Feels Like Home
By Shikata ga nai
~*~
Heero breathed deeply of the fresh country air around him as he hiked along the pathway that led up a steep hillside. The path was flanked on both sides by tall stands of bamboo, rattling quietly in the breeze. He came out of the wood unexpectedly on the top of the hill, and saw a medium sized house perched on the crown on heavy bamboo poles. He climbed the short ladder that led to the porch and pulled on the tasselled rope that hung next to the door.
The sound of bells tinkling echoed from inside, and a few minutes later, the door opened. The young man standing on the other side was about Heero's height, with his long black hair hanging loose around his ears and a book dangling from one hand, his place in it marked by a finger between the pages. He took off his glasses and nodded at Heero. "Hello."
If Wufei was surprised to see him, he hid it very well. Heero swapped his sneakers for straw house sandals and followed him inside.
"I was just thinking about making tea, anyway," Wufei remarked over his shoulder as he walked into the kitchen. He filled a kettle with water and relit the embers in the fireplace, putting the kettle on to heat. Heero, who had abandoned his jacket and backpack at the front door, pulled out a chair and sat down at the wooden table. Wufei joined him. "This place is supposed to be impossible to find. So how long did it take you?"
"About two weeks. I got lost in the interior for a few days." Heero admitted.
"Lost? You? Now there's a story."
Heero sighed. "I hitched a ride with somebody and he dropped me off in the middle of nowhere, about a hundred miles south of where he said he would. My map didn't describe the area and I had to find a village."
Wufei grinned. "How did you know I was here, though? Sally was the only person who I told where I was going."
"She told me."
Wufei scowled. "Stupid woman."
"It took a lot of convincing to get her to do it, though," Heero lied. In reality, she had been happy that Heero was going to check up on Wufei, and had asked Heero to let her know how he was doing. "Why are you out here, anyway? I thought you had joined the Preventers."
Wufei got up to check the water in the kettle, frowned, and pushed it back over the fire. "I was tired, and I decided I needed some time alone, with no major responsibilities, to work things out for myself. I left my location with Sally in case I was ever needed in an emergency." He looked around the room happily. "I like it here. The village is at the base of the hill, and nobody bothers me. News doesn't get here very fast. They don't know that I was a gundam pilot and they wouldn't care if they did. Everybody's a farmer here. It's a simple life."
"Are you ever going back?"
"I should go back someday. They can use my help with the Preventers…but I'll always have this place. I think when I retire I'll come back and live here again."
They were both quiet for a while, listening to the kettle hiss in the silence. It started to boil and Wufei got up to make the tea. He put a cup in front of Heero and sat down across from him again, placidly sipping his tea. "Why are you here, anyway? What have you been doing with yourself?"
Heero patiently explained his story up to asking Sally where the former 05 pilot was hiding, and said that he was checking on all of the other pilots to see how they were handling their new situation.
"Uh-huh," Wufei said, his voice dripping with disbelief. "You stayed with Relena for four months and left without saying goodbye?"
Heero fidgeted with embarrassment. "She wasn't even around when I left."
Wufei shook his head. "You are so stupid," he muttered under his breath into his tea.
"What was that?"
"Nothing. So, why don't you go clean up? You can use the rest of this hot water to wash up if you cool it down with the cold water in the bucket over there. I'll go set up a bed for you." Wufei finished his tea and left the kitchen, leaving Heero to his own devices. Heero pulled the kettle off the hook by the fire and carried it over to the washbasin in the corner.
***
Once Heero had cleaned himself up, he took his backpack into the room Wufei showed him and sat down on the cot. He looked around him; the room was ten paces square and three of the walls were lined with bookshelves full of multicoloured, leather-bound volumes. The fourth wall held a window, draped with red and gold curtains that mirrored the colours of the sunset outside. A small, round, lacquered table stood in the opposite corner from the bed. A chess board sat on it, the ivory pieces lined up in rows like silent sentries.
Better than the last two weeks' worth of sleeping quarters, he thought with a yawn. He pulled the curtains to block the remaining light, shed his clothes, and climbed into bed. Before long, his thoughts faded into the comfortable darkness of sleep.
***
"Have you given any thought to what you're going to do?" Wufei asked as he moved his white queen two spaces.
Heero glanced up from the chessboard in confusion, his deep blue eyes filled with puzzlement. "I'm going to go find Quatre and Duo. I told you that. Or if you mean right now, I'm going to move my bishop here…" He picked up the piece and used it to take Wufei's rook.
"I mean after you're done babysitting us. Do you have any plans for the future?" Heero had been staying at Wufei's for a week, participating in the other boy's frugal and scholarly life.
"I've never had a future to think about, before. It was always war and battles and escaping enemy confinement. I've never thought more than two steps ahead of myself, because if a plan goes wrong and has to be abandoned, that's a lot of wasted thought and time."
"That's a beautiful philosophy, except that you aren't in a war anymore and you know it. It's time to start thinking about what happens to you down the road. And to develop yourself as a person instead of a heartless machine." After a lot of thought, Wufei took a black bishop with his one remaining knight.
"Develop myself?"
"What's your religion, Yuy?"
Heero looked at him blankly.
"Haven't you ever had an occasion to offer a prayer or thanks to a god or spirit that's special to you?"
Another empty stare.
"Do you know what religion means?"
"Religion: the belief in and worship of a god or gods, or any such system of belief and worship." The perfect soldier's voice was monotone as he recited.
Wufei pressed his fingers against his temples. "That's great, Yuy. Your memory is excellent. That's what religion is, in the dictionary, but it goes deeper than that."
"Really." Heero's voice was skeptical.
"Yes, really. I…look." At a loss for acceptable words, Wufei got up from his cushion on the floor and walked to a bookshelf by Heero's bed. Running his finger along the spines of the books, he scanned them methodically before stopping and seizing one with a green cover. He brought it back over to the chess board and held it out. "Here," he said. "Read this. Maybe it will give you some more insight into what I'm saying. As a matter of fact, feel free to read any of the books in here. They're all about religion, philosophy, and politics."
Heero took the book and read the title on the spine. "Insight Into Modern Religion and Spiritualism?"
Wufei smirked. "Something a little more scientific to get you started. Yuy, we're going to turn you into a human being."
***
Heero spent his waking hours for the next three months learning everything he could about organized religion and philosophy. Politics weren't as much of a problem. He simply practiced his new-found insightfulness by discussing the societal and philosophical aspects of it, rather than the usual, bare-bones 'cause and effect' he was used to.
Wufei taught him how to meditate, as well as engaging him in regular discussions and encouraging him to read the books in the library. When book learning got wearisome, they burned off excess energy by sparring, hand-to-hand and with weapons. Heero learned kung fu inside and out, and Wufei was even able to teach him some of the theories and spiritual influences behind karate, as Heero refined Wufei's moves and technique.
Heero was soaking it all up like a sponge. Everything around him suddenly held more meaning, was more real somehow, now that he had an inquiring mind that wondered, 'why?' instead of simply, 'what?' He was especially interested in learning about the Japanese ideology of Shinto, and found that a lot of the ideas appealed to him on a deep level.
One day, the boys were out walking a familiar path through the countryside, chatting idly, when Wufei unearthed the old question again. "What are you going to do with your future, Yuy?"
Heero sighed and stopped, choosing to sit under a tree in the sunshine instead of walking. He didn't answer his comrade, though, simply plucked a blade of grass and played with it absently.
Wufei sat down beside him and decided to go step by step. "Have you given any thought to where you'd like to live?"
Heero shook his head.
"You're from L1, correct?"
"That's the first place I remember being. I didn't have my parents with me at the time, so that's not necessarily true. There's something about the colonies anyway…something…" He gestured with his hands aimlessly, looking for the word he wanted. "Fake."
Wufei grinned ruefully. "They're for protecting, not for living on."
Heero threw his blade of grass at the other teenager's head.
Wufei thought some more. "Well, you're ethnic Japanese, and you seem to like what you've read about Shinto and the former Japan. Why don't you go there? You fit in here; you'd probably fit in there."
Heero sighed. "'Fitting in' is not really possible for me."
"Why not?" Wufei was interested.
"All my life, I've been alone. A situation comes along, I see how I can adapt to it, for survival or for the mission. I've never 'fit' anywhere. I've been all over the Earth Sphere and the colonies. Nowhere feels like home. I don't fit, I just adapt." He went silent and stared at the clouds drifting through the sky, while Wufei contemplated him sadly. Suddenly, he got up, muttered something about 'needing some exercise,' and took off at a sprint down the trail away from Wufei's house.
"Heero, I never really understood your pain before now. But right now, I think I understand it better than even you do," Wufei said softly, gazing after the runaway. "I can think of somewhere where you do fit in. You've lost it; you just have to find it again for yourself." You miss her…
***
Wufei leaned his head against the wooden doorframe. "You're leaving."
"Yes." Heero packed his backpack, looked around the room once, and walked past Wufei into the front hallway of the house. It was the morning after their talk under the tree; the atmosphere since Heero had come home, sweating and breathing heavily, was tense.
Silence took over while Heero walked outside to put on his shoes. He was just about to climb down the ladder from the porch when Wufei spoke. "Heero."
Heero turned around.
"…Say hello to Quatre and Maxwell for me."
He nodded and climbed down the ladder. Soon his head disappeared below the crest of the hill. Wufei watched after him for a moment, then shook his head wearily and turned away.
**********