My hand slowly touches my mother forehead hoping the temperature has come down. Her head twist away from my cool hand and a groan left her mouth. It has been days since my returned and she is getting worsen. My father still has not returns from his business trip and I wonder if he cares at all.
My eyes barely keep open but I must stay awake a bit longer until Umeko taken over. Just a bit longer…
We were lying under the tree; my headrest is Shuwa lap while his arm grasp around my body. It was warm and sensuous dream. Shuwa eyes were warm with love and his mouth was approaching closer and closer…then the face was distorted to replace another face that I knew so well.
My eyes snapped open and I almost cried out loud. Umeko was sitting silently behind me, sewing next to the lamp.
"Umeko, how long have I been dozed off?" I asked embarrassed,
"Not long sir. I didn't have the heart to wake you up." She smiles at him. Umeko have been mother servant since the day she marriage my father. There was no doubt of her affection to my mother.
I nodded and said tiredly, "I'll see you later." As I slide the door quietly behind me. Sai was in my room wait for me. I felt my face turn hot and knew that I flushed at the memory of the dream. I turned away not wanting to talk to him and close my eyes to sleep.
~~~~~ 3 months later
My mother is still sick and the doctor could not do anything. I am feeling frustrate not able to do anything, only watching her going into decline. I buried my head onto her bed as I sobbed for her and myself. I stopped when a hand stroke my head and look up to found that quiet smile of her.
"It's alright Torajirou. I'll be better soon." She closes her eyes to drift back into her sleep.
I was still daze wonder if I just imagine it all, that was when Umeko open the door,
"Sir, your father is home."
I felt the resentment and frustrated boiling inside, I snatch the door open and walk toward the study room.
That man sitting there, his wine is set on the table along with the financial book. He looks up at my glaring as his eyebrow rise up challenging me. My hand clutched tightly and I knew this have to be settle now,
"Is money so important to you than your own family?" my voice was low but it fills hate which is what I feeling at this moment,
"You knew nothing. Go back to your books and Go, Torajirou." His attention once again backs to the financial book.
I was busted with anger and ran toward the table to pick up the book from the table.
"It you that does not understand, father." I scream and thrown the book down the floor.
Just that moment I realize what I has just done, the unbroken rule have break by me. I ran out the room quickly leaving my father to sat there bewilder.
~~~~~~~ A week later
I still sulked in my room; the only time I went out is to visit my mother sickbed. I ignored Sai, still confused of what happen to my life. My room is my only hiding place from the world. I wishes that I dead, it the easiest way out.
"Sir, there is someone here to see you." Senji said on the other side of the door,
"I'm not well, just tell whoever to come back another day." Shuffle the pillow to cover my head.
"He said that his name is Ishigaya Kosaku." Senji continue ignored my request,
My eyes wide open with surprise, Ishigaya's here in Hiroshima.
~~~~~
We walk slowly pace with Sai striding along, he seem glad to see Ishigaya. The sea breeze is bringing the rotten eggs smell that we decide to head toward Onomichi instead out to the beach nearby.
"It's a surprise to see you here Ishigama." I finally talk after the greeting him in the house.
"My mother orders me to return to see my fiancé that they have arrange for me." Ishigama gives a nervous smile,
I was shock from the news and looks at him closely. He looks too young to settle down as if he knows what I was thinking he answers.
" I'm already 26 years old. I have been tried to put off marriage for years until my mother have enough and arrange this marriage last months." As I tried to adjust the information while he give me an odd smile,
"Kuwahara, I really appreciate that you'll attend my wedding."
"I don't know what to said, off course I'll be there. Congratulation!" I give him a bright beam smile,
"I glad that one of my friend will be there." He went on but I was stopped on my track.
"Did you asked the other disciples?" my nails digs into my palm afraid of the answer,
"Yes, before I leave Honinbo School but they unable to make it." Ishigama notice my pale face and said,
"Hey are you alright?" I look down the ground and think up an excuse
"I've a headache" I hoping that he buys it and he did. It was like Ishigama and I smile at the knowledge that how well I knew him.
"Umm, I just forget. Shuwa gives his greeting to you and your family. He hopes that you will return soon."
I tried to calm down but it did not help. I need time to be alone and sort out my feeling.
"Ishigama, I'm not feeling well. Could I see you tomorrow in town." He looks at me strangely but agreed to my request. After he gone, Sai hoping around me and wonder what is wrong with me. I flushed and turn away. I need to get away from him.
Sai is now sulking when I told him to leave me alone. I could not help it. I feel guilty to snapped at him but his present is causing me to confuse further.
~~~~~~~ (Flash back)
I put the stone down as usual while Sai whispered the move beside me. My eyes drift over his face and knew that he no longer with me. He is deeply concentrated at the game before them. His eyes fiercely gazed at his opponent that scare me and thrills me at the same time. I feel fluster and my heart beat faster.
Then I turn to his opponent and surprised at the intense gaze looks at me. That same determination and passion in Sai eyes is in Shuwa eyes as well. I can see the same reflection as if they are each other mirror image. I looks down at the goban to see where Shuwa stone has place. My face is flushed at the memory of Shuwa intense gazed. Then sadness comes as I realize that it not me Shuwa looking at but Sai, the player and Sai return the feelings. I felt that I was alone, the one that left out. They are rival, not me just the mediator. I did not look up at Shuwa anymore feeling ashamed. At last the game was over, Sai lost again but he is improving so is Shuwa skills.
"I going to have a rest in my goban." He said and disappears leaving me alone again. He had done that for months now.
I wonder why? Did he bore with my company? I was too afraid to ask and ignored the pained in my heart. I feel alone again like the times before Sai had come into my live.
"Shusaku, it a great game." Shuwa voice breaks the silence room; I notice that everyone has left for sometime. I look down at the game and put the stone back in the tray.
"You're disappointed at the game." Shuwa mistake for my quietness before I shake my head he continues,
"It thrills me to play games with you, Shusaku. We may be sensei and student to the world but I consider you as my true rival." He words sadden me more. Sai!
Sai thinks the same about Shuwa. He properly loves Shuwa more than me. My hand clutched to the stone tray harder wanted the loneliness to go away. Shuwa palm is place on top of my hand that I look up and amaze that he is beside me.
The sudden auras of strong sexuality that seem to emanate from Shuwa freeze me. My eyes widen and my lips parted in bewilderment. Before the knowledge shank in, he had bent his head and trapped my mouth in a kiss. His lip was cool and firm and I started to felt a strange reaction of my body quite unaccountable.
After he let go of me. I was lost to comprehend what has happen.
"I'm sorry that I had shock you but I'm not sorry for the kiss." And disappeared out the room.
When I was back to reality, I was afraid for the first time in my lives. Yet, the kiss has take away the loneliness. Shuwa did not touch me again after that faithful day but his warmth eyes always on me.
~~~~~~
I look at the goban where Sai is hiding himself. Nothings have resolved and an erotic dream every night does not help either. I knew why I have dreamed of Shuwa but why did Sai also appear in it? What did I feels any way? I pull myself together trying to forget, hopping everything is a nightmare.
TBC.
History states that Shusaku is a perfect filial son and pupil…
When I read of Shusaku I wonder if he had any flaws at all. He is bloody too perfect to be human. I think that the history just exaggeration so I wrote the confrontation scene with his father above to let him become more human, in my eyes at least. I didn't over dramatic his action because he is after all a traditional Japanese.
If you wonder if it's a yaoi story then not really...nothing beyond a kiss. I reads yaoi too but to write one is beyond my capacity. I do understand love and other human emotions so I don't care what other do as long it real love. I one of those fool.