehead. "Where's Meghan?"
"Who?"
She stopped and looked at him. "Meg-han," she repeated, as though speaking to a small child.
"I know of no Meghan."
She blinked at him and spluttered a few nonsense words. Then she screamed in agitation. As she stood there massaging her temples, Merry and Pippin came over. They stared at her.
"What happened to your hair?" Pippin asked her.
"What are you TALKING about?" she asked, still rubbing her head.
"It's short."
"It was ALWAYS short."
"It was long five minutes ago."
Before Laina could respond, they heard someone, who was indefinitely Laina, yell, "Oops! Sorry, Leggy!"
Legolas came walking towards them, laughing. He stopped when he saw Laina.
"How did you do that?" he asked her.
"Do what?"
"You were just in the woods. How did you get here so fast?"
"No I wasn't. Have you all gone mad?"
"You were," he insisted. "You practically cut off my arm, Laina."
"Since when have you been calling me 'Laina'? NOBODY calls me that."
"We ALL call you that," Merry told her.
"No. You ALL call me 'Casey', along with the rest of the world."
"Since when?"
"Since this all started!" she told him, throwing up her hands.
"No! All we've called you, besides annoying, is Laina!" he yelled.
"What?" Laina (with long semi-blue hair) asked, walking towards them. Everyone looked from Laina to Laina in shock. With the exception of hair and clothes, they were identical.
"Holy bloody fucking shit," they both said in perfect unison. The effect was rather eerie.
"What the bloody hell is going on?" asked Laina (the real one).
"I don't know," the other Laina (who shall now be known as Casey to avoid further confusion among readers) replied. "I was just sitting in the basement when that bloody cricket went by again and then I was here."
"Cricket?" Laina asked, more to herself than anybody else. She seemed to be trying to remember something. All of a sudden she grabbed Casey's arm. "Who was with you?" she demanded.
Casey shrugged. "Meghan. The rest of them were scattered around the house somewhere.
"Who's 'them'?" Lain asked intently, digging her nails into Casey's arm.
"Ouch," Casey complained, pulling her arm away. "Them. The fellowship. Plus the twins and Glorfindel and Haldir." Laina stared at her, frowning confusedly.
"But that doesn't make sense."
Casey blinked at her. self. "Let's recap the events of the past few days, shall we?" she asked dryly. "Let's see. I have a picnic with my best friend in the woods. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, FICTIONAL characters fall out of the SKY. Characters who just HAPPEN to be from out favourite book. So we end up promising to help them get back to their world despite the fact we don't even know how they got to OURS. So'm sitting in my basement, trying to figure out what the BLOODY HELL is going on when a random cricket hops by. And all of a sudden I'm in THEIR world, staring and talking to mySELF. I think we're a little beyond making sense right now."
"But for you to be here, well, you just, CAN'T," Laina spluttered.
"And why is that?" Casey asked, a tired expression on her face.
"Because YOU'RE a fictional character," Laina exploded. "Everything that's happening to you- it's a story Meighan and I made up."
"Right. And John Lennon's my uncle."
"No, I'm serious! It's all a story."
"Tell that to my walls."
"I have the manuscript!" Laina yelled. "Well, I don't, actually, Meighan does. But I know everything that's happened and is going to happen! I know about Pizza Boy and the cats and 'You're sitting on me head' and twitching eyes- wait, I don't think that's happened yet. but I know all of it!"
Casey paled. "You're serious," she gasped, incredulous. She sank to the ground, letting this sink in. "Oh my god," she breathed. "I'm a fictional character. I'm a bloody fucking fictional character. Does this mean I don't really exist?"
"I don't know." Laina admitted. "I mean, you HAVE to exist in SOME respect. You couldn't be here if you didn't. And they," she pointed to the fellowship around her, "Were all, or at least, thought to be, fictional characters. But they don't seem too fictional to me."
"One thing's for sure," Casey told her, eyes glittering slightly, "I'm never going to worry about bombing another bio test again." They both laughed, identical giggles.
"How can we get her back to. wherever?" Boromir asked, bringing them back to reality.
"I don't know," Laina told him unconcernedly.
"But you MUST know. You got rid of all the others," Frodo reminded her.
"And I BROUGHT them here, too. I didn't bring HER here. I've no idea how she ended up here."
Maybe. flying purple. monkeys. dropped me off," Casey piped up from the ground. She and Laina locked eyes for a moment. Then, as if sensing each other's thoughts, they both burst out into twin laughter again. It was rather disconcerting for the others.
"Wow. I. you. WE really nailed that one," Laina giggled.
"Better believe it, baby," Casey agreed.
"Are you two capable of a single intelligent thought?" Gimli asked, annoyed by their inane babbling.
"Hey, I just met myself," Casey told him.
"Yeah. You'd be a little spacey too," Laina agreed.
"There must be SOME way we can get her home," Sam insisted.
"Yeah. You know, this is great fun and all, but I shudder to think of what might happen to my house if I'm gone too long," Casey added.
"It cannot be any worse than the havoc you, or rather, SHE has wrecked here," Haldir told her lazily. She stared at him.
"You know, you're an awful lot nicer at home," Casey analyzed critically.
"Well this is getting us nowhere," Boromir interrupted.
"So are you," Casey added.
"Yeah, he's never liked me much," Laina told her.
Legolas sighed. "Could you please TRY to stay focused?"
"You're the same bitch you are at home," Casey replied. He threw up his arms in exasperation. "What? I was kidding!" she insisted.
"We must think of something," Aragorn told them. "We must leave soon."
"Great. Maybe she should just click her heels together three times and chant 'There's no place like home,'" Laina muttered sarcastically.
"Maybe I should just come with you," Casey suggested dryly.
"No!" everyone in the fellowship shouted, except for Merry and Pippin.
"Gee, I love you too," Casey wilted. Laina chewed on her lip, thinking. "Okay, this was fun for the first 15, maybe 20 minutes, but now I want to go home!" Casey whined.
Suddenly a girl with short(ish) dark hair and blue-grey eyes appeared out of nowhere. "There you are!" she exclaimed, catching sight of Casey. She seemed completely unfazed by the fact that she had just randomly popped up in Lorien.
"Meghan, how'd you get here?" Laina asked incredulously.
"It's not important," Meghan answered, waving an arm impatiently. "We've got to go." She leaned in closer. "They've found the shower."
"Not again," Casey moaned running off after her friend.
"Kick Patrick for me!" Laina yelled after her. self.
"I will!" came the distant reply.
Laina turned to everyone who was standing around. "Well. That was definitely up there on my weirdest-things-to-ever-happen-to-me list," she announced.
*** A big thank you to Meighan, for helping me figure out how to get rid of. well, me. Thank you! I love you! And your ovaries!!***
Oh, if the last part kind of didn't make sense, with me coming in from the story, go here:
Read it, it'll probably help clear things up. And review it too, just for good measure.
Now, go to the bottom of the page and click the little review button. good job!!