A U T H O R ' S N O T E S (I)

I'm finally doing it! After many promises of reworking and revising this fanfic, it's finally underway. Hopefully, I'll manage at least a chapter each week…and even better if I could do one a day. There won't be drastic changes – the plot will definitely not be altered in any way, shape or form. I just felt that, apart from the editing errors and typographical problems, there were some sections which could have been expanded and elaborated upon, and some things just too rushed. So, what's new with

C H A P T E R 1:

(1) The old beginning I thought was dry. It sounded like those info-dumps that I've been railing against as of late, and so I better not commit the same boo-boo myself. Instead of having the omnipotent narrator (me!) give you some textbook entry on the country's background, I gave it to Killua to read out. Only a small alteration, a bit convenient, but still better than the expository entrance.

(2) Just some small spelling and typo errors here and there. Changed the structure of a few sentences to help it flow a bit more.

Overall, just brushed up the English a bit – not that many changes.

C H A P T E R 2

(1) Again, there was just a lot of editing typos to fix up along with a bit more embellishments.

(2) Concerning Kamus' sudden appearance - him appearing out of nowhere was just a bit too convenient. Small convenicnes are ok - which is basically what I've turned it into - from one huge convenience into a smaller one. I can't think of any other way to get rid of it completely, so yeah, basically, a friendly stranger comes up and strikes a conversation with two kids. There....are some people who are that friendly I guess, so I hope I've created a friendly enough impression of the man.

C H A P T E R 3:

A lot more to deal with in this chapter. Basically, I go into a bit more detail and depth about how Kamus acts and thinks.

(1) Extended the scene between Kamus and Gon and Killua. The conversation is slightly stretched and Kamus this time acts with more caution and reserve.

(2) Introduction of Karen and Illumi's strange relationship. I realize that I never made clear that Karen looks a lot like Kikyou when she was young - and so it's got a lot to do with Illumi's past history. He loved his mum before they deprived him of all his emotions - and after all these years, there's still a sort of yearning for his mother to love him back (no, this is NOT an Oedipus complex!), and he doesn't realize that in trying to win Karen's smiles and affection, he's really subconsciously trying to get his mother's recognition.

I also altered a bit of the Kastro family's history - nothing too big - just shifted the time that Kim killed herself (you really can't make a lasting impression on a 4 year old girl - Karen's attatchment to her aunt was not explained well at all in the first draft, hence I'm trying to bring it out now with the alterations). Furthermore, I also changed the way Karen reacted to her past - her tears and all seemed too Mary Sueish: bam - Illumi with new girl - girl with tragic past - girl cries about tragic past - girl gets comforted by Illumi. By actually stating that Karen's other nature is murderous and revels in blood, I'm trying to establish that she's got another side to her which, since you've all read on, has already been revealed.

(3) "And what influenced or directed the family or place that we are all born to? Since time immemorial, humanity had always held some "higher power" responsible – or was it just the impartial chance and probability running its endless course?" --> No Illumi - it was your past life. The ending of the story answers this question, but I had to state the question first right? It's so much easier to fix the story once you actually know what happens.

C H A P T E R 4:

Not much to change here - again, just a bit more embellishment and elaboration on some actions and feelings. It's a short chapter, an interlude in which Illumi's cover is busted. The only thing to note is that Kamus isn't affected by the news of Illumi being a man at all - reader: start thinking about the importance. Instead, he's only more concerned that Illumi is a Zoldick.

Also tried to add a bit more on the way Kamus thinks - I'm trying to flesh out more of his paranoia and how his position and job turns him from a friendly, fatherly type of person into a man who calculates each and every possible motive behind everyone's actions and how that might impact upon him.

C H A P T E R 5:

Heck, a lot of changes to this one. I've inserted a completely new subplot that I only hinted at in the old version. It's not terribly much, but still, it needs to be shown. Later on (as you've already read), Illumi reveals to Rudy in about five words how he had been in a fight with Hisoka and it was all resolved in Arcadia. Don't know what I'm talking about? Exactl - that's why I had to have the new scene.

(1) One of the few scenes with only Silva and Kikyou - tried to add a bit more of what Silva's thinking to give him a bit more depth. Accentuated his fear of his wife's temper for a gratuitous bit of humor. Do they seem a little out-of-character? Possibly slightly, but I think that when you are on a little holiday, you tend to be a bit more relaxed.

(2) New scene between Hisoka and Illumi to highlight the fact that they're fighting. I hope Illumi sounded harsh enough - concerning the whole 'break up', that will be further developed in the later chapters. I was most pleased however, with the fact that I upped Liam's appearance! Whee! For those who have finished the fic, you'll note that Liam's been following Illumi around ever since day one of the beauty competition. This time, he's actually stepped in to defend him - it wasn't mere coincidence that he just happened to be around (*wink wink*). So yeah - ultra pleased with this small development - one hole patched, a zillion more to come.

(3) *sigh* no matter what I do, I just can't seem to bring Leorio together with his friends in a more well connected and coherent scene. I think this is the best I can do =( Leorio stops to chat with his friends with Faust behind him? If I were him, I wouldn't stop until I was in the next country, but oh well. How else to bring them all together? I was never good at handling large crowds.

(4) You may have noticed by now that I've used the phrase "urge to back away, very slowly" has popped up quite a few times already. It runs in the Kastro family I guess - only Kamus, Karen and Kikyou so far make people feel that way. Faust....you just bloody want to run away from him when he's angry. Well, I hoped that litle insert was amusing.

C H A P T E R 6:

Wow - there was quite a bit to work on here. This has got to be one of my top rushed and confusing chapters. It's all very well that I know what I'm going on about, but I suspect that this didn't make a lot of sense to just about everyone else. How glad I am to have had to opportunity to redress the issues and problems.

(1) I don't know if I've committed the cardinal sin of writing - and that is to tell rather than to show. I don't know how else to bring forward Karen's other side, her inner desires and dark secrets. That was an entirely new extension in her conversation with Leorio. Every time she starts to think about the war, thoughts of blood and murder inescapably arise and she feels an urge to kill. As you saw in Chapter 23 (?) - her transformation back into the Fallen Angel is (supposed to be) terrifying and her nen reflects her character. Rather than just spring that on you, as I felt that the old story did, I had to introduce it earlier - I hope this was acceptable. If not, I could always come back a year later and work on this the third time.

(2) Arcadian politics - is supposed to be very much reminiscent of Chinese politics back in the Imperial age. As Kikyou has mentioned this time: Didn't the Empress get rid of our family, the Empress back in imperial China were usually relatives of officials in very high positions - their brothers could be the heads of armies, their uncles a top level mandarin. Thus the Empress and her extended family are a faction of their own - without powerful backing, the Empress would undoubtedly be disposed by the other concubines - twice as ambitious, twenty times as vicious. The Chinese court was riddled with intrigue - competing factions, power struggles, trying to earn the favour of the Emperor; it's all Very Complicated and by the use of 'Forbidden Palace' (helloooo! Forbidden City peoples!), I had hoped that people could naturally place themselves in the Orient. Hey - if your school makes you learn about US history when you don't even live in the US, now's time to open your eyes to some Chinese history. Don't complain - and consider yourself lucky that you're being exposed - I sure as hell wished I was when I was back in highschool - but no - it was either the American Revolution or the Russian Revolution. Yeah - we Chinese have our revolution led by Sun Yat-sen as well, but I guess that's not glamours enough to qualify as a topic to study. Argh...I rant...

(3) Following point 2, I think I fleshed out a new tension between the Kastro family and the Eunuchs of the Forbidden Palace - Karen sees Echlan as a wily old fox, which is like the antithesis to her father - her father is a warrior - and that usually implies principles, concepts of honour and duty whereas Echlan is viewed as a shady, shifting character who can't be trusted.

Having said that - with this new draft, it looks like the OCs take to the stage much faster than in the old version. Alas, it has to be - otherwise if you don't get to know them now, you're going to be annoyed later when they do have a more prominent role. Unfortunately, Killua and Gon, having satisfied the establishment of some obstacle which Illumi has to encounter (aka his cover is blown), slowly slide into the background. Sorry folks - but were I six years younger, perhaps I'd be gushing all over the pair and can't stop writing about that, but that just doesn't happen to be the case.

C H A P T E R 7:

Of course, fixed up a few more typos and slip ups which occur through shoddy editing (aka sitting in front of the tv with a microwave dinner by your side). The major changes here were:

(1) Mainly to do with the stadium scene. Here, Misha is introduced as a madman, cavalier, handsome, slightly devilish. The general structure of this scene was fine, except it was lacking in cohesion and detail, so I went in to colour some gaps that I had missed. Wing's introduction of the natural nen user remains the same however.

(2) Kikyou's flashback had been done terribly the first time. It was hasty, sketchy and generally glossed over. Well, I haven't added that much more, but probably just enough to make it presentable. I've also decided to drop all the Japanese tags like 'ni-chan' etc so that the story remains consistently in English. Anyway, Kikyou's flashback has been given just a bit more detail, but I think this time around in the editing, I wanted to add in more of the people's reaction. Their reaction to Kikyou's account of her past helps to solidify Kikyou's character a bit more. Yes, she carried poison as a small child, but I've tried to enhance Silva's fear and respect for her so that Kikyou is a bit more defined as an uncompromising and ruthless woman. She's a character who I'll drastically need to work on in the later chapters – Silva is ok because he got quite a bit of screen time in the anime as compared to the other family members – therefore I've got to work extra hard with the characters who had minimal/no role.

M I S C E L L A N E O U S

Wow - my very first flame. Unsigned Yumiko1 - I humbly thank you for adding to the 'quality' of my fic with your posts. Does that mean if I remove your flame, I'm thereby reducing the quality of my fic? Or if you get your friends along to flame me, are they thereby adding to the quality of my fic? I must say that I'm surprised: I've never heard of the concept before. Perhaps you're confusing popularity with quality? Because I could never really care less about popularity if that's what you're really concerned about (I'm touched that you care). On the other hand, if you would actually read my fic first and then say where I didn't do so well would be more useful since I am trying to fix the story up. But given that you can't even tell the difference between popularity and quality, I don't think you're able to sit through the twenty some chapters of this fic. Perhaps there are a lot of people like you around who cannot appreciate a fic which doesn't center of Killua being paired with an OC or Killua being told how cute and handsome he is by screaming fangirls, or just angsty Killua fics --> like their lack of reviews for my fic is such an amazing loss for me.

Gee...I thought flames were supposed to hurt and be discouraging. This...was just piss weak and provided me with plenty of ammunition for a counter-attack?