I (One) am in the process of moving so updates may be sporadic. :) Just fyi. Much love to all who review! And when you answer questions, please leave your house so I can keep track of the points!!! (Hush, unregistered person, about the Muggle business. We can pretend, can't we? ;)

Chapter 7: Moby Dork

Hermione fell into Draco's arms. "What was that?" she screamed.

"You mean you felt it too?" said Draco. "I thought it was just my vertigo!"

The two rushed out onto the balcony (of course there was a balcony) and looked over the side. A great white whale slammed into the yacht again, rolling it heavily to one side. Hermione gasped as she tumbled over the edge.

"Princess!" Draco shrieked like a little girl. He took a moment to contemplate the consequences of jumping in after her, but suddenly he was pushed overboard by a token sailor. Having been on a magical swimming team before he came to Hogwarts, he swam swiftly and surely through the tumultuous water.

"Help!" cried Hermione. Her hands flailed in vain as she disappeared.

Draco swam faster. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to the surface. Hermione lay limply in his arms. Draco checked her pulse. She was alive, but only just.

Suddenly, a humongous explosion sounded and the boat burst into flames. Draco screamed and wept bitterly for all the lost token sailors aboard. Suddenly he whirled around in the water. Behind was a wooden lifeboat, and inside sat a sailor, his white-blonde hair smoldering. Suddenly the sailor pulled themm onto the boat, and quite suddenly let out a gasp of pain.

"Listen," he said suddenly, suddenly grasping for a diamond-studded silver dollar sign necklace at his throat. "Take this bling. It's the only thing that matters now. Except for the princess. Watch over her, son."

Draco took the necklace by the chain and looked up into the sailor's eyes. "Son?" he repeated. "Do you mean that as a term of endearment (i.e sonny boy) or are you trying to tell me something?"

The sailor splashed some seawater on his flaming hair. "I'm your father, Draco. I am also mortally wounded. I will die shortly."

"Are you sure?" said Draco, tears brimming on his eyes.

"Well, I can put my finger all the way through my heart, and I'm thinking that's a fairly valid guess."

"NOOOOO!!!"

"Remember me Draco." said his father, and with one last look in his son's eyes, he died.

"This is so f***ed up." Said Draco.

He buried his father at sea---meaning, he pushed him over the side of the lifeboat. Hermione stirred, but did not awake. Draco settled down to await rescue, as he watched Kathy Bates floating off towards the sunset, knitting a scarf and humming to herself.

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there's no business like show business but in the hood there's no business like the…what business? (hint: it rhymes :)