Chapter two: The talk (part one)
&&&- The talk between Julian and Theresa -&&&
&&& Theresa was crying in the rose garden at the Crane's. Like the other days when Ethan left after seeing his godson. ~ Why Ethan can you just listen to your heart? I know you love Gwen but she is not your great love. You now feel obligated to her...can't you see all I did for you, for love? ~
Little Ethan was playing with the nanny. His son is in her life for two years now, she is so happy to have him in her life. Seeing Ethan playing with him almost every day makes her happy and makes her sad. She is glad that her son was that much important to Ethan, that he give his time to be with her mijo but in the same time it's hurting her. Little Ethan is so happy around him so as she is but when he leaves, it break her heart every times. Lately she has the same thought: to leave. She feels the urge to go away. ~ I can't continue this, it is too painful. ~
She feels a hand on her shoulder. "Theresa?" said a man voice.
"I want to be alone Julian." she replied in tears.
"I'm not here to fight with you. I just want to see my son a little before I'll leave to work." Theresa said nothing. Julian adds after a moment "You still crying about Ethan don't you?"
"It's none of your business Julian, why do you care anyway? I'm sure this is a joyful moment for you to see me like that huh?" she said coldly. She was staring at his son running around a big tree, the nanny was hiding herself behind it to surprised little Ethan with a "Boo I got you!" He was laughing and trying to catch her.
"Well not really." he told her and adds "You may think I'm lying but no, I don't enjoy it at all." Julian stares at his son too. ~ Look at him, he's enjoying is time, good thing. ~ Theresa stop crying and look at Julian stunned. ~ Am I hearing well? ~ "Are you drunk? Do you have fever or what?" Julian didn't react. He didn't look at her; he was looking his son laughing with the nanny and smiled. Theresa couldn't believe what she saw, Julian smiling! ~ Duh? I'm hallucinating! ~ Suddenly his smile vanished. ~ Oh Eve, I whish I could see our son, where he could be? I would give anything to find him." Julian has done so many things trough the years and abandoning Eve was one of the major thing he regrets deeply. He hates his father so much for that, forcing him to give up the only woman he ever truly loved and letting him know that his baby was dead, how could he be so cruel. So many times he dreamt to give up everything to be with Eve. But how could he, I was such a coward; he cannot argue or face his father. The only thing he knew is to be a Crane and do what Alistair wants. If he didn't obey, he will be on the street. Julian cannot imagine himself with nothing, the only thing he knows is living in a rich world he cannot certainly at that time, when he was younger, not pleased his father. ~ Oh Eve my life would be certainly happier if I could followed my heart without any fear. ~ Since Timmy's death, Julian has guilty conscience; he saw this wonderful heart live with love for the others and being so good with people. He admired this little man. When he learns that Timmy was dead yes he was very sad. How Julian could not want to be a better person when he had the chance to know Timmy? He had the perfect model of honesty and goodness. Timmy helped him to see things differently and Julian can feel deep inside of him that it was time for him to face his demons and make peace with certain things and of course be happy with himself, be better with the others. He wants to right the wrongs from his past to be able to live with himself and have a healthy happier life.
"Julian?" said Theresa
"Uh...oh...I'm sorry what did you said? Ah yes.... if I'm drunk. No I'm not. I know it's hard to believe but it is true...I fact" he said with a little discomfort "I've decided to slow down on alchool. Surprising isn't it?" he was nervous to tell this but still, he was proud of himself that he did.
Theresa nodded "Yeah surprising that's the word...what's happening Julian? It is not in your way to talk and acts like that? Something is definitely wrong...." She looks at him like he was an alien. ~ Damn did he bump his head somewhere? ~
Julian feels to open a little with Theresa "Well the wrong thing Theresa, is all my life I was and did wrong. I did right for my father all my life but all wrong for me or the others....."
"Are you trying to grow a conscience Julian?" she said sarcastically. He didn't mind by her remark, he used to hear things like that. No surprise there.
"Well...I don't know why I'm saying this to you, well I know why but anyway....yeah your right this is all about my conscience. I saw you crying; I saw you to look at your son with so much joy and love, taking care of him. Life is all about love isn't it? I know you are in pain but you are so full of life Theresa! I want to change.....I want to be myself for once, feel love, happiness and not be the robot made by Alistair."
Theresa looks at Julian with so much surprise ~ Geez is this is an act or what? ~ She had mixed feelings about him. ~ Could he really mean what he just told me? ~ She still waiting for him to talk. She wants to know more. He noticed that.
"I know I did terrible things in my life, I will surely go straight to hell for that. I did a lot of my own but a lot because I was obligated to do. Well you know what I mean, because of father. It is not easy to be a Crane you know. Yeah we have a lot of money but believe it or not, I know love is more important and this is something I have learned painfully over the years. I have learned it from you too." she looks at him "Huh? From me?" she said stunned. He smiled at her "Yeah Theresa from you. I remember it very well, you remember when you were at the Crane mansion and you told Ethan that it doesn't matter if he was a Crane or not because you truly love him for what he was, not because of his last name. You willing to get rid of your title and advantages that you have for being Miss Julian Crane's wife to be with the man you love in a flash. God I admired you for that Theresa, I whish when I was younger to fight for what I want like you always did.....because you listen to your heart no matter what. Sadly it didn't turned that way....I've become a selfish man with no heart ~ Father is so proud of that, gosh it make me sick. ~. I will have to live with my acts and regrets all my life...." Julian was now sad; it was obvious in his face how painful it is for him, his eyes reflecting bitterness and sadness. Theresa was looking at him and felt sorry for him, she saw in his eyes that he's not lying but still...she wasn't completely sure of what she is seeing now it was so impossible for her. She was totally stunned and felt uncomfortable and said "Julian, I don't know what's going on but this is weird. You talking to me like that, it is....it is so....unusual, I don't want to be rude but frankly, this is not the Julian Crane I know to talk that way I think I've missed something."
"No Theresa, you didn't miss anything." he said with a little shyly smile. Julian adds "You see Theresa that's the thing. I've missed a lot already and I don't want to miss anything else. You know I had a loveless marriage; I have a business bargain marriage. It was father's idea, for the good of the Crane's ambitions....but from now one, I want to settle certain things Theresa." He looks nervous and adds "A part....a part concern...you Theresa."
"Huh? Me?"
"Yes, I don't want to fight with you anymore. I want our son to be happy. I want him to know that he can count on us even if we are not together. I don't want him to be the witness of fights between his parents." he didn't feel comfortable to speak that way because he is not used to but this moment, it was his chance; someone finally seems to listen to him! "I know it may sound suspicious Theresa, I'm sure you are thinking that I'm up to something against you but no, not at all. I want peace between us. I want to have something healthy, something I never did or had with my family. Again, I know I did horrible things to you and I'm sorry for this, really. I was a complete jerk with no morals but you know me....I'm a womanizer and.....well, you know the story...." he was feeling bad and uncomfortable and adds "We have now a child together and I think it would be better if we are not at each other throats all the time for the sake of our son."
Theresa was still listening, unbelievably struck by Julian's words. She was all ears.
"I'm still a Crane robot you know, I'm kind of programmed. All this time brainwashed with the Crane's power, rules and behaviour we are well known for. It's the same as the cigarette or alcohol. The more you let these things in you, the more you can't get rid of it. It's controlling you...every parcel of your being, your mind...it's becoming an addiction, your stuck in that damn addiction....." ~ God I hate that, I'm tired of this...~ Julian took a pause, he got to calm his temper, he was so tired of all this and then he continue "I know it will be difficult to not fall in that track again, this "pattern or power" that Crane family give to generation after generation." he took another pause and say " I realized that only Ethan was different, he didn't want to fall in that pattern ...I was amazed by that... finally, it turns out that he wasn't a Crane." ~ I was proud of him, I'm still proud of him he was my son for twenty years after all I can't forget all about him just like that. ~ Again, he adds "You know Theresa; I really want to start on new grounds. For a lot of things and of course with you too." he stopped to talk and look at her.
~ That's it, he's breaking lose! ~ She looked at him "Are you trying to make peace with me? Tell me Julian, why this suddenly changes in you life you want so much? Where does it come from?"
"Like I told you, Timmy makes me realise a lot of things, I miss this wonderful lad and I think he wasn't in my life for nothing. He really gets at me and even if he's gone, I still think about those times I had with him and I realized a lot because of him. He is a big part of why I feel like that now, that I want to change for the better. It is sure there is a lot of other things making me want that but Timmy were the initiator of all this. I can't explain all just right now but lets say for the moment that I heard "the call" if I can say it that way. I know you are no big fan of me and I deserve it more than I can say but logically for me, starting on new grounds should be start with you and our son. "
They both look at each other for a while. Julian wanted her to really understand what he wanted and to be believed.
"You know Theresa; you are the most spirited woman I've ever seen. You know as much as I know that I have met A LOT of women and yes, of course I met some spirited women but there is something about you that I never saw in those women. That full of life light you have in your eyes. I saw you with your family with Ethan-Martin, at work, in fact, everywhere and of course with Ethan. Every times I saw this light in your eyes, no matter what is the situation, it's always there. Despite all the things happened to you, Fate was always by your side because you carried her everywhere in your heart and this Theresa, this..... make me want you to helping me to be a better man."
"What??" she wasn't sure what kind of help he wanted from her?
"Theresa, are you wiling to make peace for our son's sake? Can we be good parents for him and be friendlier with each other? he asked seriously.
(To be continued)
**************************************************************************** *
A/N: I have to make more than one part for this flashback, I hope you don't mind but it's kind of a long one. Please R&R, give me your comments about this, thanks.
&&&- The talk between Julian and Theresa -&&&
&&& Theresa was crying in the rose garden at the Crane's. Like the other days when Ethan left after seeing his godson. ~ Why Ethan can you just listen to your heart? I know you love Gwen but she is not your great love. You now feel obligated to her...can't you see all I did for you, for love? ~
Little Ethan was playing with the nanny. His son is in her life for two years now, she is so happy to have him in her life. Seeing Ethan playing with him almost every day makes her happy and makes her sad. She is glad that her son was that much important to Ethan, that he give his time to be with her mijo but in the same time it's hurting her. Little Ethan is so happy around him so as she is but when he leaves, it break her heart every times. Lately she has the same thought: to leave. She feels the urge to go away. ~ I can't continue this, it is too painful. ~
She feels a hand on her shoulder. "Theresa?" said a man voice.
"I want to be alone Julian." she replied in tears.
"I'm not here to fight with you. I just want to see my son a little before I'll leave to work." Theresa said nothing. Julian adds after a moment "You still crying about Ethan don't you?"
"It's none of your business Julian, why do you care anyway? I'm sure this is a joyful moment for you to see me like that huh?" she said coldly. She was staring at his son running around a big tree, the nanny was hiding herself behind it to surprised little Ethan with a "Boo I got you!" He was laughing and trying to catch her.
"Well not really." he told her and adds "You may think I'm lying but no, I don't enjoy it at all." Julian stares at his son too. ~ Look at him, he's enjoying is time, good thing. ~ Theresa stop crying and look at Julian stunned. ~ Am I hearing well? ~ "Are you drunk? Do you have fever or what?" Julian didn't react. He didn't look at her; he was looking his son laughing with the nanny and smiled. Theresa couldn't believe what she saw, Julian smiling! ~ Duh? I'm hallucinating! ~ Suddenly his smile vanished. ~ Oh Eve, I whish I could see our son, where he could be? I would give anything to find him." Julian has done so many things trough the years and abandoning Eve was one of the major thing he regrets deeply. He hates his father so much for that, forcing him to give up the only woman he ever truly loved and letting him know that his baby was dead, how could he be so cruel. So many times he dreamt to give up everything to be with Eve. But how could he, I was such a coward; he cannot argue or face his father. The only thing he knew is to be a Crane and do what Alistair wants. If he didn't obey, he will be on the street. Julian cannot imagine himself with nothing, the only thing he knows is living in a rich world he cannot certainly at that time, when he was younger, not pleased his father. ~ Oh Eve my life would be certainly happier if I could followed my heart without any fear. ~ Since Timmy's death, Julian has guilty conscience; he saw this wonderful heart live with love for the others and being so good with people. He admired this little man. When he learns that Timmy was dead yes he was very sad. How Julian could not want to be a better person when he had the chance to know Timmy? He had the perfect model of honesty and goodness. Timmy helped him to see things differently and Julian can feel deep inside of him that it was time for him to face his demons and make peace with certain things and of course be happy with himself, be better with the others. He wants to right the wrongs from his past to be able to live with himself and have a healthy happier life.
"Julian?" said Theresa
"Uh...oh...I'm sorry what did you said? Ah yes.... if I'm drunk. No I'm not. I know it's hard to believe but it is true...I fact" he said with a little discomfort "I've decided to slow down on alchool. Surprising isn't it?" he was nervous to tell this but still, he was proud of himself that he did.
Theresa nodded "Yeah surprising that's the word...what's happening Julian? It is not in your way to talk and acts like that? Something is definitely wrong...." She looks at him like he was an alien. ~ Damn did he bump his head somewhere? ~
Julian feels to open a little with Theresa "Well the wrong thing Theresa, is all my life I was and did wrong. I did right for my father all my life but all wrong for me or the others....."
"Are you trying to grow a conscience Julian?" she said sarcastically. He didn't mind by her remark, he used to hear things like that. No surprise there.
"Well...I don't know why I'm saying this to you, well I know why but anyway....yeah your right this is all about my conscience. I saw you crying; I saw you to look at your son with so much joy and love, taking care of him. Life is all about love isn't it? I know you are in pain but you are so full of life Theresa! I want to change.....I want to be myself for once, feel love, happiness and not be the robot made by Alistair."
Theresa looks at Julian with so much surprise ~ Geez is this is an act or what? ~ She had mixed feelings about him. ~ Could he really mean what he just told me? ~ She still waiting for him to talk. She wants to know more. He noticed that.
"I know I did terrible things in my life, I will surely go straight to hell for that. I did a lot of my own but a lot because I was obligated to do. Well you know what I mean, because of father. It is not easy to be a Crane you know. Yeah we have a lot of money but believe it or not, I know love is more important and this is something I have learned painfully over the years. I have learned it from you too." she looks at him "Huh? From me?" she said stunned. He smiled at her "Yeah Theresa from you. I remember it very well, you remember when you were at the Crane mansion and you told Ethan that it doesn't matter if he was a Crane or not because you truly love him for what he was, not because of his last name. You willing to get rid of your title and advantages that you have for being Miss Julian Crane's wife to be with the man you love in a flash. God I admired you for that Theresa, I whish when I was younger to fight for what I want like you always did.....because you listen to your heart no matter what. Sadly it didn't turned that way....I've become a selfish man with no heart ~ Father is so proud of that, gosh it make me sick. ~. I will have to live with my acts and regrets all my life...." Julian was now sad; it was obvious in his face how painful it is for him, his eyes reflecting bitterness and sadness. Theresa was looking at him and felt sorry for him, she saw in his eyes that he's not lying but still...she wasn't completely sure of what she is seeing now it was so impossible for her. She was totally stunned and felt uncomfortable and said "Julian, I don't know what's going on but this is weird. You talking to me like that, it is....it is so....unusual, I don't want to be rude but frankly, this is not the Julian Crane I know to talk that way I think I've missed something."
"No Theresa, you didn't miss anything." he said with a little shyly smile. Julian adds "You see Theresa that's the thing. I've missed a lot already and I don't want to miss anything else. You know I had a loveless marriage; I have a business bargain marriage. It was father's idea, for the good of the Crane's ambitions....but from now one, I want to settle certain things Theresa." He looks nervous and adds "A part....a part concern...you Theresa."
"Huh? Me?"
"Yes, I don't want to fight with you anymore. I want our son to be happy. I want him to know that he can count on us even if we are not together. I don't want him to be the witness of fights between his parents." he didn't feel comfortable to speak that way because he is not used to but this moment, it was his chance; someone finally seems to listen to him! "I know it may sound suspicious Theresa, I'm sure you are thinking that I'm up to something against you but no, not at all. I want peace between us. I want to have something healthy, something I never did or had with my family. Again, I know I did horrible things to you and I'm sorry for this, really. I was a complete jerk with no morals but you know me....I'm a womanizer and.....well, you know the story...." he was feeling bad and uncomfortable and adds "We have now a child together and I think it would be better if we are not at each other throats all the time for the sake of our son."
Theresa was still listening, unbelievably struck by Julian's words. She was all ears.
"I'm still a Crane robot you know, I'm kind of programmed. All this time brainwashed with the Crane's power, rules and behaviour we are well known for. It's the same as the cigarette or alcohol. The more you let these things in you, the more you can't get rid of it. It's controlling you...every parcel of your being, your mind...it's becoming an addiction, your stuck in that damn addiction....." ~ God I hate that, I'm tired of this...~ Julian took a pause, he got to calm his temper, he was so tired of all this and then he continue "I know it will be difficult to not fall in that track again, this "pattern or power" that Crane family give to generation after generation." he took another pause and say " I realized that only Ethan was different, he didn't want to fall in that pattern ...I was amazed by that... finally, it turns out that he wasn't a Crane." ~ I was proud of him, I'm still proud of him he was my son for twenty years after all I can't forget all about him just like that. ~ Again, he adds "You know Theresa; I really want to start on new grounds. For a lot of things and of course with you too." he stopped to talk and look at her.
~ That's it, he's breaking lose! ~ She looked at him "Are you trying to make peace with me? Tell me Julian, why this suddenly changes in you life you want so much? Where does it come from?"
"Like I told you, Timmy makes me realise a lot of things, I miss this wonderful lad and I think he wasn't in my life for nothing. He really gets at me and even if he's gone, I still think about those times I had with him and I realized a lot because of him. He is a big part of why I feel like that now, that I want to change for the better. It is sure there is a lot of other things making me want that but Timmy were the initiator of all this. I can't explain all just right now but lets say for the moment that I heard "the call" if I can say it that way. I know you are no big fan of me and I deserve it more than I can say but logically for me, starting on new grounds should be start with you and our son. "
They both look at each other for a while. Julian wanted her to really understand what he wanted and to be believed.
"You know Theresa; you are the most spirited woman I've ever seen. You know as much as I know that I have met A LOT of women and yes, of course I met some spirited women but there is something about you that I never saw in those women. That full of life light you have in your eyes. I saw you with your family with Ethan-Martin, at work, in fact, everywhere and of course with Ethan. Every times I saw this light in your eyes, no matter what is the situation, it's always there. Despite all the things happened to you, Fate was always by your side because you carried her everywhere in your heart and this Theresa, this..... make me want you to helping me to be a better man."
"What??" she wasn't sure what kind of help he wanted from her?
"Theresa, are you wiling to make peace for our son's sake? Can we be good parents for him and be friendlier with each other? he asked seriously.
(To be continued)
**************************************************************************** *
A/N: I have to make more than one part for this flashback, I hope you don't mind but it's kind of a long one. Please R&R, give me your comments about this, thanks.