Letters: End of the Affair
Disclaimer: As usual, I nothing belongs to me, I wish it did, but sadly it doesn't.
Spoilers: Nothing specific. References to a couple episodes.
Status: Complete. Sort of. There is going to be a sequel coming soon, which is Dylan's response.
Summary: Beka writes a letter to Dylan that she has no intention of sending.
Author's Notes: This fic came from a challenge post on slipstreamunderground.com. The challenge said to write a passage from someone's diary... well I took diary and replaced it with letters and here we have. Oh, yeah... I know I played with the timeline so just hang in there. I needed to edit it to fit with the storyline.
Dear Dylan,
I don't know why I'm writing this, but I have to do it. Call it self-therapy, but somehow I kept having this nagging urge to put down my thoughts on paper, even if I never give them to you. And knowing how I am I never will. We are just starting to get back and I don't think I would jeopardize that for anything but I can't keep my emotions bottled up. I'd write this in a diary if I had one, but alas, Beka Valentine has always been too much of a tomboy for something that feminine. So a letter must do.
I don't really know when things started. It just sort of happened. Call it a lack of other suitable persons on the ship, or just plain chemistry, we came together like there was no tomorrow. And half the time there wasn't. But I was in love, so happily, blissfully in love that I couldn't see beyond tomorrow and you. Then all it took was one intake of breath and then you dashed all my hopes for the future. Of course no one else knew about our relationship, maybe they had guessed, we weren't too careful in the beginning but it hurt just as much as if you had made the declaration to the entire Commonwealth Congress. I, Dylan Hunt, can no longer be romantically involved with my second in command, Beka Valentine.
I still remember when you walked in on my shower that one day. You fumblingly said something about my figure, and I decided I didn't want to let it drop. Nope, Beka Valentine was going to have some fun with her new Captain. So I smiled, looked up at you through my lashes and then laughed as you stuck the flimsy to your face and dashed out of their as quick as your legs could carry you.
The next day I went to see you. Not officially, not with some announcement of coming terror but as a woman would come to the man she was interested in. Even though I couldn't help flirting unmercifully with you, I did manage ask you if you wanted to have dinner with me. You looked so sad when you said you couldn't. I tried to stay objective about it, but I knew that some part of me was gravely disappointed. I think you knew also. You held up a mission brief and said that you had to go away. I just shrugged and walked out of the room all the while feeling your eyes trailing from behind me.
Well, first try was a bust, and I swear I wasn't able to look you in the face for about a week afterward, but then slowly things started to return to normal, or at least as normal as things were going to get on the Andromeda Ascendant. The once-a-week badies returned and we were thrown back into action leaving no time for romance or anything else. We were lucky if we had time for a smile in between all that fighting.
Then you did something that surprised me. You cleared our schedule and took me down planet side for a moonlight supper. At first I was trying to see if there was a hidden message to this; you knew I hated planets, but as the night wore on even I could see the beauty of the surroundings. The waves lapped calmly on the shores creating a background hum with the setting sun filtering its rays through the clouds creating an almost ethereal atmosphere. Throughout the dinner I thought that nothing could possible break me as long as I had you with me. I was wrong.
When your birthday came around, I wanted so badly to please you. To show you something that would touch you as your gift of a dinner date had touched me. However, the journey was more trouble than I had planned. I didn't mean to start with the Flash, but as I was tired and starting to doubt myself, I remembered how powerful and smart I had felt after Sid had given me the first dose. I knew I could make it, I had been making it for my father at age eight, but I didn't know if we had the right ingredients. So I started to rummage through Med Deck to find them. You know I eventually did, and you know what happened. All I can say is when you stood at my side and vowed to stay with me I knew this was it. Beka Valentine had finally fallen head-over-heals in love.
It wasn't destined to stay that way.
Three weeks after your declaration and my epiphany that damned world ship appeared. I was so frightened. Frightened for you, frightened for me, frightened for everyone. And then things started to fall apart. I wanted so desperately to run to your arms, but I knew that you needed me strong. I was after all your second in command; you didn't need me falling all over myself. So I stayed strong, even when you asked me to take over if anything happened to you. God, I wanted to scream and shout at you. Tell you there was no way in hell that you were going to die on me, but you had such a determined look on you face. You knew this might be game over, and I could help but grant you your one final wish.
Well, we made it through that incident alive, but just barely. You had changed though. You became harder, more determined and I started to lose the wistful, idealistic captain that I had fallen in love with. Slowly, day-by-day, you started to drift away from me. You no longer came to me at nights with your dreams of the future. No, the days when we would lie in bed and talk about everything and anything had ended. Now it was like pulling teeth to get you to even talk to me. You shut yourself up in you office trying to figure out a way to fight the damn Magog or to get your Commonwealth back so often that I wasn't the only one that started to worry.
Two months after we sent the Magog back, licking their wounds in retreat, you came to me with the biggest bomb I have ever received. And you said it in five short words. We can't be together anymore. The most devastating blow to my heart and ego sounded like you were reciting another of the ship's statistics. I couldn't believe it. Then you left just as suddenly as you came, leaving me starting incomprehensibly in your wake. I swear it took me an hour just to make myself believe that had really happened. I spent the next hour crying over it.
Two days later I was finally able to see you again. It took all the effort I had not to stand up and slap you in the face in front of the crew, but knowing how you were then, you would have thrown me in the brig for insubordination. I couldn't let that happen. I needed to look after the rest of the crew.
I still don't understand what happened, and the crew doesn't know anything happened. But I guess it's better that way. I don't think either one of us could stand the apologies or the requests for an explanation that usually accompany a broken relationship. Still, it didn't stop it from hurting. Somehow, I don't think it ever will.
Your Forever,
Rebecca Valentine.
Please, Please, Please Review!!! It will certainly help me write the sequel faster.