Chapter seven: Reunion
It was a full two hours before Severus actually completed the fairly short walk to the infirmary. His legs simply would not obey him. She knew who he was now. There was no hiding behind anonymity any longer. What could he possibly say to her that would in anyway explain the dramatic turn his life had taken when she disappeared? He was hardened now; he realized that. What about Lily? Lily was dead and Iris was ignorant to that information. Severus froze his mind preparing wild speeches to deliver the painful news. "Your sister is dead as is her husband. They have left behind one child. A boy named Harry who is expected to defeat Voldemort single-handedly despite the fact that he is only 16 years old. He is arrogant and rash, and I have very little hope that the boy will reach the age of 20 due to his need to seek out danger rather than wait for it to come to him. Your friend Sirius was falsely convicted of the murder of your sister and her spouse. After years in Azkaban he escaped and was beginning to live somewhat peacefully and helping with the fight against Voldemort, in his own little way, when he died trying to save Harry's life. Voldemort's power increases, as well as his hold over you I assume. I am an ex-Deatheater now spying on Voldemort for Dumbledore. Any questions?" He snorted and continued down the hall.
She would need to know everything at some point he reasoned, better she face the cold hard facts of the world she awakened to sooner than later. It does no good to coddle the girl. She would not want that.
The infirmary doors stood tall and foreboding in front of the potions master. His usual rigid confidence was depleted and his hand shook slightly as he turned the handle and entered the sterile smelling room.
The place was empty except for a curtained area in the back. The private section had grown larger since Iris had awakened. Probably due to the girls need to move about without being seen. Before Severus knew what was happening he saw his hand reach out and pull the curtain aside.
Iris looked up started from her silent reverie. She stood up quickly and awkwardly when she saw Severus' imposing form in her doorway. "Hello."
"Mastered standing again I see. The Headmaster informed me of your previous difficulty." He had meant his voice to sound sharp and biting, but instead he heard slight amusement and playful sarcasm.
"Yes, Well, I have had some time to practice." Her voice was clipped and carefully monitored. She knew how to keep her emotions in check. "Would you care to sit." Iris motioned to a chair opposite herself. "Sev...Professor Snape?" He quickly drew his eyes away from her gaze. He had been frozen to the spot. She was just as he remembered her. Briskly Severus looked at the floor and took the offered chair.
"I...was not expecting a visit from you." Iris felt embarrassed, but at the same time she loathed the expansive distance between them. "I have to confess this is quite surprising."
"Why?" Severus burst out before he could stop himself, "Do you think I don't remember my youth? Or am I merely that cruel?"
"I simply assumed you would not want to. You did sort of run out of here when I mentioned your name before. I'm sorry I did not mean to insult you." Iris took a deep breathe. She couldn't do this. This silly game of pretending everything was all right, and all the while feeling the tension thicken the air around her until she can't breathe. "I can't act like this. What is going on? How am I supposed to react to you now? Are we supposed to try to be friends, or are we mo...or are you my professor now? Why are you here Severus? "
To his surprise Severus breathed a sigh of relief. Her honesty always amazed him. "I do not know what we are to each other...Miss Evans...but I have come down here merely to offer myself as a sympathetic ear." He caught her gaze once more and her penetrating blue eyes melted his formality. "Iris, what happened to you? Tell me please." She took up his habit of looking at the floor. "I am so sorry. You followed me didn't you?" Severus could not contain his anxious energy he began pacing the room. "The night you disappeared. The night of my initiation and marking."
"So you were marked then?"
"Did you follow me?"
"Well, In a way yes."
"In a way? My dear child you either followed me or you didn't!"
"It isn't that simple Severus! And don't you dare call me a child! You may appear older than me but I assure my experiences these past twenty years have not left me completely unchanged! If you ever patronize me like that again you will live to regret it!" Her face turned the same brilliant shade as her hair and her hands clutched the arms of her chair so tightly that her knuckles were ghostly white.
"I see your temper has not left you." Severus faced away from her trying to conceal a tear that threatened to escape. His voice managed to rumble out of him in contempt.
"Severus Snape either finish your business here without further comment or get the hell out."
"Tell me what happened to you?"
"Why should I tell you? I would much prefer to tell Dumbledore thank you." Iris closed her eyes and prayed he would just leave. She did not have the strength to look up at the man she loved in this state. He was older sure, but that was not what ripped her apart. She was older as well even if she did not look it. He was so cold now. His eyes used to dance with mischief, or at least anger. They were empty now. The same endless black pools as always, but devoid of any feeling at all. If he had simply turned around she would have seen them full to the brim with a passionate sorrow.
"Make no mistake Miss Evans I would much prefer that method as well, but the Headmaster seems to think I should bear the burden of your tale."
"I have absolutely no intention of 'burdening' you. Kindly GET OUT!"
"I can't!"
"Why not? Do you always do exactly what Dumbledore tells you to? I see you have lost more than you meager good looks these past twenty years. What happened to your spine Professor?"
Severus advanced on her placing his long graceful hands firmly over her small white ones. Trapping them against the arms of her chair. "You have no idea what happened to me during the last twenty years. Do not presume to have the ability to judge my past or present. You would faint and break out in cold sweats if you had seen the things I have."
At first Iris only looked up at him defiantly, but as he spoke her hands grew ice cold and her eyes began to glaze over. The frigid temperature of her hands crept up Severus' arms as well. He closed his eyes and dropped to his knees unable to move or think and lost in rapid flashes of his own memories.
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"Iris please just wait here. Lucius will be here any second. There is nothing you can do."
"I am not going to let you throw yourself at that psychotic man's feet! He is sick Severus! Please don't go. Please, I don't want to lose you, I love you!"
"Iris, ...I....have to."
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"Keep up Severus this is an important night. Believe me you do not want to be late." Lucius Malfoy's voiced was laced with venom. "The Dark Lord does not accept excuses."
"I think we are bring followed."
"Nonsense. You are a greasy paranoid little git now shut up and walk"
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"What do you mean she is missing? Where is she? Find her! You have to find her!"
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"Hello Snivellus. Lurking in dark corners as usual. I'll prove it was you. You will suffer for what you did to her!"
"I didn't hurt Iris. I love her. When will you understand that I love her!
"Do you really expect me to believe that you filthy pile of shit? I swear to god I will kill you if you even so much as say her name again!"
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"They all think I killed her Professor. I can't stay here."
"Nonsense."
"We will never find her will we?"
"Don't give up hope Severus."
"I don't want to hope! Everyone thinks I murdered the only person who ever loved me! I can't even feel anymore. Hope would be torture sir. It would only make me lose her over and over again. Each time my hope was unfulfilled. That world is too dark even for me. I would rather just not feel anything every again."
"That is a grim world."
"It is a just one."
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"I will serve you eternally My Lord. My promise stands. I am your ever faithful servant."
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"You know what to do if someone is inside. A chance to use your favorite unforgivable. There is nothing like the sound of their screams. Have fun."
"Thank you Lucius I will."
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"Severus it will be a hard life. I would not wish it on you."
"Headmaster I deserve far worse. I need to do a little good. It is only just punishment."
"It was not your fault Severus."
"What was not sir? The many murders I committed. The way I reveled in the screams from the people I tortured. The pools of blood I leave in my wake everywhere I go. I am dripping with the blood of the innocent Albus. That is most certainly my fault."
"I was talking of Iris. You chose Voldemort as your punishment once, and now you choose this. Severus, despite what you feel, you don't deserve a lifetime of self flagellation."
"I deserve an eternity of it." **************************************************************************** *
Severus felt his hands grow hotter as his mind became once again under his own control. His hands were close to burning now until out of nowhere a force propelled him backwards and he opened his eyes to see the cracked ceiling far above him.
"What has just happened?" Severus growled as he got to his feet.
Iris was now on her knees leaning against the chair for support. She was making a futile attempt to regain her seat, but her body appeared too weak. "You grabbed both of my hands and wanted me to know something. I merely took advantage of your offer."
"It was not an offer, and you are well aware of that. This is not a game Iris. You are very powerful, and very dangerous."
"You think I don't know that?" Iris had given up the fight for her chair and was simply resting against it now and staring at Severus is disbelief. "I assure you Severus I am well aware of my abilities. If I wanted to I could control every emotion running through your body. I could make you do things. I could know your past and your present. I can even see your future," She chortled, "if the weather's right."
"There is much more to this 'gift' than that." His sneer of the word gift was audible.
"I'm aware of that as well Severus. I'm by no means grateful for this. Believe me."
Iris' tone went from harsh and cold to meek and tired. Severus observed her once more. Her head was tilted backwards resting awkwardly on the cushion of the chair behind her. She had drawn her knees up to her chest and was holding them to her tightly. Her eyes once blazing with anger were sealed shut and her face was contorted in pain. "Are you all right? Can I do anything?" She was so helpless like that, no one would have guessed that she was a servant of the Dark Lord, however unwillingly.
Iris lifted her head and looked into Severus' eyes. She did not glare; she did not implore. She simply looked. "You could be the old Severus again. The one I knew, and trusted. I would gladly tell him everything."
Severus was silent.
"Well, I had to ask." She peered at him curiously, "All right. You win."
"What?"
"It's so strange. A minute ago I didn't want to tell you, or anyone really. Now, I'm just too tired to be the only one who knows." Her eyes became moist and her voice came out in tiny shaky gasps. "Now you have a choice to make. I can tell you all I can. I will most certainly leave out details. I refuse to put certain things into words." Her eyes glazed over, " Then there's your other option." She let her hands fall off her legs and pressed them to the floor as if she needed further support."I can show you. I can pass it to you. You would be there and see and feel everything as if you were me. It would not be pleasant in any way, but" she paused and sighed, "it would be complete."
Severus did not hesitate for a moment. "Show me."
"You'll need to be somewhere you are extremely comfortable. I don't want to risk you waking up to anything unfamiliar it'll be a jolting enough experience even if I were to show you something beautiful and I have nothing like that to share."
"Will it be similar to what just happened?"
"My viewing your memories? Not to your experience of it. I am taking you to my side of the playing field Severus. Taking on another persons emotions and experiences is uncomfortable to say the least. All you did was relive your own." She smiled slightly, :"That is not usually pleasant either. We should go to your chambers." He looked at her suspiciously, "You must feel at home. It will be easier to come out of it."
"Very well. Lets go."
It was a full two hours before Severus actually completed the fairly short walk to the infirmary. His legs simply would not obey him. She knew who he was now. There was no hiding behind anonymity any longer. What could he possibly say to her that would in anyway explain the dramatic turn his life had taken when she disappeared? He was hardened now; he realized that. What about Lily? Lily was dead and Iris was ignorant to that information. Severus froze his mind preparing wild speeches to deliver the painful news. "Your sister is dead as is her husband. They have left behind one child. A boy named Harry who is expected to defeat Voldemort single-handedly despite the fact that he is only 16 years old. He is arrogant and rash, and I have very little hope that the boy will reach the age of 20 due to his need to seek out danger rather than wait for it to come to him. Your friend Sirius was falsely convicted of the murder of your sister and her spouse. After years in Azkaban he escaped and was beginning to live somewhat peacefully and helping with the fight against Voldemort, in his own little way, when he died trying to save Harry's life. Voldemort's power increases, as well as his hold over you I assume. I am an ex-Deatheater now spying on Voldemort for Dumbledore. Any questions?" He snorted and continued down the hall.
She would need to know everything at some point he reasoned, better she face the cold hard facts of the world she awakened to sooner than later. It does no good to coddle the girl. She would not want that.
The infirmary doors stood tall and foreboding in front of the potions master. His usual rigid confidence was depleted and his hand shook slightly as he turned the handle and entered the sterile smelling room.
The place was empty except for a curtained area in the back. The private section had grown larger since Iris had awakened. Probably due to the girls need to move about without being seen. Before Severus knew what was happening he saw his hand reach out and pull the curtain aside.
Iris looked up started from her silent reverie. She stood up quickly and awkwardly when she saw Severus' imposing form in her doorway. "Hello."
"Mastered standing again I see. The Headmaster informed me of your previous difficulty." He had meant his voice to sound sharp and biting, but instead he heard slight amusement and playful sarcasm.
"Yes, Well, I have had some time to practice." Her voice was clipped and carefully monitored. She knew how to keep her emotions in check. "Would you care to sit." Iris motioned to a chair opposite herself. "Sev...Professor Snape?" He quickly drew his eyes away from her gaze. He had been frozen to the spot. She was just as he remembered her. Briskly Severus looked at the floor and took the offered chair.
"I...was not expecting a visit from you." Iris felt embarrassed, but at the same time she loathed the expansive distance between them. "I have to confess this is quite surprising."
"Why?" Severus burst out before he could stop himself, "Do you think I don't remember my youth? Or am I merely that cruel?"
"I simply assumed you would not want to. You did sort of run out of here when I mentioned your name before. I'm sorry I did not mean to insult you." Iris took a deep breathe. She couldn't do this. This silly game of pretending everything was all right, and all the while feeling the tension thicken the air around her until she can't breathe. "I can't act like this. What is going on? How am I supposed to react to you now? Are we supposed to try to be friends, or are we mo...or are you my professor now? Why are you here Severus? "
To his surprise Severus breathed a sigh of relief. Her honesty always amazed him. "I do not know what we are to each other...Miss Evans...but I have come down here merely to offer myself as a sympathetic ear." He caught her gaze once more and her penetrating blue eyes melted his formality. "Iris, what happened to you? Tell me please." She took up his habit of looking at the floor. "I am so sorry. You followed me didn't you?" Severus could not contain his anxious energy he began pacing the room. "The night you disappeared. The night of my initiation and marking."
"So you were marked then?"
"Did you follow me?"
"Well, In a way yes."
"In a way? My dear child you either followed me or you didn't!"
"It isn't that simple Severus! And don't you dare call me a child! You may appear older than me but I assure my experiences these past twenty years have not left me completely unchanged! If you ever patronize me like that again you will live to regret it!" Her face turned the same brilliant shade as her hair and her hands clutched the arms of her chair so tightly that her knuckles were ghostly white.
"I see your temper has not left you." Severus faced away from her trying to conceal a tear that threatened to escape. His voice managed to rumble out of him in contempt.
"Severus Snape either finish your business here without further comment or get the hell out."
"Tell me what happened to you?"
"Why should I tell you? I would much prefer to tell Dumbledore thank you." Iris closed her eyes and prayed he would just leave. She did not have the strength to look up at the man she loved in this state. He was older sure, but that was not what ripped her apart. She was older as well even if she did not look it. He was so cold now. His eyes used to dance with mischief, or at least anger. They were empty now. The same endless black pools as always, but devoid of any feeling at all. If he had simply turned around she would have seen them full to the brim with a passionate sorrow.
"Make no mistake Miss Evans I would much prefer that method as well, but the Headmaster seems to think I should bear the burden of your tale."
"I have absolutely no intention of 'burdening' you. Kindly GET OUT!"
"I can't!"
"Why not? Do you always do exactly what Dumbledore tells you to? I see you have lost more than you meager good looks these past twenty years. What happened to your spine Professor?"
Severus advanced on her placing his long graceful hands firmly over her small white ones. Trapping them against the arms of her chair. "You have no idea what happened to me during the last twenty years. Do not presume to have the ability to judge my past or present. You would faint and break out in cold sweats if you had seen the things I have."
At first Iris only looked up at him defiantly, but as he spoke her hands grew ice cold and her eyes began to glaze over. The frigid temperature of her hands crept up Severus' arms as well. He closed his eyes and dropped to his knees unable to move or think and lost in rapid flashes of his own memories.
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"Iris please just wait here. Lucius will be here any second. There is nothing you can do."
"I am not going to let you throw yourself at that psychotic man's feet! He is sick Severus! Please don't go. Please, I don't want to lose you, I love you!"
"Iris, ...I....have to."
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"Keep up Severus this is an important night. Believe me you do not want to be late." Lucius Malfoy's voiced was laced with venom. "The Dark Lord does not accept excuses."
"I think we are bring followed."
"Nonsense. You are a greasy paranoid little git now shut up and walk"
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"What do you mean she is missing? Where is she? Find her! You have to find her!"
****************************************************************************
"Hello Snivellus. Lurking in dark corners as usual. I'll prove it was you. You will suffer for what you did to her!"
"I didn't hurt Iris. I love her. When will you understand that I love her!
"Do you really expect me to believe that you filthy pile of shit? I swear to god I will kill you if you even so much as say her name again!"
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"They all think I killed her Professor. I can't stay here."
"Nonsense."
"We will never find her will we?"
"Don't give up hope Severus."
"I don't want to hope! Everyone thinks I murdered the only person who ever loved me! I can't even feel anymore. Hope would be torture sir. It would only make me lose her over and over again. Each time my hope was unfulfilled. That world is too dark even for me. I would rather just not feel anything every again."
"That is a grim world."
"It is a just one."
**************************************************************************** *
"I will serve you eternally My Lord. My promise stands. I am your ever faithful servant."
**************************************************************************** *
"You know what to do if someone is inside. A chance to use your favorite unforgivable. There is nothing like the sound of their screams. Have fun."
"Thank you Lucius I will."
**************************************************************************** *
"Severus it will be a hard life. I would not wish it on you."
"Headmaster I deserve far worse. I need to do a little good. It is only just punishment."
"It was not your fault Severus."
"What was not sir? The many murders I committed. The way I reveled in the screams from the people I tortured. The pools of blood I leave in my wake everywhere I go. I am dripping with the blood of the innocent Albus. That is most certainly my fault."
"I was talking of Iris. You chose Voldemort as your punishment once, and now you choose this. Severus, despite what you feel, you don't deserve a lifetime of self flagellation."
"I deserve an eternity of it." **************************************************************************** *
Severus felt his hands grow hotter as his mind became once again under his own control. His hands were close to burning now until out of nowhere a force propelled him backwards and he opened his eyes to see the cracked ceiling far above him.
"What has just happened?" Severus growled as he got to his feet.
Iris was now on her knees leaning against the chair for support. She was making a futile attempt to regain her seat, but her body appeared too weak. "You grabbed both of my hands and wanted me to know something. I merely took advantage of your offer."
"It was not an offer, and you are well aware of that. This is not a game Iris. You are very powerful, and very dangerous."
"You think I don't know that?" Iris had given up the fight for her chair and was simply resting against it now and staring at Severus is disbelief. "I assure you Severus I am well aware of my abilities. If I wanted to I could control every emotion running through your body. I could make you do things. I could know your past and your present. I can even see your future," She chortled, "if the weather's right."
"There is much more to this 'gift' than that." His sneer of the word gift was audible.
"I'm aware of that as well Severus. I'm by no means grateful for this. Believe me."
Iris' tone went from harsh and cold to meek and tired. Severus observed her once more. Her head was tilted backwards resting awkwardly on the cushion of the chair behind her. She had drawn her knees up to her chest and was holding them to her tightly. Her eyes once blazing with anger were sealed shut and her face was contorted in pain. "Are you all right? Can I do anything?" She was so helpless like that, no one would have guessed that she was a servant of the Dark Lord, however unwillingly.
Iris lifted her head and looked into Severus' eyes. She did not glare; she did not implore. She simply looked. "You could be the old Severus again. The one I knew, and trusted. I would gladly tell him everything."
Severus was silent.
"Well, I had to ask." She peered at him curiously, "All right. You win."
"What?"
"It's so strange. A minute ago I didn't want to tell you, or anyone really. Now, I'm just too tired to be the only one who knows." Her eyes became moist and her voice came out in tiny shaky gasps. "Now you have a choice to make. I can tell you all I can. I will most certainly leave out details. I refuse to put certain things into words." Her eyes glazed over, " Then there's your other option." She let her hands fall off her legs and pressed them to the floor as if she needed further support."I can show you. I can pass it to you. You would be there and see and feel everything as if you were me. It would not be pleasant in any way, but" she paused and sighed, "it would be complete."
Severus did not hesitate for a moment. "Show me."
"You'll need to be somewhere you are extremely comfortable. I don't want to risk you waking up to anything unfamiliar it'll be a jolting enough experience even if I were to show you something beautiful and I have nothing like that to share."
"Will it be similar to what just happened?"
"My viewing your memories? Not to your experience of it. I am taking you to my side of the playing field Severus. Taking on another persons emotions and experiences is uncomfortable to say the least. All you did was relive your own." She smiled slightly, :"That is not usually pleasant either. We should go to your chambers." He looked at her suspiciously, "You must feel at home. It will be easier to come out of it."
"Very well. Lets go."