C H A P T E R T H R E E

Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter x Hunter. The wonderful characters are the creation of Togashi-sama. Any original characters who do appear however (and there will be plenty) belong to me.

Summary: It all began when Illumi was caught wearing women's clothes and competing in a beauty competition. However, it would seem that there are other reasons for his cross-dressing, and winning the prize not all that important.

Rating: M 15+

"Your who?" General Kamus frowned at the sudden abrupt change in topic. Killua carried a big grin on his cheeky face; it was his turn to sigh piteously and explain the incredible piece of information to the man who had to be the General. He reminded Killua of his dad on many levels – particularly the impression that he left on you as that of a man not to be trifled with. From the surface alone, you could tell that the man's powers were complex and incalculable and if you had any sense of caution, you'd back away, very slowly.

"My brother. You hired my brother to win back the jewelry box for you."

It delighted Killua to see Kamus' frown deepen in confusion. "I do not deny that I did indeed hire someone to join the competition and win back the object. However, I hired Miss Arammi who - "

"Yeah, that's Killua's brother, Illumi. See, the name rhymes." Gon felt pleased with his explanation.

Kamus' eyes narrowed at the child dressed in green sitting next to him whose eyes were brimming with honest sincerity and his body language just shouted earnestness. That only heightened his incredulity and suspicion for what the silver haired child had said could be true. He had just come from the Arena where another General – Misha – had spontaneously decided to hold some tournament and spill some blood onto the sands. Having failed in his endeavour to persuade the madman to find something more constructive and less violent to do, he was on his way back home when two kids, showing signs of the ability to control nen, were talking about Arcadia Central's unique situation.

By using gyo, he was astounded to find that the children's auras were liquid smooth like a bucket of cream, steady and controlled. Children with nen were not particularly uncommon, but children with nen adjusted to combat were rare indeed. Caught up by curiosity, he approached them and took up their conversation.

One of them was polite, the other cocky and arrogant. Country boy and city kid, Kamus thought, keeping the amusement from his face. The kid dressed in green instantly broadcasted the fact that he was the reinforcement type – the rigid sitting position, the manners that he had shown, the unmistakable honesty and sincerity in his words – it was something that henka liars could not imitate. The other boy however, the one who looked at him with disdain, had a weaker aura which flickered around the edges. There was something about his eyes – a complexity which was breathtaking. Kamus was sure he saw layer upon layer of depth, trying to cover what was truly underneath the cheeky attitude. He instantly felt distaste – Henka people – always hiding something, too intelligent for their own good.

Kamus switched tactics – he decided to go for the one who couldn't think about his words before he said them. With a patient smile on his face, he ruffled the kid's spiky black hair. "Just because the name rhymes does not mean that I hired this young lad's brother."

"But of course you did General." Gon continued. "We bumped into him earlier this morning. He said he was on his way to rehearsal and he beat up Hisoka on the way as well!"

"Ah, you jest with me! Miss Arammi is the prettiest lass alive; everyone says she's going to win. How can she be a man?" Kamus silently congratulated himself with his patented patronizing tone and laugh, guaranteed to irk anything and anyone within hearing range. How people hated to be treated like ignorant fools, but it was one way of demanding proof without having to ask for it.

To his disappointment, the silver haired child did not rise to the bait and smiled evenly in return. Smart kid Kamus thought dourly to himself. He really was getting old – here he was, in the middle of the streets, sitting on a public bench arguing with two kids about whether one of the most gorgeous woman alive was actually a man or not. For god's sakes, how does this child think he's going to be able to persuade him into believing that Miss Arammi was his 'brother' if they didn't even share the same hair colour?

"We could give you a description of him, but you'd just say that would be insufficient evidence since almost everyone who's in Arcadia Central has probably seen his face on tv. How about…the next time you see him, tell him that you've spoken to Killua, and that his adorable widdle baby brother has spilled his secrets and see if he has any reaction. Or, you address him as Illumi and see whether he responds or not." Killua laughed out loud at the thought, kicking his feet into the air. "Did he actually say to you he was a girl?"

"Actually, I was the one who immediately presumed, and still assume, her to be a woman when I first saw her in the crowds. But no, the thought of actually asking her to confirm her gender never crossed my mind…and she never offered to tell. She just said that she had absolute confidence in winning."

Killua's grin displayed two rows of white teeth. "You needn't worry about that. Illumi will win with no problem. I just can't wait to see his face once I've busted his cover. Maybe I'll actually see an expression for once!"

The General now looked doubtful and hesitant. However, he gave a slight nod – why not? The worst case scenario is that these two boys are head over heels for Miss Arammi and just want an autograph and a picture taken with her. "I'll be meeting Miss Arammi for her payment outside Kastro Court – which is one of the residential extensions attached to the Forbidden Palace walls. You can't miss it – I'm living in the biggest one. The Finals will be over by ten o'clock tomorrow night…Arammi will probably take half an hour to get there, so it'll be ten thirty tomorrow night then."

Kamus heaved himself off the bench and chuckled. "Be seeing you later kids. Say…what were you names again?"

Gon pointed to himself, "I'm Gon, and my friend's name is Killua."

The General nodded, smile never wavering and he made a small departing gesture as he headed off home. The way that the straight-forward kid called Gon had emphatically maintained that Arammi was a man still troubled him. Reinforcers don't lie, can't lie. Perhaps he should be a little doubtful. After all, Arammi was just a stranger that he'd picked off the street. The probability that her words can't be trusted was equal to the probability that he could trust the children's words.

Gon watched Kamus walk away in the direction of the busy Market Square until he finally disappeared from view. The man seemed friendly and talkative enough, but did he really need to know what Illumi chose to conceal?

"You sure you want to bust your brother? He might get angry and think up some really unpleasant ways to deal with us."

Killua grinned, showing two pointy fangs. "Not if we hang around that man. With him around, I don't think that my brother and Hisoka teamed together could get us." He leapt up from his bench, fully energized and ready to finish scouring the stores in the Market Square.

"Hey Killua."

"Yes?"

Gon jumped from his bench too, following him back down the road. "I want to see these ghost and nen-manifestathingies that Kamus-san was talking about!"

"Eww, gross! Why would you want to see dirty things like that?" Killua stopped walking to stare in utter amazement at his friend. After detecting the glint of over-enthusiasm in Gon's aura, he sighed and continued walking, his arms and head drooping, knowing that there was no way of persuading Gon to give up the crazy idea.

"Why not Killua!" Gon ran after him, excited by his own idea. "It'll be fun and challenging!"

Killua shook his head and walked on.

What are they doing here?

The thought nagged at Illumi during the final rehearsal. Must concentrate he had to steadily remind himself. The co- ordinator was blaring out the order of entrance, positions to take in the introduction, yadda yadda yadda, carrying on in a way which reminded Illumi of his mother.

Why are they here?!

The trail of thought continued to distress him but he made sure his face was an expressionless mask so no one could see the troubles raging in his mind. He preferred the solitary life, and often worked long months just so that he could be away from home. Seeing a family member in the same city was a threat to his peace and an invasion of his territory. It felt like they were stealing his haven away from him, just like they had taken away everything else a long, long time ago.

"Miss Arammi! This is the fifth time I've had to single you out today! Please step into place!" Illumi was rudely jolted out of his reminiscence by the not too approving tone of the stressed-out organizing lady and he quickly reminded himself to suppress his own annoyed scowl. He looked about him and found that they were finalizing the way the contestants would leave the stage after the Presentation. Bowing his head, he neatly stepped back into line, cautious to avoid other people's glances. Some girls were smirking because he got told off, but Illumi shrugged it off as another incident of jealousy. They all knew he was going to win anyway.

"All right. I think that looks good. Lets break for half an hour girls!"

Illumi's former peaceful state of mind was now upset by the presence of his brother and the kid Gon. Dad had rung him up two months ago and told him succinctly to leave Killua alone. Come to think of it, they had hardly exchanged more than ten words in the last conversation. Their roads hadn't diverged since… and it felt good. It felt good to escape the ever-scornful scrutiny of Silva's distasteful glare which seemed to criticize his style of work and of late, his very existence. Seeing Killua sometimes reminded him of seeing Dad.

Come to think of it, why was Killua allowed to escape his responsibilities from succeeding the family business? Here he was, frolicking with his 'friend', picketing around the crowds and having fun whilst his own schedule was packed for the next six weeks.

I hate this job!

Why doesn't Killua have to help train Alluka and Karuto?

I don't hate this job! I just hate my life!

Why was there no prospect of any of this ending? It was a chilling thought: he'd keep killing until he was too old to get out of bed or he'd never return from a mission one day and none of them back on Kukuru mountain would even care.

I hate this life! I hate how I don't have a life.

He'd never return from a mission one day and none of them would ever care.

None of them would ever care.

Ever.

Illumi almost doubled over in his seat violently shivering. He'd never felt such heart numbing, paralyzing, cold.

"Arammi-san, your face is looking awfully pale."

Illumi struggled to look up. He saw wavy blue black curls and concerned coal black eyes set in a lovely ivory coloured oval face. It was his client's eldest daughter Karen, a master nen user in respect of healing and an apprentice in training to become a Royal doctor. She had taken a strange affection to him as an 'older sister' of sorts and eagerly followed him practically everywhere. He didn't mind – in fact, seeing her bright smiles at him made him happy and he'd be idiotically smiling to himself for hours afterwards from the warmth. She now looked fretful and concerned. No – he didn't want to see that – he wanted to see her smile.

"I…I am fine."

He tried to stand but his legs were sapped of strength and buckled beneath him. He ungraciously crashed to the floor bringing down the other chairs around him. All the other contestants startled and looked at him. There was an awkward silence.

"Arammi-san…"

"Karen-chan, it's ok."

Leaning heavily on a chair that didn't look like it would topple with the slightest breeze, he was able to stand straight, but it clearly took effort and it showed as his entire body trembled beneath the silken robes and dress. The organizing lady gave him the day off since the rest of the girls were only preparing for a last run through.

It was exactly two thirty and the sun was still strong. The warmth tingling his pale skin was comfortable, bathing his stiff and cold face in warmth, thawing his chilled body.

"Karen-chan, do you know a place where I can lie down and bask in the sun? I want to get my blood flowing again."

Karen wrapped her arm around his, rubbing her cheek against his fine silken shirt with a small happy smile on her face.

"Perhaps the air conditioning was on too high. The national park is a nice place at this time. You should sit under a tree, otherwise you might get sun burnt. We haven't had lunch yet either, so I'll buy us some food too."

"Please make it hot food."

Illumi watched her run off, contemplating why he had these urges to please her so that she would smile at him. Karen was twenty one this year and an accomplished doctor already. By all accounts, she inherited her father's nen abilities and diverted them to healing whilst her two younger brothers were off in military school training to become marshals and corporals. According to Karen, her mother had died giving birth to her and her stepmother then died in the war not long after giving birth to her youngest son. But most of the pictures around Kastro court weren't of the two luckless women that had married Kamus.

When Karen first showed her the photo of her aunt, he thought he was looking into a mirror. Kimone Kalinnan Kastro was his exact replica, even though she had to be at least twenty years older. Karen's fingers delicately traced around her aunt's face on the picture and told him that she had been closer to her aunt than her stepmother. Unfortunately, as was the fate of those who meddled in Arcadian politics, Aunt Kim had chosen to take her life in protest and defiance against Rodimostev II's handling of foreign affairs. That was about a ten ago and not long after her death, the human tragedy of the Decade long War erupted, killing an official twenty million people and probably another one or two million unaccounted for.

Illumi knew that half the time Karen treated him as a shadow of her aunt, a reminder of the blissful ten years of her life before the war destroyed everything she had come to know. He didn't mind – she could ask anything of him, and he would automatically comply.

Karen glanced back at where Arammi-san now lay, in the cool shade of a large oak tree with her eyes closed in a light sleep. Several furry sparrows ruffled their soft brown feathers and sat down nearby, cooing contentedly in the shifting shade.

"That will be twenty five dollars please."

Karen made sure the hot soup didn't spill when she retreated back to the tree.

"Arammi-san, I've got you some lunch. Hot, just like you wanted."

Illumi's broke out of his contemplation, pleased to smell food.

He took a small sip and gave a relaxed sigh. "Thank you Karen-chan. This is exactly what I need right now." He added quietly and cupped the foam cup with both hands, blew away the steam and took several small sips. He could feel her watching him intensely and wished that she'd never stop looking at him, wished that her gaze and attention would forever be fixed on him. Unnerved by his new desires, Illumi struggled to make some conversation.

"Have you had anything to eat yourself Karen-chan?"

"I'll have to go back home soon to join father for afternoon tea. Chef likes to pack in all the cakes and deserts so it might as well be my lunch."

Illumi suddenly felt a small pity for Karuto. She would never be able to smile as Karen did now, and it was a most beautiful smile indeed. Were these the workings and trappings of fate? That being born to a certain family meant a certain life – one that could be filled with sunshine and smiles, the other of everlasting darkness and the stink of blood? And what influenced or directed the family or place that we are all born to? Since time immemorial, humanity had always held some "higher power" responsible – or was it just impartial chance and probability running its endless course?

Who fucked with my life? Can my life ever be like hers?

"Karen-chan, you were alive during the war. What part did you play?"

"I'm a doctor Arammi-san. I was out at the front concentrating on nursing the injured and the sick." She gave an empty laugh, one entirely devoid of humour. "Half the time they never had enough people and manpower, so there were long periods when I was down in the trenches with a machine gun in my hand and a sword strapped on my back; or creeping forward under the rain of bullets to serve soldiers their dinner." She looked down at her own hands that were laced with small silken scars, half lost in thought.

"These aren't the best hands for a doctor I must admit. A doctor is supposed to heal people and save lives," she mumbled quietly to herself, "Yet I have killed many people with these hands. I've even used my healing abilities to wound people. I would reach into enemies with my bare hands and instead of restore and heal their insides, I would destroy their vital organs from within…" she broke off abruptly and looked back up at Illumi with almost a type of fear and panic. Her eyes had suddenly flared up with bloodlust so wild and uncontrollable that Illumi wondered if he should back away, very slowly.

"You probably don't understand what I'm talking about…."

Illumi set his cup of soup aside and held her hands in his warm ones. They were soft and supple.

"They are wonderful hands Karen-chan, and they will heal many more people in your lifetime than the people you were forced to kill. Killing in war does not make you a murderer." I would know, he wanted to tell her, because I'm just scum who kills for money.

Karen forced herself to nod and beam a brighter smile, harshly reigning back any tears that were ready to spill at a moment's notice. She was twenty-one, an adult who could cope with her problems, she should have been stronger than this.

"May I ask a favour of you Karen-chan?"

"Yes?"

"I have a younger brother, who, in an unfortunate accident four years ago has been confined to a wheelchair since. I've taken him to see all sorts of doctors, but none of them could help. I hear you're a Royal Doctor in training with special abilities and all…"

Karen gave the request serious thought, welcome at the change of topic. "I'll have to personally examine your brother. Four years is a long time, but not too long so that the damage is going to be permanent. How old is he?"

"He turned ten this year."

"To be confined to a wheelchair at such a young age," she commented sympathetically, "But the muscles of young children tend to rapidly deteriorate if there is no proper exercise. How severe is his paralysis?"

"He cannot move from the neck down."

Karen sighed. "Spinal injury is tricky indeed. Needless to say, your brother has had no feelings in his limbs for these past four years, and that makes it all the more difficult."

"His condition is peculiar. You must see him first before you cast away any hope of helping him."

Illumi scolded himself. That came out a bit too desperately and demandingly, but he had a right to be distressed. Alluka hadn't been able to move for the past four years, and almost every action required assistance. Mom and dad long ago gave up hope of Alluka becoming an outstanding professional assassin since he fatally screwed up his last mission, and probably hadn't even looked on him since. All this time, Alluka continued to have nightmares leaving him screaming his guts out in the dead of night subsequently leading to hours of hysterical crying and mad blabbering about something that happened to him in his last mission. If he didn't look after Alluka and paid Milluki to do so in his absence, dad would never care whether Alluka was alive or dead.

A lot like me really.

"I'll call him and tell him to come immediately so you can assess the situation."