Title:  Crime and Punishment – J/D Style 

Disclaimer:  I wish and I wish and I wish, but they're still not mine. ::stomps feet::

Rating: PG

Spoilers:  None

Feedback:  Always welcome

Thanks:  To Jillian for the quick beta.

A/N:  This just popped into my head when I was changing my car CDs – it's just a short piece of banter that I had to write to get out of my system. :-)  Oh, the title by no means references Dostoevsky. :-)

1/1

**

"Donna."

"Josh."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why, Donna?"

"Why what, Josh?"

"CDs, Donna."

"CDs, Josh?"

"CDs, Donna."

"What about them?"

"You *know* what I'm talking about."

"No, Josh, I really don't."

Josh watched her closely, but her face remained impassive; he groaned internally.

"My car."

"Your car?"

"Donna, do we really have to go through this every time?"

He perched himself on the edge of her desk, trying to exert some authority, but knowing it wouldn't make much difference.

"Go through what?"

He let out a sigh.

"Okay, quit it with the innocent routine; you know what I'm talking about."  Since she remained silent, he expanded, "The CD changer in my car."

"You have a CD changer in your car?  How come I didn't know about that?  Where is it?"

"You know exactly where it is, Donna."

"You sound confident of that."

"I am."

"How come?"

"Donna!"

She turned her head away and smiled at his exasperation.

"I saw that!"

"What?"

"You smiled; I saw your reflection in the window."

"What would I possibly have to smile about?  I mean, I'm totally baffled by this conversation."

"You're baffled?"

"Yes.  'Baffled' is a good word, isn't it?"

"Donna!"

"Josh?"

"Quit it with the innocent voice, Donnatella; I know you're guilty."

"Guilty of what?"

"You changed the CDs in my car CD changer."

"You have a CD changer in your car?"

"Donna, we've done that one."

"Oh, right… um, okay, what makes you think *I* changed them?"

"You mean besides the fact that you were the last person to drive my car before I went home last night?  And besides the fact that you're the only person, except me, who ever drives my car?"

"Yes."

"Well, there's the fact that they're totally girly CDs that only you would buy."

"I'm not the only girl in the world, Josh."

"You are for me."

"What was that?"

"Huh?"

"You muttered something there, but I didn't quite catch it."

"Uh, I said that you're the only girl who would buy those CDs."

"Josh, Alicia Keys, Norah Jones and Vanessa Carlton are highly talented singer-songwriters who have sold millions of albums; I don't earn enough to have bought them all."

"Aha, so you admit it!"

"What?"

"You know which CDs I'm talking about, so you're admitting it was you."

"I'm admitting nothing."

"Well, I'll take it as an admission of guilt anyway, that's my prerogative as your boss."

"Typical."

"And, as your punishment –"

"Punishment?"

"Yes, punishment.  As I was saying, your punishment is that you can no longer borrow my car."

"How am I supposed to do my job then?  I mean, when you want me to hand deliver stuff, what am I supposed to do?"

"You can walk."

"Walk?"

"Donna, when I send you on errands like that, it's usually only to go to the Hill."

"Yeah, but –"

"Donna, you can walk."

"I suppose I could get a White House car."

"Donna, you can *walk*; you're not using a White House car just to go to the Hill, how would that look to the taxpayers?"

"Leo uses a car to go to the Hill."

"Yes, for security."

"Oh, so I'm not important enough to merit the protection?"

"Donna."

"Oh, okay, but if I walk I'm going to be gone for longer and then you'll complain even more than usual."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What I said; you send me on errands and then complain that I'm gone too long."

"That's because you take *way* longer than you should."

"Well, the Hill's a busy place and, unlike with you, the crowds don't part to let me through."

"Well, that's understandable."

"Well, hello there Ego, I wondered when you'd make an appearance."

"Hey!"

"Getting back to the point, Josh; if I walk, it'll take me longer."

"I don't care."

"So, you won't complain about me taking too long?"

"Of course, I'll complain, but I'll be complaining about the fact that you take too long because you stop to talk to people, not because you have to walk; although, I might comment frequently on the fact that you have to walk because you can't be trusted with my car."

"Joooosh."

"Stop whining, Donna."

"But –"

"Nope, no buts, you can't drive my car anymore."

"Well, I'll –"

"And I'm withdrawing your authorization to obtain a White House car when necessary; I'll issue authorization as required."

"That's not funny, Josh.  Come on, people are going to think that I'm really being punished, that I've really done something wrong."

"You have done something wrong, Donna."

"Josh, it's some CDs."

"Yes, but they're *annoying* CDs."

"They're not annoying."

"Yes, they are.  I had that 'Come Away With Me' song going round in my head all last night and again this morning."

"It's a good song."

"It's really not."

"Norah Jones is a fantastic singer, Josh."

"If you say so, Donna."

"I do.  Hey, did you know that she's the daughter of Ravi Shankar?"

"Actually, I did know that, but I didn't care enough to remember it."

"Or your memory's going, you know, with old age and all."

"Thanks for that, Donna."

"You're welcome."

"Uh huh.  Well, I'm gonna go and do some actual work now; I've wasted enough time here already."

"Okay.  Hey, Josh?"

"Yes?"

"The CDs?"

"The CDs?"

"The CDs, Josh."

"What about them, Donna?"

"Can I have them?"

"I thought you denied they were yours."

"You're right, I did.  But, I thought you were going against the American Justice System and presuming me guilty until found innocent?"

"Whatever.  If they're *not* yours though, why should I give them to you?"

"I'll make sure they're returned to their rightful owner."

"Ah.  So, you know who that is then?"

"No, but I'm sure I can find out."

"Uh huh."

"So, the CDs?"

"Yes?"

"Where are they, Josh?"

"Donna, are you getting frustrated?"

"Yes!"

"Good, now you know how it feels."

"I always know how it feels, Josh, I work with *you* every day."

"Funny."

"Thank you."

"They're in the car."

"Huh?"

"The CDs."

"Oh.  You didn't bring them in with you?"

"No."

"Oh, okay.  Can I get your keys to go and get them then?"

"Sure.  Here."

"Uh, Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"This is just the remote alarm fob."

"Yes."

"Um, how am I supposed to get into your car with that?"

"You're not.  Remember, I don't trust you with my car anymore."

"Josh."

"That will switch off the alarm and allow you to unlock the trunk."

"They're still in the trunk?"

"Yes."

"Oh, let me guess, they're under a ton of your junk?"

"No, actually; they're in the CD changer."

"You left them in there?"

"Yes."

"Josh?"

"Yes?"

"Were you listening to the CDs again this morning?"

"I'll just be going into my office now."

"Josh."

"By the way, Donna?"

"Yes, Josh?"

"Why were there three CDs in my car?  I mean, you only drove to the Hill and back yesterday; even with security and traffic, it couldn't have taken more than twenty minutes each way, so you couldn't have had time to listen to all three."

"Shuffle."

"Excuse me?"

"The shuffle function on your CD player; it selects a CD and then a track at random, so you get a mixture."

"I have a shuffle function?"

"Yes."

"Oh.  Right, well, go get your CDs out of my car while I work."

"Yes, Josh."

*

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Here's your remote back."

"Thanks.  You got the CDs?"

"Yeah."

"Good, at least I don't have to listen to them anymore."

"Yeah.  Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Were you singing?"

"Huh?"

"When I came into the office there, were you singing?"

"No, of course not."

"Hmm, okay, if you say so."

Donna turned to leave the office, but smiled to herself as she heard Josh quietly resume singing 'Come Away With Me'.

"Just ask me, Josh," she whispered as she left.

**

The End