Hip-hip Yu-ey!
DISCLAIMER: I'm beginning to think the characters in this fic are so OOC that they do in fact belong to me, they're like a mutant variant of the CLAMP originals. . .I have no idea what I just said. . .
Chapter 6 - The Kitten and The Mastiff - Round 1
"If you'd like to take a seat in the waiting area Dr. M will be with you shortly." The obnoxiously perky assistants name tag read 'Grace' and she was obviously sneaking something from the medical cabinet at regular intervals.
Both men cautiously backed away from the toothpaste commercial grin and took the only two remaining seats in the smelly room.
"Wow, lucky break us getting the only cancelled appointment hey Yue?"
The being held up a flashcard. 'I'm not talking to you.'
"Isn't that my line?. . .Yue?" But the Guardian was much better at the silent treatment than Touya was so he sat back crammed between a mentally unstable Judgment Maker and an elderly woman with blue rinsed hair and a Chihuahua on her lap. . .the reader must chose the lesser of the two evils.
In order to have his new pet vetted as inconspicuously as possible Yue was wearing an ankle length coat, under which his hair was knotted around his waist, a black bowler hat covered the top of his head and the pulled up collar hid the rest of his unnaturally silver hair from view. . .uhhh, well add the heavy black shades and he was probably about as inconspicuous as an actual *customer* in the Millennium Dome. . .*before* it closed.
Gigi was sat serenely on the Guardian's lap cleaning again, germaphobe that she was, until the canine occupants became aware of her presence and she became embroiled in a staring match with a giant Mastiff.
"Who's a pretty boy then?" A young woman cooed at the caged parrot across from them.
"'Fraid he don't talk lover." The owner drawled.
"See Yue? You're just like that parrot."
The Guardian concentrated on the parrot briefly as the woman tried again.
"Come one, who's a feathered bishounen?"
"That's you too!" Touya cried and Yue finally retaliated. . .in an unexpected way.
"Squawk - dumb jock, squawk!"
The parrots glassy eyes blinked and the owner's ruddy cheeks wobbled as he gaped. "Well I never! 'E ain't never done that before."
"That was low Yue." The footballer muttered and then Gigi stretched and flexed her claws right into the edge of his thigh. Looking like a proud father Yue rubbed her neck.
"Goooood kitty."
"You just spoke!"
The Guardian scowled. "Not to you-." He looked furious when he realised his defeat.
Gigi however was far from being outdone, the Mastiff had forgone the staring competition in favour of salivating off-puttingly. The kitten yawned then hissed when the dog barked at her 'audacity'.
Yue cuddled her protectively. "Don't worry sweetie, he's about to be castrated anyway. Rejoice in the end of a bloodline and pity the fact his breed takes forever to snuff it." Gigi sniffed disdainfully and curled up.
For the next fifteen minutes the only highlight was seeing the canine 'opposition' being dragged away to certain emasculation. . .in fact it was so boring the writer decided to change scenes-
"So what do you thinks the matter with Yue?"
Kero snorted, jabbing furiously at the game console. "Where to begin!"
"You know what I mean!" Sakura scolded. "Is he really going senile?"
"Of course not! That's just him being melodramatic, I think it's just that time of the century for him."
"So what exactly did you mean by 'that time of the century' Eriol?"
The reincarnation leaned back in his big red chair. "I told you, Yue is about become as randy as a young buck."
Ruby rolled her eyes. "I know, I know, 'as horny as a Rhino' but *why*?"
Eriol smiled nostalgically. "When Yue was first created he matured *very* quickly, I suppose you could say that-."
"-he skipped puberty altogether but thanks to his feline attributions he gained a different weakness." The golden plush snorted. "Clow always insisted he had 'absolutely - snap his staff and cut his hair - no idea that *this* would happen."
"What *did* happen!?" Ruby cried eagerly.
Eriol smiled again and allowed Clow Reeds memories to surface.
FLASHBACK
"-and that is how you weed the garden!" The mage cried triumphantly as he stood looking flushed and happy before handing the Dandelion remains to his new Moon Guardian.
"That was_fascinating_Master, could you please demonstrate once more?"
Clow nodded immediately, its not like he hadn't been expecting the request, it was the thirteenth time after all. He bent over again while Yue watched *avidly* from behind.
"So." He grunted. "You take a firm hold of the base aaaaand pull!" He stood once more and winced a little. "'Course this isn't good for your back," he moaned and he stretched, gasping slightly when strong hands began kneading the strained muscles. Yue wasn't usually so tactile.
"Um. . .Yue?"
"Hmmmmn?"
"Are you feeling. . .okay?"
"I feel good, reeeeeeeaaaaaaaally good." The hands moved more purposefully. "So do you." He murmured.
Clow turned around slowly. "I-I'll show you how to. . .uh. . .trim the hedges."
"Oh." The Guardian cocked his head. "Will you have to bend over for that too?"
END FLASHBACK
"And that's when they. . .?" Ruby prompted.
Eriol's eyes were wide. "When they what?"
"You know. . ."
"But I don't know, I'm just an innocent little school boy." Spinel sniggered.
"Come on Eriol! Lets have some details." The butterfly girl squealed.
The reincarnation shook his head. "Sorry guys, Clow stays out of my private, life I stay out of his."
The panther and his counterpart exchanged a look. "Actually Master," Spinel began. "You remember that time you went 'sleep walking'?" Eriol nodded. "That was Clow coming to fill us in on the juicy details of your latest Tomoyo related dream. . ."
TRAITOR! The reincarnation yelled mentally. "Alright. I'll tell you the rest." He growled and his Guardian's secretly marvelled at the gullibility of humans.
Touya was beyond relieved to leave the Veterinary Hospital with Gigi's clean bill of health, Yue had lost control of himself in the waiting room when he found out the man with the parrot was about to get the birds wings clipped. He'd turned all the animals on the owner, the dogs had started snarling at him, the cats hissing, and even the rodents had started knawing on their cage bars. When his own supposedly mute parrot had started insulting him the man left in tears. . .Yue had been in tears too. . .almost rolling on the floor with them.
It was while they were walking home that Touya sensed a difference in his companion. The Guardian was whistling and. . ...skipping.
"Yue, are you feeling. . .okay?"
"I feel good." The being let out a wolf whistle at a young girl that sashayed passed. "Reeeeeeeaaaaaaaally good."
Oh God, thought Touya as he quickened his pace.
"So how long does it last?" Sakura demanded.
"I don't know! I was only a cub at the time."
"But I-."
"SAKURA!!" Almost tripping over the step in order to escape Touya turned to his tormenter. Yue was doing hopscotch up and down the garden path. "I'll go on in okay Yue?" He called. The Guardian looked up and threw the pebble so that it landed just outside the door.
"Oops, could you get that for me?"
Muttering under his breath Touya stepped out and bent down. "There." He said as he threw the stone back disconcerted by the sly smile on Yue's face. "Is something wrong?"
"Looked perfect to me." The silver eyebrows wiggled above the black glasses.
The human shook his head, "whatever" and went inside.
Sakura met him with a look of total pity on her face, even Kero looked sympathetic.
"Nani?"
They Card Mistress and the plush swapped glances.
"There's something we have to tell you."
When he went looking for the Guardian again it was both quite a few hours later after hiding in the garden and with great caution. He found him, minus his disguise, at the top if the stairs playing with a Slinky.
"Um.Yue-."
The simply *riveting* child's toy clearly could not compete with Touya's place in Yue's - ahem, *affections* and he was immediately awarded undivided attention. "Yessy?"
"Yue I-."
"Whaty? The being replied with equal cheer.
"This is serious-."
"Indeedy?
"Stop that!" Touya barked.
"Alrighty. . ." The human breathed a sigh of relief. "Can we have sex?" Relief turned to shock.
"No! Yue we need to talk."
"During or after?"
Shock turned to exasperation. "Before!"
The Guardian wagged a long finger at him. "That wasn't one of the options now was it?"
Have you ever tried speaking to a brick wall? Well Touya gave into the urge and banged his head against one while Yue watched affectionately. Soon the Wood Pecker thumping brought Sakura into the fray.
"Oniichan? What are you doing?"
Touya stopped denting his skull and looked up to find the Moon Guardian still studying him with a smile quirking one corner of his mouth and both eyebrows raised daringly. Touya accepted the challenge (he's a selfless lad ne?) with the barest nod of his mistreated head and Yue clapped his hands gleefully.
"Nani?" The Card Mistress asked impatiently, even more terrifying than the sight of her Guardian doing a victory dance was her brother's defeated expression, he wasn't actually going to. . .
Her Guardian leant over the banister and whispered down loudly. "We're going to have sex now. . .shhh!"
Sakura blinked. "H-hoe. . ." She watched her older sibling, her role model being dragged away to certain. . .uh. . .certain, well, you know.
"You know what I mean. . ."
Spinel nodded gravely at his Master but his smirk was far from serious. "It rings a bell."
"Not with me!" Ruby cried.
"Put it this way Ruby, if Keroberos was in Yue's condition food would be the last thing on his mind. . ."
The Moon Guardian still looked blank so the panther tried again.
"If *I* was in Yue's condition his foxy little kitten Gigi would need to use The Shield Card as a chastity belt."
Eriol laughed approvingly while Ruby dwelled on the cryptic explanation and after ten minutes almost fell out of her chair. "Yue's in heat!"
Everybody who feels sorry for Touya please raise your hands. . .
Everyone who doesn't, please review?
* Sorry for the really crappy chapter (my writing's going down hill at the mo, I'm a bit distracted), sorry its so disjointed and I just couldn't resist using Dr Megalomania as the vet, I didn't go further than mentioning her though 'cause I knew I'd end up devoting the entire chapter to parodying 'There Lies Hope.'
DISCLAIMER: I'm beginning to think the characters in this fic are so OOC that they do in fact belong to me, they're like a mutant variant of the CLAMP originals. . .I have no idea what I just said. . .
Chapter 6 - The Kitten and The Mastiff - Round 1
"If you'd like to take a seat in the waiting area Dr. M will be with you shortly." The obnoxiously perky assistants name tag read 'Grace' and she was obviously sneaking something from the medical cabinet at regular intervals.
Both men cautiously backed away from the toothpaste commercial grin and took the only two remaining seats in the smelly room.
"Wow, lucky break us getting the only cancelled appointment hey Yue?"
The being held up a flashcard. 'I'm not talking to you.'
"Isn't that my line?. . .Yue?" But the Guardian was much better at the silent treatment than Touya was so he sat back crammed between a mentally unstable Judgment Maker and an elderly woman with blue rinsed hair and a Chihuahua on her lap. . .the reader must chose the lesser of the two evils.
In order to have his new pet vetted as inconspicuously as possible Yue was wearing an ankle length coat, under which his hair was knotted around his waist, a black bowler hat covered the top of his head and the pulled up collar hid the rest of his unnaturally silver hair from view. . .uhhh, well add the heavy black shades and he was probably about as inconspicuous as an actual *customer* in the Millennium Dome. . .*before* it closed.
Gigi was sat serenely on the Guardian's lap cleaning again, germaphobe that she was, until the canine occupants became aware of her presence and she became embroiled in a staring match with a giant Mastiff.
"Who's a pretty boy then?" A young woman cooed at the caged parrot across from them.
"'Fraid he don't talk lover." The owner drawled.
"See Yue? You're just like that parrot."
The Guardian concentrated on the parrot briefly as the woman tried again.
"Come one, who's a feathered bishounen?"
"That's you too!" Touya cried and Yue finally retaliated. . .in an unexpected way.
"Squawk - dumb jock, squawk!"
The parrots glassy eyes blinked and the owner's ruddy cheeks wobbled as he gaped. "Well I never! 'E ain't never done that before."
"That was low Yue." The footballer muttered and then Gigi stretched and flexed her claws right into the edge of his thigh. Looking like a proud father Yue rubbed her neck.
"Goooood kitty."
"You just spoke!"
The Guardian scowled. "Not to you-." He looked furious when he realised his defeat.
Gigi however was far from being outdone, the Mastiff had forgone the staring competition in favour of salivating off-puttingly. The kitten yawned then hissed when the dog barked at her 'audacity'.
Yue cuddled her protectively. "Don't worry sweetie, he's about to be castrated anyway. Rejoice in the end of a bloodline and pity the fact his breed takes forever to snuff it." Gigi sniffed disdainfully and curled up.
For the next fifteen minutes the only highlight was seeing the canine 'opposition' being dragged away to certain emasculation. . .in fact it was so boring the writer decided to change scenes-
"So what do you thinks the matter with Yue?"
Kero snorted, jabbing furiously at the game console. "Where to begin!"
"You know what I mean!" Sakura scolded. "Is he really going senile?"
"Of course not! That's just him being melodramatic, I think it's just that time of the century for him."
"So what exactly did you mean by 'that time of the century' Eriol?"
The reincarnation leaned back in his big red chair. "I told you, Yue is about become as randy as a young buck."
Ruby rolled her eyes. "I know, I know, 'as horny as a Rhino' but *why*?"
Eriol smiled nostalgically. "When Yue was first created he matured *very* quickly, I suppose you could say that-."
"-he skipped puberty altogether but thanks to his feline attributions he gained a different weakness." The golden plush snorted. "Clow always insisted he had 'absolutely - snap his staff and cut his hair - no idea that *this* would happen."
"What *did* happen!?" Ruby cried eagerly.
Eriol smiled again and allowed Clow Reeds memories to surface.
FLASHBACK
"-and that is how you weed the garden!" The mage cried triumphantly as he stood looking flushed and happy before handing the Dandelion remains to his new Moon Guardian.
"That was_fascinating_Master, could you please demonstrate once more?"
Clow nodded immediately, its not like he hadn't been expecting the request, it was the thirteenth time after all. He bent over again while Yue watched *avidly* from behind.
"So." He grunted. "You take a firm hold of the base aaaaand pull!" He stood once more and winced a little. "'Course this isn't good for your back," he moaned and he stretched, gasping slightly when strong hands began kneading the strained muscles. Yue wasn't usually so tactile.
"Um. . .Yue?"
"Hmmmmn?"
"Are you feeling. . .okay?"
"I feel good, reeeeeeeaaaaaaaally good." The hands moved more purposefully. "So do you." He murmured.
Clow turned around slowly. "I-I'll show you how to. . .uh. . .trim the hedges."
"Oh." The Guardian cocked his head. "Will you have to bend over for that too?"
END FLASHBACK
"And that's when they. . .?" Ruby prompted.
Eriol's eyes were wide. "When they what?"
"You know. . ."
"But I don't know, I'm just an innocent little school boy." Spinel sniggered.
"Come on Eriol! Lets have some details." The butterfly girl squealed.
The reincarnation shook his head. "Sorry guys, Clow stays out of my private, life I stay out of his."
The panther and his counterpart exchanged a look. "Actually Master," Spinel began. "You remember that time you went 'sleep walking'?" Eriol nodded. "That was Clow coming to fill us in on the juicy details of your latest Tomoyo related dream. . ."
TRAITOR! The reincarnation yelled mentally. "Alright. I'll tell you the rest." He growled and his Guardian's secretly marvelled at the gullibility of humans.
Touya was beyond relieved to leave the Veterinary Hospital with Gigi's clean bill of health, Yue had lost control of himself in the waiting room when he found out the man with the parrot was about to get the birds wings clipped. He'd turned all the animals on the owner, the dogs had started snarling at him, the cats hissing, and even the rodents had started knawing on their cage bars. When his own supposedly mute parrot had started insulting him the man left in tears. . .Yue had been in tears too. . .almost rolling on the floor with them.
It was while they were walking home that Touya sensed a difference in his companion. The Guardian was whistling and. . ...skipping.
"Yue, are you feeling. . .okay?"
"I feel good." The being let out a wolf whistle at a young girl that sashayed passed. "Reeeeeeeaaaaaaaally good."
Oh God, thought Touya as he quickened his pace.
"So how long does it last?" Sakura demanded.
"I don't know! I was only a cub at the time."
"But I-."
"SAKURA!!" Almost tripping over the step in order to escape Touya turned to his tormenter. Yue was doing hopscotch up and down the garden path. "I'll go on in okay Yue?" He called. The Guardian looked up and threw the pebble so that it landed just outside the door.
"Oops, could you get that for me?"
Muttering under his breath Touya stepped out and bent down. "There." He said as he threw the stone back disconcerted by the sly smile on Yue's face. "Is something wrong?"
"Looked perfect to me." The silver eyebrows wiggled above the black glasses.
The human shook his head, "whatever" and went inside.
Sakura met him with a look of total pity on her face, even Kero looked sympathetic.
"Nani?"
They Card Mistress and the plush swapped glances.
"There's something we have to tell you."
When he went looking for the Guardian again it was both quite a few hours later after hiding in the garden and with great caution. He found him, minus his disguise, at the top if the stairs playing with a Slinky.
"Um.Yue-."
The simply *riveting* child's toy clearly could not compete with Touya's place in Yue's - ahem, *affections* and he was immediately awarded undivided attention. "Yessy?"
"Yue I-."
"Whaty? The being replied with equal cheer.
"This is serious-."
"Indeedy?
"Stop that!" Touya barked.
"Alrighty. . ." The human breathed a sigh of relief. "Can we have sex?" Relief turned to shock.
"No! Yue we need to talk."
"During or after?"
Shock turned to exasperation. "Before!"
The Guardian wagged a long finger at him. "That wasn't one of the options now was it?"
Have you ever tried speaking to a brick wall? Well Touya gave into the urge and banged his head against one while Yue watched affectionately. Soon the Wood Pecker thumping brought Sakura into the fray.
"Oniichan? What are you doing?"
Touya stopped denting his skull and looked up to find the Moon Guardian still studying him with a smile quirking one corner of his mouth and both eyebrows raised daringly. Touya accepted the challenge (he's a selfless lad ne?) with the barest nod of his mistreated head and Yue clapped his hands gleefully.
"Nani?" The Card Mistress asked impatiently, even more terrifying than the sight of her Guardian doing a victory dance was her brother's defeated expression, he wasn't actually going to. . .
Her Guardian leant over the banister and whispered down loudly. "We're going to have sex now. . .shhh!"
Sakura blinked. "H-hoe. . ." She watched her older sibling, her role model being dragged away to certain. . .uh. . .certain, well, you know.
"You know what I mean. . ."
Spinel nodded gravely at his Master but his smirk was far from serious. "It rings a bell."
"Not with me!" Ruby cried.
"Put it this way Ruby, if Keroberos was in Yue's condition food would be the last thing on his mind. . ."
The Moon Guardian still looked blank so the panther tried again.
"If *I* was in Yue's condition his foxy little kitten Gigi would need to use The Shield Card as a chastity belt."
Eriol laughed approvingly while Ruby dwelled on the cryptic explanation and after ten minutes almost fell out of her chair. "Yue's in heat!"
Everybody who feels sorry for Touya please raise your hands. . .
Everyone who doesn't, please review?
* Sorry for the really crappy chapter (my writing's going down hill at the mo, I'm a bit distracted), sorry its so disjointed and I just couldn't resist using Dr Megalomania as the vet, I didn't go further than mentioning her though 'cause I knew I'd end up devoting the entire chapter to parodying 'There Lies Hope.'