Voldemort, who was looking hot and young, and still had his shirt off, was sitting in a chair across frm Summer in that room that they were...in that mansion...yes. That is where they all were now.

"Hey Summer," Voldy said sexily (haha is that a word? Meh). "Come over heee-ah an show me some luvin --- WHA??????"

He had finally noticed the handsome man standing over Summer.

"WHO IS THAT?" he hissed, standing up and whipping out his wand. He aimed it at the tall, dark, and handsome dream boy of Summer's.

"I'm Summer's dream guy," he replied.

"I honestly have no idea what he's talking about," Summer added. "But he's nice to look at, so I let him tag along with us."

"Do you have a name?" Voldemort asked darkly.

Summer's dream guy replied, "Jack."

"KJDHKDHJKBHSJKO&I^TIUYK%*&%GV!!!!!!!" said Voldemort. Jack took off his shirt. So did Lucius. And Tiberian. And Draco. And Damina :P Then they all began to fight with no shirts on. The girls watched on dreamily. "I'm totally crushing," said Kay, playing with her baby's tiny hands, and going, "Pooky pooky poo...a boogity boogity boo...who is so cute? You are! Yes you are, you cute lil bobbobobobobgitybooo!"

Just then, Syd went into labour.

"Oh darn!" she said. "My baby is gonna come out right now!"

"Oh darn!" Everyone else echoed. The boys wrestled on.

"Lets get her to a hospital," aid Manda. "An Evil Hospital."

"Righto," said Racy A, then she snapped her fingers. The girls all arrived at an Evil Hospital, located somewhere evil.

"Yay!" said Syd. "I could really use a doctor right now. I think my water just broke." She looked down to the floor.

"Ewwwwww...." everyone else said, stepping away from Syd and her puddle of uterus juice.

"I am a doctor," said a man. There stood Percy Weasley.

"You're a doctor?" asked Gem. "But you were supposed to be working for the MoM."

"Nope," said Percy.

Everyone shrugged.

"Noooooo," said Syd. "Don't let that thing touch me down there!"

"But I'm a doctor," said Percy.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Syd, and she ran away.

"Oh no!" said Gem. "We've lost Syddie! And the boys are gone! And we're in an evil place! And Syd is gonna have her baby! And I don't know where Snape is, but wasn't he supposed ot marry Summer?! Aaaah! I left my boyfriend in Hawaii!!!"

Suddenly all the boys arrived at the evil hospital you aint leavin me behind…lol

Everybody started looking frantically for syd inside the evil hospital.

"have you found her" said racy-A

"erm, no. but I did find these things to put in my evil collection" replied Lucius holding up hippy earmuffs, a purple sythe, and something that looked very much like a miniature house elf…but wasn't.

"hmm...if you were syd where would you hide?" summer was in deep thoughts.

"i dont know"

"I DO!!!" shouted Gem

"Where?!! TELL US HO!" tiberius was screming...

"IN THE FRIDGE!!"!!

"With the ice cream!!!!" damian hit himself on the head "whdy didnt i think of it before!"

Everybody ran to the kitchens and opened the fridges door. (it was a humongeous freezer...) And there was syd with a little baby in her arms, feeding it chocolate ice cream with a spoon!

"aww isnt it cute! it likes chocolate!" syd said!

"are you sure you shouldnt be erm...you know...giving him his calcium from somewhere else?" Draco asked.

"him?!" summer asked "how do you know its a him?"

"oh. erm...i dont."

"HA! sexist" summer pointed her finger at draco.

"So syd! what is it?" Lucious asked.

"what...oh! right! yeah! sex! i mean..gender! erm...i dunno...let me check...OMG!!" she screamed.

"what is it?" Damian asked.

"It...it...dsnt have a gender"

"WHAT" the whole group screamed in unison.

"how can it not have a gender! it has to have a gender...or it wouldnt be a human..." Kris said

"maybe its not a human...Syd?" gem asked. Syd had started to cry, Lucius was totally confused.

"What do you mean! not a human! i am that baby's father! i mean, i made it" Lucius's comment made Syd cry harder.

"It wasnt supposed to happen this way." she started to murmur. "no..it cant be happening! i...i..."

"you what?!" Lucius was angry."You mean to say that i am not this childs father?"

"Im sorry" syd cried out.

"YOUR SORRY!!" Lucius was totally furious. Kris and Becca had to hold him behind to stop him from charging at Syd!.

"That dsnt matter anymore" Manda said matter-of-factly. "syd! just tell us who is the father or your gender-less baby!"

"it was...it was.." Syd was still sobbing, and also still spoon feeding her new born baby chocolate ice cream in the freezer. "it was...THE GARDNER!"

"THE GARDNER?!...you mean..that...thing?!..." Draco whined.

"what thing? .."

"The gardner."

"no shit sherlock" Summer said sharply.

"well she asked me what it was!"

"GOSH!! STUPID LITTLE FUCK#$R! WHAT SPECIES WAS THE FLICKING GARDNER!" Kris screamed.

"Oh..he was a..."

Suddenly Carrie pops back into the scene with a very gorgeous ex-lumberjack with very built shoulders and ripply belly wearing a tight pair of cut off jeans...What the hell am i doing in a evil hospital?? last time i seen u'all I was in the North West Territories..Hmmm..me thinks i was forgotten...meh oh well..Everyone i'd like u to meet Joshua....EEEKKK!! Syd what is that that umm...is that ur baby??? I thought Lucious was the father?? is that was draco looks like too???


well piped up somebody...Draco does have a thing but he's informed us it was broke and a little bendy..***DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT***

Lucious Malfloy screams...This is NOT My baby...It's the GARDNERS!!!

The gardners??? What gardner??? There was a gardner on the boat???? Or were u meaning that strange looking creature who was trying to grow seaweed food for the crew??? Syd u slept with that evil thing???

Kay approaches Summer with a vial of crimson liquid. Kay smiles.

"Summer, because the Dark Lord helped us with our kids, I'd like you to have this potion. It's from the St. Louis clan. One of my great great great great great great uncles was...shall we say...broken. He created this potion to help himself out. And let's say that he got carried away and made a barrel. They say that with age, it gets better...kinda like balsamic vineger. It's better than those weak muggle fertility drugs. This is the last vial. Let him drink it and you get one chance. Have fun!"

Gem and Carrie jump up and down, and exclaim, "Summer's getting a boinking tonight! Summer's getting a boinking tonight!"

"Hello! Virgin ears!" Kay points to Helen and Hector, who were girgling in their baby carriages.

"Oh," Gem and Carrie say quietly. They continue to jump, but lighter. Then they whisper as quietly as possible, "Summer's getting a boinking tonight! Summer's getting a boinking tonight!"

Tiberius whispers over to Voldemort, "There's a guest room upstairs, 5th door to the right." They wink at each other knowingly.

"Did you say...wha?" Snape asked, walking away from Racy A.

"Summer's getting a boinking tonight," Gem whispered to him.

Snape scoffed. "Well, I never!" he said.

"Summer, darling," said Voldemort, taking a sip from the vial thingy, "I have a surprise for you!"

"I want a surprise," said Draco, moping. "I never get surprises."

"Oh, I'll get your a surprise, ickly Dracokins!" said Syd lovingly. She conjured a big, fluffy bunny out of thin air and gave it to Draco. Draco held it in one hand, raised an eyebrow at it, and threw it across the room. "I want a bigger one," he said snootily.

"Spoiled brat," Tiberius muttered under his breath.

"Excuuuuuuse me?" said Syd, standing up and shaking a finger at Tiberius.. "Tiberius, be nice to your brother."

Tiberius hung his head in shame. "Yes'um," he said.

Meanwhile, Snape had begun to fight Voldemort. "She's mine!" Snape yelled, pulling on Voldemort's hair.

"No she's not," Voldemort yelled back, twisting Snape's arm behind his back. "She's MINE!"

They continued to take off their shirts and wrestle. So did every other boy in the fic.

Kay seemed confused. "Why are they taking off their shirts?" she asked.

"It's just a thing that Summer does when she writes fics," answered Manda. "I think it's brilliant."

Summer, however, immediately stopped the fight.

"Tut tut," she said, walking soulfully between the two. "Voldy-poo, might I speak with Severus alone for just one moment?"

"No," replied Voldemort.

"No?" Summer asked, glaring at him. "Let me do what I want to do, Tom."

"No," he replied. "I am your Lord. You shall do as I say."

"Uh oh," whispered Becca. "This isn't turning out so well."

"Dag, yo," said Arwen.

Summer and Voldemort continued to argue.

"How DARE you try to order me around with this 'I am your Lord' mumbo jumbo. Nobody orders me around unless I want them to!"

It was then that Voldemort rose to a great height, and became but a shadow cloaked in a dark...er...cloak. He seemed to rise above the entire crowd of Death Eaters, and he hissed menacingly at Summer. "Dost thou dareth to defy me??" (hehe did I say that right? :P) His voice boomed like thunder.

Summer shrunk down in her spot. "Meep!" she said. "I mean, uh...no..."

"Come hither, simpleton!" Voldemort demanded. "Come forth and be boinked!"

Summer hesitantly walked towards him. Voldemort grabbed her by the arm, and with a loud, 'POP!' they were gone.

"Noooooooooooooo," said Snape. "We have to save her!"

"Dag, yo," said Arwen.

So snape set out to convince everyone of his plan. He must disguise himself in Neville Longbottems Grandma's clothes. He figured that Voldemort would probalby want to finish off the rest of the family. As he doned the Fruit Filled Hat Draco gaped at his heroish teacher...Prof. Snape.."What are u doing??" Draco screamed.

"Shhhhh." said Syd. and immediatly conjured up a blow up orli doll for Draco...

"THANKS MOM! i love it!! " said Draco.

"Becca ( was it becca that had will with her on the boat??? well We'll just say it was now..if it was wrong somebody can fix it) ran over and stole the doll and wondered where Will Turner went..Draco went into fit of cries...

Snape was now trying to walk up the stairs to the fifth floor in high heels and be none too successful at it. Gem and Carrie ran behind him chanting "Summer's getting a boinking tonight and u aint' gonna stop it, SUmmer's getting a boinking tonight and u ain't gonna stop it!"

Snape roared..."Summer my love...He is pocessing you! Do not heed to his demanding words!"

As he gets closer he hears in the room on the fifth floor something that sounds like.....

It sounded like fore-boinking! Carrie suddenly had a giggle attack and fell over, rolling around on the plush carpet. Gem stopped chanting and watched, slightly scared now, as Snape grew livid and his eyes widened in horror. Like a bat he flew to the 78th door on the right and reached out for the handle…

Farther down the hall everyone (even remotely-even if mentioned just once) involved in the fanfic was approaching with caution: Amanda, Syd, Gem, Carrie, Becca, Kirsten, Kay, Jess, Damian, Will Turner, Jack Sparrow, Lucius and Draco Malfoy, Chica, Jack the monkey, the Three Broomsticks security guards, Terence Higgs, Marcus Flint, Viktor Krum, some drunk ghost pirate sailors, a vampire (possibly Lestat), Neville Longbottom, a moose, a dead female muggle lumberjack, a fine guy named Danny, some bears, a toucan that turned into the man of Summer's dreams, the owner of a sex toy shop, Tiberius, Kay's twins, Syd's freezer baby, Percy Weasley, and *deep breath* the Gardner.

Then Arwen shot past them, knocking over the vampire and Jack Sparrow, and got to the door just as Snape had opened it, Snape entered the room after being shoved by Racy A and the door closed behind them. Faint shouting could be heard, then a flash of red and green sparks could be seen from under the door. Syddie and Kay hugged their babies tight (and covered their lil ears), and Gem and Manda exchanged looks. The group started to murmur. "SHHHH-let's see what's goin on!" said Carrie. They reached the door and heard two female voices say in a super-human volume, "YOU WILL NOT DEFY THE WOMEN OF SLYTHERIN!" Then there could be heard an assortment of noises, mainly "OW!", "Damnit", "Lemme go", "Don't make me get Harry Potter in here!", and then some chains rattling. And finally a voice carried out of the room:

"Summer, I love you, and I die a little every time we are apart. And when you cheat on me. Will you make me the happiest potions master in the world, and agree to give me your beautiful, delicate hand in holy matrimony until death do us part?"

"Jesus man, YES! Now shut up and let's make death eater babies!"

Then the door opened and out walked Snape with a smiling Summer in his arms.

"Holy fwak-look at that ROCK!" exclaimed Becca, pointing at gorgeous, emerald engagement ring on Summer's finger.

"Where's Racy A, and what happened to Voldemort?" asked Damian.

"Right here" said Arwen as she stepped out of the room smirking, holding a chain. A somewhat meek-looking Tom Riddle followed with the chain around his neck, head down. They all headed outside, into the sunset…

~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:

…1 Month Later…

It was a nice summer day, and by the lake of Candelit Craft stood several students, faculty, and other characters. A deaf priest stood by a lovely, flower-covered alter, speaking to several couples.

"And wuv, twue wuv, wi fowow wou faweva." Some people looked confused.

"Do wu Summa, take this man to be wour husband?"

"I do."

"Do wu, Sevewus, take this woman to be wour wife?"

"I do."

But the priest didn't stop there; he continued on to ask the same question for Becca and Will, Jack and Manda and Gem, Draco and Voldemort (who's back was being prodded by a shot gun held by Racy A), Danny and Kirs, Syd and Lucius (renewal of vows), Kay and Tiberius (same deal), and Carrie and the Gardner.

After everyone said their I do's, there was much rejoicing. Hugs and kisses were thrown everywhere, and everyone was shouting and reveling. But suddenly Summer stopped and shouted:

"WAIT A SEC! What kind of reception would this be if we didn't have the traditional man-wrestling?"

"True dat!" said Becca. Gem smiled and hit her champagne glass with a spoon to get everyone's attention. When the whole group was quiet, Arwen stepped forward and said "You know what to do, boys."

So Lucius, Draco, Tiberius, Tom Riddle, Danny, Snape, the Gardner, Jack, and Will ripped off their shirts and began to wrestle in the jimmy-filled mudpit.

"Well," said Manda with a sigh, "I think we all got some Summer love"

"True dat" echoed the girls as they looked on blissfully.

True dat


~Fin~

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I hope you enjoyed it :)


-Summer