*~*~*
Profaci Saves The Day
*~*~*
I Know What's In My Tie
After McCoy was fired, Schiff was forced to find a new EADA, preferably one that wouldn't sleep with all his assistants. ("But why is it always a he?" L asked inquisitively. "Well, it, I mean...It has to..." Dick Wolf said, flustered, "here's a sucker." "Yay!" said L, immediately forgetting her question.) The only man he could possibly think of for the job ( mainly because he didn't want to hire a new actor and a train him in legalese) was...BEN STONE!
The man who had raised one Hogan place out of the dumps and into the light was finally back from his long vacation in Europe, where he had annoyed countless tour guides about the origins of the flowers surrounding statues in one of the countless gardens in one of the countless countries in the singular continent that is Europe. After having his passport revoked for emotional damage to small Japanese tourists he came back to cold apartment in New York and just as he walked in the door the phone rang, and guess what? It was Schiff offering him a job, or rather his old job. The reason he was given? Insanity, caused by mentos.
Stone ("You mean Mean Mr. Southern," L said indignantly. "Yes, that too," said S, who was sort of in love with Stone for a week but has since seen the error of her ways) really only accepted because he knew he would be working with Claire, and because of that he could finally win her back (not that he had her in the first place). He had spent all his time in Europe- no one had any idea how long he actually spent there-when not looking at his tie thinking about Claire...her long blonde hair, her clear blue eyes, her adorable pink dresses. It could be said that Stone-er, Mean Mr. Southern-didn't have a particularly good memory, but that didn't mean that he wasn't sincere. And so Stone gladly accepted and bounded to his room with a spring in his step, whereupon he spent the rest of the evening choosing the perfect tie. When he finally found one (American flags with a blue background) and put it on, he knew as soon as he looked in the mirror that Claire would be his. Maybe McCoy was passionate about his job and drank lots of scotch and knew what was in his heart, but he Ben knew what was in his tie. And that was the most important thing. Besides, he could get Clint Eastwood's autograph for Claire (they had been drinking buddies ever since they did "Pale Rider" together, except that Stone didn't drink, so he ended up just going to bars and having grape juice while Clint drank beer).
Stone arrived at work the next morning to find Claire staring longingly at a half-empty bottle of scotch, a pile of files nearly as tall as Stone himself beside her on the desk. Stone just stood there for a while, waiting for Claire to look up so that he could play "Unchained Melody" on his boom box and kiss her passionately. When, after about fifteen minutes, she showed no interest in him whatsoever, he pressed the play button and cleared his throat very loudly. Claire looked up, tears pouring down her cheeks.
"Oh, Ben!" she wailed very wailingly, "McCoy always loved that song!"
Stone sat down next ho her and politely offered her his handkerchief for her to dry her eyes with. "Really?" he asked.
"No," she said, scrubbing at her mascara, "he was always kind of obsessed with the Beatles, actually. He never did like the Righteous Brothers."
"I love the Righteous Brothers," Stone said tenderly, putting his arm around Claire's shoulders.
"Me too," Claire said, delicately blowing her nose on Stone's tie.
Stone kissed her passionately, or at least as passionately as he could manage, which wasn't very passionate at all because, let's face it, he's Stone. But at that moment Claire was ready to give her whole heart to him because sweet surrender was all she had to give-
"Oh, please let's don't make this a musical," L said weakly.
"Oh fine," S said in a huff, "but you know we haven't had a musical in so long and I just thought it would be nice to have everyone sing a little song."
"No," said L, "and that's final, anyway you had the Laverne and Shirley can- can dancers in the last one."
"Fine, now can we please get back to the fic?" said S who was holding her small gray cat for comfort.
"Ok".
Ben Stone broke away the best kiss he had ever had in his life, looked deep into Claire's eyes, and said, "I know what's in my tie."
"Really," she said, sounding interested (not really, I lied), "what is in your tie?"
"Well, for a start," he said, "snot, and some ketchup from my omelet this morning and some lettuce from my salad and some soy sauce-how'd that get there? I haven't had soy sauce since last week."
"Maybe you forgot to wash it." Said a bored sounding Claire.
"Never! For I am Ben Stone the almighty EADA, better then Jack McCoy, less hair than Adam, and more popular than God!"
"Um, Ben, I think maybe you should take a nap." said Claire who had by now backed herself into a corner and was cowering with a dishtowel that was there for some reason over her head.
"Nap? Why, I never sleep!" said Stone, who by now had climbed on top of the desk and was attempting to fashion a cape out of some files with his EZ-sew (you can fix a dropped hem at work!). "For I am Ben Stone, stronger than-- "
Bu Claire never did get to find out who Stone was stronger than, because at that point she bashed him over the head with a container mu-shu pork.
Claire was, at this point, having some doubts as to whether she wanted to spend the rest of her life being told what was in Stone's tie. McCoy, who knew what was in his heart, which was far better in Claire's opinion, had been gone a week and for all she knew had been killed again by Lennie. Suddenly she missed McCoy more than she ever thought she could-his warm embrace, his strong hands, his soft kisses, his-
"Wait, wait, stop," L said in alarm, pulling out large chunks of hair, "you can't do this."
"Do what?" S said innocently, petting her cat.
"TURN THIS INTO FLUFF!" L screamed in frustration.
"But.it's under Romance," S pointed out meekly.
"No, it's under Comedy/Romance. COMEDY/ROMANCE!!! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE, S!"
"Oh, fine," S said, handing the cat to L, "what does Claire miss?"
"Well," said L, who had just finished her Asian Philosophy paper and was very tired and still had TEN POUNDS OF HOMEWORK TO DO (which may or may not have accounted for why she was so very cranky), "I think she misses playing footsie."
"Ok," said S, "continue the fic."
Claire deeply missed playing footsie, not just with McCoy but with anyone. The soft feel of a silk sock gliding against her foot, the gentle tingly feeling that went up her spine. So she propped up Stone in a chair at that big table where they make all the dramatic deals in the last 2 minutes of the episode, and began to play footsie with him. Unfortunately, at this point Schiff walked in the room and upon seeing the footsie ran out screaming at the top of his lungs.
He ran through the halls, screaming. He ran through the rooms, screaming. He picked up a new lawyer at the DA's office by his tie and yelled into his face, "stop the madness!!! "
Then he gently put down the shaking wet-behind-the-ears-lawyer and walked calmly into his office, sat down in big leather chair and began to look DEEP into the past. "Ok", said L happily stroking the cat, " I think that takes care of chapter two, what do you think?"
"It's fine, now give me my cat back." TBC(dun dun dunnnn)
Profaci Saves The Day
*~*~*
I Know What's In My Tie
After McCoy was fired, Schiff was forced to find a new EADA, preferably one that wouldn't sleep with all his assistants. ("But why is it always a he?" L asked inquisitively. "Well, it, I mean...It has to..." Dick Wolf said, flustered, "here's a sucker." "Yay!" said L, immediately forgetting her question.) The only man he could possibly think of for the job ( mainly because he didn't want to hire a new actor and a train him in legalese) was...BEN STONE!
The man who had raised one Hogan place out of the dumps and into the light was finally back from his long vacation in Europe, where he had annoyed countless tour guides about the origins of the flowers surrounding statues in one of the countless gardens in one of the countless countries in the singular continent that is Europe. After having his passport revoked for emotional damage to small Japanese tourists he came back to cold apartment in New York and just as he walked in the door the phone rang, and guess what? It was Schiff offering him a job, or rather his old job. The reason he was given? Insanity, caused by mentos.
Stone ("You mean Mean Mr. Southern," L said indignantly. "Yes, that too," said S, who was sort of in love with Stone for a week but has since seen the error of her ways) really only accepted because he knew he would be working with Claire, and because of that he could finally win her back (not that he had her in the first place). He had spent all his time in Europe- no one had any idea how long he actually spent there-when not looking at his tie thinking about Claire...her long blonde hair, her clear blue eyes, her adorable pink dresses. It could be said that Stone-er, Mean Mr. Southern-didn't have a particularly good memory, but that didn't mean that he wasn't sincere. And so Stone gladly accepted and bounded to his room with a spring in his step, whereupon he spent the rest of the evening choosing the perfect tie. When he finally found one (American flags with a blue background) and put it on, he knew as soon as he looked in the mirror that Claire would be his. Maybe McCoy was passionate about his job and drank lots of scotch and knew what was in his heart, but he Ben knew what was in his tie. And that was the most important thing. Besides, he could get Clint Eastwood's autograph for Claire (they had been drinking buddies ever since they did "Pale Rider" together, except that Stone didn't drink, so he ended up just going to bars and having grape juice while Clint drank beer).
Stone arrived at work the next morning to find Claire staring longingly at a half-empty bottle of scotch, a pile of files nearly as tall as Stone himself beside her on the desk. Stone just stood there for a while, waiting for Claire to look up so that he could play "Unchained Melody" on his boom box and kiss her passionately. When, after about fifteen minutes, she showed no interest in him whatsoever, he pressed the play button and cleared his throat very loudly. Claire looked up, tears pouring down her cheeks.
"Oh, Ben!" she wailed very wailingly, "McCoy always loved that song!"
Stone sat down next ho her and politely offered her his handkerchief for her to dry her eyes with. "Really?" he asked.
"No," she said, scrubbing at her mascara, "he was always kind of obsessed with the Beatles, actually. He never did like the Righteous Brothers."
"I love the Righteous Brothers," Stone said tenderly, putting his arm around Claire's shoulders.
"Me too," Claire said, delicately blowing her nose on Stone's tie.
Stone kissed her passionately, or at least as passionately as he could manage, which wasn't very passionate at all because, let's face it, he's Stone. But at that moment Claire was ready to give her whole heart to him because sweet surrender was all she had to give-
"Oh, please let's don't make this a musical," L said weakly.
"Oh fine," S said in a huff, "but you know we haven't had a musical in so long and I just thought it would be nice to have everyone sing a little song."
"No," said L, "and that's final, anyway you had the Laverne and Shirley can- can dancers in the last one."
"Fine, now can we please get back to the fic?" said S who was holding her small gray cat for comfort.
"Ok".
Ben Stone broke away the best kiss he had ever had in his life, looked deep into Claire's eyes, and said, "I know what's in my tie."
"Really," she said, sounding interested (not really, I lied), "what is in your tie?"
"Well, for a start," he said, "snot, and some ketchup from my omelet this morning and some lettuce from my salad and some soy sauce-how'd that get there? I haven't had soy sauce since last week."
"Maybe you forgot to wash it." Said a bored sounding Claire.
"Never! For I am Ben Stone the almighty EADA, better then Jack McCoy, less hair than Adam, and more popular than God!"
"Um, Ben, I think maybe you should take a nap." said Claire who had by now backed herself into a corner and was cowering with a dishtowel that was there for some reason over her head.
"Nap? Why, I never sleep!" said Stone, who by now had climbed on top of the desk and was attempting to fashion a cape out of some files with his EZ-sew (you can fix a dropped hem at work!). "For I am Ben Stone, stronger than-- "
Bu Claire never did get to find out who Stone was stronger than, because at that point she bashed him over the head with a container mu-shu pork.
Claire was, at this point, having some doubts as to whether she wanted to spend the rest of her life being told what was in Stone's tie. McCoy, who knew what was in his heart, which was far better in Claire's opinion, had been gone a week and for all she knew had been killed again by Lennie. Suddenly she missed McCoy more than she ever thought she could-his warm embrace, his strong hands, his soft kisses, his-
"Wait, wait, stop," L said in alarm, pulling out large chunks of hair, "you can't do this."
"Do what?" S said innocently, petting her cat.
"TURN THIS INTO FLUFF!" L screamed in frustration.
"But.it's under Romance," S pointed out meekly.
"No, it's under Comedy/Romance. COMEDY/ROMANCE!!! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE, S!"
"Oh, fine," S said, handing the cat to L, "what does Claire miss?"
"Well," said L, who had just finished her Asian Philosophy paper and was very tired and still had TEN POUNDS OF HOMEWORK TO DO (which may or may not have accounted for why she was so very cranky), "I think she misses playing footsie."
"Ok," said S, "continue the fic."
Claire deeply missed playing footsie, not just with McCoy but with anyone. The soft feel of a silk sock gliding against her foot, the gentle tingly feeling that went up her spine. So she propped up Stone in a chair at that big table where they make all the dramatic deals in the last 2 minutes of the episode, and began to play footsie with him. Unfortunately, at this point Schiff walked in the room and upon seeing the footsie ran out screaming at the top of his lungs.
He ran through the halls, screaming. He ran through the rooms, screaming. He picked up a new lawyer at the DA's office by his tie and yelled into his face, "stop the madness!!! "
Then he gently put down the shaking wet-behind-the-ears-lawyer and walked calmly into his office, sat down in big leather chair and began to look DEEP into the past. "Ok", said L happily stroking the cat, " I think that takes care of chapter two, what do you think?"
"It's fine, now give me my cat back." TBC(dun dun dunnnn)