Feels Like Home
By Shikata ga nai
~*~
Four days of hitchhiking later, Heero was standing on a cobbled street in the village of St.-Gengoux, examining a poster stapled to a lamp post. On it was a black-and-white picture of a young woman with dark, curly hair. She was wearing a frilly dress and posed with three knives in one hand as she winked at the camera. Heero touched the picture as a memory teased him; of waking up from a fog of unconsciousness to see Relena--no, wait, it was this girl--knitting in front of the TV.
'Oh, you're awake! Wait here. I'll go get Trowa right now.'
'Trowa?'
'Don't. You can't get out of bed yet. Trowa! Your friend woke up. Hey, are you hungry? I'll get you some soup, OK?'
Heero blinked, removed his hand from the poster, and walked down the tiny street towards a colourful sea of tents in the distance.
He got to the circus area and joined the end of a long line of happily chattering locals. After he paid his entry fee, he sauntered casually into the big top with his backpack over his shoulder, and found an empty seat in the stands for himself. The rest of the crowd streamed in behind him and took their seats noisily. He was beginning to get impatient with the excess of rowdy people cramming themselves inside when the spotlight winked on to reveal the ringmaster, a portly man with a red suit and a beard.
"Ladies and gentlemen!" he boomed in a baritone. "Tonight, we are proud to present to you a show more thrilling and dangerous, electrifying, mystifying, and heart-pounding than you've ever seen in the Earth Sphere!"
The crowd cheered, clapped, and whistled in excited anticipation.
The ringmaster smiled. "For the first act, we bring you a spectacle from one of the hottest regions of this globe. These bloodthirsty predators hungrily prowl the dusty plains of Africa, hunting the antelope that abound there. It takes nerves of steel to face down these giant cats; a feat accomplished here and here alone by…The Great Manziniiii!" He stood back to reveal another spotlight winking on. A tall, dark man stood among cages of great shaggy lions with a whip in his hand, and, after taking a bow, proceeded to make the lions do tricks with balls and hoops. Heero found the whole performance rather lacklustre, though the children around him were enjoying it.
After an elephant parade, three clowns in a car, and a highwire act that Heero couldn't deny was impressive, they came to the finale, the show that he had come to see. The ringmaster came into the ring and began his speech again. "And now, our final performance for this evening. The spectacle you've all been waiting for. A stalwart young man will stand against this target…" he gestured towards a large painted circle standing upright on the floor, "and brave the danger as a sharpshooting young damsel throws incredibly sharp knives at the target from ten metres away!" He paused for effect as a woman in a frilly pink and purple dress and a young man in a clown mask and costume entered the ring to take their respective places. He then walked over to the woman and placed a hand on her shoulder.
"She has the deadliest aim in the Earth Sphere and is as graceful and dangerous as a wild tiger, but as sweet and charming as a fawn. Please give a warm welcome to Catherine!" Catherine stepped forward and waved and blew kisses as the audience clapped and whistled.
When the applause died down, the ringmaster moved towards the clown standing next to the target. "This young man is a great acrobat with nerves of steel. Able to face any danger, please say hello to Trowa!" The audience clapped again as the clown waved. Heero just sat and stared. Trowa…
"Now, if we can have a volunteer from the audience…" the ringmaster gestured at Catherine to go choose one as the men in the crowd cheered and jostled to be the one chosen. Heero was jolted out of his reverie as she came right up to him and tugged his arm.
"Come on, honey, let's see your smile," she whispered as she led him into the ring amongst thunderous applause and wolf whistles.
The ringmaster approached Heero with a black case, which he opened to reveal six knives nestled in red velvet. He removed one and held it above his head for the crowd to see. "These are real knives, folks, and very sharp. This young man will verify that for you!" He handed the knife to Heero and told him to have a look.
Heero inspected it and found it to be a perfectly normal double-edged knife, except for the unique balancing. "It looks real," he said.
The old man grinned. Catherine reached up to her head, plucked a hair, and handed it to him. Heero held it up against the blade of the knife and watched it pare in two against the unyielding metal. "Very sharp," he confirmed, and handed it back to Catherine.
"There you have it, folks!" the ringmaster boomed as Catherine led Heero back to his seat amidst applause. "One hundred percent real knives!"
The clamour died again and the audience waited restlessly as Trowa was strapped to the target. The half of his face that wasn't masked might as well have been chiseled out of stone, for all the emotion it held. Catherine accepted all six knives from the case and took her mark, staring intensely at her target. A hush fell over the crowd as she shifted one knife to her right hand, brought it across her body, and released. A gasp echoed through the big top as the weapon found its mark half an inch above Trowa's left arm. Heero was impressed.
The next knife lodged in the plywood next to the right side of the clown's torso. Still he showed no emotion, didn't even flinch as she threw it with deadly velocity. Perfect trust…or a death wish. Heero wouldn't throw away the second possibility. Once a gundam pilot, always a gundam pilot.
The girl in the ring threw a third knife. It landed with a thunk between his knees, which were six inches separated. The audience clapped and cheered as the ringmaster spoke again. "Now we ask for complete silence as Catherine prepares for her next trick. She will attempt to throw three knives at the target simultaneously. Complete concentration is needed. This is an incredibly dangerous trick, not to be re-enacted anywhere. Do not try this at home."
The crowd hushed obediently, and Heero could have heard a fly sneeze as Catherine breathed deeply, calming herself for the throw. She held up the three knives in her right hand and watched her target for an eternity. The tension in the big top was palpable as they waited. She took a deep breath and flicked her arm forwards; a neat thunkthunkthunk could be heard, and silence prevailed for five seconds before the tent erupted. Trowa had a knife embedded in the plywood above his head and one beside each ear. The noise was deafening as the crowd clapped, cheered and whistled shrilly in appreciation. Catherine stepped forward and took a bow. Trowa was disengaged from the circle and went to stand next to her; they joined hands and bowed again. Heero clapped; he was impressed by her skill. That was some shot.
As the noisy, happy crowd spilled out into the evening sunshine, Heero slipped out of the flood of people and made his way to the back of the circus camp, where the trailers and cages were. Performers and crew bustled around as Catherine and Trowa stood talking to the ringmaster. He heard the conversation as he approached.
"--excellent show tonight. You two should be proud of that performance."
"We are, Manager. That was a great audience." Catherine beamed as she drank from a water bottle.
"I'm glad you finally got that trick smoothed out, Cathy." The old man rumbled good-naturedly.
"I was having problems with my concentration, but I think we're good now…" She suddenly noticed Heero lingering beside a tent rope and waved to him. He joined them obediently and she smiled. "You're that guy from the show tonight. You did a great job with that knife. You really know your stuff, huh?"
Heero stared at the ground. "I've…had experience."
"See here," said Manager, "what brings you back here? If you're looking for autographs, I'm sorry. This area is for circus staff only."
Trowa finally spoke up. "He's a friend of mine, Manager. He's just come to visit."
The man nodded. "All right then. He can stay. You two get some rest tonight. We have another show tomorrow."
They all said, 'Good night,' and then Trowa addressed Heero as Manager walked away. "Long time no see, Heero Yuy. Come on, let's go get something to eat."
***
"…So you've spent the last four months living with Relena?" Trowa sipped his coffee.
"Yes. It took me almost that long to recover."
"Almost?"
"I wanted to be sure." Heero said somewhat defensively.
"Makes sense," Trowa conceded, but Heero thought he saw a twinkle in the emerald of Trowa's visible eye as he swirled his cup around in his hand. "What brings you here, then?"
"I needed somewhere to go. I thought I'd check up on the rest of you and make sure you were all coping with the new situation."
"You're really too kind." Trowa said sarcastically. "Are you coping?"
"I've spent a quarter of my coping time unconscious, so I really can't say anything definitive yet."
"Of course." Trowa got up from the kitchen table to refill his cup. "So how long were you planning to stay here?"
"That depends." Heero surrendered his cup to the coffee pot in the other boy's hand.
"We leave the planet in about two weeks for L3. I don't know if you want to go there or not."
"We'll see. Have you had contact with any of the others?"
Trowa shook his head. "I did hear that Wufei joined the Preventers with Sally, though. If that helps."
Heero was surprised. "You haven't even talked to Quatre?"
Trowa fixed a cool green stare on him. "No…why is that surprising?"
Heero blinked. "You two just always seemed…close," he said, casting about for an appropriate word.
"Yeah, well…" Trowa shrugged, relaxing his defensive posture. "Things change."
Heero wisely didn't pursue the subject. Instead he got up from the table. "It's late."
"Cathy's made up the pull-out bed in the couch for you. It's not the greatest, but it beats a damp cave."
"You've slept in damp caves?"
"No. Just supposing. Good night."
***
Heero was roused at six the next morning by sounds in the Bloom trailer's kitchen. He got up, pulled on his clothes, and shuffled in to see Catherine cooking breakfast. She turned around when she heard him enter.
"Trowa's just in the shower," she said. She was dressed in a pink tank top and cut-off jeans, poking at eggs in the frying pan. "I wonder if these are done…"
Heero came up behind her, looked in the frying pan, prodded them himself with the fork, and pronounced them done.
"Thank you," she said happily, and went to work on making toast. Heero sat down at the table with a cup of fresh coffee and waited for his comrade to make an entrance.
"'Morning," Trowa said as he sat down at the table. Catherine set his food down in front of him, followed by a matching plate for Heero. "Thanks." He took a small bite of egg and his eyes widened. "These are good!" He turned around to face her. "These are the best eggs I've ever tasted."
Catherine blushed. "Heero helped."
"Please cook all the time, Heero," Trowa whispered. "She's horrible at it. I can't bring myself to say anything."
"Hn," Heero replied with the tiniest smirk, and took a bite of toast.
***
"He wants a job?" Manager repeated skeptically.
Trowa was patient. "It may be just until we go to L3. He needs a place to stay. He works hard."
Manager scrutinized the former Zero pilot. "Heero, is it? What's your talent? You're not bad looking, but we still need to work you into the show somewhere…"
Trowa cut in. "He's, uh, not much of a performer. But he'd be good behind the scenes. We need someone with the elephants, since Vinnie left."
Manager frowned at them both for a minute, then conceded. "All right, kid, you've got a job. But keep quiet, do as you're told, and don't screw up, or you're gone." He walked away without another word and went to supervise a cleaning crew in the big top.
Trowa rubbed his eyes wearily. "He's not that bad, really. He's like a father to Cathy. Come on, I'll go show you what to do."
***
Cleaning up after the elephants might not have been fulfilling, but it kept Heero fed and housed for the next two weeks, and he earned a small income to supplement the money he'd brought with him. One hot day, he was hosing down Susie, the female pachyderm, when Catherine approached him.
"We pack up and leave for L3 tomorrow. Are you coming with us?"
Heero shut off the hose and considered. "Yes," he said finally.
She contemplated him as he refilled the elephant's water bucket. "You could stay with us, you know."
"I am. I'm going to L3 with you tomorrow."
"No. I mean you have a home here, if you want it. For good. Manager likes you; you work hard. You could start practicing on the high wire and be in the show." She came closer, her hair shining red in the bright sunlight. "It's not a bad life. You get used to it."
"I don't mind it," he agreed. He couldn't help but notice the way she stood, less than a foot away from him, in a light blue T-shirt and cut-off shorts. She was very pretty, especially standing there just so, petting the elephant and talking to her affectionately… Heero shook his head as if to clear it. She stood there looking at him expectantly, her hand resting against Susie's wrinkly grey side. "I-I'll think about it," was all he could manage.
Catherine beamed and rested her hand on his shoulder briefly before she walked away. When she was gone, Heero splashed water on his face from Susie's bucket while the elephant flicked her tail at him.
***
The next day was hectic as the whole circus, from janitors to strongmen to midgets, took the show apart and packed it into trailers for the trip to the spaceport, 100 miles away. Heero was able to avoid Catherine until they piled into the back of a truck to leave. She sat between him and Trowa and chattered happily to everybody nearby. Heero managed to ignore her closeness by talking to a midget named Henry sitting on his other side. Henry had a university degree in nuclear physics, and they carried on an excellent conversation about jet propulsion and mobile suits for the best part of the ride.
They got to the spaceport and loaded the circus into a cargo shuttle, and then Heero and Trowa managed to escape to a secluded area of the port to talk before they took off.
"So what now, Heero?" Trowa asked.
"I don't know. I thought I'd see who I could track down from here."
"You're not going to stay?"
"No."
"Cathy will be disappointed."
Heero shifted uncomfortably. "It's time to move on. I appreciate what you've done for me."
Trowa nodded, and then displayed one of the rare, deep flashes of understanding that he was prone to having, but didn't often admit to. "I hope you find what you're looking for."
Heero was unnerved, and glad that Trowa hadn't named the thing that he was looking for, though truthfully, he wasn't sure that he knew what that thing was. "Thanks. I have to get going, now. Say goodbye for me."
Trowa nodded, and Heero shouldered his backpack and walked away through the busy spaceport. He didn't look back at Trowa, he didn't even hesitate. He boarded a shuttle about to leave for Colony B04678, the location of Preventer Headquarters.
**********