Chapter 24 – Regret?

Rui: *mutters* I can't believe this… Angel! How could you let Tsukasa have Tsukushi?!

Tsukushi: exactly… don't you know how many people wanted me and Rui to be together?

Tsukasa: *victorious grin* Tsukushi is mine now! Muhahaha..

Angel: hehez, if you keep whining I will make Rui be with Shizuka! *evil grin*

Tsukushi: Evil girl.

Angel: But I have to give Tsukasa a turn too…. To please the t/t fans out there..

Rui: Make it end soon. I can't stand seeing Tsukushi with Tsukasa.

Angel: Of course. *muffled laughter*

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Rui's P.O.V:

It felt so great dancing with Shizuka, I still hadn't really forgiven her for what happened earlier so I think that spoilt the effect. But dancing with Shizuka felt so.. normal and safe. I had danced with her numerous times before – we knew how we danced so we fitted together perfectly. With her, I could relax into a comfort zone and the dancing came naturally. With Tsukushi it had been different and yet special. Tsukushi was not a bad dancer but I think it is the first time I have ever danced with a girl other than Shizuka. Somehow it seemed better than dancing with Shizuka – a kind of freshness I hadn't felt for so long.

After dancing with Shizuka for a while, I was getting bored – even the prospect of my spending time with Shizuka failed to interest me any longer. Maybe I could dance with Tsukushi again? I looked around and saw her kissing Tsukasa on the dance floor. I felt strange sitting there and staring at them so I quickly looked away. I couldn't really describe my feelings.. it was weird – I had never felt this way before. Was it.. jealousy? Not possible.. I loved Shizuka right? But that afternoon that I spent with her.. it felt so right. I knew that Tsukushi was not one to judge people by their wealth and status, she actually cared about me.. the Rui that was hidden beneath layers of shields that I had built up for myself. She was the one who seemed to find a way through the little chinks in the armour and reach me – the real Rui. There was no doubt that I treasured her as a friend – even when I tried to be cold to her, she still came back, she still cared. Although F3 have been my friends for as long as I can remember, they had never really taken the trouble to understand me. They had just accepted the fact that I was an introvert and never really bothered to do anything about it. Shizuka had been the first one to try and help and that is probably why I love her so much. Tsukushi is the only other person in this world who cares – so that must be why I feel attracted to her.

I have always been closer to Akira and Tsukasa – it may sound weird that Tsukasa, a complete opposite of me can still be my best friend.. but our minds work in weird ways. Although Tsukasa may seem like a tough guy on the outside, he is still insecure inside – all of us have our own true selves that are locked away somewhere beneath us. We choose to hide it in different ways but deep inside we are still similar, I guess that is the reason why we are so close.

I could tell that Tsukasa really loved Tsukushi.. he had never really loved anyone that much other than his sister. I must be jealous of his simple directness, his world is never complicated. He knows when he wants something and goes after it – so different from me. Sometimes I cannot help but analyse everything before doing it, which creates a lot of doubts. My complex relationship with Shizuka.. I can never really tell if she returns my feelings or not. She is so vague all the time – I can only wish that things between us could be like the simple love Tsukasa has for Tsukushi..

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(Rui's P.O.V: )

Soujiro winked casually, "So we have a new couple here eh?" he said as Tsukasa and Tsukushi made their way back to our table. Tsukushi seemed to turn to me and search my face for approval. I gave her none, I only looked away. She sat down restlessly as though my lack of expression discomforted her. But wasn't she used to my indifferent attitude already? Normally I wouldn't have cared less about who Tsukasa was going out with.. but Tsukushi..

"Wow Tsukasa.. never knew you were that good. Soon you won't be the only virgin in our group!" Akira teased.

Tsukasa blushed heavily, "What do you mean only virgin in our group?! You mean Rui.." he turned to look at me, "You mean.." his eyes widened in comprehension. "Rui! I can't believe you're just like the other two.."

I shrugged, I was already bored with the conversation. It was the usual mindless chatter that I had no wish to be part of. I stood up and left the pub, maybe I would go and sleep.. I was faintly aware that Shizuka was still following me – I sighed softly. I just wanted to be alone right now, I walked into the lift and the door closed behind me, leaving Shizuka in the lobby.

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Shizuka's P.O.V:

From the moment Tsukushi and Tsukasa came back, I knew. I could tell from the look in Rui's eyes, his gaze followed Tsukushi all the time. The flicker of emotion.. it was enough for me to see that he had feelings for Tsukushi already. Who could read Rui better than I did? If it had been another girl, I was sure that Rui wouldn't have given the matter a second thought. But the way he was staring at Tsukushi, he must like her a lot. I also knew that Tsukushi liked him too. This knowledge pained me, shredding my heart to pieces. Who could I blame except for myself? I had been the one who had slowly pushed him away, encouraging him to be with Tsukushi. Now that it had happened, the idea didn't seem so good anymore.

I just couldn't accept the fact that I no longer possessed all of Rui's love and devotion. The fact that he had chosen to dance with her first, chosen to sit next to her instead of me, he was slowly drifting away from me.. towards Tsukushi. But still.. Tsukushi was with Tsukasa. I could guess that this had all been Tsukasa's idea. It was clear to me and probably only me that she only had eyes for Rui, but she had bent to Tsukasa's love for her. Maybe it was her generous nature that made everybody like her – she was selfless, sacrificing her own happiness for others. She thought that Rui loved me, I smiled bitterly to myself, how wrong she was. Tsukasa was full of love for Tsukushi, it was plain to the world – the way he treated her like his goddess, obeying her every word. Tsukushi did not seem to care about his love, her eyes always seemed to be on Rui. Akira and Soujiro were laughing away, I doubt they even noticed the strange tension between us.

Suddenly Rui stood up and left the table. I arose gracefully and slowly walked after him. His pace quickened as he left the pub, he knew I was following him and yet he walked faster – trying to get away from me. He walked into the hotel and into the lift. I ran towards the door but it was too late, the doors closed in front of my face. Rui had been facing the other side of the lift, not caring about me. I slumped back in defeat, fighting the onslaught of sorrow and loss that had enveloped my heart in its cold dark arms.

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The chapter was mainly about Rui and Shizuka's thoughts.

I think I have written too much dialogue in the previous chapters, so here are some thoughts to make up for it.

* Angel *