Unknown Child in the Red Snow
Chapter Four

(Told in Inu yasha's POV)

It was odd.

When I was pinned to the tree, I wasn't really dead, more like asleep, if you will, and I still could tell what was going on. I remember seeing all that was going on around me, but not knowing how long I was standing against the tree, and after time, I felt my feet rise from the ground as the tree grew stronger and taller.

I was never dead, but I wasn't alive. I was never asleep, but I wasn't awake. I was caught in a dream, but knew that it was a dream.

I remember the pain in my chest when the arrow struck, it had blacked me out, and when I "awoke" but still pinned to the tree and in my dream state, there was no one.

I stood silently, just thinking.

That's all I could do.

Think.

I thought about all the things I'd done. All the things that had gone wrong in my life. And the fact that Kikyo had betrayed me was not only a blow to my pride, but it crushed what little faith in love I had left.

It seemed I was cursed to lose whomever I loved. My father, my mother, and now Kikyo.

Damn it, I swore to myself if I ever got off the goddamn tree I would wreak some major havoc.

But no one ever came to me. The days turned into months, and the months turned into years, and no one came. I was all alone. The years passed slowly, and I soon lost track of time. I was stuck to a tree, and would be until I rotted away and was no more.

And the fact that no one would miss me was painful.

But then I thought about how I would join my mother and father, wherever they are. And Kikyo.

Even though she betrayed me, even though she tried to kill me, even though she toyed with my emotions just to get my guard down.

I loved her.

I still did.

And I would follow her anywhere, if I so choose.

Stuck to the tree, I began to think about how she only needed me for the jewel to disappear, if I had carried that out, I would have been a human, a weak, useless human. I would have had to be protected by Kikyo.

But I knew that was wrong. Kikyo was saving me from the heartbreak. If I were to stay a hanyou, I would eventually outlive Kikyo, and I would watch as her skin became wrinkled and her hair turned silver like my own. But I would not age. I would stay myself, my own teenaged appearance, as Kikyo slowly wasted away, until she was no more.

She was trying to save me from the heartache.

If I had become human, I would have the same life span as Kikyo, and we could live happily.

But, I could have stayed a hanyou. When a youkai mates, the mate of the youkai will take on the same life span as the male, and they would live the same number of days. The day the male, like myself, died, the female would simply return to her old lifespan.

So if I had mated with Kikyo, she would have aged like me, and when/if I died she would return to the mortal aging, but still be sixteen in her appearance. I think she was sixteen.

Anyways, that's when she came.

For the first time in so long, a person came into my clearing.

She was dressed so strangely. A weird kimono that was shorter than the small village children's. I couldn't see her face much, but I decided she must be a foreigner.

I expected her to run screaming like the last person had, about five days after I was pinned. But she didn't. I would have gasped in surprise, had I been awake, when she approached me with only a few moments hesitation, she walked right up to me, she was talking to me, but I couldn't hear her.

She climbed the sturdy vines that had wound around me over the years and she reached out her hands and touched my ears.

No one had ever done that.

Except my mother.

Not Kikyo, not anyone but my mother and this stranger.

She tweaked my ears for a few moments before letting go. I felt the air grow tenser as I heard the quiver of an arrow being strung along the strings of a bow. Then the arrows came, skimming me and almost hitting the strange girl.

I watched sadly as the girl was taken away. It royally pissed me off that the one person who wasn't afraid of me was being taken away from me.

I thought I'd never see her again.

Though I barely got to see her, much less get to know her.

But I had quickly shaken those thoughts aside, after Kikyo, I couldn't even look at a girl.

---

I had stood there for some more time, though I didn't care for the time, when the thoughts of Kikyo's betrayal stirred within me, and I heard someone screaming in the distance. All the years of frustration were boiling to the surface, all the years of taunting, all the years of cruelties towards me, all the years from my childhood up until now when I was looked down upon as a freak of god damn fucking nature, sprung to life and I awoke.

I clenched my fist and felt myself snarl in what seemed like forever. The smell was lingering the air. Kikyo's scent. "I smell it, the scent of the woman who killed me!"

And sure enough Kikyo came running into the clearing and tripped. I was surprised to see she hadn't grown much; maybe I had only been asleep for a few months...or perhaps only a few years?

"Oi, Kikyo, why play around with half rates like mistress centipede?" I asked her, I knew it was a centipede following her; her evil scent lingered over Kikyo's scent.

Kikyo looked up at me in shock, like I'd grown a third head. But whatever, I was a freak in her eyes, and she was surprised I still knew how to talk, probably.

"Keh! You're pathetic Kikyo!"

Kikyo stood up and I glared back, my smirk playing across my face.

"Listen you, I don't know who this Kikyo is, but I'm not her!"

"You've got to be kidding me you think I don't know the STENCH of the woman who killed me?" I snarled at her, why the hell was she playing innocence? I should kill her. But I knew I couldn't do that, I loved her still, I just couldn't god damn let her know that weakness, ever again.

"My name is Kagome! Ka-Go-Me!" she screeched and walked up to me.

I leaned over and sniffed her. It smelled sort of like Kikyo, but I mentally slapped myself in my realization that it wasn't her.

This Kagome, had a scent like Kikyo's, but the scent was gentle, carefree, and the lovely smell of sakura and lavender drifted into my nose.

It was an amazing thing.

Little did I know, that this woman before me would cure my heart of all its sorrow.

And to show my undying gratitude for her releasing me, I tried to kill her. Ok, so I wasn't really trying to kill her, I was trying to scare her into giving me the jewel. I wanted to be a full demon so I could not only pay back the village for what they'd done to me, pay back the demons for what they'd done to my mother, and to be stronger, I wanted my heart to be stronger, so I could forget about Kikyo and have my heart never swayed by a mere woman ever again.

Oh how wrong I was.

The months passed, and my heart began to warm up to Kagome. The strange girl who had come running into my life. She knew my secret about the new moon, which was a privilege in itself, not even Kikyo knew about that, she knew that I was a hanyou with a father who was demon and a mortal mother. She knew my temper, she knew my pain to the extent that she could fathom.

But she didn't know my complete past.

I don't know when it happened, but I think it was about a half a year that I discovered how completely in love with her I was. My heart beat only for her, I awoke every morning so I could see her, I sat by the well waiting for her to return, just so I could see her smiling face, and her beautiful smell.

But, me being who I am, I had to try and force those thoughts away. There was no way I could get close to her; she'd leave me eventually too, like my father, and my mother, and Kikyo.

I didn't want to lose her, I was afraid to love her.

So, I drove her away. I screamed, I yelled, I did everything in my power to get rid of Kagome, to make her not care about me, but it didn't work. She stayed with me; she stayed by my side, and never questioned my 'dream' to become a full demon. She never once asked me to change for her.

She was happy with what I was.

She was my friend.

I had never remembered having a friend before Kagome. She was my first friend. And when I look deeper, my first love.

I had often thought that Kikyo was my first love. But it was simply lust. Or something like that. Two lonely souls drawn together in order to force away the emptiness that plagued us. A fruitless attempt to fill our empty hearts.

She and I were forgotten, and not accepted. I for being a hanyou, and Kikyo because she was a Miko. She could never show a moment's hesitation, she had to be perfect.

She had to be immortal.

But she was human, a mortal. A mortal cannot be immortal unless the mortal mates with that of an immortal. Wow, that must have be confusing to say out loud, like one of those tongue twisters Kagome's always talking about…

Kagome was the one I loved.

Kagome is whom I choose.

But of course I couldn't tell her that. It was a one-sided love, and even in the unlikely event that she loved me, she would have to leave me, eventually, she would have to go away and back to her time forever, leaving me alone, and leaving me to die of the loneliness that would soon consume me.

But even if she didn't love me back, it was too late, that would happen anyway.

I was doomed to fall in love with someone I couldn't have.

---

I sat by a tree, not in it, for once, just at the foot, staring off at the sky. I wore my usual scowl that often covered what I was really feeling.

Kagome was watching me silently, I know that my scowl doesn't fool her, since I could tell my ears were drooped sadly and my eyes were sad and longing. Kagome, being her natural sweet self, stood up and walked over to me, handing me the ramen that I loved so dearly.

I took it gratefully and grunted my thanks. Kagome sat next to me. We sat in silence, just enjoying each other's company, and for once, I ate in silence.

"Inu-yasha, what's wrong?"

I jumped slightly, though unnoticeable to Kagome. Covering up my surprise, I glared at her, "Nothing wench, leave me alone."

"Inu-yasha," Kagome said calmly, unfazed by my glare and insult, "how long have I known you?"

I paused and thought for a moment, "About a year, why?"

"That's right a year, one year to get to know you," Kagome smiled softly, "I've spent a countless days with you, don't you think I'd be able to tell if you were lying or not?"

I sighed and turned away, "It's nothing important."

"I understand if you don't want to talk about it, Inu-yasha," Kagome patted my shoulder gently, her hands soft and so small, so comforting, "Remember I'm here for you."

Yeah here for me, I tell myself. Kagome, how come you're always here for me? Wouldn't you rather be away from the freak?

---

Kagome was gone again. She had gone to her world, leaving me absolutely alone. It was only the kit and myself. Sango and Miroku had left with Kirara towards the North, having heard a shard rumor. The stupid oversized rat was asleep next to me. Though he was the most annoying thing in the world, I thought of him as my pup, my son, almost. It was comforting to think that I might have a family.

The kitsune kicked his little paws out as if having a bad dream and whimpered in his sleep; he often did that when Kagome's warmth wasn't around. I soon found myself holding the kitsune, Shippou, in my arms and just comforting him, I'd have to remember to set him down before Kagome came back or he woke up.

Kagome.

I hated it whenever she went through the well.

I was always afraid she wouldn't come back to me, or the well would stop working, or something bad was happening to her and I didn't know it. That I wouldn't there to help her.

I missed her scent.

No,

I missed her.

---

A few months later we killed Naraku.

And everyone of our team survived, except for a few cuts and scrapes. Kikyo, who had been resurrected, was put to rest, buried next to Kaede, who had died a month before the final battle.

The two sisters were finally at peace, and here I was, standing in front of Kikyo's grave. When she'd come back to life, I had felt the overwhelming feeling of guilt, and it drove and twisted and turned and made me think I was still in love with her, when the person I was really in love with, was getting her heart broken by me, of all people.

But now everything's fine, I had given up the jewel and instead gave it to Kagome. She was planning on going through the well today, to tell her family the good news.

What if she didn't come back?

But I didn't - couldn't - think about that now. After paying my respects to Kikyo, I began to think.

Maybe I should visit my mother.

"Inu-yasha?"

She came back.

Wow that was fast.

I turned around and my eyes nearly bugged out, she was wearing a kimono, one from my time, it was a light blue with a green obi and had red flowers on the sleeves, and was trimmed with green as well. I blinked at her in confusion.

She stepped up to me with her eyes downcast, and I felt a pang of hope spring to life within me.

"I just got back," she paused and looked up at me, the smile that I loved so much on her face, "and I was thinking of a way I could use the jewel."

"I'm listening," I said quietly.

"I was thinking that maybe," she gulped and blushed suddenly, turning her face away, "I could use the jewel to keep the well open forever, so I can go and visit my time sometimes."

"What do you mean, just visit?" I was confused, but I couldn't stop the small smile creeping up my face.

"I was hoping that you'd let me live here," she said quietly, and then the last part was whispered so silently I almost missed it, "with you."

I grinned then and scooped her up, spinning her around, she giggled, her kimono blowing out behind her as I set her down, I brushed some stray hairs from her face and kissed her.

I don't know what came over me; just the fact that she wanted to stay made me burst.

She giggled against my lips and I deepened the kiss.

Finally, I had to pull away in order to breath. And I looked down at Kagome, her lips swollen from my kiss, her eyes with a dreamy look inside their depths, and her cheeks painted a soft pink.

"I love you, Kagome."

She looked at me with shimmering eyes, tears in the corners as she flung her arms around me and melted into me, almost, her arms around my neck, and my arms around her slim and tiny waist, I could stay like this forever.

If I died right now, I'd be happy.

I had Kagome.

I had a reason.

"I love you too, Inu-yasha," she whispered and giggled when I kissed her neck.

Sorry Kikyo, looks like I'm moving on again.

But I don't mind.