I don't own Isaac... the original lyrics to this song belong to Right Said Fred... I have only edited them so that precious little Issy could sing them in this little fictional story that I am making no money off of so please don't send hit men after me, Mr. King!
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Isaac MAGICALLY find his way (::COUGHmore-like-stumbled-drunkenlyCOUGH::) into a karaoke bar! Micah and Isaac sit down at a table and watch as a balding Japanese man finish singing the Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive" and a cherry-haired teenage waitress with green eyes who just-so-happens to be named Jesse steps up on stage.
JESSE: Okay! Thank, thank you, Mr.-Funky-Ass-Japanese-Name-That-No-One-Can-Pronounce-Guy! .::claps and mutters through teeth clenched into an insanely fake smile::. now everybody clap and pretend to enjoy yourself or the readers are gonna kill our asses...
READERS shoot the Japanese man who was singing the Bee Gees.
JESSE: See! It's truth!
READERS threaten JESSE with the gun.
JESSE: Hey! Now I'm the writer of this story and that makes me God so stop it with the guns or I'll-
READERS pop the safety on a machine gun.
JESSE: Ooooookay... WHO'S NEXT?!?!?!?
ISAAC jumps up and shouts: Me! Me! I wanna sing!
JESSE: No one? No one wants to sing?
ISAAC: I do! I do! ME! Over here!
JESSE: Oh! Yes! The midget wants to sing... come up here, you homicidal preacher midget!
ISAAC skips happily up to the stage.
JESSE whispering to ISAAC: Now don't fack this up or the readers are really gonna have our heads...
READERS are loading all their guns and making sure they're ready and set.
ISAAC: Uh... okie dokie.
JESSE presses a button to start the music and shit and jumps off stage as fast as humanly possibly.
ISAAC sings...
"I'm Too Sexy"
Performed by Isaac Chroner...
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I'm too sexy for my God, too sexy for my God
He Who Walks Behind the Rows' going to kill me
I'm too sexy for my Amish-ness, too sexy for my Amish-ness
So sexy it hurts
And I'm too sexy for Gatlin, too sexy for Gatlin
Hemingford and... Gatlin!
And I'm too sexy for your religion
Too sexy for your religion
No way I'm worshiping false Gods
I'm the Giver of His Word you know what I mean
And I do my little turn in the cornfield
Yeah in the cornfield in the cornfield yeah
I shake my little touch in the cornfield
I'm too sexy for my parents too, sexy for my parents
Too sexy by far
And I'm too sexy for my wide-brim-hat
Too sexy for my wide-brim-hat, what do you think about that
I'm the Giver of His Word you know what I mean
And I do my little turn in the cornfield
Yeah in the cornfield, in the cornfield, yeah
I shake my little touch in the cornfield
I'm too sexy for my, too sexy for my, too sexy for my
'Cause I'm the Giver of His Word you know what I mean
And I do my little turn in the cornfield
Yeah in the cornfield, in the cornfield yeah
I shake my little touch in the cornfield
I'm too sexy for my corn, too sexy for my corn
Poor vegetable, poor vegetable plant
I'm too sexy for my God, too sexy for my God
He Who Walks Behind the Rows' going to kill me
And I'm too sexy for this cult
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ISAAC: Jesse! Jesse! I'm finished!
JESSE is too busy making out with MICAH to notice: Oh... OH, YES! Thank you, Isaac... um... I'm going on break winkage.
ISAAC: Blasphemy...
MICAH: And what do you think what you just did is? Unconventional preaching?
ISAAC: ((O)(O))... My God... He Who Walks Behind the Rows is going to kill me!!
BIONCA magically appears out of nowhere because she's special and everybody loves her and isn't going to ask questions... to comforts "her precious".
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THE END!!! HOORAY!!!