Yay! One and Two have been reunited…the result…more senseless, mediocre parody! .::cheers::.
Well, anyway. Chapter is short, but we say, deal! ;) Enjoy, laugh if you can. Ten points for your house if you can tell us where Kathy Bates is from. We'll keep score, promise.
Also, we are looking for a new title!!! Suggestions encouraged! Please review, as always, they make us all happy inside.
Chapter Five: Preparation
Hermione glared in frustration at the authors. "My name is---"
The door to her bedroom once again swung open, this time to reveal Vin Diesel, toting Draco's suitcase. "Hey you!"
"Who, me?" said Hermione.
"No, the other kid. Leo-DiCaprio-Wannabe. You left this on the deck."
"Er, thanks," said Draco uncertainly. They held their conversation, waiting for Vin to leave. Instead of exiting, however, he eyed Hermione in her towel.
Vin let out a whistle. "Lookin' good there, Princess."
Draco felt his jaw drop. "You're a princess?"
"You didn't know that?" Vin gave Draco a hearty smack on the head. Under his breath, he muttered something about, "never liked blonde guys. . ."
"Mr. Diesel---!" Hermione protested.
"Captain, please, Princess---"
"Captain Diesel, could you please leave me and my guest alone? You're interrupting our conversation."
Captain Vin Diesel shook his head. "You two can't find out who you are yet, not until you fall in love."
"But---"
"No buts about it. Now, Blondie, if you'd just come with me---"
Draco looked scared. "Why should I come with you?"
"You can't go to the ball like that. Come on, we gotta get you fed and dressed."
"I'm so glad we're having a ball," Hermione said dreamily. "I've got all these gowns in my closet, sometimes I wear them when we go to the beach and walk around with my hair flying back like a model. But now I'll get to dance in them!"
She opened a little door to reveal hundreds of ball gowns and prom dresses, in every color imaginable. "Go on! See you in an hour."
Draco stepped out into the corridor, followed closely by Captain Vin Diesel.
"If you break her heart, I'll break your neck," said the Captain, then jumped into his green Civic and sped away for the front of the boat.
Draco stood bewildered in the hallway, wondering what to do next. From behind him he heard footsteps and the faint swoosh of an evening gown.
"Hey there, sonny!" said a loud female voice.
In the corridor there stood a short squat women with an oddly familiar face.
"You'll be needing something to wear tonight, I reckon," she said, sizing him up.
"Not to be rude or anything," said Draco Malfoy, the Slytherin son of a Death Eater who lived for mockery and the insult of others, "but may I ask who you are?"
"Oh sure, sonny," she laughed jovially and clapped him on the shoulder. "Name's Kathy Bates, and it just so happens I have a suit of my son's that's just about your size. I carry it around with me in case I run out of toilet paper- or if someone needs a spare."
"I'd be much obliged if you would loan it to me," replied Draco, now with complete disregard for the hard work J.K Rowling had put into his characterization.
"Right this way, then. Got a cabin in first class."
Draco followed her down the hall and up a flight of stairs. "You say 'first class.' I thought this was a private yacht."
Kathy Bates blinked at him, scratched her head, and chose not to reply. Instead, she leaned close and sniffed his ear.
"Is that Dolce & Gabanna you're wearing?"
"Why yes-yes it is."
"That's how a man should smell."
And with that, she led him into her stately, first-class cabin.