Author: Xionin
Rating: G
Pairing: Buffy/Spike.
Feedback: Pretty please?
Disclaimer: ME dropped the ball. I picked it up.
Summary: The first in a series of interview ficlets conducted by Andrew after 'Chosen'.
Five by 5: Spike
OK, here we go...me first.
I got to know him
really well, yep we were close. Had some good times:
Road trips...Bloomin' onions...yeah, good times.
We had a lot in common, which is surprising since he was, like, a hundred years older than me or something. We were both evil villains that wanted to redeem ourselves. OK, so what I did pales in comparison, but it doesn't make me any less guilty. I mean, at least he could blame the things he did on having a demon inside. The only person I can point a finger at is myself. Good ole Andrew: super-Dork, worst friend in the world.
Sorry...Sorry, I'm not supposed to be sulking. This isn't about me, this is about Spike and what he meant to me and the nice things he did. So...let's see...
Spike was...he was who I want to be when I grow up. And I don't mean the vampire part.
Silly!
He was a bad guy
that chose to be good despite everything in his nature.
He was strong and witty and loyal.
...
He'd never have done anything to hurt the people he cared about.
He'd never have hurt Buffy or Dawn...or even me, but especially Buffy.
Gosh, he sure did love her.
I mean...he never said it...not out loud, er, not to me......but you'd have to be, like, blind not to see it.
He was so devoted to her. Stood by her side when the others turned against her. When we were on our last mission, he was itching to get back to Sunnydale. He just knew that she was in trouble. They had this amazing connection.
Ahhh...so romantic.
He was like a kinda
anti-hero, fighting against his own kind to save us all.
So, I guess that's how I'll remember him: my anti-hero.
-------------------------------
Uh...well...he and I didn't get along too well. I hated him, actually...most of the time. Sometimes he was ok, but then he'd do something evil...something so...
Anyway, I don't
know why you want me to talk about him. This is for Buffy, right? Ok...I guess
I'll try to think of something nice to say.
...
...
I'm still thinking, ok?
...
...
Alright, alright, he...did a coupla nice things that I remember. He...he stopped
Caleb from taking out my other eye. That was... And he was pretty good with Dawn,
looking out for her, when Buffy was...gone. Still not sure about all that.
I don't give it much thought, to be honest. I know Buffy saw something in him, and I guess that should've been enough, but it never was. Not for me, anyway, and not for Giles either. Maybe it was a woman thing. Willow and Tara had a soft spot for him too, I think. Tara, well, she was just Tara: all sweet and willing to give anybody a chance, but I didn't get Will. I mean, he tried to kill her, for Christ-
Sorry.
Look, I'm...sorry he's dead...for Buffy. I'm sorry for her because they had some...bond or something...and I know she's hurtin'. So, Buff...I'm sorry you lost him. I won't say I don't think it's for the best, but you know...
Wait...I guess...there's
another thing...he did. Something nice. He...apologized, to me. There was this
thing that happened with him and...him and Ahn.
...
...
God I miss her.
...
...
Uh...anyway, he apologized for it. I didn't accept it, of course. But it was
big of him...to do that. To own up to it. He knew I'd never forgive him. I don't
think he was looking for forgiveness, not from me anyway.
He was a strange
guy...er...demon or whatever. Can't believe he died fighting with us.
Still hate him, though.
Mostly.
---------------------------------
We were, like, best friends once.
Then he hurt us...hurt Buffy. I never forgave him for that. I think she did, but I...I guess couldn't give him another chance. I just didn't understand how she could look at him, let alone help him after he-
But...I think she did forgive him somehow. At least they seemed okay...at the end.
Actually...I could tell you a lot of nice things he did, but I'd rather tell you about something else, if you don't mind.
When Buffy came back from being, well, dead - that first night, Spike was there. I was so excited to have her back, you know? I was bouncing off the walls. She was so quiet, I didn't notice how scared she was. And then Spike came barreling in, yelling at me for leaving. He was kinda lookin' out for me then. He was like a...big brother. A big, overprotective, vampire brother: go figure.
Anyway, I'd helped her get cleaned up and stuff and we were upstairs when Spike got home. I ran down, trying to tell him what'd happened, but he was so angry. I think he was afraid I'd gotten hurt.
I guess he really did care.
I mostly thought
he stayed with me to be close to Buffy somehow.
Some days I swear I think he would've walked straight into the sun. I don't think
he knew that I'd noticed, but I did. Her...dying...was hard on all of us, but
it was harder on him, I think. We all had each other and he had...
Well, anyway, when Buffy came down the stairs, I watched him watching her. At first he thought she was the bot, you know? But when he realized it was her and...wow. I mean WOW, wow. I was the one worrying then. He looked like he was going to cry or pass out or something.
He'd been sorta stalking her before she...left...and telling her he loved her and stuff. It squicked her out big time, but they were sorta friends after that. I knew he had a crush on her still, but the way he looked at her that night. It was like...the room disappeared or something and all he could see was her.
I was talking to him and he didn't even hear me, not really. The only thing that brought him back to earth was that he noticed her hands. They were all bloody and stuff, from fighting I thought, but he knew. He just knew, somehow, that she'd had to claw her way out of her coffin.
He was so gentle with her. I'd never seen him that way before. I haven't seen him that way since. It's just so hard to compare that Spike with the one that attacked her, but I guess you can't. And when he came back with a soul, well...
Maybe I should've...tried...to
talk to him a little. Maybe?
...
I feel...it's like...and I can't...
I'm sorry, can we stop now?
---------------------------------
Look, Andrew, I
simply cannot do this right now.
I don't really have anything to say concerning Spike.
...
...
He was trouble from the first day he stepped out of that London alley.
He was a monster. I don't bloody well know why he tried so hard to be a man.
...
Buffy...she was...misguided, well, I thought she was. I guess, in the end...
She won't tell me what happened back there. Barely talks to me anymore, really, and I can't say that I blame her. I just wish...
Right. Something
nice about...Spike.
...
...
...
He didn't leave. He stayed and fought with us. That's something, I suppose.
Now please turn that blasted thing off!
---------------------------------
Tara saw something in him, so I tried to see it too. And I did. See it, I mean.
He was so different from...from Angel; didn't brood so much. He loved life. He had all of these stupid habits, I mean, he smoked! Come on! Why would a vampire want to smoke?
Why would a vampire
eat spicy wings o-or mix Weetabix in his blood?
Why would he watch soap operas or hang around with people?
Or fall in love with a one?
How could
he fall in love?
Why would
he protect all of us even though we...
We were really
mean to him, not that he didn't deserve it, but we were even mean when he didn't
deserve it. Everyone was, except Tara.
If Tara saw
something there...then there had to be something. Right?
OK...something nice that Spike did.
Well, when Oz left,
he was kinda...nice...to me. Sympathetic, even. It was...weird, but i-in a good
way.
He...I dunno...tried to make me feel better. He did that a coupla times, I remember.
Haha, I remember this one time he tried to bite me. No, it was funny really, because he couldn't. The chip. Anyway, I was...what...upset? I thought he wouldn't bite me because I wasn't 'biteable' enough. He said something, I don't remember what it was now but...he basically said that I was good enough to eat.
Believe it or not it made me feel...good...how nuts is that?
He was like that
though, more often than not, trying to help in his own way.
...
...
He really loved our Buffy. I believe that now. I think she knows that too.
I just wonder if she knows how much she loved him.
Poor Buffy.
Anyway, I think this is really sweet of you, Andrew. She'll thank you for it one day, when she gets around to watching it cause...you know...not so much for the reminiscing right now.
So I'll thank you for her. Thanks.
-fin-