This has possibly no purpose whatsoever, other than the fact we wanted to write it. Angst-filled piece.

Drown it

by ~Solaris~

Warning: Shounen-ai, angst

Disclaimer: Ken and Aya is owned by Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiss. Angst is owned by everyone....want ownership?

The day fused with the night, a kaleidoscope of colors that painted the skyline in a multitude of colors. It's funny how the city looks during the sunset, the last sign of the glimmering daylight as one by one lights from signs, buildings and the streets begins to emerge. The world welcomes the coming of the night, as it bids the day goodbye. And the night creatures began to stir, flexing their muscles and blinking their eyes to adjust to the darkness.

In a small flower shop, four of these creatures stirred. Although they lay dormant within four men...ah, two men and two boys...during the day, the avenging angels awake to the call of the night. They awake to the cries of the innocent, dust off their clothes, eyes gleaming in the darkness and readjust to their senses. It wasn't a sense like any other, nothing to predict the future with, but it was more of an awareness of their surrounding. More in tune with what's going on around them. And most of all, it was a call of blood, a song singing in their own crimson liquid.

But not tonight...

The bottle of whiskey was staring right back at him, even as he stared at it blearily. He hadn't a clue as to how long this absurd staring contest had lasted. Obviously the bottle wouldn't blink, but in his foggy mind, it just might.

He wasn't the drinking type, at first. He'd always fancied a drink or two whenever he felt the oppressive feeling returning to his chest. And not only that, he could feel the invisible vines snaring his heart once more, squeezing every bit of love that he had accumulated throughout his 19 years out of him. A cynical smirk made a way to his placid face.

And now I can even beat Youji in a drinking contest, not that we've tried anything....they'd all have a heart attack if they found out I drink.

Usually his face is blessed by a carefree smile, one that enticed others to his world of sunshine...at least, that's what it seemed to those who saw it. Oh how they would weep if they found out. If they found out it was nothing more than a mask.

A soft, bitter laugh escaped his mouth even as he raised the glass to his lips again. The strong liquid burned his throat, but he downed the shot anyway, feeling it burn to the pit of his stomach. But at least it washed away the bitterness from his mouth.

He only liked alcohol for one thing and one thing only. To forget.

He liked strong liquors, ones that sizzle your brain and numb your feelings, making you forget the world ever existed. Rendering you in a state of...inexistence? Like he was never here, you know? And he liked it best that way anyway.

But there were also the times where he would be drunk and all the memories would resurface, like a creature rising from the depths of a dark, bottomless pool. Disturbing the once tranquil surface of the dark waters.

He hated these times, where he would be left with his memories and nothing else. Even as his surroundings disappear and he would look around for means to escape but—too late—his demons would appear. Those smiling faces in the dark, eyes filled with contempt as one by one, they advance on him. He never bothers to escape, knowing from experience, they would find him in whichever corner of his mind he decides to hide.

So why does he drink then, if there was a chance that he'd be in an even worse state than he had been when he was sober? Simple, really. To him, it was a toss-up between feeling better or feeling world. Either he would be numbed or he would be screwed. Whichever's which.

Just like any mission, it was a gamble. Life or death. Success or Failure. Numbness or Pain.

He downed another shot, feeling fire dancing inside of him. What he really wanted, of course, was real fire, not this paint-thinner tasting liquid that had a proof so high, Youji would have keeled over and died.

He looked up, finally, after hearing the soft footsteps on the cold floor. He knew who it was straight away, knew it for days now. Brown eyes looked up, glazed over due to something other than the drink he's been downing. Normally cold violet eyes were filled slightly with concern, step hesitating as those eyes met brown.

Aya liked him.

Yes, it was a miracle, but it seemed that their all-too-fearless leader seemed to have developed a little crush on him. Don't ask how he knew, because he's pretty sure that by now even the fangirls knew. Because there were those subtle looks, the ones that linger on him just a second too long, the wistful, faraway look on his face when he doesn't realize that Ken knew he was staring. And—Gods!—there were the times his eyes were just too expressive for his own good.

Seriously, whatever happened to the cold Aya? The one who didn't give a flying shit that any one of them is unwell or hurt or....whatever. As much as an asshole he was, at least he was the one constant thing that Ken could count on. Youji has his bouts of insanity whenever Asuka's memories resurface, like a dream lover who raked her nails down his back, waking up to find her gone but the marks are still there. Omi had his own problems, he'd seen the kid sitting around looking absolutely pitiful, like the little lost puppy that the world had kicked away.

But Aya...

Cold, distant, filled with rage and vengeance. He knew his purpose and was determined to fulfill his one true aim, revenge.

The thing is, Ken was rather attracted to the surly redhead. He sometimes felt as if he were the moth, attracted to the fiery inferno that is Fujimiya Aya...Ran. Yes, he had found out "Aya-kun's" real name. Surprisingly enough, the information was offered freely by the redhead himself.

It's funny how people described Ken as fiery and Aya as cold. In truth, it was Aya that embodied the flame and Ken who embodied the cold. Aya was passionate in his search for revenge, while Ken simply had no purpose to feel so passionately about. He went on their missions without as much as a purpose other than there's no one else to do it.

It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it.

Possibly why Aya is attracted to Ken and vice versa. But while Ken knew the fact that Aya liked him and acknowledges the fact that he liked Aya, Aya hadn't a clue that Ken had feelings for him. That was the other difference between the two of them, everyone knows Aya's hiding behind a mask, but the world doesn't know that Ken even has one.

Two complete opposites, yet they were kindred soul and these two night creatures inadvertently reached out for each other in the darkness of the night.

But at that moment, as darkened brown eyes met those violet glow, what he wanted wasn't the redhead's company. Or anyone else's for that matter. Mouth started to open, ready to say something, yet seeing those brown eyes that usually shine with equal fervor to the sun so blank and emotionless, Aya couldn't bring himself to say anything.

He merely stood at the doorway, debating on whether or not he should cross that line. The doorway was the barrier, the last barrier he had to cross to reach Ken's side. But his step faltered, even as something flickered within those brown eyes. And in that millisecond that it did, Aya was given a glimpse of the person that Ken was inside.

The one who longed for the flame, longed to feel again, longed to be loved again.

No one knows what happened next. Some may say that Aya lost his nerves, after glimpsing the person inside and others may argue that he merely saw that Ken had his own demons to tame still and until that time, there was no place for him in Ken's world. Whatever it was, it made him pull back.

He took a step backwards, the coldness of the facade no longer on his face, just a quiet resolution. He nodded once to Ken, who promptly raised his glass, the cynical smirk back on his face. It was an unusual sight, it was like seeing Aya smile, unexpected.

But all he got out of Aya was a slightly open mouth, surprised reaction. Although, he had to admit that he found some sort of satisfaction at getting that reaction out of Aya. At least, that satisfaction remained long enough to numb the longing and the disappointment that came when Aya walked away, after being so close.

In another world, Ken would have gone up and chased Aya, intercepting him before he could re-enter his world, the one that revolved around his sister and extracting revenge.

In another world, he would bear his soul to him, show him the wounds inside, those self-inflicted and those caused by others. The wounds that have yet to heal.

In another world, Aya wouldn't have walked away in the first place. He would cross that doorway and offer his hand to Ken, who would eagerly take it, happy to get away from all the shadows of his tormented mind.

In another world...

But we're not in another world, are we?

That was why Aya retreated back into his hole, thinking of his sister who laid unmoving in a white hospital bed and wondering whether or not she would ever return to him. That was why Ken stayed below, pouring himself another drink, burning his throat and his stomach as he forced the liquid down. Knowing the numbness was returning and feeling glad that it did, embracing it.

And that was why, though their mind was focused largely on completely different things, they still thought of each other.

Notes: The title "Drown it" is largely inspired by an advice given to me by a friend. Basically, I was feeling down one time, griping away at the world and wishing everything would just disappear (don't you just love those moments?) and my friend came by with bottles and bottles of drink (Consisting Tequila, Malibu and JD, among other things. All legal, we weren't in the States after all.) with just a few words of consolation. "Look, if you can't make the fucking world go away....then drown it out." (Aki)

Wow. For once, no happy ending. I'm proud of what we did for this one. It was an exceptionally hard piece to write (Exceptionally @_@; Wow! Big word!)probably because we've been there once and it's kind of hard to admit to yourself that you were. *shrugs* I'm being too serious, but I've been there too. I didn't 'drown it' like Aki did, but I sure did bury myself in other things to try and forget.

- Wai

Wai: Ah, before you leave... *points at the review button* Don't forget, alright? ^_^ Sequel maybe? (Probably not, but it was just a thought)