Warnings: AU. I think that's it? ^^()
Disclaimers: I don't own any anime. -.-
The 'Angel/Devil on the Shoulder' Syndrome
"Yow!"
Twenty-six pairs of unblinking eyes swung like one entity towards the middle of the room. Silence engulfed the classroom once more as the aggravated students glared reproachfully at their red-faced classmate.
"Tsukino-san! What is it now?" The woman in the tasteful maroon pantsuit crossed her arms over her chest and awaited her errant student's reply.
Said errant student grinned meekly at her teacher. "S-sorry, Haruna-sensei. Paper cut." Her unconvincing explanation was accompanied by a muffled giggle as she stuck her index finger in her mouth.
Sakurada Haruna eyed her critically, nodding her head towards the recommencement of the exam. The girl had ducked her head back down, and was now busily chewing on the end of her pencil. Every now and then, she would slant her head to either side of her and mutter something.
No, it didn't look like she was cheating, per se. Her gaze never went further than the edge of her shoulders. If Sakurada didn't know better, she would've thought the girl was speaking to some invisible individuals. The young high school teacher almost laughed out loud at the inane thought. Yes, Usagi Tsukino was most definitely a strange, if not troublesome one.
If only she knew just how precise her crazy idea was.
Unbeknownst to her instructor, Usagi was again being unpleasantly reprimanded. A three-inch tall blonde shrouded in a white garb poked his elegant staff into her left shoulder repeatedly.
"What did I tell you, Usagi-chan? No collaborating with the Devil on exams!" he announced sternly. He gave her another long and disparaging look.
She was so tempted to swat the tiny angel off of her. Her quickly improvised lie had let her off the hook, but she was beginning to think that receiving ten thousand paper cuts wasn't as bad as having a staff the height of a toothpick dig relentlessly into her flesh. "Does that mean you'll tell me the answer to number six, Q-chan?" she whispered, flashing him a sweet and disarming smile. It wasn't like she hadn't wanted to study, but the new Sailor V game just had to come out yesterday.
Loud, obtrusive laughter came from her right. "It's been forty-five minutes and you're only on number six. Why not quit school and join me, Usa-chan? We'll rule the world together."
Usagi gave a loud, exasperated sigh before receiving a few coarse glares from her classmates. She smiled weakly at them in apology. When they turned back, she bent her head to the right and pouted at the little redhead. Schuldich was cute, but so annoying sometimes. "Tell me the answer and I'll think about it."
"Usagi-chan!" protested from her left.
"Imagine all the tests we could burn," encouraged her right.
She glanced at her very own miniature devil. Really, the idea didn't sound bad at all. Before her eyes, she could see an enormous heap of white paper burning, burning, burning as teachers of all shapes and sizes sobbed piteously on the ground. She grinned delightedly at the perverse image.
"Lovely, isn't it?" he whispered in her ear, easing a few more enticing images into her vulnerable state of mind. "You'll be worshiped. You'll be Queen of Heaven and Hell and everything in between. Imagine that. No more school, no more tardies, no more tes—what the hell was that for?" Schuldich yelped suddenly, rubbing the back of his painfully throbbing head. The embodiment of all that he wasn't glared at him from the other side. The silver staff was crossed over the designated boundary that was her spine. He growled and snapped his fingers. If the little angel wanted to play dirty, then he would more than happy to oblige. His trusty weapon popped into existence in his open hand.
"Snap out of it, Usagi-chan!" the little blonde prompted anxiously, pointedly ignoring his evil counterpart's curses. Quatre ducked, barely dodging an impaling from the smoking hot pitchfork. He prodded her with the tip of his staff, but neither her glazed look nor her disturbing smile receded.
"Pray for bleach, Winner!" the little devil snarled, jabbing the sharp points of his rod at the angel's pretty blue eyes.
Quatre blocked the attack and took a deep breath; desperate times called for desperate measures. "ICE CREAM!" he bellowed in her ear, even as he fended off Schuldich. The overjoyed shriek was deafening but also very satisfying.
Usagi jumped out of her seat, eyes huge and mouth watering, fully expecting to see a huge bowl of chocolate ice cream in front of her. But, to her eternal disappointment and horror, it was still her algebra test that was still less than half finished. A quick peek to the clock told her she had less than five minutes, but a glimpse of her teacher told her she was dead meat. She slumped back into her chair, trying to convince herself that Haruna-sensei's face was normally that pretty shade of fuchsia.
Right. And she didn't have two spiritual beings on her shoulders who only lived to torment her.
As Usagi watched her instructor's ruby mouth open and spew out her condemnation, she could only sigh and wonder why both God and Satan hated her so much.
"Detention for the rest of the month!" Sakurada proclaimed without an ounce of pity in her voice. She glared at her as she stalked to the far left side of the room. "Time's up. Pass in your exams!"
"You know this is all your fault, don't you, Winner?" Schuldich snorted, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it with the tip of his finger. He took a long drag and blew it out at the enraged angel.
"M-my fault!" Quatre exclaimed, nearly shaking with indignation. "If you hadn't persuaded her to play that wretched game, this wouldn't have happened!"
"She wanted to play. I only gave her a nudge."
"A nudge, you say! You practically took control of her mind with your vile ability!"
"Shouldn't you be more worried about your lack of ability?"
"Y-you—!"
All the while, Usagi had been listening to them bicker, slowly growing more and more agitated. After three years, she had gotten used to it, but right now, they were on her last gracious nerve. She had failed her algebra test, she had detention for the rest of the month, her parents were going to take away her television and manga privileges, and worst all, there had been no ice cream. It had been a lie, all a cunning lie—and from an angel, no less!
She finally slammed her hands down on her desk, not caring how much her palms stung, and screamed, "WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!"
The voices in her head came to a shocking halt. In fact, the whole room had frozen like a snapshot.
Just when the entire class thought they could not be more appalled, every single person gaped at her with one thought in mind: Did she want to die?
Unaware to them, she did want to die because, she rationalized, death couldn't possibly be worse than this utter humiliation. But it was too late, she hastily realized. The situation was too far out of her smarting hands to be rectified. Death would not bless her with his welcoming presence and she would be doomed to the will of her parents and the two nuisances on her shoulders.
"Clean up duty everyday for the next three months," her teacher ground out between clenched teeth.
Usagi fought back pathetic tears and nodded. "Hai, Haruna-sensei. I'm sorry."
With a thin-lipped frown, Sakurada dismissed the class and exited. Usagi was still sprawled at her desk. The room had cleared out and it was quiet. Yes, she agreed, quiet was soothing, quiet was healthy, quiet was good—
"This is still your fault, Winner."
"How can you even say that at a time like this?"
She let loose a strangled cry, dropped her head onto her desk, and prayed to Buddha for patience.AN: . . .Um, I dunno where this came from. xD I think it might've originated from some fanart my friend drew for Risky/Safety. ^^;; *shrugs* Anyways, sorry for any errors and OOCness. I don't think I put them really out of character. . .I tried not to, at least. *meek giggle* And will this be continued? *scratches her head* Depends mostly on my inspiration and a little bit on feedback. Right now, I'm only seeing it as a stand-alone. :D Thank you for reading!