Chapter 21 – It's so hard to let you go…

Rui: So hard to let who go?

Angel: *sniff* poor Shizuka..

Rui: Wait a minute.. what about Shizuka?

Tsukushi: Is something going to happen to her?

Angel: Nah.. not in this chapter anyway.

Tsukasa: Is Shizuka going to DIE?

Tsukushi: *sweat-drop* Angel: ….. "

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Tsukushi stepped slowly out of the plane, grinning as she walked. She took a deep breath and laughed. "Feels so good to be here!" Tsukasa shook his head slowly and chuckled, "Silly girl.." Tsukushi stuck her tongue out at Tsukasa and ran away, giggling as Tsukasa chased her.

Asai watched the interaction and sniffed haughtily, "What a stupid girl.. so childish!" She narrowed her eyes, still holding the grudge against Tsukushi for 'taking Soujiro' away from her. Yamano nodded in agreement, "She's having a bad influence on Tsukasa…"

Rui and Shizuka walked together slowly, talking quietly to each other. Shizuka laughed, "Tsukushi really is a very lively girl. She really has a nice character, you should get to know her more Rui.."

Rui nodded slightly – why did Shizuka always seem to be pushing him away from her? Didn't she know that the one he loved.. was her? It seemed to tiring to keep up with this stupid game.

Shizuka sighed softly, her cool façade slipping slightly for a second as her eyes fell on Rui. Recovering herself, a beautiful smile appeared once more on her face. Why did Rui always seem so sad? Rui.. my dear beloved Rui.. I know that you love me.. but you are just a brother to me. Even I, do not know if it is something more..

* Flashback *

Shizuka grinned as she watched the three boys in front of her play energetically. She was nine years old, her mother had asked her to come and meet F4 – the sons of four prestigious families of Japan. She looked around, there were only four boys here. She had learnt their names already, Tsukasa, Akira and Soujiro. Tsukasa, the most boisterous of the three – he seemed to be the leader of their little group. Akira, always cheerful and friendly – ready to be friends with everyone and last but not least Soujiro, cheeky and playful. She had heard from them, there was a last boy – Hanazawa Rui.

She looked around puzzledly, where was the boy? Akira told her to go and look for him in his room. She walked quietly there, peeking in through the door – she saw him. Rui intrigued her, he seemed so quiet and mysterious. He was only seven and yet.. he had this aura about him – she knew at once, he was special. Rui sat on a chair staring out the window. His body seemed to be rigid, unmoving – before she realised he was drawing. Shizuka strained her eyes to see the painting. He held his pencil lightly, drawing faint grey lines on the paper – capturing the shadows and light of the landscape before him. She smiled before quietly slipping away again. She didn't want to disturb his peace.

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This was the second time she had come to play with them. F3 were all so cute - but they were a bunch of noisy boys, she could almost understand why Rui seemed to stray away from his friends. She had taken an immediate liking to Akira, but still.. Rui was her favourite. Tsukasa and Soujiro were playing a game of hide and seek, Akira was 'it'. She watched them run around the yard, shouting and hollering in delight. The game did not interest her – Rui did. He was sitting by himself in the sand pit, building a detailed sand castle. He tried painstakingly to make it perfect to every last detail. There was a large moat outside, the castle looked so realistic, it was hard to believe it had been built by a seven-year-old.

Shizuka watched as his face lit up in delight as he put the flag on the top, finishing his work of art. Suddenly he seemed to be aware of her presence and looked up at her. She flashed him one of her charming smiles which had so often melted the hearts of many people. Adults and children alike could never resist her dazzling smile, she had often wormed her way out of trouble by it. It seemed it could charm everyone.. but Rui. He looked coldly back at her, no warmth evident in his eyes. He is an introvert. I hope that you can help him Shizuka.. her mother's words came back to him. She smiled sadly, this boy had built a wall of ice around his heart – but maybe it was not too late to help him.

Suddenly Tsukasa came rushing in, accidentally tripping and landing straight into Rui's sandcastle. Akira and Soujiro came running, greatly amused by the sight of a sand covered Tsukasa. Tsukasa's face turned red with embarrassment. He quickly stood up, brushing sand off his shirt. "Don't laugh!"

Shizuka glanced worriedly at Rui, ignoring the muffled shouts and yells behind her. Rui's face had turned deathly pale, he was staring at the remains of his castle. The little flag lay battered on top of the pile of sand. His face became strange and contorted. He let out a large hiccup and started to throw up. He vomited over the sand uncontrollably. She gasped, horrified by the sight. His frail body shook as he vomited, tears streaming down his cheeks Shizuka took his little hand and led him away to the bathroom, whispering gentle words of comfort.

After helping him clean up, Shizuka took a good look at him. His face was so cute and he looked so adorable staring up wonderingly at her. She smiled at him, "Are you okay now Rui?"

He nodded mutely.

"Why don't you play with your friends? Do you always like playing with yourself?"

Again, Rui nodded. "I don't like Tsukasa very much.." he said quietly, looking down.

"I know.. he can be a bit rough sometimes. You're a quiet person aren't you?"

He didn't answer.

She smiled again, "Do you know what me name is? My name is Shizuka, do you know what that means?"

"Quiet.." he whispered softly.

"That's right. Do you want to build another sand castle? I'll help you build it. This time I'll make sure Tsukasa doesn't wreck it, okay?" she asked kindly.

He looked up at her and gave her a slight smile. "Okay.."

Shizuka laughed, "Rui, you are so cute – I think you are the best out of F4. I've seen you draw, you are talented!"

His eyes widened in surprise as he looked up at her, she only smiled – turning on the instant charm – "Remember, next time, if you want to cry. Do a handstand and your tears won't fall out."

"Really?"

"Truly." She answered firmly before taking his hand and leading him out.

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"Rui?" she gave him a look, he nodded. She smiled and turned back to the piano. In perfect timing, they began to play. Shizuka at the piano and Rui at the violin. They were perfectly synchronised, beautiful music filled the room. The audience clapped and cheered.

They bowed, their hands clasped around each others at the end. Shizuka squeezed Rui's hand, she was proud that he finally had courage to perform in front of other people.

"Rui.. I'm so proud of you!" she cried out as they walked backstage.

He smiled at her, "You were good too, Shizuka.."

She nodded and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "I love you.."

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"Shizuka please.. don't go.." his eyes pleaded her as he held onto her hand tightly.

She could feel the tears prickling her eyeballs, but she forced a bright smile onto her face. She couldn't back down.. she couldn't let her parents control her life forever.. "I'm sorry Rui.. I have to go to France. It's the only chance I have to be free." She smiled sadly, giving him a light kiss on his forehead, "I will call you. SMS me."

He hung his head slowly, Shizuka was always so independent.. She wouldn't stay for anyone.. not even him.

Her heart broke as she saw the depth of pain and longing in Rui's eyes. She hugged him tightly, "I promise to be back soon… It'll only be for a few years." She smiled, "Don't forget about me.." she teased, "Maybe you might already have a girlfriend by the time I get back.."

"Never.. No-one will ever replace you Shizuka." He said.

She grinned, "Of course. You will always be my Rui. Mine and nobody else's.."

*End Flashback *

Her Rui.. He had always been the special one.. he was different and that was what had drawn her to him in the first place. Shizuka smiled sadly, Rui was the only one who she could ever reveal herself to. It had always been her private little game – she was the big sister looking after the little boy. It felt good to have someone depending on her, someone that would always love her. With Rui, she wielded a sense of power – she knew it was wrong. She didn't just treat him as just a toy, she cared about him.. she loved him.

She had tried so many times.. to help Rui open up to other girls. She had tried to push him away, but deep inside, she still wanted him for herself – her Rui. She had shown him her friends, but only those she knew that were inferior to her, those whose beauty and grace could never match up to hers.

She sighed softly to herself, careful to keep a light smile on her face. Who could see from the outside? Nobody understood her.. not even Rui. He had always been the one she looked after, but never the other way around. Who knew about her doubts? Her fears? Her insecurities? Somehow having Rui to fall back on made her feel better. She could not make herself to push him away.. she was a coward. She was afraid.. afraid that he would leave her one day, learn to love another.. Shizuka turned to look at Rui. On the outside he looked so cold and unwelcoming – the Ice Prince. Who else had seen the gentle and compassionate Rui? The one he hid from all others.. except her. The fear of losing this.. she sighed again, the smile slipping. She knew one day she would have to let him go, when would that be?

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Okay, that was my own interpretation of what happened between Rui and Shizuka..

The handstand thing, was it in HYD too? Didn't know, so I just added it in.. *shrugs*

Has ff.net been not working for a while? Couldn't get on... Why are there such large spaces in my chapters? When I use Microsoft Doc. The paragraphs don't separate properly... So I hope this is still okay to read..

Thanx 4 reviewing!

*Angel *