Yaay! I finally got chapter 11 up! Be proud, be very proud. I've had it
written forever, it's just taken me forever to have a chance to type/post
it. But hey, I only have one chapter left to go, after this. I think. It
depends on how I divide it up.. Heeeey, that's not good. It's saaaaad..
Well, pooh.
And to my favourite reviewers (actually, my ONLY reviewers, but shhhh):
Aranel: Yay Glorfindel!! I'm actually considering making Glorfindel bumper stickers. Or t-shirts. Or SOMETHING. It would be fun! And you are so right about the 'Noro Lim' thing. I mean really, if you were a horse being chased by 9 big black evil scary demon things, would YOU slow down? No, I didn't think so. And I love Tom Bombadil! And as for not knowing the twins, well.. just.. pooh on them. I love the twins! As much as I love Glorfindel!! And not knowing Tolkien. That's just SAD. I mean, he only created the whole story line!!!! Duuuuur. I WOULD have slapped her across the face. Either that or just stared at her while spluttering incoherently. Anyway, I'm glad you like the chapter. I don't really think about it as 'ganging up' on Aragorn. I mean, he did get Molly. lol.. I love my Molly.
Ionuin: I love you Kat!!! I'm your #1 fan!! And your cameo is this chapter!! Yay! Whenever I get it up!!! And I had that dream AGAIN last night. It's really starting to freak me out man!!!
Megan: I so do not have a fear of fog! I love fog, thankyouverymuch. God, I'm weird. What kind of odd person prefers fog and wind and rain over sunshine? Me! Yeah, Niko: I'm scared of stuff too!! I love your ovaries!!! And make up your mind about the funny little side notes! First you say you don't want me to include them, then you say you don't, know you're saying you do!! Whee! Jebus Christmas, what the hell am I writing?? I'm heartbroken. Jesus didn't win grade 11 rep. Sniff. And you DO have a cameo!! In this chapter. Wait your turn! :P
Disclaimer: Same old sob story- I don't own anything. Gabriel and Catherine are Kat's characters. Well actually, she doesn't own Gabriel either. He's from The Patriot. But if I owned him (do you know how cool that would be??) I'd give him to Kat. Because that's how much I love her. And you really should read her story. It's a very good story. Oh wait, I own the Mary Sue. Although, I really wish I didn't. Someone want a Mary sue??
Chapter 11: Stuff happens. And I can't remember what stuff exactly, because it's been quite awhile since I wrote this.
Aragorn paced back and forth, trying to decide what to do.
"You're making me dizzy," Gimli growled irritably.
"Well? What are we to do?" Sam persisted. They were interrupted from further discussions by a rustling in the trees behind them. They cautiously turned around to look. A girl walked out of the trees. She had short brown hair, so dark it looked black. Her eyes were dark too. She was kind of short and kind of tall. She was wearing jeans with a white t-shirt and a light beige jacket. She also had glasses with green red and black frames.
"Don't kill me!" she squeaked, cowering as she caught sight of them. They drew their weapons. "Oh, wait!" she said, straightening up. "Um, I'm uh, I'm a great.. Sorceress! I will attack you with my magic.. uh." she trailed off, patting around in her pockets, looking for something to be used as a weapon. "I will attack you with my trusty.. pencil?" She laughed nervously and tried to back away, pointing the extremely dull pencil at them.
"Who are you?" Pippin finally demanded bravely.
"It's Megan," Laina answered dutifully from the floor, where she was playing chess with herself. "GROUND, not floor. We're outside. It's the ground," Laina announced, still not looking up.
"What?" Aragorn asked, turning away and looking at her oddly. Laina sighed loudly.
"I SAID, it's Megan.. Megan!" she yelled and jumped up, hugging the girl. (a/n: Is anyone else getting confused by all the Meg(h)ans? I know I sure as hell am)
"Hi!" Megan said before laughing.
"Come play chess with me," Laina ordered, and they both started to play chess on the same side of the chessboard.
"You know this one too?" Aragorn asked, already knowing the answer.
"Uh huh," Laina chirped.
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Legolas asked rhetorically. (Go see the LOTR extended version DVD. Go!)
"What's this?" Pippin asked, looking at the chessboard curiously.
"You eat it," Megan told him with false sincerity.
"Really?" he asked eagerly, and before either of them could say anything, he popped the white queen in his mouth. "Eych!"
"No Pippin! She wasn't serious," Laina cried.
"Oh." He spit it into his hand and offered it back to them sheepishly. Laina blinked at him and Megan laughed.
"Ooh!" Laina yelled suddenly, jumping up. "I have to annoy certain people. Go, um.. mingle or something." She ran off.
"Wait, do you know where Frodo is?" Aragorn asked. But she was already gone. He turned around. Megan was right behind him. "Ah!" he yelled, startled.
"Ahhhhh!!!" she screamed loudly.
*****
Frodo was examining a statue in the woods. "None of us should wander alone," Boromir warned, coming up behind him with a pile of wood. "You least of all. So much depends on you.." Frodo looked at him and turned away. "I know why you seek solitude," Boromir continued. "You suffer, I see it day by day. Are you sure you do not suffer needlessly? There are other ways, Frodo, other paths you might take."
"Oh, give it up," Laina sighed, walking towards them. She was wearing an orange tank top and a black sarong with flames on it. Her hair was up in a high ponytail, and the blue streaks had turned scarlet. "We all know you want the ring," she added, pointing a red and black fingernail at him.
"I do not!" he protested too quickly. "I merely fear for Frodo's safety."
"Yeah huh, sure."
"I know what you would say," Frodo interrupted. "And it would seem like wisdom, but for the warning in my heart."
"Warning?" Boromir laughed, but there was a nervous edge to it. "Warning against what?"
"Well of course it isn't against you," Laina muttered sarcastically. He glared at her and reached out to smack her arm, but she jumped back and stuck her tongue out at him.
Boromir ignored her and turned to Frodo. "We are all afraid. But to let this fear destroy our hope.. Do you not see? It is madness."
"There is no other way," Frodo insisted, backing away slightly.
"All I ask is for the strength to defend my people!" the man yelled, throwing the pile of wood he held to the ground.
"Calm down, Bobo," Laina told him, glaring suspiciously. Ignoring the Bobo comment, he took a deep breath, calming himself down.
"If you would but lend me the ring," Boromir propositioned, stepping closer.
"Um, how about.. No," Laina intruded.
"Will you stop?" he thundered. She fell backwards and sat there, blinking at him in surprise. Boromir noticed Frodo had backed away. "Why do you recoil? I am no thief."
"You are not yourself," Frodo replied carefully.
"What chance do you think you have?" Boromir demanded angrily. "They will find you and take the ring, and you will beg for death before the end."
"Little ray of sunshine, aren't you?" Laina asked sarcastically. "Don't listen to him Frodo," she added, standing up. She glowered at Boromir. "He's just a bloody ass. Come on." She and Frodo started to walk away.
"Fools!" Boromir called after them. He started to chase them. "It is not yours save by unhappy chance! It could have mine!"
"Yeah, right," Laina said, stopping. "Somehow I can't see ANYBODY trusting you with the ability to control the world." Ignoring her words, Boromir pushed her down.
"It should have been mine!" he yelled, jumping on Frodo and trying to take the ring. "Give it to me! Give it to me!"
"No!" Frodo yelled, fighting back.
"Oh, nice one," Laina growled. "Way to squash the slash, Boromir. Straddling the hobbit and screaming 'give it to me' while trying to grope him probably isn't the best way to stop annoying anti-grammar writers from making you into some pervy hobbit fancier." She was blatantly ignored by the two fighting on the ground.
"Give it to me!" Boromir yelled again, almost grasping the ring.
"No!" Frodo screamed once more, before popping on the ring and disappearing. Boromir looked around.
"I see your mind!" he announced. "You will take the ring to Sauron and betray us all. You go to your death, Frodo, to your death and the death of us all!" There was a break of silence as both Boromir and Laina looked around. "Curse you!" Boromir screamed in anguish. "Curse you and all the Halflings!" A log moved as Frodo ran over it.
"Thank you very much," Laina yelled at Boromir. "Now I have to go find him. Do you know how hard it is to find a two-foot hobbit anyway? Let alone when he's INVISIBLE!" She kicked Boromir in the stomach and ran off. He fell to the ground.
"Frodo?" Boromir asked pitifully. "Please Frodo, I 'm sorry. What have I done? Frodo!"
"Frodo?" Laina called, wandering through the wood. "Come one, Frodo, I don't want the bloody ring. Honest to god, and people say I'M impulsive.. FRODO!"
Just as she was walking by some ruins, Frodo fell off and landed on her. "Umph. You're sitting on my head," she groaned.
*****
While Laina had been looking for Frodo, back on the shore Aragorn had finally decided what to do.
"I will look for Frodo. The rest of you STAY HERE."
"You're looking for Frodo?" Megan asked from the ground where she sat talking to Merry and mingling.
"Yes," Aragorn answered suspiciously. "Do you know where he is?"
"Off getting mauled by Boromir," Megan informed him nonchalantly. "He wants the ring."
"What?!" Aragorn hauled her up by the shoulder. "Take me to them," he insisted.
"Geez, what do you think I am?" Megan demanded crossly. "Someone who knows what direction they're going? I don't know where they are." But Aragorn had already sprinted off into the woods, dragging her with him.
The rest of the fellowship stood there until Legolas broke the silence. "I wish to have a look around," he told them. "Will you come with me, master dwarf?" Gimli grunted a reply, and the two set off.
"I can't stand this," Sam burst out after a few silent minutes. "I'm going to find mister Frodo. For goodness sake, you two stay here." He left too, running off in the direction Laina had taken.
"Merry," Pippin addressed his cousin in his lilting accent. "Why does everyone else get to leave while we stay here?"
"I don't know, Pip," Merry answered. "But I say we go off too. C'mon." The two disappeared, abandoning the camp as well as all the supplies.
*****
"Frodo!" Aragorn called, catching sight of him and Laina. They turned around. "Why didn't you tell me Boromir would try to take the ring?" he demanded, drawing closer.
"You told him?" Laina asked incredulously, turning to Megan. "You're not s'posed to tell them what happens! You could ruin the whole story!"
"Umm, oops?" came the reply.
"Where is it now?" Aragorn interrupted, his voice taking a darker tone.
"Not you too," Laina muttered as Frodo stepped back behind her. He'd long since figured out that either she was too stupid to want the ring or else it didn't have the same effect one her. At any rate, she offered him some form of protection should any more rabid humans decide they wanted to control Middle Earth.
"What are you talking about?" Aragorn asked. "I swore to protect Frodo."
"Can you protect me from yourself?" Frodo asked, looking at Aragorn nervously.
"C'mon. Let's sit back, enjoy the popcorn, and watch their noble little speech thing," Laina whispered to Megan.
"But there's no popcorn," Megan whispered back.
"Oh. Right." Laina snapped her fingers and they were on a comfy, overstuffed (FAKE) leather couch, with a huge bowl of popcorn between them. They sat back as Aragorn stepped towards the ring, hearing it call his name. Abruptly he closed Frodo's hand.
"I would have gone with you to the end," he told Frodo intently. "Into the very fires of Mordor."
"Take care of the others. Especially Sam. He will not understand," Frodo requested sweetly.
Laina stood up suddenly and began clapping. "Bravo! Excellent performance! I think I'm going to cry. I nominate the tree for best supporting actor." She snapped her fingers again and the couch disappeared, leaving a dejected looking Megan on the ground without the bowl of popcorn. "Now can we please get a move on? They'll be here any minute now." She looked increasingly more nervous.
"Who-" Aragorn started to ask, but cut himself off. He drew his sword suddenly. Frodo did the same, revealing a very blue Sting.
"Caught on, have you?" Laina asked dryly.
"Go," Aragorn told them. "Protect Frodo," he added to Laina.
"Just a second." Laina snapped her fingers, and her scarlet streaks were replaced with purple. She was wearing loose black sweat pants and a purple tank top with famous cities in glittery letters. Her nails matched the shirt and hair. "Okay, we're good now."
"Wait," Megan said slowly. "Why are you going?"
"Orcs draw near," Aragorn told her, impatient to get Frodo to safety.
"Right. And they have swords and stuff too, don't they?"
"Yes," Laina told her. "Which is why we have to go. NOW."
"So they have sharp pointy things. That could kill me."
"YES!" Frodo, Laina and Aragorn all but shouted as one.
"Right. I'll be going now." With that, Megan disappeared. They could hear the sounds of an army of orcs drawing closer.
"Run!" Aragorn urged them again.
"C'mon!" Laina yelled. She grabbed Frodo's hand and dragged him off as Aragorn turned to face the orcs. He began fighting, killing as many as possible to keep them from reaching Frodo.
In the woods, Legolas could hear the sounds of the outnumbered battle. "We must aid Aragorn!" he told Gimli, and the two raced off.
Merry and Pippin could hear the sounds too. "Hide!" Merry hissed, and the two dove into the bushes.
"Sam, also hearing the sounds, ran faster. He was desperate to find Frodo before the orcs did.
Laina and Frodo skidded down the slope. "Hide here," Laina told Frodo, pushing him into a hollow at the base of a tree. "Stay here until.. Well, you'll know when." She ran off, carefully avoiding some orcs and wishing she could help them all further.
As Aragorn battled an orc, an arrow came from behind, killing another that was sneaking up on him. (Sneak sneak) He turned around briefly. Legolas was there, shooting arrows while Gimli flung his axe, catching many of the orcs.
"Find the Halflings!" the head orc ordered.
"Dare I say I told you so?" Legolas muttered, fighting near Aragorn.
"Find the Halflings!" the orc ordered again.
"This is getting rather monotonous," Legolas muttered. He gave Aragorn a push. "Go Aragorn!" he yelled, killing two orcs at once with his spectacular archery skills. (So exciting the audience will stomp and cheer, so delighting it will run for 50 years!) The man raced off.
Frodo leaned against the tree, praying to nobody in particular that the passing orcs wouldn't see him. Across the path, Merry and Pippin popped up. (pop!)
"Frodo! Hide here!" Pippin whispered loudly. Frodo looked at them and shook his head. His big blue eyes filled with sadness and courage at the thought of leaving those who had become his dearest friends. (a/n: sniff!)
"What's he doing?" Pippin asked Merry.
"He's leaving," Merry answered, reading Frodo's eyes.
"What? No!" Pippin jumped out of the bushes.
"Pippin!" Merry hissed, jumping after him. They could see the orcs up the hill heading towards them. Merry locked eyes with Frodo. "Run Frodo," he whispered. Then he began screaming, trying to get the orcs attention.
Although he wasn't quite sure what his cousin was doing, Pippin joined in too. Merry pushed him and the two raced off into the direction opposite of Frodo. Frodo sat still for a moment, unsure of what to do. He knew this was the moment Laina had been speaking of, and yet he couldn't just leave his cousins to who knows what end.
"Go!" Laina hissed, popping up beside him (once again, pop!)
"But Merry and Pippin.." He began.
"Will be fine!" she insisted. Still he lingered. "Look, they're risking their lives to give you a chance to get away. I don't think they'll be too pleased if you just sit here 'till you get caught. I swear, I won't let anything happen to them." Finally Frodo was convinced. He jumped up and ran away.
"It's working!" Pippin announced proudly, pausing for a moment in front of Merry.
"I know it's working," Merry told him grimly. "Keep running!"
"Not that way!" they heard Laina yell. She ran over and dragged them in a different direction. "God, you can't even follow the plotline on your own." They stopped on the pine needle littered ground, past the ruin of an old bridge. They were surrounded by orcs, who were coming closer.
"Well. THAT worked," Merry commented.
"I think OUR way would have been better," Pippin added.
"But if you hadn't of come this way, so many things would go wrong. You wouldn't have been ta- no, wait. I can't tell you that. They wouldn't have kill. can't tell you that either. But it really would have messed things up."
"That helps us now," Merry muttered. They stood bravely, facing the orcs who were drawing close at a rapid speed, swords flashing.
"Eep!" Laina squealed as a sword almost hit her. Boromir came running up, blocking the hit.
"Get back!" he yelled to the three, killing an orc. They ran back before Boromir turned again to fight back more orcs. Merry and Pippin helped, doing what they could with their small swords. Laina cowered behind them.
"Hey, wait," she said suddenly. "I have a sword too!" She pulled it out and killed a random orc. Boromir threw a knife, which landed squarely in the neck of one of the orcs. He continued to push Laina, Merry and Pippin further back behind him.
Suddenly Laina caught sight of something walking towards them. She stopped and gasped, and then whimpered.
"What is it?" Boromir demanded, shooting her a glance over his shoulder.
"Nothing," she answered quickly. "Just.. just keep fighting."
"What's going on?" Pippin asked her. She didn't answer. She could only watch in horror as Lurtz drew his crossbow and shot Boromir in his left shoulder. Boromir fell to his knees, gasping in pain.
Out of nowhere, a woman ran towards them. Her long dark hair was pinned up in a messy manner. A man came right behind her, with tousled blond hair and bandages around his abdomen. Both were dressed in the manner of the revolutionary era. The woman pushed Boromir down. Nobody moved, wondering who they were and where they had come from.
"Lie back," she ordered. Surprised, Boromir did so.
"Um, excuse me?" Laina asked, tapping her shoulder.
"Yes?" the woman replied. She didn't look at Laina; too busy ripping up cloth strips.
"I think.. maybe.. you might be, well, in the wrong story," Laina told her, faltering slightly. This was incredibly hard to explain. The woman looked at her for a fleeting instant.
"Story?" he repeated. "I don't know what you are talking about. But no matter what side this man fights for, I will do my best to save his life." Laina blinked and stepped back. This woman, obviously from the American Revolution, didn't seem to have realized that the other side consisted of large, monstrous goblins. She tried to remove Boromir's armour. He batted her hands away.
"Help," he mouthed pleadingly to Laina. She bit her lip and looked around.
The man who had arrived with the woman had finally become aware of their surroundings. He stared around in shock. "My god," he whispered. He stepped forward. "Catherine," he said, a note of urgency in his voice.
"Quiet," she ordered. He obliged, falling back.
"Well, at least you have some sense," Laina told him. She was unfazed by the orcs, who, being completely stupid and moronic were not taking advantage of the fact that their enemy was distracted and were instead standing there. Looking stupid. "I'm Laina," she offered, holding out her hand to the man. He just looked at her warily. She shrugged.
"Laina, what's going on? Who are these people and why do they look so weird?" Merry asked.
"And why won't he talk?" Pippin added. "It's quite rude." The man looked at them, backing away nervously.
"I can't blame him," Laina answered sympathetically. "I mean, he just appears here, with us dressed all weird, and these creepy evil black things, and three feet tall men with furry feet. It would seem pretty weird to me too, if I didn't know what was going on."
"You mean they don't have hobbits where he's from?" Pippin asked, incredulously.
"Nope. Nor do they have elves or dwarves or wizards or orcs or anything except for humans."
"But that's terrible!" Pippin exclaimed. "Well, maybe not the lack of orcs. But the rest of it, that's, well, HORRIBLE."
"Well, at least I bet they don't have to go on horrid quests to destroy evil rings. They avoid all the battles," Merry offered, trying to find something good in a world of only humans.
"Oh no, are you kidding? They just fight amongst themselves," Laina explained. Merry and Pippin shared looks of horror.
"Catherine," the man stated again, even more urgently than before. "Catherine, I think these people are mad!" He was ignored by the woman, still desperately tending to Boromir, who was still attempting to fight her off.
"Catherine.." Laina muttered to herself, trying to remember something. The man turned to look at her, slightly intrigued by everything that had occurred, and found her staring at him intently. "Aren't you Heath Ledger?" she asked him, frowning.
"Who?" He didn't know what on earth she was talking about. He felt slightly uncomfortable from the way this odd little girl was staring at him. She was very strange, wearing man's pants, and with purple hair. She stared at him for a moment longer and then realization dawned over her face.
"Gabriel," she stated. His mouth dropped open and he backed even further away.
"Yes," he told her. "That is my name. But.. but how did you know?" Laina ignored him. She seemed to be thinking, and started muttering to herself. She stepped a few feet away. "Kat!" Laina yelled at the sky.
"Is yelling random animals at the sky supposed to be a form of helping me?" Boromir asked dryly. Laina looked at him sharply.
"Quiet you," she ordered. She looked back up at the sky. "Kathleen Healy, get your ass over here!"
A girl with long, wavy dark hair appeared. She was tall with light skin and multi-coloured eyes. She was wearing light blue flannel pyjama pants and a long grey t-shirt. She blinked.
"Hi Casey," she greeted Laina, smiling disarmingly. Laina didn't buy it.
"I believe these are YOUR characters?" she accused, pointing to a stunned Gabriel and Catherine. Kat laughed nervously.
"Oh, so that's where they were," she said, moving to stand by Gabriel. "I've been looking for them everywhere." Laina raised an eyebrow, although her eyes were laughing.
"What are you talking about?" Gabriel whispered rather loudly. "You told us to come here." Kat indiscreetly kicked him.
"He's still not feeling well," Kat announced, lying blatantly. "He has a fever.. Doesn't know what he's saying."
"Right." Laina quite obviously didn't believe her.
"I am fine," Gabriel insisted. He was laughing too, and seemed to enjoy getting Kat into trouble.
"No, you're not," Kat reminded him through clenched teeth.
"Kat?"
"Ye-es," she replied to Laina.
"Get out of my story."
"Okay," Kat agreed dejectedly. "But make sure you read my story! It's at ted to walk away.
"Bye!" Laina called after them. "It was nice to meet you, Gabriel! And you too, Catherine. Even though I didn't really meet you. I just kind of, um, yelled at you. Sorry about that! Have fun! See you later!"
"You're my number one fan!" Kat announced.
"I know!" Laina yelled back. "I love your ovaries!"
"I love your ovaries too!" They disappeared.
And to my favourite reviewers (actually, my ONLY reviewers, but shhhh):
Aranel: Yay Glorfindel!! I'm actually considering making Glorfindel bumper stickers. Or t-shirts. Or SOMETHING. It would be fun! And you are so right about the 'Noro Lim' thing. I mean really, if you were a horse being chased by 9 big black evil scary demon things, would YOU slow down? No, I didn't think so. And I love Tom Bombadil! And as for not knowing the twins, well.. just.. pooh on them. I love the twins! As much as I love Glorfindel!! And not knowing Tolkien. That's just SAD. I mean, he only created the whole story line!!!! Duuuuur. I WOULD have slapped her across the face. Either that or just stared at her while spluttering incoherently. Anyway, I'm glad you like the chapter. I don't really think about it as 'ganging up' on Aragorn. I mean, he did get Molly. lol.. I love my Molly.
Ionuin: I love you Kat!!! I'm your #1 fan!! And your cameo is this chapter!! Yay! Whenever I get it up!!! And I had that dream AGAIN last night. It's really starting to freak me out man!!!
Megan: I so do not have a fear of fog! I love fog, thankyouverymuch. God, I'm weird. What kind of odd person prefers fog and wind and rain over sunshine? Me! Yeah, Niko: I'm scared of stuff too!! I love your ovaries!!! And make up your mind about the funny little side notes! First you say you don't want me to include them, then you say you don't, know you're saying you do!! Whee! Jebus Christmas, what the hell am I writing?? I'm heartbroken. Jesus didn't win grade 11 rep. Sniff. And you DO have a cameo!! In this chapter. Wait your turn! :P
Disclaimer: Same old sob story- I don't own anything. Gabriel and Catherine are Kat's characters. Well actually, she doesn't own Gabriel either. He's from The Patriot. But if I owned him (do you know how cool that would be??) I'd give him to Kat. Because that's how much I love her. And you really should read her story. It's a very good story. Oh wait, I own the Mary Sue. Although, I really wish I didn't. Someone want a Mary sue??
Chapter 11: Stuff happens. And I can't remember what stuff exactly, because it's been quite awhile since I wrote this.
Aragorn paced back and forth, trying to decide what to do.
"You're making me dizzy," Gimli growled irritably.
"Well? What are we to do?" Sam persisted. They were interrupted from further discussions by a rustling in the trees behind them. They cautiously turned around to look. A girl walked out of the trees. She had short brown hair, so dark it looked black. Her eyes were dark too. She was kind of short and kind of tall. She was wearing jeans with a white t-shirt and a light beige jacket. She also had glasses with green red and black frames.
"Don't kill me!" she squeaked, cowering as she caught sight of them. They drew their weapons. "Oh, wait!" she said, straightening up. "Um, I'm uh, I'm a great.. Sorceress! I will attack you with my magic.. uh." she trailed off, patting around in her pockets, looking for something to be used as a weapon. "I will attack you with my trusty.. pencil?" She laughed nervously and tried to back away, pointing the extremely dull pencil at them.
"Who are you?" Pippin finally demanded bravely.
"It's Megan," Laina answered dutifully from the floor, where she was playing chess with herself. "GROUND, not floor. We're outside. It's the ground," Laina announced, still not looking up.
"What?" Aragorn asked, turning away and looking at her oddly. Laina sighed loudly.
"I SAID, it's Megan.. Megan!" she yelled and jumped up, hugging the girl. (a/n: Is anyone else getting confused by all the Meg(h)ans? I know I sure as hell am)
"Hi!" Megan said before laughing.
"Come play chess with me," Laina ordered, and they both started to play chess on the same side of the chessboard.
"You know this one too?" Aragorn asked, already knowing the answer.
"Uh huh," Laina chirped.
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Legolas asked rhetorically. (Go see the LOTR extended version DVD. Go!)
"What's this?" Pippin asked, looking at the chessboard curiously.
"You eat it," Megan told him with false sincerity.
"Really?" he asked eagerly, and before either of them could say anything, he popped the white queen in his mouth. "Eych!"
"No Pippin! She wasn't serious," Laina cried.
"Oh." He spit it into his hand and offered it back to them sheepishly. Laina blinked at him and Megan laughed.
"Ooh!" Laina yelled suddenly, jumping up. "I have to annoy certain people. Go, um.. mingle or something." She ran off.
"Wait, do you know where Frodo is?" Aragorn asked. But she was already gone. He turned around. Megan was right behind him. "Ah!" he yelled, startled.
"Ahhhhh!!!" she screamed loudly.
*****
Frodo was examining a statue in the woods. "None of us should wander alone," Boromir warned, coming up behind him with a pile of wood. "You least of all. So much depends on you.." Frodo looked at him and turned away. "I know why you seek solitude," Boromir continued. "You suffer, I see it day by day. Are you sure you do not suffer needlessly? There are other ways, Frodo, other paths you might take."
"Oh, give it up," Laina sighed, walking towards them. She was wearing an orange tank top and a black sarong with flames on it. Her hair was up in a high ponytail, and the blue streaks had turned scarlet. "We all know you want the ring," she added, pointing a red and black fingernail at him.
"I do not!" he protested too quickly. "I merely fear for Frodo's safety."
"Yeah huh, sure."
"I know what you would say," Frodo interrupted. "And it would seem like wisdom, but for the warning in my heart."
"Warning?" Boromir laughed, but there was a nervous edge to it. "Warning against what?"
"Well of course it isn't against you," Laina muttered sarcastically. He glared at her and reached out to smack her arm, but she jumped back and stuck her tongue out at him.
Boromir ignored her and turned to Frodo. "We are all afraid. But to let this fear destroy our hope.. Do you not see? It is madness."
"There is no other way," Frodo insisted, backing away slightly.
"All I ask is for the strength to defend my people!" the man yelled, throwing the pile of wood he held to the ground.
"Calm down, Bobo," Laina told him, glaring suspiciously. Ignoring the Bobo comment, he took a deep breath, calming himself down.
"If you would but lend me the ring," Boromir propositioned, stepping closer.
"Um, how about.. No," Laina intruded.
"Will you stop?" he thundered. She fell backwards and sat there, blinking at him in surprise. Boromir noticed Frodo had backed away. "Why do you recoil? I am no thief."
"You are not yourself," Frodo replied carefully.
"What chance do you think you have?" Boromir demanded angrily. "They will find you and take the ring, and you will beg for death before the end."
"Little ray of sunshine, aren't you?" Laina asked sarcastically. "Don't listen to him Frodo," she added, standing up. She glowered at Boromir. "He's just a bloody ass. Come on." She and Frodo started to walk away.
"Fools!" Boromir called after them. He started to chase them. "It is not yours save by unhappy chance! It could have mine!"
"Yeah, right," Laina said, stopping. "Somehow I can't see ANYBODY trusting you with the ability to control the world." Ignoring her words, Boromir pushed her down.
"It should have been mine!" he yelled, jumping on Frodo and trying to take the ring. "Give it to me! Give it to me!"
"No!" Frodo yelled, fighting back.
"Oh, nice one," Laina growled. "Way to squash the slash, Boromir. Straddling the hobbit and screaming 'give it to me' while trying to grope him probably isn't the best way to stop annoying anti-grammar writers from making you into some pervy hobbit fancier." She was blatantly ignored by the two fighting on the ground.
"Give it to me!" Boromir yelled again, almost grasping the ring.
"No!" Frodo screamed once more, before popping on the ring and disappearing. Boromir looked around.
"I see your mind!" he announced. "You will take the ring to Sauron and betray us all. You go to your death, Frodo, to your death and the death of us all!" There was a break of silence as both Boromir and Laina looked around. "Curse you!" Boromir screamed in anguish. "Curse you and all the Halflings!" A log moved as Frodo ran over it.
"Thank you very much," Laina yelled at Boromir. "Now I have to go find him. Do you know how hard it is to find a two-foot hobbit anyway? Let alone when he's INVISIBLE!" She kicked Boromir in the stomach and ran off. He fell to the ground.
"Frodo?" Boromir asked pitifully. "Please Frodo, I 'm sorry. What have I done? Frodo!"
"Frodo?" Laina called, wandering through the wood. "Come one, Frodo, I don't want the bloody ring. Honest to god, and people say I'M impulsive.. FRODO!"
Just as she was walking by some ruins, Frodo fell off and landed on her. "Umph. You're sitting on my head," she groaned.
*****
While Laina had been looking for Frodo, back on the shore Aragorn had finally decided what to do.
"I will look for Frodo. The rest of you STAY HERE."
"You're looking for Frodo?" Megan asked from the ground where she sat talking to Merry and mingling.
"Yes," Aragorn answered suspiciously. "Do you know where he is?"
"Off getting mauled by Boromir," Megan informed him nonchalantly. "He wants the ring."
"What?!" Aragorn hauled her up by the shoulder. "Take me to them," he insisted.
"Geez, what do you think I am?" Megan demanded crossly. "Someone who knows what direction they're going? I don't know where they are." But Aragorn had already sprinted off into the woods, dragging her with him.
The rest of the fellowship stood there until Legolas broke the silence. "I wish to have a look around," he told them. "Will you come with me, master dwarf?" Gimli grunted a reply, and the two set off.
"I can't stand this," Sam burst out after a few silent minutes. "I'm going to find mister Frodo. For goodness sake, you two stay here." He left too, running off in the direction Laina had taken.
"Merry," Pippin addressed his cousin in his lilting accent. "Why does everyone else get to leave while we stay here?"
"I don't know, Pip," Merry answered. "But I say we go off too. C'mon." The two disappeared, abandoning the camp as well as all the supplies.
*****
"Frodo!" Aragorn called, catching sight of him and Laina. They turned around. "Why didn't you tell me Boromir would try to take the ring?" he demanded, drawing closer.
"You told him?" Laina asked incredulously, turning to Megan. "You're not s'posed to tell them what happens! You could ruin the whole story!"
"Umm, oops?" came the reply.
"Where is it now?" Aragorn interrupted, his voice taking a darker tone.
"Not you too," Laina muttered as Frodo stepped back behind her. He'd long since figured out that either she was too stupid to want the ring or else it didn't have the same effect one her. At any rate, she offered him some form of protection should any more rabid humans decide they wanted to control Middle Earth.
"What are you talking about?" Aragorn asked. "I swore to protect Frodo."
"Can you protect me from yourself?" Frodo asked, looking at Aragorn nervously.
"C'mon. Let's sit back, enjoy the popcorn, and watch their noble little speech thing," Laina whispered to Megan.
"But there's no popcorn," Megan whispered back.
"Oh. Right." Laina snapped her fingers and they were on a comfy, overstuffed (FAKE) leather couch, with a huge bowl of popcorn between them. They sat back as Aragorn stepped towards the ring, hearing it call his name. Abruptly he closed Frodo's hand.
"I would have gone with you to the end," he told Frodo intently. "Into the very fires of Mordor."
"Take care of the others. Especially Sam. He will not understand," Frodo requested sweetly.
Laina stood up suddenly and began clapping. "Bravo! Excellent performance! I think I'm going to cry. I nominate the tree for best supporting actor." She snapped her fingers again and the couch disappeared, leaving a dejected looking Megan on the ground without the bowl of popcorn. "Now can we please get a move on? They'll be here any minute now." She looked increasingly more nervous.
"Who-" Aragorn started to ask, but cut himself off. He drew his sword suddenly. Frodo did the same, revealing a very blue Sting.
"Caught on, have you?" Laina asked dryly.
"Go," Aragorn told them. "Protect Frodo," he added to Laina.
"Just a second." Laina snapped her fingers, and her scarlet streaks were replaced with purple. She was wearing loose black sweat pants and a purple tank top with famous cities in glittery letters. Her nails matched the shirt and hair. "Okay, we're good now."
"Wait," Megan said slowly. "Why are you going?"
"Orcs draw near," Aragorn told her, impatient to get Frodo to safety.
"Right. And they have swords and stuff too, don't they?"
"Yes," Laina told her. "Which is why we have to go. NOW."
"So they have sharp pointy things. That could kill me."
"YES!" Frodo, Laina and Aragorn all but shouted as one.
"Right. I'll be going now." With that, Megan disappeared. They could hear the sounds of an army of orcs drawing closer.
"Run!" Aragorn urged them again.
"C'mon!" Laina yelled. She grabbed Frodo's hand and dragged him off as Aragorn turned to face the orcs. He began fighting, killing as many as possible to keep them from reaching Frodo.
In the woods, Legolas could hear the sounds of the outnumbered battle. "We must aid Aragorn!" he told Gimli, and the two raced off.
Merry and Pippin could hear the sounds too. "Hide!" Merry hissed, and the two dove into the bushes.
"Sam, also hearing the sounds, ran faster. He was desperate to find Frodo before the orcs did.
Laina and Frodo skidded down the slope. "Hide here," Laina told Frodo, pushing him into a hollow at the base of a tree. "Stay here until.. Well, you'll know when." She ran off, carefully avoiding some orcs and wishing she could help them all further.
As Aragorn battled an orc, an arrow came from behind, killing another that was sneaking up on him. (Sneak sneak) He turned around briefly. Legolas was there, shooting arrows while Gimli flung his axe, catching many of the orcs.
"Find the Halflings!" the head orc ordered.
"Dare I say I told you so?" Legolas muttered, fighting near Aragorn.
"Find the Halflings!" the orc ordered again.
"This is getting rather monotonous," Legolas muttered. He gave Aragorn a push. "Go Aragorn!" he yelled, killing two orcs at once with his spectacular archery skills. (So exciting the audience will stomp and cheer, so delighting it will run for 50 years!) The man raced off.
Frodo leaned against the tree, praying to nobody in particular that the passing orcs wouldn't see him. Across the path, Merry and Pippin popped up. (pop!)
"Frodo! Hide here!" Pippin whispered loudly. Frodo looked at them and shook his head. His big blue eyes filled with sadness and courage at the thought of leaving those who had become his dearest friends. (a/n: sniff!)
"What's he doing?" Pippin asked Merry.
"He's leaving," Merry answered, reading Frodo's eyes.
"What? No!" Pippin jumped out of the bushes.
"Pippin!" Merry hissed, jumping after him. They could see the orcs up the hill heading towards them. Merry locked eyes with Frodo. "Run Frodo," he whispered. Then he began screaming, trying to get the orcs attention.
Although he wasn't quite sure what his cousin was doing, Pippin joined in too. Merry pushed him and the two raced off into the direction opposite of Frodo. Frodo sat still for a moment, unsure of what to do. He knew this was the moment Laina had been speaking of, and yet he couldn't just leave his cousins to who knows what end.
"Go!" Laina hissed, popping up beside him (once again, pop!)
"But Merry and Pippin.." He began.
"Will be fine!" she insisted. Still he lingered. "Look, they're risking their lives to give you a chance to get away. I don't think they'll be too pleased if you just sit here 'till you get caught. I swear, I won't let anything happen to them." Finally Frodo was convinced. He jumped up and ran away.
"It's working!" Pippin announced proudly, pausing for a moment in front of Merry.
"I know it's working," Merry told him grimly. "Keep running!"
"Not that way!" they heard Laina yell. She ran over and dragged them in a different direction. "God, you can't even follow the plotline on your own." They stopped on the pine needle littered ground, past the ruin of an old bridge. They were surrounded by orcs, who were coming closer.
"Well. THAT worked," Merry commented.
"I think OUR way would have been better," Pippin added.
"But if you hadn't of come this way, so many things would go wrong. You wouldn't have been ta- no, wait. I can't tell you that. They wouldn't have kill. can't tell you that either. But it really would have messed things up."
"That helps us now," Merry muttered. They stood bravely, facing the orcs who were drawing close at a rapid speed, swords flashing.
"Eep!" Laina squealed as a sword almost hit her. Boromir came running up, blocking the hit.
"Get back!" he yelled to the three, killing an orc. They ran back before Boromir turned again to fight back more orcs. Merry and Pippin helped, doing what they could with their small swords. Laina cowered behind them.
"Hey, wait," she said suddenly. "I have a sword too!" She pulled it out and killed a random orc. Boromir threw a knife, which landed squarely in the neck of one of the orcs. He continued to push Laina, Merry and Pippin further back behind him.
Suddenly Laina caught sight of something walking towards them. She stopped and gasped, and then whimpered.
"What is it?" Boromir demanded, shooting her a glance over his shoulder.
"Nothing," she answered quickly. "Just.. just keep fighting."
"What's going on?" Pippin asked her. She didn't answer. She could only watch in horror as Lurtz drew his crossbow and shot Boromir in his left shoulder. Boromir fell to his knees, gasping in pain.
Out of nowhere, a woman ran towards them. Her long dark hair was pinned up in a messy manner. A man came right behind her, with tousled blond hair and bandages around his abdomen. Both were dressed in the manner of the revolutionary era. The woman pushed Boromir down. Nobody moved, wondering who they were and where they had come from.
"Lie back," she ordered. Surprised, Boromir did so.
"Um, excuse me?" Laina asked, tapping her shoulder.
"Yes?" the woman replied. She didn't look at Laina; too busy ripping up cloth strips.
"I think.. maybe.. you might be, well, in the wrong story," Laina told her, faltering slightly. This was incredibly hard to explain. The woman looked at her for a fleeting instant.
"Story?" he repeated. "I don't know what you are talking about. But no matter what side this man fights for, I will do my best to save his life." Laina blinked and stepped back. This woman, obviously from the American Revolution, didn't seem to have realized that the other side consisted of large, monstrous goblins. She tried to remove Boromir's armour. He batted her hands away.
"Help," he mouthed pleadingly to Laina. She bit her lip and looked around.
The man who had arrived with the woman had finally become aware of their surroundings. He stared around in shock. "My god," he whispered. He stepped forward. "Catherine," he said, a note of urgency in his voice.
"Quiet," she ordered. He obliged, falling back.
"Well, at least you have some sense," Laina told him. She was unfazed by the orcs, who, being completely stupid and moronic were not taking advantage of the fact that their enemy was distracted and were instead standing there. Looking stupid. "I'm Laina," she offered, holding out her hand to the man. He just looked at her warily. She shrugged.
"Laina, what's going on? Who are these people and why do they look so weird?" Merry asked.
"And why won't he talk?" Pippin added. "It's quite rude." The man looked at them, backing away nervously.
"I can't blame him," Laina answered sympathetically. "I mean, he just appears here, with us dressed all weird, and these creepy evil black things, and three feet tall men with furry feet. It would seem pretty weird to me too, if I didn't know what was going on."
"You mean they don't have hobbits where he's from?" Pippin asked, incredulously.
"Nope. Nor do they have elves or dwarves or wizards or orcs or anything except for humans."
"But that's terrible!" Pippin exclaimed. "Well, maybe not the lack of orcs. But the rest of it, that's, well, HORRIBLE."
"Well, at least I bet they don't have to go on horrid quests to destroy evil rings. They avoid all the battles," Merry offered, trying to find something good in a world of only humans.
"Oh no, are you kidding? They just fight amongst themselves," Laina explained. Merry and Pippin shared looks of horror.
"Catherine," the man stated again, even more urgently than before. "Catherine, I think these people are mad!" He was ignored by the woman, still desperately tending to Boromir, who was still attempting to fight her off.
"Catherine.." Laina muttered to herself, trying to remember something. The man turned to look at her, slightly intrigued by everything that had occurred, and found her staring at him intently. "Aren't you Heath Ledger?" she asked him, frowning.
"Who?" He didn't know what on earth she was talking about. He felt slightly uncomfortable from the way this odd little girl was staring at him. She was very strange, wearing man's pants, and with purple hair. She stared at him for a moment longer and then realization dawned over her face.
"Gabriel," she stated. His mouth dropped open and he backed even further away.
"Yes," he told her. "That is my name. But.. but how did you know?" Laina ignored him. She seemed to be thinking, and started muttering to herself. She stepped a few feet away. "Kat!" Laina yelled at the sky.
"Is yelling random animals at the sky supposed to be a form of helping me?" Boromir asked dryly. Laina looked at him sharply.
"Quiet you," she ordered. She looked back up at the sky. "Kathleen Healy, get your ass over here!"
A girl with long, wavy dark hair appeared. She was tall with light skin and multi-coloured eyes. She was wearing light blue flannel pyjama pants and a long grey t-shirt. She blinked.
"Hi Casey," she greeted Laina, smiling disarmingly. Laina didn't buy it.
"I believe these are YOUR characters?" she accused, pointing to a stunned Gabriel and Catherine. Kat laughed nervously.
"Oh, so that's where they were," she said, moving to stand by Gabriel. "I've been looking for them everywhere." Laina raised an eyebrow, although her eyes were laughing.
"What are you talking about?" Gabriel whispered rather loudly. "You told us to come here." Kat indiscreetly kicked him.
"He's still not feeling well," Kat announced, lying blatantly. "He has a fever.. Doesn't know what he's saying."
"Right." Laina quite obviously didn't believe her.
"I am fine," Gabriel insisted. He was laughing too, and seemed to enjoy getting Kat into trouble.
"No, you're not," Kat reminded him through clenched teeth.
"Kat?"
"Ye-es," she replied to Laina.
"Get out of my story."
"Okay," Kat agreed dejectedly. "But make sure you read my story! It's at ted to walk away.
"Bye!" Laina called after them. "It was nice to meet you, Gabriel! And you too, Catherine. Even though I didn't really meet you. I just kind of, um, yelled at you. Sorry about that! Have fun! See you later!"
"You're my number one fan!" Kat announced.
"I know!" Laina yelled back. "I love your ovaries!"
"I love your ovaries too!" They disappeared.