Argh, the incompatability of ff.n and Microsoft Word!!! As you may
have noticed, chapter three was all smushed together. So here's a re-upload
that should have fixed the problem. Also, whenever we put in three dots
(ellipsis points, thank you English teacher), it comes out as one period
with no spaces on the sides. Annoying as hell, but just so you know we're
not horrible editors. More fic tomorrow! We love all the lovely reviewers,
all, er, four of you. Oh well, the family room's only so big.
Chapter 3: The Meeting
BOOM!
A massive thud shook the yacht, jerking Hermione from her deep thoughts. She jumped gracefully up, concerned for the ship and all those loyal servants on board. (Besides, she didn't exactly feel like a swim.)
A sailor ran by. "It's an iceberg! We're gonna die! Hard to starboard!" With that, he added something about every man for himself and flung himself to the mercy of the frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads.
Hermione panicked, forgetting that they were in a sub-tropical climate and that the sailor suffered mental deficiencies. She ran to the railing. But the sight she saw in the water below didn't make sense to her.
"Excuse me, sir!" she grabbed the attention of another sailor. "What's going on?"
"Boy on a suitcase with a motor crashed into the boat while trying to evade his cannibalistic parents, your Highness," he said.
"No, what I mean is why the hell didn't I get a little umbrella in my pina colada today?!"
He blinked at her. She gave him a swift slap across the face. "Don't blink at me! I'm royalty!"
"Oh yessa ma sa," he said.
"What?"
"Er, yes'm."
"That's more like it."
The sailor went away humming to himself. "Is it worth it, lemme work it.."
Quite promptly, Hermione decided it was time for her to go to bed. It had been an exhausting day of drinking and lounging and deep contemplation on her new self. But before she could retire, a deep groan from off the side of the boat distracted her.
The youth was coming to. The sailors heaved him on board, very nearly putting him at her feet. Next they brought up his outboard motor and suitcase, which was found to contain a two Yiddish dictionaries, hedgeclippers, a whip and a lacy black thong.
"That's my dad's," he made the effort to say, groggily picking up his head from the deck. "Night job, you know."
"Right. Well, I didn't wanna know."
Suddenly, the sound of hooves and frantic neighing could be heard from the back of the boat.
"What? What's the matter with Buttercup?" Hermione asked. Buttercup was Hermione's pony-she'd always wanted one.
She whirled around, shampoo-commercial-worthy hair flying out behind her. She let out a yell in surprise as she saw her pony galloping towards, eyes wide and mouth frothing.
"NOOOO!!!!"
"I'll catch it!" Draco said, whipping out a butterfly net. (Where he was keeping that, we don't wanna know either. . . .) He dove in front Hermione, pushing her to safety, just as Buttercup came trampling over him and leapt off the side of the boat.
Hermione let out a piercing scream. Draco stood up quickly, his arm hanging at a wrong angle from his side. "I'm okay!"
"No you're not."
"Yes I am."
"Your arm's broken."
"No it's not."
"Um, yeah, it is."
"It's just a flesh wound!"
She blinked at him. "Right."
Noticing how thin and weak he was, Hermione guessed that Draco was merely out of his mind. In fact, she admired his obvious restraint from food. He was deeply tanned, his chiseled features, rugged muscles and six- pack abs (visible through his wet t-shirt) standing out from his fatless body.
Suddenly, a sailor let out a piercing, girly scream as he noticed the red liquid billowing out from the boat.
"Ew," said Hermione delicately. "That horse always made a horrible mess." She turned her attention back to Draco, but at that very moment, in a puff of magical smoke, appeared no less than ten people bearing 'MPETA' badges on their cloaks.
"We're from the Magical People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals," they said importantly.
"TMPFTETOA?"
"No, MPETA. We cut out all the less important words."
"All words are equally important, don't you think?" said Draco.
"Well, you've got to admit, MPETA is a lot easier to say and put on bumper stickers than TMPFTETOA."
"Point. But, look here, you're really not relevant to this story, are you?"
"We're trying to be comical."
"You're doing a crappy job of it," said Hermione, glaring. "You're bringing this whole fic down."
"It sucked anyway! The frickin' sharks thing is so over used! Not to mention outdated, when's Austin Powers 1 from, 1997?!"
"Shut up!"
The people from MPETA promptly threw buckets of red paint over Hermione, Draco, and a few unlucky sailors, then disappeared.
Hermione looked at you. "Does this story really suck? I kind of like it, really, even though it's a bit corny---"
"It's supposed to be," said Draco.
"---but I like being all beautiful and stuff."
"I don't like it. I'm really, really hungry and my arm is broken."
"Oh, really? I thought it wasn't broken!"
"Well it isn't!"
"Oy, you two are dense," said yet another token sailor.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ haha, er. . .yeah. please review? and if you read some of our other stories, they're not as bad as this one, really. ( If you have title, plot, or joke suggestions, we'd love to hear them ^_~
Chapter 3: The Meeting
BOOM!
A massive thud shook the yacht, jerking Hermione from her deep thoughts. She jumped gracefully up, concerned for the ship and all those loyal servants on board. (Besides, she didn't exactly feel like a swim.)
A sailor ran by. "It's an iceberg! We're gonna die! Hard to starboard!" With that, he added something about every man for himself and flung himself to the mercy of the frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads.
Hermione panicked, forgetting that they were in a sub-tropical climate and that the sailor suffered mental deficiencies. She ran to the railing. But the sight she saw in the water below didn't make sense to her.
"Excuse me, sir!" she grabbed the attention of another sailor. "What's going on?"
"Boy on a suitcase with a motor crashed into the boat while trying to evade his cannibalistic parents, your Highness," he said.
"No, what I mean is why the hell didn't I get a little umbrella in my pina colada today?!"
He blinked at her. She gave him a swift slap across the face. "Don't blink at me! I'm royalty!"
"Oh yessa ma sa," he said.
"What?"
"Er, yes'm."
"That's more like it."
The sailor went away humming to himself. "Is it worth it, lemme work it.."
Quite promptly, Hermione decided it was time for her to go to bed. It had been an exhausting day of drinking and lounging and deep contemplation on her new self. But before she could retire, a deep groan from off the side of the boat distracted her.
The youth was coming to. The sailors heaved him on board, very nearly putting him at her feet. Next they brought up his outboard motor and suitcase, which was found to contain a two Yiddish dictionaries, hedgeclippers, a whip and a lacy black thong.
"That's my dad's," he made the effort to say, groggily picking up his head from the deck. "Night job, you know."
"Right. Well, I didn't wanna know."
Suddenly, the sound of hooves and frantic neighing could be heard from the back of the boat.
"What? What's the matter with Buttercup?" Hermione asked. Buttercup was Hermione's pony-she'd always wanted one.
She whirled around, shampoo-commercial-worthy hair flying out behind her. She let out a yell in surprise as she saw her pony galloping towards, eyes wide and mouth frothing.
"NOOOO!!!!"
"I'll catch it!" Draco said, whipping out a butterfly net. (Where he was keeping that, we don't wanna know either. . . .) He dove in front Hermione, pushing her to safety, just as Buttercup came trampling over him and leapt off the side of the boat.
Hermione let out a piercing scream. Draco stood up quickly, his arm hanging at a wrong angle from his side. "I'm okay!"
"No you're not."
"Yes I am."
"Your arm's broken."
"No it's not."
"Um, yeah, it is."
"It's just a flesh wound!"
She blinked at him. "Right."
Noticing how thin and weak he was, Hermione guessed that Draco was merely out of his mind. In fact, she admired his obvious restraint from food. He was deeply tanned, his chiseled features, rugged muscles and six- pack abs (visible through his wet t-shirt) standing out from his fatless body.
Suddenly, a sailor let out a piercing, girly scream as he noticed the red liquid billowing out from the boat.
"Ew," said Hermione delicately. "That horse always made a horrible mess." She turned her attention back to Draco, but at that very moment, in a puff of magical smoke, appeared no less than ten people bearing 'MPETA' badges on their cloaks.
"We're from the Magical People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals," they said importantly.
"TMPFTETOA?"
"No, MPETA. We cut out all the less important words."
"All words are equally important, don't you think?" said Draco.
"Well, you've got to admit, MPETA is a lot easier to say and put on bumper stickers than TMPFTETOA."
"Point. But, look here, you're really not relevant to this story, are you?"
"We're trying to be comical."
"You're doing a crappy job of it," said Hermione, glaring. "You're bringing this whole fic down."
"It sucked anyway! The frickin' sharks thing is so over used! Not to mention outdated, when's Austin Powers 1 from, 1997?!"
"Shut up!"
The people from MPETA promptly threw buckets of red paint over Hermione, Draco, and a few unlucky sailors, then disappeared.
Hermione looked at you. "Does this story really suck? I kind of like it, really, even though it's a bit corny---"
"It's supposed to be," said Draco.
"---but I like being all beautiful and stuff."
"I don't like it. I'm really, really hungry and my arm is broken."
"Oh, really? I thought it wasn't broken!"
"Well it isn't!"
"Oy, you two are dense," said yet another token sailor.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ haha, er. . .yeah. please review? and if you read some of our other stories, they're not as bad as this one, really. ( If you have title, plot, or joke suggestions, we'd love to hear them ^_~