AN: Thanks to those who reviewed! Sorry this took so long. Blame it on school. I do.

            Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 11: Fears and Insecurities

            Harry tried to concentrate on Professor McGonagall's speech on self-transfiguration, he really did, but his mind wasn't cooperating. As Ron's book had reminded him the night before, Valentine's Day would be here shortly and he was debating what he had to do for Ginny. It occurred to him that they had never officially christened their relationship as anything…but they had kissed and that had to count for something, right?

            Harry sighed and ran a hand through his already unruly black hair. If only this could be easy…if there was some sort of gift that he could get Ginny that wouldn't be too much, but that she would appreciate. Was that too much to ask? The bell sounded and Harry stood up from his desk as quickly as he could, thankful that the boredom had ended.

            "What a lovely lesson that was," Ron said sarcastically. Harry was about to make a comment but Ron scowled at him, apparently still angry about the events that had taken place the night before. Thankfully, this little spat didn't seem to be anywhere near the magnitude that the one in fourth year had been. Ron just seemed a bit…er…annoyed.

            "It probably would have been even better if you had actually been paying attention," Hermione pointed out.

            "How did you know I wasn't paying attention?" Ron asked in a challenging tone.

            Hermione rolled her eyes. "Please! You don't think I can tell a real quill from a Sugar Quill?"

            Ron grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, well I'm sure I can tell you whose quill tasted better."

            Hermione made an impatient noise in the back of her throat. Ron smiled. Harry ignored them. He needed to think about the upcoming holiday and Ginny. As they walked to Potions, Harry tried his best to think of a good idea and finally resolved to ask Ron what she might like…when he wasn't mad at him anymore, of course.

            When they reached the dungeons, two people were waiting. One, Harry was very happy to see, and the other Harry wished would go away…forever. "Hey I don't have class now," Ginny said to him excitedly. "So I thought I would come say hello before you have to go to Potions."

            Harry attempted to smile at her and scowl at Malfoy at the same time. Malfoy was hanging back near the door of the dungeon, Crabbe and Goyle on either side of him, and his usual smirk firmly in place. "Thanks," Harry said, turning back to Ginny.

            They hugged as Ron and Hermione pretended to look away, both wearing identical grins. Harry fought back the urge to roll his eyes. Ginny put a hand in his hair and ruffled it up a bit. "I better get going," she muttered. "I'll meet you here after Potions so we can go to dinner together."

            Harry nodded and watched her walk away and reluctantly went into the dungeons for his Potions lesson. "Now I hardly expect any of you to able to brew a successful Diligence Draught, but I suppose we can try," Snape spat to the class as soon as they sat down. "Now copy down the recipe."

            Harry was furiously writing with his quill, Ron and Hermione on either side of him. About five minutes into the lesson, Hermione leaned over and whispered, "Apologize to Ron so this stupid argument can come to an end."

            Harry said nothing, but realized she was right. It was entirely his fault this time. He supposed he should have stuck up for Ron, but damn it had been funny. "Ron," he muttered, "I'm sorry about yesterday."

            Ron didn't look up from his Potions ingredients, but seemed to be considering his words nonetheless. Ron glanced at Hermione…she was busy measuring out some crushed beetle legs. "Alright mate, I forgive you, but don't let them embarrass me like that again. That was Hermione's Valentine's Day present and-"

            "As interesting as I'm sure your love life is Weasley, I would appreciate it if it stayed out of my classroom. Surely you can stop talking about Miss Granger for the next thirty-three minutes?" The Slytherins snickered and Ron's face went purple. He made no reply. "Perhaps not," Snape said mildly. "I better separate you, then. Weasley go sit in that empty chair over there, next to Mr. Malfoy." Snape paused. "I suppose I don't have to worry about any budding romance between the two of you then?" he asked. Harry and Hermione shook their heads, both too embarrassed to speak.

            Ron made his way over to the table where Malfoy was sitting and threw his cauldron down roughly next to the pale boy. Malfoy smirked and whispered something to Ron. Ron seemed to be growing angrier by the minute, but said nothing. Harry turned his attention back to his recipe, knowing that if he watched Malfoy taunt Ron, he would only get more irritated by the second.

            At the end of the lesson, Ron leapt from his seat and ran out of the classroom faster than Harry had ever seen him. "Send the Mudblood my love!" Draco yelled at Ron's retreating back. However at these words, Ron turned around.

            "What did you call her?" he asked, taking a few steps towards Malfoy. Snape was watching with disinterest and it occurred to Harry that this might not be the best place to pick a fight with a Slytherin.

            Draco swaggered up to Ron with Crabbe and Goyle at his side. "Mudblood," he spat. "That's what she is isn't it? A dirty, little, Mudblood who doesn't deserve to be here."            Harry looked at Snape, wondering if he would step in. It seemed that Snape had gone deaf within the last few minutes, because he acted as if he hadn't heard any of it.

            Ron raised his hand and Harry rushed towards his friend, hoping to stop him from doing anything stupid. Hermione was already there. She laid a hand on Ron's shoulder which seemed to have an instant calming effect. "He's not worth it, Ron. You know that," she whispered.

            Ron brought his arm down and sighed. "Yeah I know. He's just a bigoted, ferret-faced, prat who thinks he's better than everyone because his daddy gives him tons of money." Ron didn't bother to look away or keep his voice down as he continued to insult Malfoy. "I suppose he forgets the fact that you beat him in every class, in every exam every year. I suppose he forgets that Harry beats him at every Quidditch match. I suppose he even forgets that I have a girlfriend, when all he has is Pansy Parkinson fluttering around and trying to make him like her. It's hard to get mad when I think about all that," he said with a grin. Malfoy's eyes darkened, and his hands tightened themselves into fists, but he said nothing. Ron turned and walked away, Hermione following him.

            When they walked out of the dungeon, Harry was surprised by the sounding of Ron's laughter echoing down the corridor. "Wow, that was gratifying," he said. "I can't believe I actually shut Malfoy up."

            Harry grinned. "Well all you did was point out some information."

            Ron nodded in an official sort of way. "Yes, I was just telling him the truth."

            "Helping the poor boy recover from his delusions," Harry added.

            "Yes, what a crazy fellow. Imagine someone thinking they're better than Harry Potter!" Ron said. They both looked at each other and burst into snickers. It was then that Ginny showed up.

            "Hey," she said. "How was Potions?"

            Harry groaned. "How is Potions ever?"

            Ginny grimaced painfully. "That bad, eh?"

            Harry nodded. "Malfoy as usual…but Ron got him in the end. Shut the ferret up for a change."

            "Do you want to help me study tonight?" Ginny asked. "I have to go the library and research Antidotes for Potions." She made a face and Harry laughed.

            "Sure," he said. They sat down at the Gryffindor table in the great Hall. Harry ate his beef casserole quickly. Ron and Hermione made some sort of excuse and set off together towards the common room. After Ginny was done, she and Harry headed to the library.

            They sat at a table near the back of the library. Ginny pulled a number of references about Antidotes off the shelves and brought them to the table.  She began reading and copying down passages, while Harry tried to pick some relevant information from the other sources. Soon they both grew tired of this. "Read this to me," Ginny said handing Harry one of the many books.

            Harry sighed and began to read, "Many antidotes contain some sort of ingredient that will counteract one of the main ingredients in the original potion. This will help-"

            "Say Harry? Tell me something about you that nobody else knows," Ginny said softly.

            Harry tried to think. What an odd question. It seemed that everything about himself…he had told Ron already. "I can't think of anything."

            Ginny sighed. "Tell me about your childhood, then. Was it awful…not knowing you were a wizard?"

            "It probably wouldn't have been that awful if it wasn't for the Dursleys," Harry mumbled. Ginny said nothing. Her eyes seemed to be urging him to continue. "My bedroom was a cupboard. I didn't have any friends because of Dudley. I never got sweets, or presents, or birthday cake. Listen…I don't really like talking about this...it's just a bunch of bad memories."

            Ginny nodded. "I know…but it helps. Whenever I talk about Tom Riddle, it feels like I'm sharing the pain with someone else. And when I share it, the burden on me becomes a little less. Trust me, Harry. You need to talk about things."

            Harry felt inexplicably irritated and angry. He didn't like people probing in what he felt was his business. Why did anyone else have to know bout his rotten childhood? Why did she insist on making him talk? "I said I don't want to talk about it…," he muttered. "Can't you understand that?"

            Anger and hurt flashed through her brown eyes. "It was just a suggestion, Harry. It was something that helped me. We have a lot in common when it comes to this stuff, you know. We're both reluctant to talk about our problems or let people help us with them. I just thought you might feel comfortable talking to me about things." She was angry with him…but Harry saw no evidence that he was the one at fault here.

            "I'm not comfortable talking about things," he said furiously.

            "Why not?" Ginny challenged. "Because you think it would mean admitting that you're weak? Admitting that you're mortal and not this hero that everyone makes you out to be? It's okay, Harry…you're allowed…"

            "I know I'm not the hero that everyone makes me out to be! I know it!" Maybe that's what had irritated him so much. She had hit a nerve…she was right. "Just leave me alone," he muttered and stalked out of the library.

            Who did she think she was, anyway? She didn't know him…no one did. It was so hard for him to open up. So hard for him to talk about his emotions and problems. Couldn't she see that? Harry ran all the way up to the boy's dormitory without acknowledging Ron or Hermione. He wanted to be by himself. It was a long while before he got to sleep that night. His fears and insecurities haunted his dreams.