*A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away, HealerAriel has finally
managed to get the Animorphs quasi-calm after their little...uh, impromptu
frat party. Well, even "quasi-calm" is an overstatement, because Cassie
keeps rocking back and forth talking about needing a long shower, and
Rachel is glaring daggers at Marco, who is still smiling like a fool at the
remembrance of the fact that he saw her naked. This in turn earns him
several hard blows to the head from Tobias, and so this goes in an endless
cycle.*
HEALERARIEL: *evil cackle*
Animorphs: O_O
Jake: Uh oh. I've learned never to trust that laugh...
HEALERARIEL: WOW, AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN KNOWN ME LONG ENOUGH TO LEARN MY HABITS.
Jake: Well, it's an unwritten rule that you never trust somebody with a leopard and an underwater lair who speaks in all-caps.
Marco: Man, I wanna speak in all-caps *grumblegrumbleMarcotheMagnificentgrumblegrumble*
Rachel: Dumbass.
Marco: Correction, 'Dumbass who saw your boobs'. Heh heh heh heh heh!
*Rachel pounces on Marco and starts strangling him, Homer Simpson-style*
Tobias: You know something? As many times as Rachel's tried to murder Marco, he always survives and bounces back, obnoxious as ever. How does he DO that?
Jake: Yeah, he's like a cartoon character, you can't kill him.
HEALERARIEL: SHADES OF WILE E. COYOTE...AND KEITARO.
Tobias: I wonder if we could drop an anvil on him...
Rachel: WE CAN TRY! *maniacal laughter*
Cassie: O_o I think maybe Rachel's multiple personalities are coming apart again...
Marco: *hack* *gag* I still call the Ditz Rachel if such a thing ensues!
HEALERARIEL: EITHER THAT, OR TOBIAS'LL HAVE ONE HELL OF A HAREM.
Tobias: Is that legal?
HEALERARIEL: TECHNICALLY IT SHOULD BE. I MEAN, IT'S NOT POLYGAMY IF IT'S LOTS OF VERSION OF THE SAME PERSON, RIGHT? BE LIKE MARRYING SYBIL.
Tobias: ...That makes an odd sort of sense, and the prospect is strangely appealing. *plotting plotting*
Rachel: *still strangling Marco* HEY! That's SO not right! And stop plotting, I hate those little subtexts around your head!
Tobias: Sorry. *stops plotting, and action subtexts go away*
Rachel: Thank you; *goes back to strangling Marco*
HEALERARIEL: ...OKAY, THIS IS GETTING RI-GODDAMN-DICULOUS. *psychically separates Rachel and Marco*
Marco: *puppydog eyes* Thank you.
HEALERARIEL: BITE ME.
Marco: Later.
Jake: Uh, did you guys pick up that not-so-subtle innuendo there?
Cassie: ...WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS TALK ABOUT SEX OR NUDITY IN HERE?!
HEALERARIEL: HEY, ABOUT THE NUDITY, I WAS NOT THE ONE WHO GOT Y'ALL NAKED. WELL, OKAY, SO I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR *TOBIAS* LOSING HIS CLOTHES, BUT OTHERWISE IT WAS ALL YOU GUYS.
Marco: And beside that, we're a bunch of hormone-driven teenagers, so sex is sort of the fun thing to talk about. ^_^ And it will be, until the day we die!
Rachel: You're gonna die SOON, you twerp. *growl*
Marco: Eep! *hides behind HealerAriel's throne, gets growled at by the leopard, and decides that this is maybe not such a good hiding place* Damn, Xena behind me, a hungry kitty in front of me. Narf, man.
Everyone else: ...Narf?
Marco: Yeah, it's my new proclamation of disappointment. Who says you don't learn anything watching Pinky and The Brain? You know, "Narf, Zort, Chozz"?
Jake: Oooookay, time to give Marco some Ritalin and a long nap...
Tobias: Or morphine, like we do when he sees little purple gremlins that aren't there.
Marco: HEY! *twitch* Just because YOU can't see them, doesn't mean they're not there *twitch*. Stupid gremlins...they want my spleen...
Rachel: Yeah, and the penguins want my ovaries, shut up you delusional idiot!
HEALERARIEL: *slightly miffed* EXCUSE ME, RACHEL, BUT I BELIEVE *I* OWN THE COPYRIGHT ON THE PHRASE "THE PENGUINS WANT MY OVARIES". GET YOUR OWN CATCHPHRASE, YOU BITCH.
Jake: But Rachel DOES have a catchphrase. Remember:
Animorphs: "Let's do it".
HEALERARIEL: ALL THE MORE REASON FOR HER NOT TO STEAL MINE. NYAH. ANYWAYS, I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU GUYS.
Animorphs: Uh oh.
HEALERARIEL: -_-; I'M SO MISTRUSTED. IT'S LIKE YOU GUYS DON'T LOVE ME.
Animorphs, sans Marco: WE DON'T!
Marco: I refrain from comment...*pokes index fingers together nervously*
Jake: Traitor.
Marco: ^_^;
HEALERARIEL: AH, MARCO, MY LITTLE MINION, I DO ADORE YOU.
*other Animorphs glare at Marco*
Marco: What? What?! Minions get good pay nowadays!
Other Animorphs: *defeated sigh*
HEALERARIEL: ANYWAY...
*there is a puff of fuschia smoke, and a big-screen TV appears, complete with VCR and speakers*
Boys: Me want...*drool*
HEALERARIEL: *glances over at the blue-haired nymph at the Starbucks counter* HEY, PENELOPE, MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL AND PUSH 'PLAY' ON THE VCR, WOULD YA?
Penelope: *valley girl-esque scoff* Geez, rude much? *traipses over to the TV in total fanservice fashion, bends over so that the guys get a nice view of her arse, and presses the 'play' button*
Boys: Me want that, too...*drool*
*Tobias and Jake recieve whompings from Rachel and Cassie, respectively. Marco is unscathed, for he is unattached*
Marco: Oh yeah, the joys of swingin' single! *makes a move as though to grope Penelope, and is zapped by a bolt of lightning*
HEALERARIEL: YOU MAY BE SINGLE, MARCO, BUT YOU WORK FOR ME. THEREFORE, BIG SISTER'S GOT HER EYE ON YOU.
Marco: Aaaaand there go all my hopes and dreams. T_T
Tobias: *snicker* Dumbass.
Marco: I happen to be a smartass, thankyouverymuch.
Animorphs: *looks of deliberation, before nodding in agreement* Okay, we'll buy that.
Cassie: ...Oh, damn. *points to the TV screen, where the words "Toga Party of Adolescent Heroes" have appeared*
Animorphs: *glare at HealerAriel* YOU TAPED THAT?!
HEALERARIEL: MY, YOU GUYS ARE GETTING QUITE ADEPT AT SPEAKING IN UNISON, AREN'T YOU? AND YES, I DID. ^-^ *maniacal laughter*
*in a puff of fuschia smoke, the Animorphs are now forced into chairs that are impossible to get out of, and made to watch the videotape of their drunken antics. The movie ends with a rousing chorus of "Because I Got High", sung by the Animorphs themselves*
Cassie, Jake, Rachel, and Tobias: O_O
Marco: *weird giggle* Wookie...*busts into hysterical laughter and falls backwards in his chair*
Other Animorphs: O_O WE SOUNDED LIKE FUCKING HORK-BAJIR!!
HEALERARIEL: WHAT, WITH THAT "ASS. KICK. KICKED MUCH ASS" THING? YUP!
Tobias: I need a therapist...
Cassie: *rocking back and forth with a vacant look* Biscuit...biscuit...
Tobias: -_-; Scratch that, I think CASSIE needs a therapist.
Cassie: Biscuit...
Jake: *I* need a therapist! I was watching you and Rachel create softcore porn!
Cassie: Biscuit...
Rachel: Oh, you're one to talk, Mr. Ballerina!
Cassie: Biscuit...
Jake: I WAS DRUNK!
Cassie: Bis-
Others: CASSIE, SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT THE G'DAMN BISCUITS!
Cassie: ...wookie.
Marco: *bursts into another fit of laughter at the sound of the word "wookie"*
HEALERARIEL: I REALLY NEED TO START DOING BACKGROUND CHECKS ON MY MINIONS BEFORE RECRUITING THEM...
Marco: *gasping* I can't breathe! I can't breathe! *continues to giggle*
*Marco is zapped by another bolt of lightning, and finally stops laughing. For some reason Ax can now be seen in the background, running toward a giant cinnamon bun with arms outstretched. It's better not to ask*
HEALERARIEL: WELL, I THINK I'V EXTORTED THE ANIMORPHS ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY. SEE YOU ALL NEXT TIME!
Cassie: The Furby says, 'don't forget a condom!'
HEALERARIEL: *evil cackle*
Animorphs: O_O
Jake: Uh oh. I've learned never to trust that laugh...
HEALERARIEL: WOW, AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN KNOWN ME LONG ENOUGH TO LEARN MY HABITS.
Jake: Well, it's an unwritten rule that you never trust somebody with a leopard and an underwater lair who speaks in all-caps.
Marco: Man, I wanna speak in all-caps *grumblegrumbleMarcotheMagnificentgrumblegrumble*
Rachel: Dumbass.
Marco: Correction, 'Dumbass who saw your boobs'. Heh heh heh heh heh!
*Rachel pounces on Marco and starts strangling him, Homer Simpson-style*
Tobias: You know something? As many times as Rachel's tried to murder Marco, he always survives and bounces back, obnoxious as ever. How does he DO that?
Jake: Yeah, he's like a cartoon character, you can't kill him.
HEALERARIEL: SHADES OF WILE E. COYOTE...AND KEITARO.
Tobias: I wonder if we could drop an anvil on him...
Rachel: WE CAN TRY! *maniacal laughter*
Cassie: O_o I think maybe Rachel's multiple personalities are coming apart again...
Marco: *hack* *gag* I still call the Ditz Rachel if such a thing ensues!
HEALERARIEL: EITHER THAT, OR TOBIAS'LL HAVE ONE HELL OF A HAREM.
Tobias: Is that legal?
HEALERARIEL: TECHNICALLY IT SHOULD BE. I MEAN, IT'S NOT POLYGAMY IF IT'S LOTS OF VERSION OF THE SAME PERSON, RIGHT? BE LIKE MARRYING SYBIL.
Tobias: ...That makes an odd sort of sense, and the prospect is strangely appealing. *plotting plotting*
Rachel: *still strangling Marco* HEY! That's SO not right! And stop plotting, I hate those little subtexts around your head!
Tobias: Sorry. *stops plotting, and action subtexts go away*
Rachel: Thank you; *goes back to strangling Marco*
HEALERARIEL: ...OKAY, THIS IS GETTING RI-GODDAMN-DICULOUS. *psychically separates Rachel and Marco*
Marco: *puppydog eyes* Thank you.
HEALERARIEL: BITE ME.
Marco: Later.
Jake: Uh, did you guys pick up that not-so-subtle innuendo there?
Cassie: ...WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS TALK ABOUT SEX OR NUDITY IN HERE?!
HEALERARIEL: HEY, ABOUT THE NUDITY, I WAS NOT THE ONE WHO GOT Y'ALL NAKED. WELL, OKAY, SO I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR *TOBIAS* LOSING HIS CLOTHES, BUT OTHERWISE IT WAS ALL YOU GUYS.
Marco: And beside that, we're a bunch of hormone-driven teenagers, so sex is sort of the fun thing to talk about. ^_^ And it will be, until the day we die!
Rachel: You're gonna die SOON, you twerp. *growl*
Marco: Eep! *hides behind HealerAriel's throne, gets growled at by the leopard, and decides that this is maybe not such a good hiding place* Damn, Xena behind me, a hungry kitty in front of me. Narf, man.
Everyone else: ...Narf?
Marco: Yeah, it's my new proclamation of disappointment. Who says you don't learn anything watching Pinky and The Brain? You know, "Narf, Zort, Chozz"?
Jake: Oooookay, time to give Marco some Ritalin and a long nap...
Tobias: Or morphine, like we do when he sees little purple gremlins that aren't there.
Marco: HEY! *twitch* Just because YOU can't see them, doesn't mean they're not there *twitch*. Stupid gremlins...they want my spleen...
Rachel: Yeah, and the penguins want my ovaries, shut up you delusional idiot!
HEALERARIEL: *slightly miffed* EXCUSE ME, RACHEL, BUT I BELIEVE *I* OWN THE COPYRIGHT ON THE PHRASE "THE PENGUINS WANT MY OVARIES". GET YOUR OWN CATCHPHRASE, YOU BITCH.
Jake: But Rachel DOES have a catchphrase. Remember:
Animorphs: "Let's do it".
HEALERARIEL: ALL THE MORE REASON FOR HER NOT TO STEAL MINE. NYAH. ANYWAYS, I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU GUYS.
Animorphs: Uh oh.
HEALERARIEL: -_-; I'M SO MISTRUSTED. IT'S LIKE YOU GUYS DON'T LOVE ME.
Animorphs, sans Marco: WE DON'T!
Marco: I refrain from comment...*pokes index fingers together nervously*
Jake: Traitor.
Marco: ^_^;
HEALERARIEL: AH, MARCO, MY LITTLE MINION, I DO ADORE YOU.
*other Animorphs glare at Marco*
Marco: What? What?! Minions get good pay nowadays!
Other Animorphs: *defeated sigh*
HEALERARIEL: ANYWAY...
*there is a puff of fuschia smoke, and a big-screen TV appears, complete with VCR and speakers*
Boys: Me want...*drool*
HEALERARIEL: *glances over at the blue-haired nymph at the Starbucks counter* HEY, PENELOPE, MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL AND PUSH 'PLAY' ON THE VCR, WOULD YA?
Penelope: *valley girl-esque scoff* Geez, rude much? *traipses over to the TV in total fanservice fashion, bends over so that the guys get a nice view of her arse, and presses the 'play' button*
Boys: Me want that, too...*drool*
*Tobias and Jake recieve whompings from Rachel and Cassie, respectively. Marco is unscathed, for he is unattached*
Marco: Oh yeah, the joys of swingin' single! *makes a move as though to grope Penelope, and is zapped by a bolt of lightning*
HEALERARIEL: YOU MAY BE SINGLE, MARCO, BUT YOU WORK FOR ME. THEREFORE, BIG SISTER'S GOT HER EYE ON YOU.
Marco: Aaaaand there go all my hopes and dreams. T_T
Tobias: *snicker* Dumbass.
Marco: I happen to be a smartass, thankyouverymuch.
Animorphs: *looks of deliberation, before nodding in agreement* Okay, we'll buy that.
Cassie: ...Oh, damn. *points to the TV screen, where the words "Toga Party of Adolescent Heroes" have appeared*
Animorphs: *glare at HealerAriel* YOU TAPED THAT?!
HEALERARIEL: MY, YOU GUYS ARE GETTING QUITE ADEPT AT SPEAKING IN UNISON, AREN'T YOU? AND YES, I DID. ^-^ *maniacal laughter*
*in a puff of fuschia smoke, the Animorphs are now forced into chairs that are impossible to get out of, and made to watch the videotape of their drunken antics. The movie ends with a rousing chorus of "Because I Got High", sung by the Animorphs themselves*
Cassie, Jake, Rachel, and Tobias: O_O
Marco: *weird giggle* Wookie...*busts into hysterical laughter and falls backwards in his chair*
Other Animorphs: O_O WE SOUNDED LIKE FUCKING HORK-BAJIR!!
HEALERARIEL: WHAT, WITH THAT "ASS. KICK. KICKED MUCH ASS" THING? YUP!
Tobias: I need a therapist...
Cassie: *rocking back and forth with a vacant look* Biscuit...biscuit...
Tobias: -_-; Scratch that, I think CASSIE needs a therapist.
Cassie: Biscuit...
Jake: *I* need a therapist! I was watching you and Rachel create softcore porn!
Cassie: Biscuit...
Rachel: Oh, you're one to talk, Mr. Ballerina!
Cassie: Biscuit...
Jake: I WAS DRUNK!
Cassie: Bis-
Others: CASSIE, SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT THE G'DAMN BISCUITS!
Cassie: ...wookie.
Marco: *bursts into another fit of laughter at the sound of the word "wookie"*
HEALERARIEL: I REALLY NEED TO START DOING BACKGROUND CHECKS ON MY MINIONS BEFORE RECRUITING THEM...
Marco: *gasping* I can't breathe! I can't breathe! *continues to giggle*
*Marco is zapped by another bolt of lightning, and finally stops laughing. For some reason Ax can now be seen in the background, running toward a giant cinnamon bun with arms outstretched. It's better not to ask*
HEALERARIEL: WELL, I THINK I'V EXTORTED THE ANIMORPHS ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY. SEE YOU ALL NEXT TIME!
Cassie: The Furby says, 'don't forget a condom!'