Title: I Don't Care
Author: Lexie Jayne
Feedback: is beloved.
Pairing: Jondy/Zack
Word Count: 1 387
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance, Drama.
Summary: Jondy reflects on her relationship with Zack.
Notes: As of November 18, the content of this fic has been altered to comply with TOS, and my own change of alias. If you would like to read the original version of this fic, please visit Written - Word . Org.
Inspired by Delta Goodrem's 'I Don't Care'.
Spoilers: Season 1 and 2.
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: Dark Angel belongs to James Cameron, and I make no profit from this fan-based venture.
I didn't mean to go and do something so stupid. Of course, I know a lot of people who could contest that. I'm Stupid-Doing Girl of the Year. You don't want to know all the ridiculous, embarrassing, silly, dumb-ass things I've achieved in my life time.
This was different. But then, a guy was involved. Guys make all the difference. I mean, come on, a new gun is all well and good, and if you have to break into the local cop shop to get it, hey, it adds a risk factor.
But all of a sudden, new guns don't looks so excellent when faced with a really sexy guy having his hand up my skirt.
If I wore skirts, that is. I don't.
I would for the guy in question.
Okay, okay. Even at Manticore, I couldn't lie. I'm shocking at it. I can lie, I can't act and I sure as hell can't sing. Just me I guess. But the guy. It's Zack.
I know, I'm a disgusting specimen of the … well, un-human species, really. But… it's not CO-Zack. He's different when he's with me. So different.
And the whole bad-boy complex he's got going on is a total turn on. I'm a puddle, I swear.
And I promise you this isn't just a stupid lust/crush thing. It's love.
Okay, it might just be my hormones but …
"Jondy, are you paying any attention?" Zack snaps at me, inches away from my face.
I smirk a little. Hell no.
Leaning forward those few pesky inches, my arms wrap around his neck, pulling his face closer to mine, kissing me, stroking his face, trying my hardest to get him into this.
He pulls back a little bit, panting a bit, one hand sliding up my dress and the other in my hair.
"Jon…" He says in a low voice. We're both half on the table, half standing, breathing hard. I straighten up, flipping my hair over my shoulder.
"We shouldn't," I say in a quiet voice, going and standing in the doorway. "It would be wrong."
Zack has me pinned to the wall in a second, his hands on my hips, kissing my neck. This feels wrong, but it feels right. I don't want to go all soap opera on you, but we both know this is something we shouldn't be doing, but we both really, really want it.
Hell, this is something Syl and Krit would do.
Syl and Tinga have tried to talk me out of, what they call, 'this.' Zack doesn't love me, he's just in it for the sex.' He's not right for me. Just lust. Just a freakish need to be wanted by someone, because of our whacked childhood.
But they don't know him. They don't know the way he holds me, the way he talks to me when he's relaxed (okay, okay, after I've had sex with him) or the way he looks at me.
Krit tried to tell me all Zack talked about was Max. God, I think I broke his knee. But Krit didn't hate me after that. He pitied me. He actually had the nerve to look at me, black eye, broken knee and pity me.
He pitied me? He's been doing Syl since they hit puberty … Syl's done Ben, Zane and Krit. Tinga's slept with Ben on more than one occasion. And because I'm sleeping with Zack and admitting I have feelings for him, I'm the one with issues. I'm the one whose messed up in the head and needs a therapist.
Hypocrites.
I wonder if he talks about me. I know I can never shut up about him when someone mentions him. God, he's in the room with me and I can't keep my eyes - or hands - off him.
He lays next to me in bed, one of his hands entwined in mine, watching me carefully.
We don't talk about 'us'. Because technically, I really don't want to push it - he's so busy with the others and he doesn't want to be bothered with stupid trivial details. He loves me. Zack's just not the most vocally emotional person there is. And I get that.
I wish everyone would back off and see how happy I am, see how happy he is.
"Jon," Zack kissed my neck, rolling over slightly.
"You have to go," I reply in a soft voice, closing my eyes. The sensations he's invoking are like electrical pulses… like euphoria that lasts all the time.
"I do," Zack says, resting his head against my shoulder.
"Do you want to?" I ask softly, half hoping he won't hear me.
He doesn't.
Everything melts together when Zack isn't around. Sleep, go to work at the café, go home and shower, go to the club and work … somewhere, everything else just slides into place.
Some days I do wonder if he's got someone like me in every city. Someone he can go to and pretend with. Some days I wonder if this is just Zack's way of being close with me. Maybe he can't connect with me the same way he connects with the others.
Zack and I weren't close at Manticore, really. Not Max and Zack close. We were siblings there, we didn't turn to each other for comfort.
Now, he is everything. I don't care what happens in the future, whether I live or die, get recaptured or killed or I live free, as long as Zack's there; or he was there.
He's here. I'm pressed against the wall again, my skirt is hiked up and … he's here. He's my everything. I can't imagine who I'd be without him here, with me.
I don't care what the others think. We've been hurt so much already. We've been so scared; we still are. It's not fair that Syl and Krit can be in love and I can't. That Zack and I can't. That somewhere amongst the hurt and the pain and the fear, there can be something good.
Even if Zack only cares for me a little. It still makes me feel better, makes life better, it just makes everything better.
"I love you, Jon."
And I'm not even sure if he really said that.